Im using my knowledge to learn into credit repair.
Im looking to review theses books and take 2 courses.
Im having issues with student loans:
How to Wipe Out Your Student Loans and Be Debt Free Fast: Everything You Need to Know Explained Simply (Paperback)
by Michele Burgh, Martha Maeda http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1601382162/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=
NOLO Credit Repair (Paperback)
~ Robin Leonard
Robin Leonard (Author)
› Visit Amazon's Robin Leonard Page
Find all the books, read about the author, and more.
See search results for this author
Are you an author? Learn about Author Central
(Author), Deanne Loonin (Author), Kathleen Michon
http://www.amazon.com/Credit-Repair-Robin-Leonard/dp/0873378423/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267072386&sr=1-1-spell
BestCredit: How to Win the Credit Game, 2nd Edition (Paperback)
~ Dana Neal (Author) http://www.amazon.com/BestCredit-How-Win-Credit-Game/dp/1581605013/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267072293&sr=1-1
Also my course by course evaluation is delayed so stressful.
Paul Getty's Get Rich http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Rich-Paul-Getty/dp/0515087378
Im also looking into getting a job in security and lab technician.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
bodybuilding ebooks products
Im going over tom vennuttos book and john siffman's advice
so far its awesome Ive reduced calorie intake and learning nutrition eating every 3 hrs.
so far its awesome Ive reduced calorie intake and learning nutrition eating every 3 hrs.
truth pua talks about relationship management review
Merit of different relationship management products
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The merit of any product is partly whether it addresses your sticking points/fills you in where you had no clue, as well as how well it does that. Savoy's products fills in a huge hole in how to signal, smoothly, for what kind of relationship you want. It also has some unique stuff on screening for relationships, including whether she'll cheat, be down for threesomes, and whether she's got long term potential. The signaling for what kind of relationship you want is far and away the biggest hole in the community that this product plugs. LS does have 2 interview series that answer questions that aren't that well answered in this product, Take Aways and Boundaries, as well as the interview on Tests. Also Tenmagnet has a bunch of great posts, mostly on TAF but some probably on the Lounge, on how to set boundaries, and there are a lot of posts from community blogs, LS included, that give a few strategies in handling tests. There's also this post http://www.theattractionforums.com/d...y-subject.html, and even though I figured out most of that, it went into my file/notes.
The Approach's MYSD is probably my favorite product because it fully answers all of the questions that it brings up, even though it didn't address all of my questions. That's one thing you can't say about Savoy's product, unfortunately.
If you want solid advice on how to make your relationship last and be fulfilling, go to The Approach. If you want advice on how to select the right woman in the first place, I'd combine David Shade's Select Women Wisely, Joseph Lieberman's "You Can Read Anyone" (especially part 2), as well as The Approach and Savoy's advice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The merit of any product is partly whether it addresses your sticking points/fills you in where you had no clue, as well as how well it does that. Savoy's products fills in a huge hole in how to signal, smoothly, for what kind of relationship you want. It also has some unique stuff on screening for relationships, including whether she'll cheat, be down for threesomes, and whether she's got long term potential. The signaling for what kind of relationship you want is far and away the biggest hole in the community that this product plugs. LS does have 2 interview series that answer questions that aren't that well answered in this product, Take Aways and Boundaries, as well as the interview on Tests. Also Tenmagnet has a bunch of great posts, mostly on TAF but some probably on the Lounge, on how to set boundaries, and there are a lot of posts from community blogs, LS included, that give a few strategies in handling tests. There's also this post http://www.theattractionforums.com/d...y-subject.html, and even though I figured out most of that, it went into my file/notes.
The Approach's MYSD is probably my favorite product because it fully answers all of the questions that it brings up, even though it didn't address all of my questions. That's one thing you can't say about Savoy's product, unfortunately.
If you want solid advice on how to make your relationship last and be fulfilling, go to The Approach. If you want advice on how to select the right woman in the first place, I'd combine David Shade's Select Women Wisely, Joseph Lieberman's "You Can Read Anyone" (especially part 2), as well as The Approach and Savoy's advice.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Signal Recognition Technology
I got this from a deleted post
a review on SRT
Today I’m writing about some specific techniques for changing the internal state of an individual, one of which is called Signal Recognition Technology – SRT for short. You may or may not be familiar with this specific method of eliciting and/or changing someone’s emotional frame but hopefully after this post you’ll understand the mechanics of it and why it is indeed so powerful.
First let’s quickly discuss why we’d want to induce a state change in a person with this method in the first place. When a person has a negative frame or outlook, it’s almost impossible to force them into a more beneficial state without encountering resistance. You can be covert and get results, but there is an easier way. Plus you can combine covert techniques with this method which will be demonstrated further on.
You’ve all heard about the guys who tell a girl directly, “Don’t feel that way.” Though their intentions are usually good, they’re thinking about “solving the problem” in a very linear fashion that just doesn’t work with the female mind. In fact, it doesn’t work with the emotional mind of either gender. In order to coax an emotional shift in a person you need to do it in a way that’s natural to them.
Let’s take the example of being angry: In the natural process of shifting from angry to happy there are some important individualized transitional stages that must be included (see fig. 01); for example the person first becomes less angry, then calms down to neutral, then begins the processes that make them happy and then finally they are enveloped in the state of happiness. You cannot go from anger directly to happiness for even if you tried it would FEEL fake and NOT NATURAL (see fig. 02). There are many reasons for this and it’s too lengthy to go into here but I might in the future.
Angry -> Mildly Upset -> Neutral -> Content -> Happy
(fig. 01)
Angry -> Happy = Incongruent to Their Natural Process
(fig. 02)
This is where the power of Signal Recognition Technology comes into play. The explanation of SRT itself can be derived from its name; you’re using the person’s own emotional and subconscious signals of recognition as an application to move them to where you want them to be.
To demonstrate SRT further, I will provide you with the following example:
”What’s the first feeling you get inside when you realize you are in love?”
When you ask a person that question, first of all in order to understand it they need to go into their subconscious to find their symbol or pattern for love. Without the symbol or without anything to compare the word to, it is meaningless. If I say to you, “what’s the first feeling you get inside when you feel shnorgle?” There’s no symbol or previous pattern to match the word shnorgle to (Hell, you’d probably start thinking about the first feeling you get when you’re confused by a word). By the way, a mixed up set of internal symbols is often the cause of many instances of cognitive dissonance for without our symbols and patterns we are lost in oblivion. But I digress.
Secondly, when a person is asked, “What’s the first feeling you get inside when you realize you are in love?” after they’ve processed the word love to comprehend the sentence, they then have to search around their subconscious to find an answer to the actual question of how it feels. And in most cases, they dip into their permanent memory to find a time when they felt they were in love and they re-experience those same feelings so they can provide you with an answer. Even if they don’t answer you directly, just thinking and considering the question causes the state change.
Voila! They went through THEIR OWN set of processes/transitions and you changed their state to one of feeling in love. If you just said to the person, feel like you’re in love right now! It’s not natural because instead of guiding them graciously through their own processes of feeling love, you’re forcing your words onto them. As you can see this has tremendous power in the world of persuasion as you can casually elicit any state in a person just by asking them a question.
You don’t even need to be directly overt with the question in order to get the same results. As long as the symbols or patterns match up the process will be the same as we tend to experience the same states for differing contexts.
Midnight.
a review on SRT
Today I’m writing about some specific techniques for changing the internal state of an individual, one of which is called Signal Recognition Technology – SRT for short. You may or may not be familiar with this specific method of eliciting and/or changing someone’s emotional frame but hopefully after this post you’ll understand the mechanics of it and why it is indeed so powerful.
First let’s quickly discuss why we’d want to induce a state change in a person with this method in the first place. When a person has a negative frame or outlook, it’s almost impossible to force them into a more beneficial state without encountering resistance. You can be covert and get results, but there is an easier way. Plus you can combine covert techniques with this method which will be demonstrated further on.
You’ve all heard about the guys who tell a girl directly, “Don’t feel that way.” Though their intentions are usually good, they’re thinking about “solving the problem” in a very linear fashion that just doesn’t work with the female mind. In fact, it doesn’t work with the emotional mind of either gender. In order to coax an emotional shift in a person you need to do it in a way that’s natural to them.
Let’s take the example of being angry: In the natural process of shifting from angry to happy there are some important individualized transitional stages that must be included (see fig. 01); for example the person first becomes less angry, then calms down to neutral, then begins the processes that make them happy and then finally they are enveloped in the state of happiness. You cannot go from anger directly to happiness for even if you tried it would FEEL fake and NOT NATURAL (see fig. 02). There are many reasons for this and it’s too lengthy to go into here but I might in the future.
Angry -> Mildly Upset -> Neutral -> Content -> Happy
(fig. 01)
Angry -> Happy = Incongruent to Their Natural Process
(fig. 02)
This is where the power of Signal Recognition Technology comes into play. The explanation of SRT itself can be derived from its name; you’re using the person’s own emotional and subconscious signals of recognition as an application to move them to where you want them to be.
To demonstrate SRT further, I will provide you with the following example:
”What’s the first feeling you get inside when you realize you are in love?”
When you ask a person that question, first of all in order to understand it they need to go into their subconscious to find their symbol or pattern for love. Without the symbol or without anything to compare the word to, it is meaningless. If I say to you, “what’s the first feeling you get inside when you feel shnorgle?” There’s no symbol or previous pattern to match the word shnorgle to (Hell, you’d probably start thinking about the first feeling you get when you’re confused by a word). By the way, a mixed up set of internal symbols is often the cause of many instances of cognitive dissonance for without our symbols and patterns we are lost in oblivion. But I digress.
Secondly, when a person is asked, “What’s the first feeling you get inside when you realize you are in love?” after they’ve processed the word love to comprehend the sentence, they then have to search around their subconscious to find an answer to the actual question of how it feels. And in most cases, they dip into their permanent memory to find a time when they felt they were in love and they re-experience those same feelings so they can provide you with an answer. Even if they don’t answer you directly, just thinking and considering the question causes the state change.
Voila! They went through THEIR OWN set of processes/transitions and you changed their state to one of feeling in love. If you just said to the person, feel like you’re in love right now! It’s not natural because instead of guiding them graciously through their own processes of feeling love, you’re forcing your words onto them. As you can see this has tremendous power in the world of persuasion as you can casually elicit any state in a person just by asking them a question.
You don’t even need to be directly overt with the question in order to get the same results. As long as the symbols or patterns match up the process will be the same as we tend to experience the same states for differing contexts.
Midnight.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
What I learned so far in terms of game....and what i used
OK This is a private post cause It has to do with what got me going good.
updated
Marie interview with David D-the best the best the best
5 immutable laws of pickup adam sinn
stripper game sinn audio
breakthrought comfort sinn
tao of steve mp3 in memory
badboy change emotions
I'd say :
Attraction
theory: ENTROPY is BEST
tactics:
RSD verbal attraction with Ryan
Mehow GTG for groups
ADAM's BC and his BR his ebook
asian playboy BT spiking post
RSD bt spiking post
mehow bt spiking CD
sinns post on bt spiking
INVESTMENT theory ADAM in ultimate natural game dvd
formula :ADAMs formula
map or blueprint of logicstics : M3 model
openers: CJ low inverstment openers
awaken indirect
adams social indirect
Comfort
BADBOY WIDE AND DEEP RAPPORT
anything to do with conversational hyponosis and rapport
persuasion or being understanding
mystery's dhv stripper what you got going other than your looks?"
conversational hypnosis w steve g jones
persuasion course by david barron
Entropy's coaching
RJ SS patterns
SNL frames
Doc Holidays no judgemtnal frame
Doc Holidays advice
Saffron LR's
CJ LR's
Jsmooht's coaching and breakdown review.
reviewing od my own interactions and trying to correct it for next time.
ADAM lyons conversational excersizs
Entropys comfort excersize on improv dhv's comfort
Eltopo RED stack and phone consult
All CJ dhv's
CJ routine SRT and RJ stuff qualify after
-nina harltey 's first 10 minutes of her video sexual instruction lesson on sexual frames
- tyler durden secret society post
DAYGAME-
mp3 doc hollidays direct game
AWAKEN coaching CD sets
DOc Holidays coaching
RSD CD Daygame
Paul Janka
notes from Soul and sinn's course
adam lyons vids
sexual:
framing swingcatt
RJ SS patterns
vin di carlo sexual tension ebook
Saffron's SNL LR vegas
SNL course
BRadP CD
Eltopo phone coaching
BADBOYs kiss close
Speer's infield insider
Hypnitca infield insider
IMPRoV class!!!! :)
PSYCHs eval and his talk. sexual escalation
plausible denaibility always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner game:
Brian tracy - science of self confidence , goals
Wayne Dyer's books
psycho psybernetics
Bible and sermons i will record
Braddock and MR M how to be an alpha male
Braddock blog inner game
Robert greene's WAR book
David Deangelo INNER GAME
Entropy
Modeling adam Lyons and his mp3 w jamie smart
Immitating Paul Janka
Swingggcatts beliefs
Friends motivating you to get better or you have game.
Jeffy /show, his video in transformations and his ebook.
RJ dallas lair talk DVD 1 innergame to improve at game
Women psycology:
FRANCO
vin di carlo female psycology CD last track on CD based my game and comfort on that.
david deangelo interviews MARIE
CJ 's Material MP3's get a GF
Entropy's post.
Adam attraction explained and stay promiscious
bradP 3030 workbook
DATES: doc holliday ebook
AWAKEN wine bar coaching!!!
bradP dates
ADAM's :)
GTG
Your FRAME or mindset:
swinggcatt beliefs
paul janka modeling him
badboy ebook frame
shit tests RSD tyler foundations and jeffy's book
FRANCO's get the good gril innergame frame
pick up your game HOOBIE ebook
doc holliday not to be nice guy newsletter
Closing or push pull:
Ozzie LMR in transformations
Sinns talk on breathrough comfort
Doc holliday B-H-R-R
Adrain's advice on Magician's choice
ADAM lyons ice cream pull excuse simlar to Ozzie RSD transofrmations.
SNL course and comfort entropyand saffron's advice. Doc Holliday's Date book, closing.
Sinns LR book.
ELTOPO threesome LR
PHONE GAME:
NO JEFFY AIR SUPPLY!!!!!!
Sinns phone game 2.0,
Vince kelvin's phone game.
my own simple text game
Mehow reversed number close for daygame
CJ phone game aka followup game.
DOC holliday
PAUL JANKA
Saffron
ELTOPO text game sexual.
deep phone seduction
body language:
saffron coaching and eye contact and bodylanguage the way he walks
lloyd and lil waynes all around the world video modeling sexual eye contact
spiderman 3 walk
stayin alive strut
model george clooney attitude in oceans eleven
ELtopo's voise model it.
no negs with pauses.
always do takeaways ala CJ Sinn eltopo.
practice rehearsing patterns
SS flash cards
Relationship:
Franco -manual
Sebastian Drake social mastery
Adam -promiscoius
Jeffy shitest after comfort
MR.M braddock how to be an alpha male.
Brian tracey
Oneits:
micheal roeder
onetisis post love addiction by braddock
Franco's manual of seduction
youtube vids:
mystery plows shitests
infield videos daygame mehow
adam afc infield or advice nice guys vs jerks
adam's qualification
paul janka
entropy
amog asian playboy
lovedrop speaking for project hollywood
tyler rsd motivation foundations
pua training vids
WAYNE JUGGLER!!!!!! AWESOME VIDS!!!
sinn youtube stuff.
Russel brand MIlla and carmen (frame and shit test)
KEYS TO VIP CAJUN ! ! ! !
ADAMS top ten dating tips!!: )
learning pickup:
hoobies lecture in rsd transformation
and I will post more I think can be helpful.
Vin di carlo's dating diablo is aweosme
BRADP clothign fashion bible is BEST even though ADAM does it well in person.
scott patersons 50 tips to attraction pdf is very good condensed book includes nlp stuff as well...very good IMO
Calibration- is Jeffy newsletter saffron and doc hollidays advice.
adams bootcamp and improv class and living with natural helped me alot.
D-boy's posts I will compile as PDF, Saffron's POST compile as PDF soon....
I will include posts here. my game has awaken!!!
updated
Marie interview with David D-the best the best the best
5 immutable laws of pickup adam sinn
stripper game sinn audio
breakthrought comfort sinn
tao of steve mp3 in memory
badboy change emotions
I'd say :
Attraction
theory: ENTROPY is BEST
tactics:
RSD verbal attraction with Ryan
Mehow GTG for groups
ADAM's BC and his BR his ebook
asian playboy BT spiking post
RSD bt spiking post
mehow bt spiking CD
sinns post on bt spiking
INVESTMENT theory ADAM in ultimate natural game dvd
formula :ADAMs formula
map or blueprint of logicstics : M3 model
openers: CJ low inverstment openers
awaken indirect
adams social indirect
Comfort
BADBOY WIDE AND DEEP RAPPORT
anything to do with conversational hyponosis and rapport
persuasion or being understanding
mystery's dhv stripper what you got going other than your looks?"
conversational hypnosis w steve g jones
persuasion course by david barron
Entropy's coaching
RJ SS patterns
SNL frames
Doc Holidays no judgemtnal frame
Doc Holidays advice
Saffron LR's
CJ LR's
Jsmooht's coaching and breakdown review.
reviewing od my own interactions and trying to correct it for next time.
ADAM lyons conversational excersizs
Entropys comfort excersize on improv dhv's comfort
Eltopo RED stack and phone consult
All CJ dhv's
CJ routine SRT and RJ stuff qualify after
-nina harltey 's first 10 minutes of her video sexual instruction lesson on sexual frames
- tyler durden secret society post
DAYGAME-
mp3 doc hollidays direct game
AWAKEN coaching CD sets
DOc Holidays coaching
RSD CD Daygame
Paul Janka
notes from Soul and sinn's course
adam lyons vids
sexual:
framing swingcatt
RJ SS patterns
vin di carlo sexual tension ebook
Saffron's SNL LR vegas
SNL course
BRadP CD
Eltopo phone coaching
BADBOYs kiss close
Speer's infield insider
Hypnitca infield insider
IMPRoV class!!!! :)
PSYCHs eval and his talk. sexual escalation
plausible denaibility always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner game:
Brian tracy - science of self confidence , goals
Wayne Dyer's books
psycho psybernetics
Bible and sermons i will record
Braddock and MR M how to be an alpha male
Braddock blog inner game
Robert greene's WAR book
David Deangelo INNER GAME
Entropy
Modeling adam Lyons and his mp3 w jamie smart
Immitating Paul Janka
Swingggcatts beliefs
Friends motivating you to get better or you have game.
Jeffy /show, his video in transformations and his ebook.
RJ dallas lair talk DVD 1 innergame to improve at game
Women psycology:
FRANCO
vin di carlo female psycology CD last track on CD based my game and comfort on that.
david deangelo interviews MARIE
CJ 's Material MP3's get a GF
Entropy's post.
Adam attraction explained and stay promiscious
bradP 3030 workbook
DATES: doc holliday ebook
AWAKEN wine bar coaching!!!
bradP dates
ADAM's :)
GTG
Your FRAME or mindset:
swinggcatt beliefs
paul janka modeling him
badboy ebook frame
shit tests RSD tyler foundations and jeffy's book
FRANCO's get the good gril innergame frame
pick up your game HOOBIE ebook
doc holliday not to be nice guy newsletter
Closing or push pull:
Ozzie LMR in transformations
Sinns talk on breathrough comfort
Doc holliday B-H-R-R
Adrain's advice on Magician's choice
ADAM lyons ice cream pull excuse simlar to Ozzie RSD transofrmations.
SNL course and comfort entropyand saffron's advice. Doc Holliday's Date book, closing.
Sinns LR book.
ELTOPO threesome LR
PHONE GAME:
NO JEFFY AIR SUPPLY!!!!!!
Sinns phone game 2.0,
Vince kelvin's phone game.
my own simple text game
Mehow reversed number close for daygame
CJ phone game aka followup game.
DOC holliday
PAUL JANKA
Saffron
ELTOPO text game sexual.
deep phone seduction
body language:
saffron coaching and eye contact and bodylanguage the way he walks
lloyd and lil waynes all around the world video modeling sexual eye contact
spiderman 3 walk
stayin alive strut
model george clooney attitude in oceans eleven
ELtopo's voise model it.
no negs with pauses.
always do takeaways ala CJ Sinn eltopo.
practice rehearsing patterns
SS flash cards
Relationship:
Franco -manual
Sebastian Drake social mastery
Adam -promiscoius
Jeffy shitest after comfort
MR.M braddock how to be an alpha male.
Brian tracey
Oneits:
micheal roeder
onetisis post love addiction by braddock
Franco's manual of seduction
youtube vids:
mystery plows shitests
infield videos daygame mehow
adam afc infield or advice nice guys vs jerks
adam's qualification
paul janka
entropy
amog asian playboy
lovedrop speaking for project hollywood
tyler rsd motivation foundations
pua training vids
WAYNE JUGGLER!!!!!! AWESOME VIDS!!!
sinn youtube stuff.
Russel brand MIlla and carmen (frame and shit test)
KEYS TO VIP CAJUN ! ! ! !
ADAMS top ten dating tips!!: )
learning pickup:
hoobies lecture in rsd transformation
and I will post more I think can be helpful.
Vin di carlo's dating diablo is aweosme
BRADP clothign fashion bible is BEST even though ADAM does it well in person.
scott patersons 50 tips to attraction pdf is very good condensed book includes nlp stuff as well...very good IMO
Calibration- is Jeffy newsletter saffron and doc hollidays advice.
adams bootcamp and improv class and living with natural helped me alot.
D-boy's posts I will compile as PDF, Saffron's POST compile as PDF soon....
I will include posts here. my game has awaken!!!
guest post on muscle soreness
15 Ways to Prevent and Heal Muscle Soreness
We’ve all been there. You show up to the gym more than ready to slay dragons and crush weakness. You hit it hard, every set. Every rep is your absolute best. You also nailed a new personal record ahead of schedule – you’ve never done that much work in a training session until now. By the end of your session, the only way to describe how you feel is used, and you kinda like that. Life is good.
Until the next morning anyways. As you step out of bed and begin the semi-conscious shift back to supporting your bodyweight on your own two legs, something rather sudden happens. The moment your feet acquire bodyweight load, this little voice in the back of your head yells EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
You gasp or shriek if you’ve never felt this sensation before, but most of us just grumble under our breath and accept the fact that your body feels like it’s been torn into a thousand pieces…again. You, my friend, are experiencing Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS), and it’s one of life’s greatest pleasures. For all that hard work you did yesterday, your body has decided it would be best to almost immobilize you for the next day or so to allow ample time for healing. Actually, every time you move it’s as if every fiber in your body is being re-torn. Each new staircase transforms into Mt. Kilimanjaro, and getting off the couch requires a precisely calculated effort (with the help of others, of course). Don’t get comfy for too long though, since a couple hours of inactivity may enlighten you with a surprise ripping sensation upon re-initiating movement – and you might even hear it audibly (yep, with your ears).
Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness is a painful condition that is more severe than regular muscle soreness. Typical muscle soreness may start upon completion of vigorous physical activity, like lifting weights, and may last several hours to a day or two. DOMS, on the other hand, may not occur until the following day or days, and it can also last for several days. DOMS is primarily caused by the body’s inflammatory response to exercise. Its frequency and severity are determined by several factors including a trainee’s current conditioning level, age, along with the actual damage done to the muscle and connective tissues and the body’s ability to recover from that damage.
The good news is that both regular muscle soreness and DOMS are mostly preventable and there are some things you can do to speed the recovery process when it does happen.
15 Ways to Prevent and Heal Muscle Soreness
Things you can do before your training session
1) Adequately hydrate yourself - This should go without saying, but it bears repeating. Drinking plenty of water is one of your best defenses against muscle soreness. A good rule of thumb is to drink half an ounce of water per pound of bodyweight. So, if you’re 200 lbs, drink 100 oz of water daily. Sound like a lot? Start chuggin!
2) Front-load your nutrition - The food you eat before you workout is the fuel that your body will use to repair your muscles. Make sure to get plenty of good nutrition the day(s) before a heavy training session. A good rule of thumb for your macronutrient ratios the day before training is 40% protein, 40% carbs, and 20% fats. This should serve as a starting point for individual experimentation. The day of your training session you should be eating a diet high in protein, complex carbs, and “good, healthy” fats.
3) Get plenty of sleep the night(s) before - Again, this is common sense, but if you’re not getting enough quality sleep, then you’re putting your body at a recovery disadvantage from the beginning. 8+ hours should be the minimum before a heavy training day.
Things you can do during your training session
4) Warmup properly - One of the best things you can do to prevent muscles soreness is to perform a joint mobility warmup (a general full-body warmup is preferred, but mobility exercises specific to your exercise selection will work just fine, too), and then to do activity-specific exercises that will prime the sections of your body that you’ll be primarily focusing on during that session. So, if you’re going to be working on squats, for instance, it’s best to include some bodyweight squats in your warmup routine and gradually build up to your desired working intensity level. Your warmup should be both for general preparedness (like increasing your body temperature and the elasticity of your joints), and also specific to the activity that you’re going to do. It’s not enough to just go for a short jog to get your temperature up.
5) Regulate your training intensity - This is another super-important factor in preventing muscle soreness. Put simply, don’t work harder than your body is prepared for. I wrote an entire article on progression in your training program, but the key to remember is to challenge your limits without destroying your body. Stimulate your muscles, don’t annihilate them – good advice from former Mr. Olympia Lee Haney. The more gradually you can increase your performance, the better. Baby steps pay off more in the long haul and they also ensure you’ll prevent DOMS.
6) Shake off the tension between work periods - This is a little secret weapon against muscle soreness, called vibration training. No, you don’t need to stand on one of the high-tech vibrating platforms that they have at high class health clubs. You CAN shake off the tension though, in between sets. You can shake your arms and legs out, even your whole body. I created a tutorial for how to do this here: Vibration Training Video. This simple technique works very well to diminish muscle tension and you don’t need anything to start applying it today. Plus, it has a lot of other cool benefits, too.
7) Establish a cooldown ritual - This is more theory than science, since I haven’t read any literature stating that cooldowns directly prevent DOMS. However, in my experience, those who engage in a workout cooldown ritual are much less likely to suffer from DOMS. Apart from preventing muscle soreness, it’s a good idea anyways. Some joint mobility exercises are ideal here, but what’s most important is that you unload the functional opposite movements that you were training during your session. So, for instance, if you were doing a lot of squatting movements, you’d want to release tension in your hip flexors. Pigeon pose works perfectly for this, as do many other hip flexor stretches. Alternatively, you can create more of a routine by using Prasara Yoga. The perfect cooldown would involve several thorough full body vibrations followed by some targeted joint mobility exercises to improve immediate range of motion at some of your most worked joints, and finished with some Prasara Yoga to release deep tensions that were created during the session.
Things you can do after your training session
8) Get adequate post workout nutrition - There is so much research backing this as a viable recovery strategy, it’s not even debatable anymore. You don’t need to do this, but it will help a lot. Even a post workout shake, like this recipe, will do a lot of good. A good rule of thumb is to consume a carbohydrate to protein ration of 2:1. Eating 50 grams of carbs and 25 grams of protein following your strength session is a good place to begin personal experimentation. I always recommend whole foods over supplements (you’ll notice that supplements didn’t even make my top 15 list).
9) Eat one full meal no more than 2 hours after training - A shake or a snack immediately after your training session is excellent, but an even better strategy is to eat a full meal within an hour or two of your training session. Complex carbs and protein should be abundant in this meal, from foods such as meats, poultry, fish, leafy greens, potatoes, yams, brown rice, couscous, and rolled oats.
10) Perform active recovery frequently - Too often we think of recovery as being a completely restful activity, when the best thing we can often do to recover is get moving. Active recovery can be any form of light activity such as walking, joint mobility exercise, or very light strength training such as bodyweight exercise or swinging light clubbells.
11) Take a hot/cold shower - This is not going to make a big impact on DOMS prevention and treatment, but it will help a little bit. Contrast showers can help to increase bloodflow and aid in getting nutrients in your bloodstream out to your muscles. Alternate showering with warm water and cold water for 20-30 second intervals.
12) Take an Epsom salt bath or soak in a hot tub - Sometimes all we need to prevent muscle soreness is a little relaxation. Spending 30 minutes in a hot tub or Epsom salt bath will decrease muscle inflammation, flush toxins out of your muscles, improve nerve function, and will otherwise relieve stress.
13) Ice your muscles – This is mostly for severe cases of DOMS. Icing your muscles will not necessarily aid in the healing process, but it will reduce swelling and pain. It’s a temporary relief from pain that can serve as a good alternative to taking anti-inflammatory drugs.
14) Get a massage or massage the sore areas yourself – This is also for extreme cases of DOMS. A massage will have many benefits in terms of muscle relaxation, pain reduction, and stress relief.
15) Avoid activities that cause pain – This one’s simple. Don’t do anything that would case significant pain to your healing body. If you’re experiencing DOMS, then it’s not wise to exercise vigorously until you have fully recovered. DOMS is a result of doing too much work too soon – creating too much stress for your body to handle at once. It will only compound the problem by training through it.
Final Words
These techniques will help you prevent and self-treat Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness. If all else fails, simply wait 3-7 days and DOMS will almost always subside on its own. After a few weeks of consistent training, your body should be mostly adapted to your new workout schedule and DOMS should be minimal or non-existent in the future.
Please do note that anti-inflammatory drugs did NOT make the list. Drugs like Ibuprofen and Aspirin are great for blocking the body’s natural pain signals, but they do nothing to promote actual recovery. If you’re exercising to the point where you experience DOMS regularly, then it would be better to adjust your training and recovery methods instead of taking a drug and ignoring the problem. The reason we experience DOMS is because the body has survival mechanisms built-in to our physiology that alert us to problems. DOMS is an alert that we worked too hard, too soon. Ignoring that message will do more harm than good. Not only will you be over-training yourself on a regular basis into diminishing returns, plateau, and injury, but you’ll also be ingesting powerful drugs that have subtle and sometimes severe side-effects, especially long-term. That’s why this list is made of up mostly natural remedies that almost anyone can use to prevent and treat muscle soreness.
The ultimate goal of any training program is to find the optimal balance between work and recovery. We want to be able to do the most amount of work that we can safely and fully recover from. If you can crack the code to your optimal personal progress, then you’ve learned a lot about yourself and will have a lifelong skill that will benefit you indefinitely.
To your health and success,
J.Sifferman
CST, CST-KS, NSCA-CPT
Fitness Professional
We’ve all been there. You show up to the gym more than ready to slay dragons and crush weakness. You hit it hard, every set. Every rep is your absolute best. You also nailed a new personal record ahead of schedule – you’ve never done that much work in a training session until now. By the end of your session, the only way to describe how you feel is used, and you kinda like that. Life is good.
Until the next morning anyways. As you step out of bed and begin the semi-conscious shift back to supporting your bodyweight on your own two legs, something rather sudden happens. The moment your feet acquire bodyweight load, this little voice in the back of your head yells EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
You gasp or shriek if you’ve never felt this sensation before, but most of us just grumble under our breath and accept the fact that your body feels like it’s been torn into a thousand pieces…again. You, my friend, are experiencing Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS), and it’s one of life’s greatest pleasures. For all that hard work you did yesterday, your body has decided it would be best to almost immobilize you for the next day or so to allow ample time for healing. Actually, every time you move it’s as if every fiber in your body is being re-torn. Each new staircase transforms into Mt. Kilimanjaro, and getting off the couch requires a precisely calculated effort (with the help of others, of course). Don’t get comfy for too long though, since a couple hours of inactivity may enlighten you with a surprise ripping sensation upon re-initiating movement – and you might even hear it audibly (yep, with your ears).
Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness is a painful condition that is more severe than regular muscle soreness. Typical muscle soreness may start upon completion of vigorous physical activity, like lifting weights, and may last several hours to a day or two. DOMS, on the other hand, may not occur until the following day or days, and it can also last for several days. DOMS is primarily caused by the body’s inflammatory response to exercise. Its frequency and severity are determined by several factors including a trainee’s current conditioning level, age, along with the actual damage done to the muscle and connective tissues and the body’s ability to recover from that damage.
The good news is that both regular muscle soreness and DOMS are mostly preventable and there are some things you can do to speed the recovery process when it does happen.
15 Ways to Prevent and Heal Muscle Soreness
Things you can do before your training session
1) Adequately hydrate yourself - This should go without saying, but it bears repeating. Drinking plenty of water is one of your best defenses against muscle soreness. A good rule of thumb is to drink half an ounce of water per pound of bodyweight. So, if you’re 200 lbs, drink 100 oz of water daily. Sound like a lot? Start chuggin!
2) Front-load your nutrition - The food you eat before you workout is the fuel that your body will use to repair your muscles. Make sure to get plenty of good nutrition the day(s) before a heavy training session. A good rule of thumb for your macronutrient ratios the day before training is 40% protein, 40% carbs, and 20% fats. This should serve as a starting point for individual experimentation. The day of your training session you should be eating a diet high in protein, complex carbs, and “good, healthy” fats.
3) Get plenty of sleep the night(s) before - Again, this is common sense, but if you’re not getting enough quality sleep, then you’re putting your body at a recovery disadvantage from the beginning. 8+ hours should be the minimum before a heavy training day.
Things you can do during your training session
4) Warmup properly - One of the best things you can do to prevent muscles soreness is to perform a joint mobility warmup (a general full-body warmup is preferred, but mobility exercises specific to your exercise selection will work just fine, too), and then to do activity-specific exercises that will prime the sections of your body that you’ll be primarily focusing on during that session. So, if you’re going to be working on squats, for instance, it’s best to include some bodyweight squats in your warmup routine and gradually build up to your desired working intensity level. Your warmup should be both for general preparedness (like increasing your body temperature and the elasticity of your joints), and also specific to the activity that you’re going to do. It’s not enough to just go for a short jog to get your temperature up.
5) Regulate your training intensity - This is another super-important factor in preventing muscle soreness. Put simply, don’t work harder than your body is prepared for. I wrote an entire article on progression in your training program, but the key to remember is to challenge your limits without destroying your body. Stimulate your muscles, don’t annihilate them – good advice from former Mr. Olympia Lee Haney. The more gradually you can increase your performance, the better. Baby steps pay off more in the long haul and they also ensure you’ll prevent DOMS.
6) Shake off the tension between work periods - This is a little secret weapon against muscle soreness, called vibration training. No, you don’t need to stand on one of the high-tech vibrating platforms that they have at high class health clubs. You CAN shake off the tension though, in between sets. You can shake your arms and legs out, even your whole body. I created a tutorial for how to do this here: Vibration Training Video. This simple technique works very well to diminish muscle tension and you don’t need anything to start applying it today. Plus, it has a lot of other cool benefits, too.
7) Establish a cooldown ritual - This is more theory than science, since I haven’t read any literature stating that cooldowns directly prevent DOMS. However, in my experience, those who engage in a workout cooldown ritual are much less likely to suffer from DOMS. Apart from preventing muscle soreness, it’s a good idea anyways. Some joint mobility exercises are ideal here, but what’s most important is that you unload the functional opposite movements that you were training during your session. So, for instance, if you were doing a lot of squatting movements, you’d want to release tension in your hip flexors. Pigeon pose works perfectly for this, as do many other hip flexor stretches. Alternatively, you can create more of a routine by using Prasara Yoga. The perfect cooldown would involve several thorough full body vibrations followed by some targeted joint mobility exercises to improve immediate range of motion at some of your most worked joints, and finished with some Prasara Yoga to release deep tensions that were created during the session.
Things you can do after your training session
8) Get adequate post workout nutrition - There is so much research backing this as a viable recovery strategy, it’s not even debatable anymore. You don’t need to do this, but it will help a lot. Even a post workout shake, like this recipe, will do a lot of good. A good rule of thumb is to consume a carbohydrate to protein ration of 2:1. Eating 50 grams of carbs and 25 grams of protein following your strength session is a good place to begin personal experimentation. I always recommend whole foods over supplements (you’ll notice that supplements didn’t even make my top 15 list).
9) Eat one full meal no more than 2 hours after training - A shake or a snack immediately after your training session is excellent, but an even better strategy is to eat a full meal within an hour or two of your training session. Complex carbs and protein should be abundant in this meal, from foods such as meats, poultry, fish, leafy greens, potatoes, yams, brown rice, couscous, and rolled oats.
10) Perform active recovery frequently - Too often we think of recovery as being a completely restful activity, when the best thing we can often do to recover is get moving. Active recovery can be any form of light activity such as walking, joint mobility exercise, or very light strength training such as bodyweight exercise or swinging light clubbells.
11) Take a hot/cold shower - This is not going to make a big impact on DOMS prevention and treatment, but it will help a little bit. Contrast showers can help to increase bloodflow and aid in getting nutrients in your bloodstream out to your muscles. Alternate showering with warm water and cold water for 20-30 second intervals.
12) Take an Epsom salt bath or soak in a hot tub - Sometimes all we need to prevent muscle soreness is a little relaxation. Spending 30 minutes in a hot tub or Epsom salt bath will decrease muscle inflammation, flush toxins out of your muscles, improve nerve function, and will otherwise relieve stress.
13) Ice your muscles – This is mostly for severe cases of DOMS. Icing your muscles will not necessarily aid in the healing process, but it will reduce swelling and pain. It’s a temporary relief from pain that can serve as a good alternative to taking anti-inflammatory drugs.
14) Get a massage or massage the sore areas yourself – This is also for extreme cases of DOMS. A massage will have many benefits in terms of muscle relaxation, pain reduction, and stress relief.
15) Avoid activities that cause pain – This one’s simple. Don’t do anything that would case significant pain to your healing body. If you’re experiencing DOMS, then it’s not wise to exercise vigorously until you have fully recovered. DOMS is a result of doing too much work too soon – creating too much stress for your body to handle at once. It will only compound the problem by training through it.
Final Words
These techniques will help you prevent and self-treat Delayed-Onset Muscle Soreness. If all else fails, simply wait 3-7 days and DOMS will almost always subside on its own. After a few weeks of consistent training, your body should be mostly adapted to your new workout schedule and DOMS should be minimal or non-existent in the future.
Please do note that anti-inflammatory drugs did NOT make the list. Drugs like Ibuprofen and Aspirin are great for blocking the body’s natural pain signals, but they do nothing to promote actual recovery. If you’re exercising to the point where you experience DOMS regularly, then it would be better to adjust your training and recovery methods instead of taking a drug and ignoring the problem. The reason we experience DOMS is because the body has survival mechanisms built-in to our physiology that alert us to problems. DOMS is an alert that we worked too hard, too soon. Ignoring that message will do more harm than good. Not only will you be over-training yourself on a regular basis into diminishing returns, plateau, and injury, but you’ll also be ingesting powerful drugs that have subtle and sometimes severe side-effects, especially long-term. That’s why this list is made of up mostly natural remedies that almost anyone can use to prevent and treat muscle soreness.
The ultimate goal of any training program is to find the optimal balance between work and recovery. We want to be able to do the most amount of work that we can safely and fully recover from. If you can crack the code to your optimal personal progress, then you’ve learned a lot about yourself and will have a lifelong skill that will benefit you indefinitely.
To your health and success,
J.Sifferman
CST, CST-KS, NSCA-CPT
Fitness Professional
fitness review and break down
Im starting to enjoy fitness and understanding of it.
Its diffucult and such as PU theres alot of negative info and fake.
Im looking over Tom Venuto's Body FAt solution Chapter 3
goes over goals and mentions my favorites self help guys like brian tracy and wayne dyer.
He also talks about NLP...this stuff can apply to PU.
PU and fitness are related.
int erms of knowledge - results with some ACTION.
I will further review and report back before I buy the hardcover.
Also
Low calories diet is KEY.
more you burn than your intake of calories the more you lose fat.
awesome
Its diffucult and such as PU theres alot of negative info and fake.
Im looking over Tom Venuto's Body FAt solution Chapter 3
goes over goals and mentions my favorites self help guys like brian tracy and wayne dyer.
He also talks about NLP...this stuff can apply to PU.
PU and fitness are related.
int erms of knowledge - results with some ACTION.
I will further review and report back before I buy the hardcover.
Also
Low calories diet is KEY.
more you burn than your intake of calories the more you lose fat.
awesome
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Introduction to Psychology 101
as you might have read from NLP post Im going to look into psycology
this is what I found:
http://oyc.yale.edu/psychology/introduction-to-psychology
Hope you can review and share.
I will post up my goals and review Entropy's material.
-S
this is what I found:
http://oyc.yale.edu/psychology/introduction-to-psychology
Hope you can review and share.
I will post up my goals and review Entropy's material.
-S
enter-py !!! awesome post to read
Lifestyle: You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle
Tags: Lifestyle
This is part II of my audaciously titled series: “Seven Immutable Laws of Pick Up.”
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
People oft talk about lifestyle in the community, but I feel like it really turns into an extended diatribe of, “be cool; girls like guys who are cool.” Usually, “be cool” is equated to learning to salsa, going to the gym or painting a self-portrait with watercolors.
Today, I’m going to try to think of lifestyle in a different way. To me, lifestyle is the elusive bridge between inner game and outer game.
Recently, I’ve been thinking of everything in terms of value. Inner game involves cultivating value within ourselves — valuing ourselves, really — and outer game is demonstrating and sharing that value with whatever hot chica we’re talking to. Your lifestyle has a symbiotic relationship with your inner game in that, the more confidence, self-esteem and positivity you have, the greater your lifestyle will flourish and vice-versa. For instance, the stronger your inner game, the more likely you’ll be to get off your ass and go to the gym, learn a new language, take a risk and travel to Japan, start drawing again.
How so?
One major theme of my recent seminars has been to talk about how all anxieties and limiting beliefs are just ways in which our ego holds us back from trying new things. Our ego holds us back — keeps us in our comfort zone — because to our ego, trying something new and outlandish is “risky” to our social acceptance.
The root of this behavior lies in the concern over “social acceptance” or receiving validation from those outside of ourselves. Just as in my post on rejection we have to learn to accept failure and in this case, ostracisization for doing things differently, doing things in a new way, doing things that many people won’t understand or accept.
What I get from a lot of guys is, “But I don’t know what I want to do,” or “I don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Do this. Grab a blank sheet of paper and set aside twenty minutes with no distractions. Start a timer and begin a list – a list of things you want to do before you die. Your goal is to write down 100 items. It’s not as easy as it sounds!
Afterwards, take a look at your list. See what sticks out to you. At least a couple of the items should elicit an emotional response in you. You should see patterns and themes – did a lot of items involve travel? Family? Athletic goals? Intellectual pursuits? (Credit: Mr. Awesome for this exercise.)
Contemplate your list and try to narrow these themes down to a few activities that can be realistically done NOW! Do it. Write down five things you can do NOW that starts you on the path towards the lifestyle you desire. And then what? Go DO those five things today.
This exercise is two-pronged: it pushes you down the road of doing things in your life that YOU desire and simultaneously absolves you of any social pressure that may be holding you back from your dreams. If you have things written down that you said to yourself, “Oh, I’ll never have time to do that,” or “people would think I’m crazy.” GOOD! Do it anyway!
Lifestyle is the foundation for your outer game as well. Everything that you say or do with a girl, will be tested against your lifestyle for congruence. Gurus always talk about how you need to be congruent or else the girl will think you’re a fake or a fraud, well what they’re talking about is that your words have to line up with your lifetime of actions.
For instance, a guy in suspenders who talks about his stripper ex-girlfriend is going to get weird looks. A guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt who talks about the last time he painted a landscape is going to get weird looks. A guy who talks about driving a Ferrari in Europe yet lives in his mom’s basement is going to get — OK, you get my point.
Your real life should be the foundation of all of your attraction and comfort material. Using anything else will come across as incongruent. That’s why I see your lifestyle as the ceiling of the amount of attraction you can build. No matter how tight your outer game is, if you live with your mom, play World of Warcraft all day and are overweight in a stained T-shirt, you will build NO attraction.
But if you’re successful, dressed well, confident, well-traveled, genuinely happy, in good shape, and have cool hobbies, your ceiling for attraction is EXTREMELY high.
You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle. Relinquish social expectations. Live the life you want to lead — no one else is going to.
Tags: Lifestyle
This is part II of my audaciously titled series: “Seven Immutable Laws of Pick Up.”
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
People oft talk about lifestyle in the community, but I feel like it really turns into an extended diatribe of, “be cool; girls like guys who are cool.” Usually, “be cool” is equated to learning to salsa, going to the gym or painting a self-portrait with watercolors.
Today, I’m going to try to think of lifestyle in a different way. To me, lifestyle is the elusive bridge between inner game and outer game.
Recently, I’ve been thinking of everything in terms of value. Inner game involves cultivating value within ourselves — valuing ourselves, really — and outer game is demonstrating and sharing that value with whatever hot chica we’re talking to. Your lifestyle has a symbiotic relationship with your inner game in that, the more confidence, self-esteem and positivity you have, the greater your lifestyle will flourish and vice-versa. For instance, the stronger your inner game, the more likely you’ll be to get off your ass and go to the gym, learn a new language, take a risk and travel to Japan, start drawing again.
How so?
One major theme of my recent seminars has been to talk about how all anxieties and limiting beliefs are just ways in which our ego holds us back from trying new things. Our ego holds us back — keeps us in our comfort zone — because to our ego, trying something new and outlandish is “risky” to our social acceptance.
The root of this behavior lies in the concern over “social acceptance” or receiving validation from those outside of ourselves. Just as in my post on rejection we have to learn to accept failure and in this case, ostracisization for doing things differently, doing things in a new way, doing things that many people won’t understand or accept.
What I get from a lot of guys is, “But I don’t know what I want to do,” or “I don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Do this. Grab a blank sheet of paper and set aside twenty minutes with no distractions. Start a timer and begin a list – a list of things you want to do before you die. Your goal is to write down 100 items. It’s not as easy as it sounds!
Afterwards, take a look at your list. See what sticks out to you. At least a couple of the items should elicit an emotional response in you. You should see patterns and themes – did a lot of items involve travel? Family? Athletic goals? Intellectual pursuits? (Credit: Mr. Awesome for this exercise.)
Contemplate your list and try to narrow these themes down to a few activities that can be realistically done NOW! Do it. Write down five things you can do NOW that starts you on the path towards the lifestyle you desire. And then what? Go DO those five things today.
This exercise is two-pronged: it pushes you down the road of doing things in your life that YOU desire and simultaneously absolves you of any social pressure that may be holding you back from your dreams. If you have things written down that you said to yourself, “Oh, I’ll never have time to do that,” or “people would think I’m crazy.” GOOD! Do it anyway!
Lifestyle is the foundation for your outer game as well. Everything that you say or do with a girl, will be tested against your lifestyle for congruence. Gurus always talk about how you need to be congruent or else the girl will think you’re a fake or a fraud, well what they’re talking about is that your words have to line up with your lifetime of actions.
For instance, a guy in suspenders who talks about his stripper ex-girlfriend is going to get weird looks. A guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt who talks about the last time he painted a landscape is going to get weird looks. A guy who talks about driving a Ferrari in Europe yet lives in his mom’s basement is going to get — OK, you get my point.
Your real life should be the foundation of all of your attraction and comfort material. Using anything else will come across as incongruent. That’s why I see your lifestyle as the ceiling of the amount of attraction you can build. No matter how tight your outer game is, if you live with your mom, play World of Warcraft all day and are overweight in a stained T-shirt, you will build NO attraction.
But if you’re successful, dressed well, confident, well-traveled, genuinely happy, in good shape, and have cool hobbies, your ceiling for attraction is EXTREMELY high.
You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle. Relinquish social expectations. Live the life you want to lead — no one else is going to.
fitness advice
Thanks for the kind words and for contacting me. It's always
nice meeting some of my readers/viewers.
Tom's book, The BodyFat Solution will be an excellent guide
for you. I recommend you read it thoroughly and follow it very
closely. With that as your manual, you'll be well on your way
to success.
I'm sorry to say that the Part 3 of the video series ended up
being a corrupted video file - I couldn't repair it, I'm afraid.
However, I'm soon going to be starting a blog series titled
How To Get What You Want. I'll go over a very specific system
that I teach my personal training clients about how to set
and achieve goals. You'll get a headstart on some of the ideas
in Tom's book.
As to how to deal with muscle soreness, I think I'll address
that in a blogpost this week - it's a great topic! Look for it
on www.PhysicalLiving.com either tomorrow or Thursday.
Thanks again for introducing yourself - have a great day.
Best,
JS
nice meeting some of my readers/viewers.
Tom's book, The BodyFat Solution will be an excellent guide
for you. I recommend you read it thoroughly and follow it very
closely. With that as your manual, you'll be well on your way
to success.
I'm sorry to say that the Part 3 of the video series ended up
being a corrupted video file - I couldn't repair it, I'm afraid.
However, I'm soon going to be starting a blog series titled
How To Get What You Want. I'll go over a very specific system
that I teach my personal training clients about how to set
and achieve goals. You'll get a headstart on some of the ideas
in Tom's book.
As to how to deal with muscle soreness, I think I'll address
that in a blogpost this week - it's a great topic! Look for it
on www.PhysicalLiving.com either tomorrow or Thursday.
Thanks again for introducing yourself - have a great day.
Best,
JS
Monday, February 15, 2010
Advice on NLP, logical fallacy
Someone emailed me:
NLP is at least 60% garbage. I recommend reading a real psychology book first.
Do an amazon search for "introduction to psychology" and pick one of the books taught at colleges and universities, then read most of that.
Then read the entire wikipedia entry on "logical fallacies".
Then search on youtube for "enemies of reason" by Richard Dawkins and watch the whole thing. (It's about fraudsters who sell you things that don't necessarily work.)
THEN - take a course on nlp and you'll be in a much better position to separate their good from their bad. You'll be able to pick out the logical fallacies and outright incorrect things that they teach
NLP is at least 60% garbage. I recommend reading a real psychology book first.
Do an amazon search for "introduction to psychology" and pick one of the books taught at colleges and universities, then read most of that.
Then read the entire wikipedia entry on "logical fallacies".
Then search on youtube for "enemies of reason" by Richard Dawkins and watch the whole thing. (It's about fraudsters who sell you things that don't necessarily work.)
THEN - take a course on nlp and you'll be in a much better position to separate their good from their bad. You'll be able to pick out the logical fallacies and outright incorrect things that they teach
SAFFRON tribute posts
The 1 Hour Pull
saffron
I went to a meetup.com event tonight at a local bar. As is prone with these events, the attractiveness of girls isn't as high as the ones you'd find at the hot clubs on the weekends. But, the flipside is that the barrier to approach is much lower and the bitch shields are not on full blast. Also, the guys are mostly chodes.
But, sometimes you strike gold when you're least expecting it. When I walked in, I locked eyes with Victoria. She had silky long hair, a smile lingering with dimples, and a svelte body. As is always the case, there was some chode sitting right next to her, trying to talk her ear off, and I could tell by her body language that she was just being nice.
Realizing the energy of the venue, I came in with a very low key opener -- any flashy attraction material would be out of place.
Acting with no apologies, I walked over and said calmly,
"This is my first time here. I'm Saffron. "
"Hi, I'm Vanessa"
"Hi, I'm Chodey McChode."
I go straight into a topical transition about the venue and talk about how I recently just moved into town. She picked up the thread and we soon were talking about how she was from Japan.
"I hate Japan. Let me tell you why." -- I didn't disagree for the sake of disagreeing -- I just spoke my mind freely.
I went off, and she started arguing with me in a playful way. I verbally escalated and started talking about other commonalities that we had. We talked about our adventures, our goals, and things we liked to do for fun. We were deep into comfort.
About 30 minutes passed, and I mentioned an extraction excuse -- come check out this great restaurant near me. They serve some great late night food. She agreed and we left the venue.
We went to my house first to drop off her stuff -- this was key, because I knew that she would have to come back after we ate.
We headed out and I built more comfort at the restaurant--we talked about our childhoods, our drunk times, and our past relationships. We bounced backed to my place and went into my room. I looked at her silently, maintaining the silence for 10 seconds, then went in for the makeout.
It was a quick escalation, and then I threw her onto my bed. She started giving me LMR -- so I comforted her by telling her how much I valued her personality, how we were going to hang out tomorrow, and how it was her fault for turning me on so much.
Then I went right back into it. I escalated and clothes started flying off, but as if I was in some kind of terrible romantic comedy, her phone rings and her friend tells her that he's downstairs to pick her up. Apparently, this AFC was her personal driver and she texted him in the restaurant, expecting that she was heading home after the late night snack.
"Sorry. It's not going to happen tonight. You're going to have to wait until next time" she teased me.
"I wait for no one." I replied. "But, I still want to see you tomorrow, because you're a cool chick."
I walked her out and watched her get into the car.
Logistics are key to the SNL. If I had 10 more minutes of game time, the score might have ended up different, but you have to love the game because there are always new challenges to face.
Updated Aug 15 2008 2:59 PM
Posted Aug 15 2008 2:56 PM Internet Outage and Self-Improv
saffron
Updated Jul 9 2008 5:21 AM
Posted Jul 9 2008 5:18 AM Pick Up From the Female View
Saffron
Slightly racist, and mostly reflective of AFCs....just shows you how low the bar is and how you just need to take that small step to differentiate yourself from the norm.
And no, I don't just smile and open my eyes really big. I also say "hey baby, hey baby..."
Updated Jul 5 2008 6:47 PM
Posted Jul 3 2008 3:14 PM One Night Stands
Saffron
On a whim, I wikipedia'd One Night Stands. In the article, I found this snippet very, very interesting:
During sex females get such a strong dose of oxytocin that "when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why."[1] Researchers have found that women's feelings after one night stands are much more negative than men's. Feeling 'used' was the predominent negative emotion they felt the next morning and they also worried about their reputations and felt as if they had let themselves down. Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University said "What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody."[2]
A lot of guys think that once they slept with a woman, their work is all over. For all the PUAs out there who wonder why they can't keep quality women around in their life, I'd take a second and ask yourself how you treat women AFTER sex. I'm a firm believer of the ethos "Leave Them Better Than When You Met Them." How do you do that? By appreciating her for something other than her physical appearance and her sexuality. There's nothing wrong with being direct and forward, but there will be a point in your life where you realize that sexuality is only the minimum requirement -- you are attracted to a woman because you appreciate who she is and what her personality is like.
Now that you appreciate her, the question becomes, how do you best show it? The Mystery Method talks a lot about qualification (a method where you elicit a girl's values and then reward her for having them). For me, it really is about authenticity. I simply show enthusiasm for traits that I cherish. And if she has traits that I don't respect, I will let her know that too. By doing both, you show her that you're not just supplicating and you also show her that you're a man of values. There's something to be said about being honest and straightforward in your interactions with women.
Ultimately, making a girl realize that you appreciate her BEFORE you sleep with her, will make the entire process easier, before and after sex. I view sex as a positive interaction, so if a girl walks away feeling negative about the interaction, I know that I seriously screwed up somewhere.
Updated Jun 30 2008 9:11 AM
Posted Jun 30 2008 9:05 AM Pitfalls of Pickup
Saffron
My good friend Toryn from the Boston Lair wrote one of the best posts I've read in a while and I had to post it here for you guys to read. Tons of value, so pull up some popcorn and plop yourself down and read this. I'll be honest, I've made some of the same mistakes too and struggle with my own ideals and the ideals that are commonly engrained in the community. Toryn is going to put up a blog soon, and I'll be sure to link him on my page, so you guys can get a daily dose of his wisdom.
Anyway, here it goes:
Learning pick-up has had so many positive effects on my life, including realizing new heights in my own self-confidence; understanding how to better interact in high-pressure social situations; and more and more understanding how to own my sexuality and desire around attractive women. And this is only a small bit of what I’ve learned since starting this process. As Groove noted in his Lair talk, this stuff can really change your life for the better if you allow it to do so.
All that being said, the more time I spend in the pick-up community, the more I become convinced that there are potentially serious pitfalls in each stage of learning these skills as well, which can do dangerous harm to your ability to form lasting and valuable relationships with women. The core questions that I've been grappling with recently, and that I try to address in this post, are these:
* Which aspects of learning pick-up are actually diminishing or degrading my ability to form a trusting and mutually-fulfilling relationship with a woman?
* How can I avoid these pitfalls so that I'm constantly moving forward in my social and emotional evolution?
I understand that not everyone will find this e-mail relevant right now. Some guys will be at stages in their emotional development where a lot of the things that I’m talking about below are just not on their radar screen yet. If that’s your case, that’s cool – I’d still recommend that you read on and think for a moment about the points that I’m trying to make here.
Pitfall #1: Objectifying Women
This one seems pretty obvious to me, so I’m not going to waste too much time talking about it. Yes, women are naturally the objects of our sexual desire, and yes, until you approach and get to know a new girl, she’s nothing more than a random attractive stranger. But when an entire community starts referring to people in code words such as HB8_Slut, the “target”, the “obstacle”, etc., you start to lose recognition of the fact that you’re talking about another human being.
Rating girls’ attractiveness on a scale has some value in terms of how you calibrate your approach and initial game material. Referring to girls as the “target” or “obstacle” has some value in terms of understanding the dynamics of a group set, especially when wings are involved. But in my opinion, once you’ve internalized these ideas into your behavior, get these labels out of your head as soon as possible, and save them for Field Reports or other times when you need them to discuss the mechanics of a set you ran. Don’t go through life thinking about every attractive girl you see as an HB# or as your “target.”
It’s been proven over and over again by psychological studies that one of the first steps in dehumanizing someone is to objectify them, to strip them in your mind of the qualities that would make you relate to them as another living, breathing person just like yourself. That girl who you’re interested in? At the end of the day she’s just a girl, with dreams, hopes, fears and ambitions just like you. Lose sight of that, and you lose part of what makes you human.
Pitfall #2: Focusing on “Padding Your Stats”
I went through a phase in the first few weeks after realizing my initial successes getting laid through game, and most guys who I’ve met in the community go through a similar phase. We have this feeling that can only be described as a sense of wonderment at our new powers with women. For those of us who weren’t born naturals, we’ve had years of frustration at screwing up with attractive women because we weren’t self-confident and socially experienced enough. Then pick-up skills give us that power, and we now feel that we’re more in control, that we’re no longer at the mercy of one beautiful girl’s opinion of us. It’s an intoxicating emotion, and for good reason.
You can see this intoxicating feeling reflected in guys’ posts on the forum. The first few Lay Reports that newer guys post up usually have this over-arching aura of “Oh my God, I can’t believe I actually accomplished this!” to them. During this stage when you’re realizing your first few successes, I think this feeling of wonderment is pretty much all positive. You’re rapidly gaining in self-confidence in an area that has plagued you for a while (you wouldn’t be in the community if it hadn’t), and you feel like a new man. All is good in the world.
Pretty soon however, the natural question arises of “What next?” Sure, there are always new skills to calibrate and internalize, new levels of inner game mastery to reach – but a lot of guys remain detached from what their true core goals are with learning all of this stuff. And when they become detached from their true core goals, they naturally fill that void with the goal of “Well, I want to bang as many hot girls as possible” or some variant (“have a threesome,” “fuck Asian twins”).
And so begins the danger of seeking external validation through sex. If you continue to neglect the other areas of your life which aren't together, you start to subconsciously look at getting laid as evidence that you are indeed the high-value, self-confident guy that you tell yourself you are. And when you think you’ve got a girl on the path to bed, but it doesn’t work out? Crash and burn inner game-wise my friends, and it hurts.
But here’s the thing: the guys I know who are truly secure in their own self-confidence and value aren’t overly concerned with whether they have ten women in the rotation at the same time or none. If they meet a girl who they’re attracted to, who they connect with and who they want to start a sexual relationship with, they do it. But if they go through a period where they aren’t meeting women who truly excite them, they don’t start to feel down or inferior because of it.
Again, this issue isn’t necessarily appropriate to every guy in the Lair right now, especially those guys who are younger. It very well may be that your goal at this stage of your life is to bang as many hot girls as possible with zero emotional connection, and that’s fine. It all comes down to whether your true core inner goals and desires and your outer behavior are in synch. Also, it’s good to understand that many guys’ life goals with women evolve over time, so it probably would be worthwhile to check in with yourself every few months to make sure that you’re still living according to your core goals.
Pitfall #3: Closing Yourself off to Emotion
You’ve done a ton of approaches, you’ve slept with some women, and now you’ve met one who you really connect with and who you like hanging out with. But every time that she tries to get you to open up to her emotionally, community dogma kicks back in. “Push-pull…control the frame…showing vulnerability is for chodes…one-itis is for pussies…an ‘alpha’ guy wouldn’t do this…”
A lot of the dogma that is good for breaking you free from your original fears approaching strange women in high-stress social situations can turn out to be crap when you relate it to relationships. Entropy is 1,000% correct when he says that relationships are a component of relating to women that on average the community has ass-backwards, and really doesn’t give nearly enough attention to. You think a girl is amazing? Tell her. She tells you about her deepest hopes and fears in life, and wants you to share yours with her as well? If you care about her, do it. Real men (edit: real PEOPLE) are not scared of their own emotions.
It all relates back to living with integrity and honesty. If you don’t care about a girl, you should be honest with her if she asks you. If you don’t care about her and you tell her that you really do, you’re a pussy. If you do have emotions for her, but you either tell her that you don’t or refuse to show them, you’re also a pussy.
But if you have emotions for a girl and you let yourself express them, that’s when the best moments in life can happen.
Pitfall #4: Making It All about the Sex
This is my new favorite, and it took me a while to identify and diagnose this in myself and in some of my Lair friends. Bear with me on this one, because I can’t seem to find a simple way to explain what I mean here.
You meet a girl, sleep with her, turn her into a regular thing, bond with her and genuinely care about her and her happiness in life, and things are going great. Then after a few months (it usually happens in this timeframe), the girl may come to you emotionally raw explaining that she’s starting to fall in love with you and just can’t do an open relationship any more, and that she wants to commit to you and to try being exclusive with each other.
But instead of committing, you get scared, and you begin thinking of reasons to tell her no. And what I’ve found both in myself and my friends is that more often than not we use the issue of sex as the primary reason to turn down exclusive relationships with really quality women. “I can’t be with just one girl, I want to consistently fuck new girls…she isn’t interested in having threesomes like we used to…I need variety in my sex life.” And on and on.
What I and the rest of guys who think this way are doing however is elevating sex above all of the other areas of compatibility that make good relationships with quality women really great. To an extent we’re ignoring whether the girl truly makes us happy, whether she challenges and excites us intellectually and emotionally, whether sharing with her feels like sharing with an old friend you’ve known forever.
A decision to not get exclusive with a girl based on sexual compatibility isn’t necessarily a bad thing or wrong in isolation. And per my comment above, it’s totally acceptable and understandable if a guy is not in the position in his life at this time where he wants a relationship at all. The problem has the potential to arise over time however, because the decisions you make in life form habits, and if you start consistently thinking about your relationships with women in this light, you could wind up making some very stupid choices.
I don’t mean to downplay sexual compatibility here either – it’s very important. But in my experience, after the first several months of hormone-driven craziness subside, the sexual health of a relationship exists because you and she stay connected on all other emotional and spiritual levels, not in spite of those connections.
The dirty secret that for some reason the community never talks about is that while it is absolutely true that attractive women are abundant, the number of attractive women in life with whom you will also feel a strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection as well are very few. Life being what it is, even if you sarge constantly, there will only be so many women who you are as excited about spending Sunday morning with as you were about fucking the previous Saturday night.
If finding a girl who will always be willing to have threesomes with you really is one of your core priorities in life, more power to you. But the girls who will be genuinely cool with this type of behavior are rare. It is the rule rather than the exception for a girl to want you to herself once she’s fallen in love with you. And more to the point, the girls who are cool with threesomes are not necessarily the ones who will satisfy you as well in the many other emotional, spiritual and intellectual areas that make a relationship lasting and great. And in the meantime, if you next all women who don’t fit the “threesome” category, you could very well wind up passing on women who really would have made you happier over the long run – all because you put sex above everything else.
saffron
I went to a meetup.com event tonight at a local bar. As is prone with these events, the attractiveness of girls isn't as high as the ones you'd find at the hot clubs on the weekends. But, the flipside is that the barrier to approach is much lower and the bitch shields are not on full blast. Also, the guys are mostly chodes.
But, sometimes you strike gold when you're least expecting it. When I walked in, I locked eyes with Victoria. She had silky long hair, a smile lingering with dimples, and a svelte body. As is always the case, there was some chode sitting right next to her, trying to talk her ear off, and I could tell by her body language that she was just being nice.
Realizing the energy of the venue, I came in with a very low key opener -- any flashy attraction material would be out of place.
Acting with no apologies, I walked over and said calmly,
"This is my first time here. I'm Saffron. "
"Hi, I'm Vanessa"
"Hi, I'm Chodey McChode."
I go straight into a topical transition about the venue and talk about how I recently just moved into town. She picked up the thread and we soon were talking about how she was from Japan.
"I hate Japan. Let me tell you why." -- I didn't disagree for the sake of disagreeing -- I just spoke my mind freely.
I went off, and she started arguing with me in a playful way. I verbally escalated and started talking about other commonalities that we had. We talked about our adventures, our goals, and things we liked to do for fun. We were deep into comfort.
About 30 minutes passed, and I mentioned an extraction excuse -- come check out this great restaurant near me. They serve some great late night food. She agreed and we left the venue.
We went to my house first to drop off her stuff -- this was key, because I knew that she would have to come back after we ate.
We headed out and I built more comfort at the restaurant--we talked about our childhoods, our drunk times, and our past relationships. We bounced backed to my place and went into my room. I looked at her silently, maintaining the silence for 10 seconds, then went in for the makeout.
It was a quick escalation, and then I threw her onto my bed. She started giving me LMR -- so I comforted her by telling her how much I valued her personality, how we were going to hang out tomorrow, and how it was her fault for turning me on so much.
Then I went right back into it. I escalated and clothes started flying off, but as if I was in some kind of terrible romantic comedy, her phone rings and her friend tells her that he's downstairs to pick her up. Apparently, this AFC was her personal driver and she texted him in the restaurant, expecting that she was heading home after the late night snack.
"Sorry. It's not going to happen tonight. You're going to have to wait until next time" she teased me.
"I wait for no one." I replied. "But, I still want to see you tomorrow, because you're a cool chick."
I walked her out and watched her get into the car.
Logistics are key to the SNL. If I had 10 more minutes of game time, the score might have ended up different, but you have to love the game because there are always new challenges to face.
Updated Aug 15 2008 2:59 PM
Posted Aug 15 2008 2:56 PM Internet Outage and Self-Improv
saffron
Updated Jul 9 2008 5:21 AM
Posted Jul 9 2008 5:18 AM Pick Up From the Female View
Saffron
Slightly racist, and mostly reflective of AFCs....just shows you how low the bar is and how you just need to take that small step to differentiate yourself from the norm.
And no, I don't just smile and open my eyes really big. I also say "hey baby, hey baby..."
Updated Jul 5 2008 6:47 PM
Posted Jul 3 2008 3:14 PM One Night Stands
Saffron
On a whim, I wikipedia'd One Night Stands. In the article, I found this snippet very, very interesting:
During sex females get such a strong dose of oxytocin that "when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why."[1] Researchers have found that women's feelings after one night stands are much more negative than men's. Feeling 'used' was the predominent negative emotion they felt the next morning and they also worried about their reputations and felt as if they had let themselves down. Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University said "What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody."[2]
A lot of guys think that once they slept with a woman, their work is all over. For all the PUAs out there who wonder why they can't keep quality women around in their life, I'd take a second and ask yourself how you treat women AFTER sex. I'm a firm believer of the ethos "Leave Them Better Than When You Met Them." How do you do that? By appreciating her for something other than her physical appearance and her sexuality. There's nothing wrong with being direct and forward, but there will be a point in your life where you realize that sexuality is only the minimum requirement -- you are attracted to a woman because you appreciate who she is and what her personality is like.
Now that you appreciate her, the question becomes, how do you best show it? The Mystery Method talks a lot about qualification (a method where you elicit a girl's values and then reward her for having them). For me, it really is about authenticity. I simply show enthusiasm for traits that I cherish. And if she has traits that I don't respect, I will let her know that too. By doing both, you show her that you're not just supplicating and you also show her that you're a man of values. There's something to be said about being honest and straightforward in your interactions with women.
Ultimately, making a girl realize that you appreciate her BEFORE you sleep with her, will make the entire process easier, before and after sex. I view sex as a positive interaction, so if a girl walks away feeling negative about the interaction, I know that I seriously screwed up somewhere.
Updated Jun 30 2008 9:11 AM
Posted Jun 30 2008 9:05 AM Pitfalls of Pickup
Saffron
My good friend Toryn from the Boston Lair wrote one of the best posts I've read in a while and I had to post it here for you guys to read. Tons of value, so pull up some popcorn and plop yourself down and read this. I'll be honest, I've made some of the same mistakes too and struggle with my own ideals and the ideals that are commonly engrained in the community. Toryn is going to put up a blog soon, and I'll be sure to link him on my page, so you guys can get a daily dose of his wisdom.
Anyway, here it goes:
Learning pick-up has had so many positive effects on my life, including realizing new heights in my own self-confidence; understanding how to better interact in high-pressure social situations; and more and more understanding how to own my sexuality and desire around attractive women. And this is only a small bit of what I’ve learned since starting this process. As Groove noted in his Lair talk, this stuff can really change your life for the better if you allow it to do so.
All that being said, the more time I spend in the pick-up community, the more I become convinced that there are potentially serious pitfalls in each stage of learning these skills as well, which can do dangerous harm to your ability to form lasting and valuable relationships with women. The core questions that I've been grappling with recently, and that I try to address in this post, are these:
* Which aspects of learning pick-up are actually diminishing or degrading my ability to form a trusting and mutually-fulfilling relationship with a woman?
* How can I avoid these pitfalls so that I'm constantly moving forward in my social and emotional evolution?
I understand that not everyone will find this e-mail relevant right now. Some guys will be at stages in their emotional development where a lot of the things that I’m talking about below are just not on their radar screen yet. If that’s your case, that’s cool – I’d still recommend that you read on and think for a moment about the points that I’m trying to make here.
Pitfall #1: Objectifying Women
This one seems pretty obvious to me, so I’m not going to waste too much time talking about it. Yes, women are naturally the objects of our sexual desire, and yes, until you approach and get to know a new girl, she’s nothing more than a random attractive stranger. But when an entire community starts referring to people in code words such as HB8_Slut, the “target”, the “obstacle”, etc., you start to lose recognition of the fact that you’re talking about another human being.
Rating girls’ attractiveness on a scale has some value in terms of how you calibrate your approach and initial game material. Referring to girls as the “target” or “obstacle” has some value in terms of understanding the dynamics of a group set, especially when wings are involved. But in my opinion, once you’ve internalized these ideas into your behavior, get these labels out of your head as soon as possible, and save them for Field Reports or other times when you need them to discuss the mechanics of a set you ran. Don’t go through life thinking about every attractive girl you see as an HB# or as your “target.”
It’s been proven over and over again by psychological studies that one of the first steps in dehumanizing someone is to objectify them, to strip them in your mind of the qualities that would make you relate to them as another living, breathing person just like yourself. That girl who you’re interested in? At the end of the day she’s just a girl, with dreams, hopes, fears and ambitions just like you. Lose sight of that, and you lose part of what makes you human.
Pitfall #2: Focusing on “Padding Your Stats”
I went through a phase in the first few weeks after realizing my initial successes getting laid through game, and most guys who I’ve met in the community go through a similar phase. We have this feeling that can only be described as a sense of wonderment at our new powers with women. For those of us who weren’t born naturals, we’ve had years of frustration at screwing up with attractive women because we weren’t self-confident and socially experienced enough. Then pick-up skills give us that power, and we now feel that we’re more in control, that we’re no longer at the mercy of one beautiful girl’s opinion of us. It’s an intoxicating emotion, and for good reason.
You can see this intoxicating feeling reflected in guys’ posts on the forum. The first few Lay Reports that newer guys post up usually have this over-arching aura of “Oh my God, I can’t believe I actually accomplished this!” to them. During this stage when you’re realizing your first few successes, I think this feeling of wonderment is pretty much all positive. You’re rapidly gaining in self-confidence in an area that has plagued you for a while (you wouldn’t be in the community if it hadn’t), and you feel like a new man. All is good in the world.
Pretty soon however, the natural question arises of “What next?” Sure, there are always new skills to calibrate and internalize, new levels of inner game mastery to reach – but a lot of guys remain detached from what their true core goals are with learning all of this stuff. And when they become detached from their true core goals, they naturally fill that void with the goal of “Well, I want to bang as many hot girls as possible” or some variant (“have a threesome,” “fuck Asian twins”).
And so begins the danger of seeking external validation through sex. If you continue to neglect the other areas of your life which aren't together, you start to subconsciously look at getting laid as evidence that you are indeed the high-value, self-confident guy that you tell yourself you are. And when you think you’ve got a girl on the path to bed, but it doesn’t work out? Crash and burn inner game-wise my friends, and it hurts.
But here’s the thing: the guys I know who are truly secure in their own self-confidence and value aren’t overly concerned with whether they have ten women in the rotation at the same time or none. If they meet a girl who they’re attracted to, who they connect with and who they want to start a sexual relationship with, they do it. But if they go through a period where they aren’t meeting women who truly excite them, they don’t start to feel down or inferior because of it.
Again, this issue isn’t necessarily appropriate to every guy in the Lair right now, especially those guys who are younger. It very well may be that your goal at this stage of your life is to bang as many hot girls as possible with zero emotional connection, and that’s fine. It all comes down to whether your true core inner goals and desires and your outer behavior are in synch. Also, it’s good to understand that many guys’ life goals with women evolve over time, so it probably would be worthwhile to check in with yourself every few months to make sure that you’re still living according to your core goals.
Pitfall #3: Closing Yourself off to Emotion
You’ve done a ton of approaches, you’ve slept with some women, and now you’ve met one who you really connect with and who you like hanging out with. But every time that she tries to get you to open up to her emotionally, community dogma kicks back in. “Push-pull…control the frame…showing vulnerability is for chodes…one-itis is for pussies…an ‘alpha’ guy wouldn’t do this…”
A lot of the dogma that is good for breaking you free from your original fears approaching strange women in high-stress social situations can turn out to be crap when you relate it to relationships. Entropy is 1,000% correct when he says that relationships are a component of relating to women that on average the community has ass-backwards, and really doesn’t give nearly enough attention to. You think a girl is amazing? Tell her. She tells you about her deepest hopes and fears in life, and wants you to share yours with her as well? If you care about her, do it. Real men (edit: real PEOPLE) are not scared of their own emotions.
It all relates back to living with integrity and honesty. If you don’t care about a girl, you should be honest with her if she asks you. If you don’t care about her and you tell her that you really do, you’re a pussy. If you do have emotions for her, but you either tell her that you don’t or refuse to show them, you’re also a pussy.
But if you have emotions for a girl and you let yourself express them, that’s when the best moments in life can happen.
Pitfall #4: Making It All about the Sex
This is my new favorite, and it took me a while to identify and diagnose this in myself and in some of my Lair friends. Bear with me on this one, because I can’t seem to find a simple way to explain what I mean here.
You meet a girl, sleep with her, turn her into a regular thing, bond with her and genuinely care about her and her happiness in life, and things are going great. Then after a few months (it usually happens in this timeframe), the girl may come to you emotionally raw explaining that she’s starting to fall in love with you and just can’t do an open relationship any more, and that she wants to commit to you and to try being exclusive with each other.
But instead of committing, you get scared, and you begin thinking of reasons to tell her no. And what I’ve found both in myself and my friends is that more often than not we use the issue of sex as the primary reason to turn down exclusive relationships with really quality women. “I can’t be with just one girl, I want to consistently fuck new girls…she isn’t interested in having threesomes like we used to…I need variety in my sex life.” And on and on.
What I and the rest of guys who think this way are doing however is elevating sex above all of the other areas of compatibility that make good relationships with quality women really great. To an extent we’re ignoring whether the girl truly makes us happy, whether she challenges and excites us intellectually and emotionally, whether sharing with her feels like sharing with an old friend you’ve known forever.
A decision to not get exclusive with a girl based on sexual compatibility isn’t necessarily a bad thing or wrong in isolation. And per my comment above, it’s totally acceptable and understandable if a guy is not in the position in his life at this time where he wants a relationship at all. The problem has the potential to arise over time however, because the decisions you make in life form habits, and if you start consistently thinking about your relationships with women in this light, you could wind up making some very stupid choices.
I don’t mean to downplay sexual compatibility here either – it’s very important. But in my experience, after the first several months of hormone-driven craziness subside, the sexual health of a relationship exists because you and she stay connected on all other emotional and spiritual levels, not in spite of those connections.
The dirty secret that for some reason the community never talks about is that while it is absolutely true that attractive women are abundant, the number of attractive women in life with whom you will also feel a strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection as well are very few. Life being what it is, even if you sarge constantly, there will only be so many women who you are as excited about spending Sunday morning with as you were about fucking the previous Saturday night.
If finding a girl who will always be willing to have threesomes with you really is one of your core priorities in life, more power to you. But the girls who will be genuinely cool with this type of behavior are rare. It is the rule rather than the exception for a girl to want you to herself once she’s fallen in love with you. And more to the point, the girls who are cool with threesomes are not necessarily the ones who will satisfy you as well in the many other emotional, spiritual and intellectual areas that make a relationship lasting and great. And in the meantime, if you next all women who don’t fit the “threesome” category, you could very well wind up passing on women who really would have made you happier over the long run – all because you put sex above everything else.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Perfect Sexual Framing by BB
Perfect Sexual Framing...
by
Big business LS instructor
On our last bootcamp together Future and I talked a bit about some of the drawbacks of learning game, and one of them is that you can never really turn it off, especially while you are watching a movie or TV show. Every character gets critiqued and every interaction gets corrected. Romance gets thrown through the game lens and rarely passes the BS test. It becomes clear to you in every romantic comedy or teen drama how fictional each interaction really is, and how popular media has helped to skew our perception of what it is that attracts the opposite sex.
Bottom line: most dating/pick up/seduction/attraction material that you find in movies or television is complete bullshit. With a few notable exceptions, they are all simply wish fulfillment on the part of the writers.
Now, I just saw the movie "Youth in Revolt" starring Michael Cera and liked it a lot. I had a few problems with it (I'm a huge film snob) but overall I give it a hearty thumbs up. There was one scene, though, that was notable and made me laugh out loud NOT because it was particularly funny or ridiculous, but because it was so spot on.
I'll spare you the details of the scene, and hit you with a few sample pieces of dialog... (I'm paraphrasing, so forgive me)
Quote:
Why don't you pull down the covers and show me what you've got going on down there?
Quote:
I want to put my head between your legs and wear you like a crown.
and my personal favorite...
Quote:
I want to take off your clothes and tickle your bellybutton...from the inside.
These lines are gangster. They are the final stage of sexual framing: talking about what want to do and are planning to do to someone. They are visual. They are evocative. They are dominant.
They are sexy.
(To be clear, I am NOT recommending that you use these lines at the beginning of your interactions with women. As I mentioned...these are the FINAL stage of sexual framing, not to mention that this movie has been seen by millions, so the exact lines' effectiveness is surely going to be soured.)
Let's take a look at some of the things our hero is accomplishing above.
Quote:
Why don't you pull down the covers and show me what you've got going on down there?
Here we start leading the sexual vibe. He lets her know his intentions as well as his position in this interaction: the leader. He issues the commands, all while adopting a playful vibe (one of the tools I strongly encourage is using humor when starting your sexual framing. It softens your initial sexual advances, bookends the ideas in positive emotions, and a host of other awesome sub communications. It is the reason why I credit humor with all of my early same night lays).
Quote:
I want to put my head between your legs and wear you like a crown.
If a woman said something like this to you what would go through your mind? You'd imagine her down there doing wonderful things to your privates. Well, women do the same thing, gentlemen. By using visual imagery like this you are letting their imaginations do some of the foreplay for you, and in their mind you know exactly where and how to touch them.
I read an awesome article in the NY Times a year ago which made some incredibly astute observations about women's sexuality, and one of them that stuck with me was that a good portion of women's sexuality is about BEING desired; knowing that they are INSPIRING an uncontrollable desire in men. To that end, when your statements are about what women MAKE you WANT to do to them (as above) it can be incredibly effective.
And lastly...my favorite...
Quote:
I want to take off your clothes and tickle your bellybutton...from the inside.
Here we have one statement that accomplishes everything already mentioned and more. Dominant, visual, and it is a "want" statement (as above). It is doing one other awesome thing, though; something I talk at length on in my humor seminar...
It sets up an expectation then subverts it. When you hear "tickle your bellybutton" what do you think of? Something cute and innocent, no doubt. When he adds the button of "from the inside" at the end it changes the entire tone of the sentence. It suddenly becomes dirty, funny, spontaneous, and last but certainly not least it becomes unique. It takes the listener of an emotional ride from fuzzy bunnies to x rated.
My hat is off to you, writers of this scene. Finally, someone got it right.
Who wants to change their abilities with women and dating FOREVER?
"His game is built on comedy...and let me tell you- the dude is funny. Funny and QUICK man...Great insight on improvising routines and very clever SUPER EASY to implement techniques for deflecting shit tests and ensuring you never run out of things to say in set. At this point I'd gotten my moneys worth."
by
Big business LS instructor
On our last bootcamp together Future and I talked a bit about some of the drawbacks of learning game, and one of them is that you can never really turn it off, especially while you are watching a movie or TV show. Every character gets critiqued and every interaction gets corrected. Romance gets thrown through the game lens and rarely passes the BS test. It becomes clear to you in every romantic comedy or teen drama how fictional each interaction really is, and how popular media has helped to skew our perception of what it is that attracts the opposite sex.
Bottom line: most dating/pick up/seduction/attraction material that you find in movies or television is complete bullshit. With a few notable exceptions, they are all simply wish fulfillment on the part of the writers.
Now, I just saw the movie "Youth in Revolt" starring Michael Cera and liked it a lot. I had a few problems with it (I'm a huge film snob) but overall I give it a hearty thumbs up. There was one scene, though, that was notable and made me laugh out loud NOT because it was particularly funny or ridiculous, but because it was so spot on.
I'll spare you the details of the scene, and hit you with a few sample pieces of dialog... (I'm paraphrasing, so forgive me)
Quote:
Why don't you pull down the covers and show me what you've got going on down there?
Quote:
I want to put my head between your legs and wear you like a crown.
and my personal favorite...
Quote:
I want to take off your clothes and tickle your bellybutton...from the inside.
These lines are gangster. They are the final stage of sexual framing: talking about what want to do and are planning to do to someone. They are visual. They are evocative. They are dominant.
They are sexy.
(To be clear, I am NOT recommending that you use these lines at the beginning of your interactions with women. As I mentioned...these are the FINAL stage of sexual framing, not to mention that this movie has been seen by millions, so the exact lines' effectiveness is surely going to be soured.)
Let's take a look at some of the things our hero is accomplishing above.
Quote:
Why don't you pull down the covers and show me what you've got going on down there?
Here we start leading the sexual vibe. He lets her know his intentions as well as his position in this interaction: the leader. He issues the commands, all while adopting a playful vibe (one of the tools I strongly encourage is using humor when starting your sexual framing. It softens your initial sexual advances, bookends the ideas in positive emotions, and a host of other awesome sub communications. It is the reason why I credit humor with all of my early same night lays).
Quote:
I want to put my head between your legs and wear you like a crown.
If a woman said something like this to you what would go through your mind? You'd imagine her down there doing wonderful things to your privates. Well, women do the same thing, gentlemen. By using visual imagery like this you are letting their imaginations do some of the foreplay for you, and in their mind you know exactly where and how to touch them.
I read an awesome article in the NY Times a year ago which made some incredibly astute observations about women's sexuality, and one of them that stuck with me was that a good portion of women's sexuality is about BEING desired; knowing that they are INSPIRING an uncontrollable desire in men. To that end, when your statements are about what women MAKE you WANT to do to them (as above) it can be incredibly effective.
And lastly...my favorite...
Quote:
I want to take off your clothes and tickle your bellybutton...from the inside.
Here we have one statement that accomplishes everything already mentioned and more. Dominant, visual, and it is a "want" statement (as above). It is doing one other awesome thing, though; something I talk at length on in my humor seminar...
It sets up an expectation then subverts it. When you hear "tickle your bellybutton" what do you think of? Something cute and innocent, no doubt. When he adds the button of "from the inside" at the end it changes the entire tone of the sentence. It suddenly becomes dirty, funny, spontaneous, and last but certainly not least it becomes unique. It takes the listener of an emotional ride from fuzzy bunnies to x rated.
My hat is off to you, writers of this scene. Finally, someone got it right.
Who wants to change their abilities with women and dating FOREVER?
"His game is built on comedy...and let me tell you- the dude is funny. Funny and QUICK man...Great insight on improvising routines and very clever SUPER EASY to implement techniques for deflecting shit tests and ensuring you never run out of things to say in set. At this point I'd gotten my moneys worth."
Saturday, February 13, 2010
PUA's that I look forward working with in 2010
Im kindah picky who I throw my money at to work PU with, at times it can be expensive or cheap but the value is on what it has in your LIFE.
I would NEVER pay WYGANT 10,000.00 for a weekend with him , ever!
Why?
Cause he seems one track minded guy and isnt flexible to all types of game with women.
Thats the fuck why.
As Im learning from bodybuilding and coaching, guys can take forver get in great shape as well as PU.
This is a fantasy LIST so there are changes to it, depends on the pocket:
1.Entropy- one on one: SNL game infield cold approach.I love his style.If I win Lotto I do a month or week with him.
2.AWAKEN- He can be flaky and whatever but he is remarkably great at daytime approaching and coaching.Lacks follow up game and relationships advice.
3.Franco- definately expert in Alpha and relationship management with women. After SEX that where game is played differently and this man is expert 1 in world.
4.PSYCH- awesome guy, one on one Miami style game and identity.I live in Miami he is 1st guy I look for coaching.underground PUA's in miami are elite guys but too closed off of a circle.game is different here in miami.He's worked with Adam and he helped me change to be more personable in the bootcamp, guy knows his shit and SNL game ala CJ and Sinn.
5.CJ- I learned alot from him and I heard infield he is BEST.I dont need someone to explain it to me but intuition to see what they do that works.This is a guy I want to learn that from.
6.LA Tripp or JSmooth - reasonable proce for coaching.game is polayed infield they coach infield.
7.Swinggcatt- he doesnt coach but I heard he does private stuff
Speer- Guy Id like to model once I get settled down with money to pimp out miami style.
7.ELtopo-one on one, eventhough his style is different but I heard great things about his stripper game and NLP.
8. JT and or Johhny Wolf - Why?cause they taught saffron pua.
10.Saffron or Doc Holliday if they come back.
Probables:
Future- comfort is awesome and I love to modify his stuff once I learn it from him.
Braddock and or Mr.M-
BAdBoy in Croatia summer week long
I would NEVER pay WYGANT 10,000.00 for a weekend with him , ever!
Why?
Cause he seems one track minded guy and isnt flexible to all types of game with women.
Thats the fuck why.
As Im learning from bodybuilding and coaching, guys can take forver get in great shape as well as PU.
This is a fantasy LIST so there are changes to it, depends on the pocket:
1.Entropy- one on one: SNL game infield cold approach.I love his style.If I win Lotto I do a month or week with him.
2.AWAKEN- He can be flaky and whatever but he is remarkably great at daytime approaching and coaching.Lacks follow up game and relationships advice.
3.Franco- definately expert in Alpha and relationship management with women. After SEX that where game is played differently and this man is expert 1 in world.
4.PSYCH- awesome guy, one on one Miami style game and identity.I live in Miami he is 1st guy I look for coaching.underground PUA's in miami are elite guys but too closed off of a circle.game is different here in miami.He's worked with Adam and he helped me change to be more personable in the bootcamp, guy knows his shit and SNL game ala CJ and Sinn.
5.CJ- I learned alot from him and I heard infield he is BEST.I dont need someone to explain it to me but intuition to see what they do that works.This is a guy I want to learn that from.
6.LA Tripp or JSmooth - reasonable proce for coaching.game is polayed infield they coach infield.
7.Swinggcatt- he doesnt coach but I heard he does private stuff
Speer- Guy Id like to model once I get settled down with money to pimp out miami style.
7.ELtopo-one on one, eventhough his style is different but I heard great things about his stripper game and NLP.
8. JT and or Johhny Wolf - Why?cause they taught saffron pua.
10.Saffron or Doc Holliday if they come back.
Probables:
Future- comfort is awesome and I love to modify his stuff once I learn it from him.
Braddock and or Mr.M-
BAdBoy in Croatia summer week long
relationships advice
Retention Rate Strategies
Jay Valens on February 12th, 2010
These strategies shouldn’t really be necessary to spell out, but perhaps it’s not common sense to a lot of guys.
Thinking about it more, these strategies weren’t common sense to me ages ago, but now I know better. Rather than make you stumble in the dark any further, I present you with some high-quality strategies to keep women in your life, not just pick them up. Not just any women, but the ones you want.
I’ve been in the midst of the pickup world for quite a long time now and I can tell you for sure I’ve seen so many guys do so many things wrong that ultimately avoiding those mistakes is more than half the battle, so I’ll split this into things to do and things to NOT do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DO NOT:
Expect to “be yourself” after the pickup. Do not expect to be able to not change. Changing on the surface is not change. Throwing on a fuzzy hat or boa around your neck to get initial attention does not change who you are. Whatever & whoever you are when you meet her and when you follow through with her is how you are stuck being FOREVER if you want to keep her. Kinda sucks, huh? So don’t throw on masks that you ultimately don’t want to merge into who you are.
To improve, you must change, but that change must be something that is something you want and not just a quick fix you can take out & put away as needed.
DO NOT:
Be incongruent. Just because a rock star and a cowboy are both archetypes that women have fantasies about, and just because you might be able to pull off either persona, does not mean going back-and-forth in persona will do anything but make every girl with at least 2 brain cells run away from you very fast. You’re better off being a consistent geek who at least likes who he is than acting one way one minute and another way the second.
This does not mean being unpredictable is bad. Actually, it’s one of the traits you should have. It means don’t try to be more than one person to the girl. Be the identity you want, become the identity you’d like to be, and stick with it.
DO NOT:
Talk game to a girl. Just because you’re learning how to improve your life with women doesn’t mean you have to explain it to them. Do you know how much women read about how to figure out men on a daily basis? Never mind that the advice they get is mostly rubbish, but how often do you hear a girl “talking game” to you about how much she’s figured out men. Your first thought will be “psycho”.
DO NOT:
Lose your manners or cool. Just because you’re using a new understanding of social dynamics doesn’t mean that being rude or dissing basic social norms will lead to anything but a dry feeling in your pants. Maybe on a rare occasion it helps but most of the time such a strategy will backfire. Even when you’re being sexually adventurous with a girl, even if you’re emanating the “bad boy” vibe, there is still a baseline of social normalcy which you must have.
DO NOT:
Constantly contact her. Even when a girl is contacting you daily doesn’t mean you have to initiate as often, or even near as often.
DO NOT:
Change to cater to her. Change only when it suits you to better yourself. Do not change for anyone except yourself.
DO NOT:
Expect a one night stand to be anything more. Holding back to wait, presuming the circumstance allows, keeps the right door open. This one is tricky, because you have to be able to differentiate between an actual limited opportunity and one where there is little or no time constraint for you. Until you reach the point of being able to differentiate, do always go for all opportunities but just keep in mind that you can’t expect one night stands to become something more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DO:
Follow through. If you leave a girl hanging without releasing the tension, her resentment will grow. That doesn’t mean not to create tension in the first place, it means that you can’t dangle carrots without eventually offering a reward once she’s earned it.
DO:
Experiment. If you do the same thing with her all the time, you will bore her. Don’t get too comfortable in your routines. be willing to break out of them.
DO:
Set expectations early on. The sooner after initially having sex, the better. Establish understandings early on. Frame the relationship in your terms. Take the lead and make sure that, as the relationship progresses, you are always in a position of benefit but also regularly in position to GIVE to keep things well-balanced.
DO:
Give her freedom, as much as she needs. You can still keep her reined by merely having a lifestyle and control over your own life that keeps her gravitating toward you, but you should be able to let go of ALL jealousy and only show it when it will escalate her attraction to you.
DO:
Be interested in her. Not just her body. Her. If you’re only interested in her because of her body, and this is not something she’s aware of, eventually by your own actions you’ll lose her.
DO:
Be the one who takes charge. Don’t wait for her to wait for you. Make the decision on plans and follow through.
DO:
Enjoy your own life. Don’t depend on her or her interests to be your life. You had interests before her, you’ll have interests whether she’s around or not. If she feels that you’re attaching yourself to her life and giving up aspects of your own life to do so then she’ll lose interest in you.
DO:
Get get AOTP:TT :)
Jay Valens on February 12th, 2010
These strategies shouldn’t really be necessary to spell out, but perhaps it’s not common sense to a lot of guys.
Thinking about it more, these strategies weren’t common sense to me ages ago, but now I know better. Rather than make you stumble in the dark any further, I present you with some high-quality strategies to keep women in your life, not just pick them up. Not just any women, but the ones you want.
I’ve been in the midst of the pickup world for quite a long time now and I can tell you for sure I’ve seen so many guys do so many things wrong that ultimately avoiding those mistakes is more than half the battle, so I’ll split this into things to do and things to NOT do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DO NOT:
Expect to “be yourself” after the pickup. Do not expect to be able to not change. Changing on the surface is not change. Throwing on a fuzzy hat or boa around your neck to get initial attention does not change who you are. Whatever & whoever you are when you meet her and when you follow through with her is how you are stuck being FOREVER if you want to keep her. Kinda sucks, huh? So don’t throw on masks that you ultimately don’t want to merge into who you are.
To improve, you must change, but that change must be something that is something you want and not just a quick fix you can take out & put away as needed.
DO NOT:
Be incongruent. Just because a rock star and a cowboy are both archetypes that women have fantasies about, and just because you might be able to pull off either persona, does not mean going back-and-forth in persona will do anything but make every girl with at least 2 brain cells run away from you very fast. You’re better off being a consistent geek who at least likes who he is than acting one way one minute and another way the second.
This does not mean being unpredictable is bad. Actually, it’s one of the traits you should have. It means don’t try to be more than one person to the girl. Be the identity you want, become the identity you’d like to be, and stick with it.
DO NOT:
Talk game to a girl. Just because you’re learning how to improve your life with women doesn’t mean you have to explain it to them. Do you know how much women read about how to figure out men on a daily basis? Never mind that the advice they get is mostly rubbish, but how often do you hear a girl “talking game” to you about how much she’s figured out men. Your first thought will be “psycho”.
DO NOT:
Lose your manners or cool. Just because you’re using a new understanding of social dynamics doesn’t mean that being rude or dissing basic social norms will lead to anything but a dry feeling in your pants. Maybe on a rare occasion it helps but most of the time such a strategy will backfire. Even when you’re being sexually adventurous with a girl, even if you’re emanating the “bad boy” vibe, there is still a baseline of social normalcy which you must have.
DO NOT:
Constantly contact her. Even when a girl is contacting you daily doesn’t mean you have to initiate as often, or even near as often.
DO NOT:
Change to cater to her. Change only when it suits you to better yourself. Do not change for anyone except yourself.
DO NOT:
Expect a one night stand to be anything more. Holding back to wait, presuming the circumstance allows, keeps the right door open. This one is tricky, because you have to be able to differentiate between an actual limited opportunity and one where there is little or no time constraint for you. Until you reach the point of being able to differentiate, do always go for all opportunities but just keep in mind that you can’t expect one night stands to become something more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DO:
Follow through. If you leave a girl hanging without releasing the tension, her resentment will grow. That doesn’t mean not to create tension in the first place, it means that you can’t dangle carrots without eventually offering a reward once she’s earned it.
DO:
Experiment. If you do the same thing with her all the time, you will bore her. Don’t get too comfortable in your routines. be willing to break out of them.
DO:
Set expectations early on. The sooner after initially having sex, the better. Establish understandings early on. Frame the relationship in your terms. Take the lead and make sure that, as the relationship progresses, you are always in a position of benefit but also regularly in position to GIVE to keep things well-balanced.
DO:
Give her freedom, as much as she needs. You can still keep her reined by merely having a lifestyle and control over your own life that keeps her gravitating toward you, but you should be able to let go of ALL jealousy and only show it when it will escalate her attraction to you.
DO:
Be interested in her. Not just her body. Her. If you’re only interested in her because of her body, and this is not something she’s aware of, eventually by your own actions you’ll lose her.
DO:
Be the one who takes charge. Don’t wait for her to wait for you. Make the decision on plans and follow through.
DO:
Enjoy your own life. Don’t depend on her or her interests to be your life. You had interests before her, you’ll have interests whether she’s around or not. If she feels that you’re attaching yourself to her life and giving up aspects of your own life to do so then she’ll lose interest in you.
DO:
Get get AOTP:TT :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
good advice on PU vids badboy
I saw some PU vids on badboy lifestyles just great advice and saw daygame demo by cortez.
my favorite is badboy kiss close
vids are good shows dominance.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5paObBEW0dg&feature=channel
this is great for going sexual in comfort : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ByMOIgilys
comfort direction and sucommunication goal should be : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AJL3q5VdAo&feature=channel
I like to keep motivated by looking at his croatia summer training bc video commercial.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvYmKfA-Cxk&feature=channel
Wow! I like t get in shape and travel. A fat guy even paying money cant game there for shit....
I have to keep at it , and work out.
my favorite is badboy kiss close
vids are good shows dominance.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5paObBEW0dg&feature=channel
this is great for going sexual in comfort : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ByMOIgilys
comfort direction and sucommunication goal should be : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AJL3q5VdAo&feature=channel
I like to keep motivated by looking at his croatia summer training bc video commercial.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvYmKfA-Cxk&feature=channel
Wow! I like t get in shape and travel. A fat guy even paying money cant game there for shit....
I have to keep at it , and work out.
fitness question and answers I like to keep in mind.
1.Should someone first do cardio and diet for a few months before
beginning a weight training program? No. Weight training does more to speed up
your metabolism than cardio alone. You will not build muscle on top of fat. The muscles
you strengthen and build will help your body burn even more fat for energy.
2. Is a trainer really necessary? Is it really worth that much money?
Question is, how valuable is your time? Can you really afford to waste months and
maybe years spinning your wheels and getting no where? You can learn more in three
months with a good trainer(like the ones at Porky's Gym I) than you could in two years by
trying to follow everybody's advise at the gym or at work. Most people fail in there
attempts to get in shape because of lack of knowledge, not will power. We give up not
because we want to but because we see no progress. Do yourself a favor and get help
from an experienced, certified, and knowledgeable fitness trainer.
3. How many time a week do I need to work out? Three times a week with the
weight training is sufficient. Most people will get great results and recover fully from this
type of schedule. Muscle groups can be combined in various ways on each separate
day. Cardio can be done 3-6 times a week. Taking at least one full day off from
exercise won't kill you! Let your body and mind rest.
4.What can I take to help me get bigger or to lose more fat? Nothing can
make up for a sloppy diet and lackluster effort in the gym. There is no magic pill. Those
who are successful in changing there bodies do it through a well planned diet and
consistent exercise program.
beginning a weight training program? No. Weight training does more to speed up
your metabolism than cardio alone. You will not build muscle on top of fat. The muscles
you strengthen and build will help your body burn even more fat for energy.
2. Is a trainer really necessary? Is it really worth that much money?
Question is, how valuable is your time? Can you really afford to waste months and
maybe years spinning your wheels and getting no where? You can learn more in three
months with a good trainer(like the ones at Porky's Gym I) than you could in two years by
trying to follow everybody's advise at the gym or at work. Most people fail in there
attempts to get in shape because of lack of knowledge, not will power. We give up not
because we want to but because we see no progress. Do yourself a favor and get help
from an experienced, certified, and knowledgeable fitness trainer.
3. How many time a week do I need to work out? Three times a week with the
weight training is sufficient. Most people will get great results and recover fully from this
type of schedule. Muscle groups can be combined in various ways on each separate
day. Cardio can be done 3-6 times a week. Taking at least one full day off from
exercise won't kill you! Let your body and mind rest.
4.What can I take to help me get bigger or to lose more fat? Nothing can
make up for a sloppy diet and lackluster effort in the gym. There is no magic pill. Those
who are successful in changing there bodies do it through a well planned diet and
consistent exercise program.
use of NLP in daygame
I used to do awaken daygame which he is awesome daygame coach when I used to work with him.
After you use reg daygame, try using nlp.
NLP I suggest SS patterns.
SS patterns are supposed to be used when she is engaged into the convo and use after she asks or seems invested emotionally in it.
this will catch you by surprise as it is an "IOI" then you can use to SS pattern to elicit emotional response then anchor it and number close.
I tried it but unconciously.
Im going to write up a stack as Im going to try to game again.
After you use reg daygame, try using nlp.
NLP I suggest SS patterns.
SS patterns are supposed to be used when she is engaged into the convo and use after she asks or seems invested emotionally in it.
this will catch you by surprise as it is an "IOI" then you can use to SS pattern to elicit emotional response then anchor it and number close.
I tried it but unconciously.
Im going to write up a stack as Im going to try to game again.
Aikido Diet
Someone mentioned Aikido to me and diet.
so i looked it up and found this. I like this cause it remnds me how our frame shlould be .without force yet stable to attack and effortless.
The "Aikido Diet"
Posted July 7th, 2009 at 10:20 am in Low Carb
Aki- i-ido) Aikido is a Martial Arts of harmony, Self defense thats instilled in the mind to be that of second nature an defend ones self without blunt force attacks, basically never allowing your perpatraitor the chance to do bodily harm !
Aikido was founded by Yoshimitsu Minamoto and is a marshal art handed down from generation to generation. Without going into a lot of boring details about it's history as a marshal art I thought it was the perfect way to describe an "attack" on an individual by the bad foods that will derail any diet.
Watch as Steven Segal demonstrates the art of Aikido and visualize his opponents as not just another kung fu opponent but appearing like the fruit guys of the famous Fruit of the Loom characters.
Instead of grapes and apples as his "enemies," visualize him defending himself against sugar enemies, such as the pie/cake/donut enemy, the candy enemy and the pasta and white bread enemy. Watch as he skillfully diverts them away from his body.
Work out and lose weight at the same time with the Aikido Diet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVm2ld4f08I
so i looked it up and found this. I like this cause it remnds me how our frame shlould be .without force yet stable to attack and effortless.
The "Aikido Diet"
Posted July 7th, 2009 at 10:20 am in Low Carb
Aki- i-ido) Aikido is a Martial Arts of harmony, Self defense thats instilled in the mind to be that of second nature an defend ones self without blunt force attacks, basically never allowing your perpatraitor the chance to do bodily harm !
Aikido was founded by Yoshimitsu Minamoto and is a marshal art handed down from generation to generation. Without going into a lot of boring details about it's history as a marshal art I thought it was the perfect way to describe an "attack" on an individual by the bad foods that will derail any diet.
Watch as Steven Segal demonstrates the art of Aikido and visualize his opponents as not just another kung fu opponent but appearing like the fruit guys of the famous Fruit of the Loom characters.
Instead of grapes and apples as his "enemies," visualize him defending himself against sugar enemies, such as the pie/cake/donut enemy, the candy enemy and the pasta and white bread enemy. Watch as he skillfully diverts them away from his body.
Work out and lose weight at the same time with the Aikido Diet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVm2ld4f08I
Thursday, February 11, 2010
personal trainers are like PUA instructors
I was on CL and looking for a workout training bootcamp.
found dozens of personal training in great shape....
then it hit me?
they are like PU coaches, the real ones!
cause they lost weiofght or got in shape understoood dynamics of nutrition weight loss workling out regimen and repreated it to a point of mastering and teaching others.
wow! amazing isnt it?
I like that, so my challenge is to work and model with working out and personal trainer as well as saturday bootcamp.
found dozens of personal training in great shape....
then it hit me?
they are like PU coaches, the real ones!
cause they lost weiofght or got in shape understoood dynamics of nutrition weight loss workling out regimen and repreated it to a point of mastering and teaching others.
wow! amazing isnt it?
I like that, so my challenge is to work and model with working out and personal trainer as well as saturday bootcamp.
health wealth relationships.....????
some mentioned to me about this but how you break iut down or whaT does it mean??
I gained weight and Im not happy with how I look now.
Im focused on goals overall and trying to be organized.
I started gym and looked into health and nutrition (thanks Don Rod)
I even found a place to train privately. not only that my passive value.
Entropy explains best opn attraction than anyone else.
So wealth, Im looking long term onm that and probable menatimes.
relationships???
Well I have to say inner game has to be healthy.
meditating motivating yourself without wandering around or avoiding your respon sibility.
I believe in God and God says that he was our best to give us the Best, cause we deserve the BEST.
he will take from thouse who dont have and give it to the one theat has more, why?
cause God gives us a talent or oppourtunity and he wants you to put effor out of it.
hardworkers.
Im using this for motivating in the gym and goals for school and career.
Relationships Id say is improving by boundarioes I set and being good person.
I havent gamed but I flirt, right now I m building comfort with slight attraction to get game back how I was by female friends.
overall Im happy in Miami and Im weary of NYC but definately have to go for school there.Godspeed.
references:
Brain Tracy- science of acheivement
Tom Venuto - burn fat, a food b food lecture, big fat lies e books
full engament- loehr
brian tracy -science of self confidence
Glen Rice 56 points and Willie Burton 53 points
I gained weight and Im not happy with how I look now.
Im focused on goals overall and trying to be organized.
I started gym and looked into health and nutrition (thanks Don Rod)
I even found a place to train privately. not only that my passive value.
Entropy explains best opn attraction than anyone else.
So wealth, Im looking long term onm that and probable menatimes.
relationships???
Well I have to say inner game has to be healthy.
meditating motivating yourself without wandering around or avoiding your respon sibility.
I believe in God and God says that he was our best to give us the Best, cause we deserve the BEST.
he will take from thouse who dont have and give it to the one theat has more, why?
cause God gives us a talent or oppourtunity and he wants you to put effor out of it.
hardworkers.
Im using this for motivating in the gym and goals for school and career.
Relationships Id say is improving by boundarioes I set and being good person.
I havent gamed but I flirt, right now I m building comfort with slight attraction to get game back how I was by female friends.
overall Im happy in Miami and Im weary of NYC but definately have to go for school there.Godspeed.
references:
Brain Tracy- science of acheivement
Tom Venuto - burn fat, a food b food lecture, big fat lies e books
full engament- loehr
brian tracy -science of self confidence
Glen Rice 56 points and Willie Burton 53 points
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Inner game goodie
I had to repost this cause It helped me alot...I mean ALOT!
I love inner game soo much cause it can open your eyes to reality...So far Id say Braddock is top guy for inner game in terms of seduction community of dating coaches.
his how to be an alpha male and otehr reference books have helped me....
withotu further adu.
Inner Game With Dating Coach Braddock…(A Kick In The Ass)
07/23/09Filed under: Pickup
Some of my old posts were deleted when I imported my blog. This is one of them
When I first started learning this stuff there were several sticking points that really held me back. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning this stuff.
1. Relax!!!
If you make talking to women so important that you feel like every approach is the Super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you no longer enjoy going out.
Just a few weeks of going out with this kind of pressure and you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read dating eBooks for 7 hours per day instead of 3 hours per day."
HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus. Go out with specific goals for the night or the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story.” or “I am going to go out and I will try to isolate at least one woman in every group I open and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club.”
Don’t grade yourself to hard. If you do meet most of the goals on your list, then it was a successful night. If you find yourself not meeting your goals several nights in a row, then set easier goals for a while. Once you meet those goals consistently, sit down and draw up more complex goals. When you set goals like the one’s above you have measurable, attainable, and realistic goals for every night you go out.
Saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers.” or “My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.” This kind of goal setting is unreasonable and unhealthy.
These kind of goals are in no way realistic, you do not allow yourself any room for growth, and no matter how great the outcome, you do not allow yourself the possibility to create momentum from the small successes. 7 of the 10 women you opened were cool to you and you took 3 phone numbers?
Wouldn’t that have been a good night? It definitely would not if you were putting weird restrictions on how you measure your success. Did you ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself.
Can you see how ridiculous thinking like that is? When I first started this stuff I used to think like that all the time. I wanted to be the best TODAY or else. I could have a great night, but it was NEVER enough! How long do you think I lasted thinking like that before damn near having a meltdown? Not very long. I stumbled onto a few resources that really helped me. Brian Tracy – Goal Setting, Brian Tracy – The Science of Self Confidence, David D – Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden – Implementing a Habit.
They helped me to completely change the way I looked at mastering this and any new endeavor. I highly suggest you get your hands on those. A few months ago I did an audio series with Sheriff and Mr. M called “How To Be An Alpha Male” where we attempted to tackle these exact issues. That audio series is full of gold and should clean you up if this kind of stuff is holding you back. Savoy has created a page where you can listen to the first 10 minutes of all of our audio series. If you would like to listen to the first 10 minutes of this one, CLICK HERE.
.
2. Learn In The Field: (Don’t be an arm chair quarterback)
Everyone talks about this, but damn this is far and away the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING myself, makes. You find dating science and you think you can read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and memorize every line. Then one day you hope you will compile the master routine that will give you the power to walk into a bar and spit the greatest routine stack of all time and….. BAM! Girls clothes will just start falling off!!
If you have been doing this and think this will work, you are sadly sadly mistaken. While you do need to do your homework to get an understanding of the basic concepts, you will actually learn more talking to an actual woman, than you will from 100 hours of studying books and DVD’s.
As a matter of fact, the reading will not make much sense and will be of little help until you have spent some time talking to women and have put yourself in the exact situation the author is writing about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play golf and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 20 minute lesson and they would kick your ass. The same thing applies to learning game. You must be an active learner. Reading without doing will give your mind distorted conceptions of what it should actually look and feel like.
There are books that I thought were terrible when I first started learning this stuff mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would work amazing on women, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. This is because you don’t know what will work until you try it. You can theorize all day, but you are essentially mentally jerking yourself off and wasting your time. If you are not going to actually get out there and try the stuff you are reading, then you would be better off reading books on business or psychology, as to not waste your time.
(Pic Above: Guy on the forums who reads and writes about game, but never actually goes out and talks to women)
After being a dating coach for a while and teaching a ton of bootcamps, it becomes so easy to peg the guys who have read everything but who have spent little or no time actually talking to women. These guys usually know every theory ever written like the back of their hand, they know every the routine by heart, usually better than I do, and can’t wait to correct instructors and other students on what they theoretically "should have done" in said situation.
They treat certain dating coaches like they are sages or religious characters. “Well Braddock, are you sure we should do it that way, because Mystery said that you should never tell a girl she is hot.” “Well Braddock, actually David D says that you should always go for the 3 minute email close in that situation.” Next guy that says something like this to me is getting a fucking cock punch for his sake, not mine!
When we go out that night, they are always the guy who is either gun shy, comes off really creepy and calculated, or they are delusional constantly thinking they are much farther along with the women they talk to than they really are. Guys like this usually have all the advice in the world and they have millions of stories that nobody can confirm.
DON’T BE LIKE THAT!!!! Living this kind of existence is a complete fucking waste of time and life. This mind set is not proactive and it’s not getting you anywhere closer to sleeping with or dating the kind of women that you really want. Being an arm chair quarterback is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, writing about how fun roller coasters are, arguing about which roller coaster is best, but never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why in the hell would you do that!?!? Even if you are not one of the guys who sits around talking about it, but you are reading all the time and not taking action…..then I will almost guarantee that you are still dying inside knowing you should be out there trying this stuff and getting the dating life you’ve always wanted. Why read all of this shit if you aren’t going to use it???
If this is hitting you, I hope you realize that I’m not trying to be mean, I am trying to make a point. I know why people read and read, but don’t actually take action. It is the same reason I didn’t for the longest time after finding this stuff. You probably only half believe that it is real and/or you are likely scared shitless of facing the unavoidable rejection associated with approaching women and putting your personality on the line time after time. You have probably also read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire the second you start trying to talk to a woman trying to remember every routine you have ever read! I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
For starters you need to set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun, not a job. Set small goals, that add up to equal bigger goals. While doing this, you should be adding just one new piece every couple of weeks and you should only add something new after you have mastered the thing you are currently working on. Stop jumping around working on 300 things at once. What end up happening is that you only get 3% better at 300 things instead of really mastering and internalizing each piece. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but pay that price in small doses, while realizing that not any one set matters. Learning this skill set or any other for that matter is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop trying to "game girls." One of the reasons you feel like a nervous wreck is because you are going out with some secret missioin to "game girls." While you should go out with a few objectives in mind, the overall goal should be to get talkative and playful. The second you can get your mind to accept that as the goal, your nights will go much better. The second you start thinking about what you "should" be doing because of all the pickup books you have read, you will meld down. Your brain will lock up and you will be engulfed with negative feelings and anxiety.
3. Stop Giving Your Brain So Much Information To Digest
Why your brain locks up
Your brain does not operate well when you give it a different mission every time you leave the house. Until you have mastered a step, don’t move on to the next, especially when you haven’t mastered the basics. In neurobiology there are concepts called "long term potentiation" and "short term potentiation." Long term potentiation refers to the brain deciding to link up a group of neurons that have been repeatedly fired, creating a neural net, essentially hard wiring a certain task, skill, or thought process. Once you have long term potentiation around a certain skill or thought process, the brain does not have to consciously think about hot to do that anymore. It will essentially run that on auto pilot. For example you don’t have to think about how to tie your shoes, but your mind would have to be fully engaged to learn golf if you had never played it. However, for someone like Tiger Woods, he has hit so many golf balls, he has developed long term potentiation and it takes very little conscious thought for him to hit a golf ball.
Short term potentiation on the other hand occurs when you only use a skill or thought pattern randomly. The brain has finite resources and as a result it must maximize efficiency of those resources. If you only do something a few times or only randomly the brain does not link the neurons associated with that into a neural net. It does not want to waste the resources because it assumes you won’t use that thought process or skill very often. As a result of never achieving long term potentiation, your brain never puts these process on auto pilot. You will constantly have to put your conscious thought on whatever the activity is.
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. You must realize that to get long term potentiation you must do the same act repetitively. If you want long term potentiation (if you want opening ot be auto pilot) then you must open a large volume of sets. This goes for putting transitioning, teasing, storytelling, etc.. on auto pilot. However, if you are constantly reading new eBooks without taking the time to get long term potentiation on the most important concepts you are overloading your brain with so much information that you are putting it in a constant state of short term potentiation. You will never reach mastery.
Therefore….Just going out all the time is not the key. You should go out with the goal of working on something specific until you have it internalized. Does that mean if you are working on transitioning you shouldn’t try to escalate physically as well? Of course not. It just means that anything past transitioning is simply a bonus. The lion share of your focus will be on transitioning, but if you find yourself in a 3some you aren’t going to run away because "I’m working on transitioning, I won’t get long term potentiation." Don’t be dogmatic about this! Just most of your focus on knocking out one thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Some steps you may master in a week and some may take months. No big deal.
.
4. Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!!
I know guys who constantly lie about how hot the women they date are and how many women they’ve slept with in order to impress others. FYI…. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT for one thing and secondly they probably know you are lying. They likely just don’t call you out on it in order to avoid an awkward intervention over something ridiculous. However, I will guarantee you that they do talk shit about your lies when you aren’t around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your own progress. Guys who get laid all the time and guys who consistently date beautiful women don’t feel the need to tell everyone around them about it. They could care less what everyone else thinks about it.
Spend a month really working on the ability to reduce the degree to which you care what others think about you. It’s almost impossible to get rid of this completely, but you can greatly reduce it. The first step to stop worrying about what others think about you, is to stop worrying about and comparing yourself to your friends. Stop talking about game with them with them. Use the attraction forums to discuss this stuff if you really need an outlet. This means stop talking about game with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will likely feel slightly jealous and find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at meeting and attracting women, they will be full of advice that is most likely horrid. This doesn’t just limit itself to pickup. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just run your own race.
Stop talking bad about other people. Most of the time when we talk bad about other people we are simply trying to make ourselves feel better. This is ridiculous logic, because for every person you can tear down or I can find you someone better than you in another area. The cycle would never end. It’s also addictive. You will find yourself judging and talking trash when you really don’t even care and likely don’t even mean it just because you have conditioned yourself to do it. Even more dangerous is the fact that judging others constantly, makes you more judemental on yourself. You start to realize that if you judge others so hard, they must be doing the same to you. This leads to paranoia and unnecessary stress.
My point is that you are your own best compass. I suggest that you only take advice from people who have put their time in the trenches and earned their stripes in whatever endeavor you are trying to learn. Donald Trump would not be wise to ask me how to buy real estate and I would not try to read his books hoping for advice on how to meet and attract women.
Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. They haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab some of those eBooks and DVD’s and look for that next level. When you grab those books after getting a ton of experience they will all make much more sense and you will go apply the material at a much faster pace because you will actually have a point of reference.
Even more importantly, you will no longer have to take everything a dating coach says as fact! I can remember when I first found all of this stuff, I thought a lot of what I read sounded really fucking gay, but at the time I had to take it as fact, because they were supposedly gurus and I didn’t have a point of reference to compare it to. After getting out there and really doing some approaches, I could look at material and quickly tell if it was really useful or just some bullshit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. Until I had done quite a few approaches I had no idea what was what.
Soooo, PUT THE BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I’m serious. Life is not lived behind a computer reading about how someone else who is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Take the knowledge that helps you, but go create your own cool stories and exciting experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn’t always that cool, I promise.
Things That Will Help You Now
•Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%. For every 1 hour you spend reading about game spend 2 hours actually talking to women.
•Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again. You can’t make an omelet if you don’t crack some eggs.
•Have the mental frame that, “The first 600 approaches don’t count.” How can this one girl be the super bowl if you still have 599 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
•Set small goals you can reach each night. Look back in a few months and I know you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
•Stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.” Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go approach 20 women or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” Hell no! You would approach 20 women in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t approach 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve?????????? That’s ridiculous. Stop being a pussy, period.
Nothing in this article is meant to be mean. I just remember how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a little kick in the ass…
.
Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
.
-Braddock
I love inner game soo much cause it can open your eyes to reality...So far Id say Braddock is top guy for inner game in terms of seduction community of dating coaches.
his how to be an alpha male and otehr reference books have helped me....
withotu further adu.
Inner Game With Dating Coach Braddock…(A Kick In The Ass)
07/23/09Filed under: Pickup
Some of my old posts were deleted when I imported my blog. This is one of them
When I first started learning this stuff there were several sticking points that really held me back. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning this stuff.
1. Relax!!!
If you make talking to women so important that you feel like every approach is the Super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you no longer enjoy going out.
Just a few weeks of going out with this kind of pressure and you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read dating eBooks for 7 hours per day instead of 3 hours per day."
HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus. Go out with specific goals for the night or the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story.” or “I am going to go out and I will try to isolate at least one woman in every group I open and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club.”
Don’t grade yourself to hard. If you do meet most of the goals on your list, then it was a successful night. If you find yourself not meeting your goals several nights in a row, then set easier goals for a while. Once you meet those goals consistently, sit down and draw up more complex goals. When you set goals like the one’s above you have measurable, attainable, and realistic goals for every night you go out.
Saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers.” or “My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.” This kind of goal setting is unreasonable and unhealthy.
These kind of goals are in no way realistic, you do not allow yourself any room for growth, and no matter how great the outcome, you do not allow yourself the possibility to create momentum from the small successes. 7 of the 10 women you opened were cool to you and you took 3 phone numbers?
Wouldn’t that have been a good night? It definitely would not if you were putting weird restrictions on how you measure your success. Did you ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself.
Can you see how ridiculous thinking like that is? When I first started this stuff I used to think like that all the time. I wanted to be the best TODAY or else. I could have a great night, but it was NEVER enough! How long do you think I lasted thinking like that before damn near having a meltdown? Not very long. I stumbled onto a few resources that really helped me. Brian Tracy – Goal Setting, Brian Tracy – The Science of Self Confidence, David D – Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden – Implementing a Habit.
They helped me to completely change the way I looked at mastering this and any new endeavor. I highly suggest you get your hands on those. A few months ago I did an audio series with Sheriff and Mr. M called “How To Be An Alpha Male” where we attempted to tackle these exact issues. That audio series is full of gold and should clean you up if this kind of stuff is holding you back. Savoy has created a page where you can listen to the first 10 minutes of all of our audio series. If you would like to listen to the first 10 minutes of this one, CLICK HERE.
.
2. Learn In The Field: (Don’t be an arm chair quarterback)
Everyone talks about this, but damn this is far and away the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING myself, makes. You find dating science and you think you can read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and memorize every line. Then one day you hope you will compile the master routine that will give you the power to walk into a bar and spit the greatest routine stack of all time and….. BAM! Girls clothes will just start falling off!!
If you have been doing this and think this will work, you are sadly sadly mistaken. While you do need to do your homework to get an understanding of the basic concepts, you will actually learn more talking to an actual woman, than you will from 100 hours of studying books and DVD’s.
As a matter of fact, the reading will not make much sense and will be of little help until you have spent some time talking to women and have put yourself in the exact situation the author is writing about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play golf and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 20 minute lesson and they would kick your ass. The same thing applies to learning game. You must be an active learner. Reading without doing will give your mind distorted conceptions of what it should actually look and feel like.
There are books that I thought were terrible when I first started learning this stuff mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would work amazing on women, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. This is because you don’t know what will work until you try it. You can theorize all day, but you are essentially mentally jerking yourself off and wasting your time. If you are not going to actually get out there and try the stuff you are reading, then you would be better off reading books on business or psychology, as to not waste your time.
(Pic Above: Guy on the forums who reads and writes about game, but never actually goes out and talks to women)
After being a dating coach for a while and teaching a ton of bootcamps, it becomes so easy to peg the guys who have read everything but who have spent little or no time actually talking to women. These guys usually know every theory ever written like the back of their hand, they know every the routine by heart, usually better than I do, and can’t wait to correct instructors and other students on what they theoretically "should have done" in said situation.
They treat certain dating coaches like they are sages or religious characters. “Well Braddock, are you sure we should do it that way, because Mystery said that you should never tell a girl she is hot.” “Well Braddock, actually David D says that you should always go for the 3 minute email close in that situation.” Next guy that says something like this to me is getting a fucking cock punch for his sake, not mine!
When we go out that night, they are always the guy who is either gun shy, comes off really creepy and calculated, or they are delusional constantly thinking they are much farther along with the women they talk to than they really are. Guys like this usually have all the advice in the world and they have millions of stories that nobody can confirm.
DON’T BE LIKE THAT!!!! Living this kind of existence is a complete fucking waste of time and life. This mind set is not proactive and it’s not getting you anywhere closer to sleeping with or dating the kind of women that you really want. Being an arm chair quarterback is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, writing about how fun roller coasters are, arguing about which roller coaster is best, but never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why in the hell would you do that!?!? Even if you are not one of the guys who sits around talking about it, but you are reading all the time and not taking action…..then I will almost guarantee that you are still dying inside knowing you should be out there trying this stuff and getting the dating life you’ve always wanted. Why read all of this shit if you aren’t going to use it???
If this is hitting you, I hope you realize that I’m not trying to be mean, I am trying to make a point. I know why people read and read, but don’t actually take action. It is the same reason I didn’t for the longest time after finding this stuff. You probably only half believe that it is real and/or you are likely scared shitless of facing the unavoidable rejection associated with approaching women and putting your personality on the line time after time. You have probably also read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire the second you start trying to talk to a woman trying to remember every routine you have ever read! I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
For starters you need to set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun, not a job. Set small goals, that add up to equal bigger goals. While doing this, you should be adding just one new piece every couple of weeks and you should only add something new after you have mastered the thing you are currently working on. Stop jumping around working on 300 things at once. What end up happening is that you only get 3% better at 300 things instead of really mastering and internalizing each piece. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but pay that price in small doses, while realizing that not any one set matters. Learning this skill set or any other for that matter is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop trying to "game girls." One of the reasons you feel like a nervous wreck is because you are going out with some secret missioin to "game girls." While you should go out with a few objectives in mind, the overall goal should be to get talkative and playful. The second you can get your mind to accept that as the goal, your nights will go much better. The second you start thinking about what you "should" be doing because of all the pickup books you have read, you will meld down. Your brain will lock up and you will be engulfed with negative feelings and anxiety.
3. Stop Giving Your Brain So Much Information To Digest
Why your brain locks up
Your brain does not operate well when you give it a different mission every time you leave the house. Until you have mastered a step, don’t move on to the next, especially when you haven’t mastered the basics. In neurobiology there are concepts called "long term potentiation" and "short term potentiation." Long term potentiation refers to the brain deciding to link up a group of neurons that have been repeatedly fired, creating a neural net, essentially hard wiring a certain task, skill, or thought process. Once you have long term potentiation around a certain skill or thought process, the brain does not have to consciously think about hot to do that anymore. It will essentially run that on auto pilot. For example you don’t have to think about how to tie your shoes, but your mind would have to be fully engaged to learn golf if you had never played it. However, for someone like Tiger Woods, he has hit so many golf balls, he has developed long term potentiation and it takes very little conscious thought for him to hit a golf ball.
Short term potentiation on the other hand occurs when you only use a skill or thought pattern randomly. The brain has finite resources and as a result it must maximize efficiency of those resources. If you only do something a few times or only randomly the brain does not link the neurons associated with that into a neural net. It does not want to waste the resources because it assumes you won’t use that thought process or skill very often. As a result of never achieving long term potentiation, your brain never puts these process on auto pilot. You will constantly have to put your conscious thought on whatever the activity is.
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. You must realize that to get long term potentiation you must do the same act repetitively. If you want long term potentiation (if you want opening ot be auto pilot) then you must open a large volume of sets. This goes for putting transitioning, teasing, storytelling, etc.. on auto pilot. However, if you are constantly reading new eBooks without taking the time to get long term potentiation on the most important concepts you are overloading your brain with so much information that you are putting it in a constant state of short term potentiation. You will never reach mastery.
Therefore….Just going out all the time is not the key. You should go out with the goal of working on something specific until you have it internalized. Does that mean if you are working on transitioning you shouldn’t try to escalate physically as well? Of course not. It just means that anything past transitioning is simply a bonus. The lion share of your focus will be on transitioning, but if you find yourself in a 3some you aren’t going to run away because "I’m working on transitioning, I won’t get long term potentiation." Don’t be dogmatic about this! Just most of your focus on knocking out one thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Some steps you may master in a week and some may take months. No big deal.
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4. Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!!
I know guys who constantly lie about how hot the women they date are and how many women they’ve slept with in order to impress others. FYI…. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT for one thing and secondly they probably know you are lying. They likely just don’t call you out on it in order to avoid an awkward intervention over something ridiculous. However, I will guarantee you that they do talk shit about your lies when you aren’t around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your own progress. Guys who get laid all the time and guys who consistently date beautiful women don’t feel the need to tell everyone around them about it. They could care less what everyone else thinks about it.
Spend a month really working on the ability to reduce the degree to which you care what others think about you. It’s almost impossible to get rid of this completely, but you can greatly reduce it. The first step to stop worrying about what others think about you, is to stop worrying about and comparing yourself to your friends. Stop talking about game with them with them. Use the attraction forums to discuss this stuff if you really need an outlet. This means stop talking about game with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will likely feel slightly jealous and find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at meeting and attracting women, they will be full of advice that is most likely horrid. This doesn’t just limit itself to pickup. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just run your own race.
Stop talking bad about other people. Most of the time when we talk bad about other people we are simply trying to make ourselves feel better. This is ridiculous logic, because for every person you can tear down or I can find you someone better than you in another area. The cycle would never end. It’s also addictive. You will find yourself judging and talking trash when you really don’t even care and likely don’t even mean it just because you have conditioned yourself to do it. Even more dangerous is the fact that judging others constantly, makes you more judemental on yourself. You start to realize that if you judge others so hard, they must be doing the same to you. This leads to paranoia and unnecessary stress.
My point is that you are your own best compass. I suggest that you only take advice from people who have put their time in the trenches and earned their stripes in whatever endeavor you are trying to learn. Donald Trump would not be wise to ask me how to buy real estate and I would not try to read his books hoping for advice on how to meet and attract women.
Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. They haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab some of those eBooks and DVD’s and look for that next level. When you grab those books after getting a ton of experience they will all make much more sense and you will go apply the material at a much faster pace because you will actually have a point of reference.
Even more importantly, you will no longer have to take everything a dating coach says as fact! I can remember when I first found all of this stuff, I thought a lot of what I read sounded really fucking gay, but at the time I had to take it as fact, because they were supposedly gurus and I didn’t have a point of reference to compare it to. After getting out there and really doing some approaches, I could look at material and quickly tell if it was really useful or just some bullshit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. Until I had done quite a few approaches I had no idea what was what.
Soooo, PUT THE BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I’m serious. Life is not lived behind a computer reading about how someone else who is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Take the knowledge that helps you, but go create your own cool stories and exciting experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn’t always that cool, I promise.
Things That Will Help You Now
•Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%. For every 1 hour you spend reading about game spend 2 hours actually talking to women.
•Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again. You can’t make an omelet if you don’t crack some eggs.
•Have the mental frame that, “The first 600 approaches don’t count.” How can this one girl be the super bowl if you still have 599 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
•Set small goals you can reach each night. Look back in a few months and I know you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
•Stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.” Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go approach 20 women or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” Hell no! You would approach 20 women in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t approach 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve?????????? That’s ridiculous. Stop being a pussy, period.
Nothing in this article is meant to be mean. I just remember how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a little kick in the ass…
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Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
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-Braddock
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