Locking in an MLTR

A great question posted recently on the Boston Lair:

A sticking point I need to work on is effectively setting up an MLTR. The key letter in this acronym being “L” for LONG. If you guys have no trouble finding women who will fuck you constantly for 6+ months while leaving you free to fuck other women, well I tip my hat to you. I meet girls who are cool with sleeping with me a few times, but eventually it comes down to that moment where they say, “I’m not comfortable having sex with you if you are sleeping with other women.” I am seeing a trend with the girls that I f-close where I will be able to stretch out the casual sex for a few weeks, maybe as long as a month, but I really would like to know how you guys are managing to get these *long* term FBs. I don’t mind admitting that I’ve only had one girl ever who was my FB for longer than a few months.

The shelf life for a FB is usually anywhere from a 1-3 months, depending on the girl. If you developed no emotional connection in this time, the escalation peaks and things just slowly come apart (or if she’s unstable, drama ensues). To break this barrier, you have to be willing to open yourself up and create an emotional bond with her.

How do you create this emotional bond? There’s a routine for it. It’s called loving her and caring about her. Genuinely. Did you get all of that? Good.

When this emotional bond emerges, what do 90% of couples do? They “go steady,” announce to the world they’re boyfriend/girlfriend on facebook, spend every other waking hour together, and nauseate all of their close friends with all the “cutesy, cuddly” shit they do in public. Oh, and of course, they are monogamous.

This can actually be a great — blissful even — for a varying amount of time, usually shorter than longer. In fact, I think a monogamous relationship is an important experience that everyone should have during their first serious relationship. The problem with it is this behavior encourages co-dependence. The two people re-adjust their entire lives around one another and live them according to some imaginary emotional parliament (the woman somehow always ends up with more votes).

The trick to an MLTR or open relationship is to generate that emotional connection while maintaining independence. This doesn’t mean you go traipsing around Boston fornicating with drunk sluts. And you definitely don’t ignore her for weeks on end, because goddamnit, you’re an alpha male and she needs to know it! No.

The distinction is that you make it clear to her that she is in your life because you choose her to be, because you want her to be, and ultimately because you love her. But at the same time, you are driven and have a purpose. You lead your own life and you are not going to rearrange it around her or for her. You have to be adamant about this. If deep down you want to be chasing other ass in your spare time, you can’t change that for her, because in a subtle way you’d supplicating to her wishes, undermining the masculine glory that she’s in love with in the first place.

You have to stand pat on this. Social conditioning will undoubtedly make her throw a fit. Many girls will even leave you, rationalizing that you never loved them in the first place. The truth is, in a love life of abundance, a strong and independent man chooses, on his own accord, when to love a woman rather than others. And on some level, the chicks who are the keepers recognize this and submit:

“I know you love chasing tarts around. I won’t stand in the way of that because I know how you feel about me.”
“I don’t care who you see, just keep seeing me.”
“Do whatever you want, but be safe, and don’t ever let it interfere with what we have between us.”

These are all things girls have eventually said to me. It comes after a period of emotional tension, and generally, you don’t have any problems from there on out. At least, I never have. In all cases, the girl I was with had no desire to sleep with another guy because I fulfilling her needs emotionally… and pounding the shit out of her pussy consistently.

Evolutionary psychology teaches us that when a woman cheats on a man, his biggest concern is, “Did you sleep with him?” When a man cheats on a woman, her biggest concern is, “Do you love her?” There ARE biological differences between our emotional needs and desires. Fill hers.

No emotional Connection + Independence = FB gets bored with you as she realizes you’re never coming around. The escalation ends with physicality and people just stop calling each other.

Emotional Connection + Co-Dependence = Monogamous relationship. Often wonderful in the short-term, but in the long-term, more commitment than most people are ready or able to handle. Guys slowly become emasculated as their woman yells at them to take out the garbage and that he doesn’t make enough money.

Emotional Connection + Independence = Open Relationship.

Oh, and it’s easier if she’s bisexual. More fun too!