Originally Posted by Luminaria
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness helped me A LOT when I became depressed with my life one year ago.
And this is modern psychology. It works because it's based on science, not mental masturbation nonsense.
Originally Posted by meh
yes this one is the (relatively) new fad in psychology afaik. many claim it's more effective than the traditional psychological therapy that concentrates on personality analysis etc.
it is powerful stuff man.
I have to learn this for my boards exams.
interestingly easy once you apply it.
you literally control the person
MIND GAMES ON GIRLS
Originally Posted by gravitycantforget
the funniest thing is that you can get a girl to mentally go back and forth creating multiple lies - i have done this s few times in the past when i realised girls would lie through their teeth about seeing me again. Put a girl on the spot and you will see how creative she will get with the truth in order to protect 1/ her from being thought of as nasty/bitch/not nice (a BIG thing for girls/women) and 2/ our dainty male egos - because we cannot handle direct rejection - they think
Ultimately if you do not like the way things are with a girl you ask her to change (if you feel its worthwhile) or you move on
Gravity this is a great excersize to practice on women.
gives up their psycology in practice live.
when you have to go to extremes like that though , there is a fuckup within the seduction.
like damage control type of situation where you persist, if she is low self esteem you could get her to feel attraction towards you by you being an asshole like this. I would expect this if its from a cold appraoch.
with a girl who is cool and really wants a guy, this would be unecessary.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Soul's Same day lay LR
Same Day Lay: The 18 Year Old Virgin
Author: Soul
Seduction / Lay Reports /
I’m not really one for writing detailed LRs, but I wanted to break this one down just to demonstrate what is possible in Day Game. It’s also a good reminder of how far I’ve come. To think that a few years ago I couldn’t even imagine talking to a beautiful young woman in the cold light of day, let alone sleeping with one on the same day I met her, is incredible.
There are two themes to this story that are important for developing your skills with women (and indeed, improving any area of your life): Experimentation and Persistence.
Whenever you get good at something, you will find you periodically reach a plateau in your skill level. At this stage, you need to experiment and start trying different methods and techniques. In this case, I wanted to experiment with daytime physical escalation. I normally advocate that my students avoid serious kino (physical touching) in Day Game until they are on a date with the girl. But I was curious to see whether I could kiss girls quickly in the daytime and still seduce them.
The second theme is persistence. It is important to realize that when you think something should be possible, you need to be persistent in order to achieve it. 99% of people don’t have enough determination and will give up too soon. But if you really believe something can work and you persist at it, eventually you will crack the secret. That’s how I originally got into Day Game.
The Holland Trip & Real Man Conference 2008
SmoothDoc from the Dutch Seduction Lair invited my good friend Dr Yen and me to visit him in Holland to give a talk to the Dutch Lair. I’d never met this guy before, but was completely in awe of him when I did. He’s putting together the Real Man Conference 2008, which is an international summit for guys wanting to improve their skills with women.
What really impressed me about SmoothDoc was his devotion to the event. He’s not even sure if he’s going to make any money from it. He already has the lifestyle he wants: a lovely house in the suburbs, a flash car and a loving and beautiful wife. He tells me he is putting together the conference because it is his dream. He equates it to seeing a beautiful woman on the street and thinking, “I have to approach her, I have to try.” For him, this conference is the same deal. There’s nothing I respect more in a man than determination and integrity.
Experimentation
Hanging out with Dr Yen is great. He came to one of my London lair talks about half a year back and has now become a good friend. It’s amazing when you teach someone something and then you watch as they develop it and improve upon it until they have their own unique style.
Dr Yen is a powerhouse of sexual energy. Skinny with bleached blond rock star hair, he is the Italian Stallion of the modern era. He tells me about pushing physical escalation boundaries on the street at night and how this helps him to filter out the girls that aren’t going to go home with him.
It sounds intense but exciting. I normally make it a rule not to escalate physically with a girl in Day Game until we’re on an instant date. But I have started to wonder how fast and far I can push things physically in the daytime.
I am doing a few street sets the first day I’m in Amsterdam when I spot a beautiful girl wearing sexy, big sunglasses sitting at a table outside a coffee shop. I go over and run one of my standard direct openers, “Excuse me, you are so gorgeous I had to come and say hello” – she opens up like a can of beans. A few minutes later, I’m taking her number and trying to establish a logistical plan for spending more time with her.
She tells me she’s going to Paris early tomorrow morning, so I’m thinking either I try to sleep with her this afternoon or when she’s back from Paris a day later. I have to get back to Dr Yen, so I take her number and leave. A little while later I meet her at the station for a few minutes and just think, “Fuck it, go for the kiss.” It’s broad daylight and I’ve interacted with her for all of four minutes, but all I can think about is pushing things as far and fast as I can.
I look at her, start giving her my seduction eyes, lean in slowly to kiss each cheek, pull back, and then pull her in to kiss me on the lips. There’s tension and some resistance, but my lips touch hers. There’s more resistance, so I add in some tongue and her resistance falters. She is mine.
I try texting and calling her to meet me when she comes back from Paris, but she flakes. Damn it. I conclude that I pushed too far in the initial interaction without having good enough logistics to continue it. The rapid daytime makeout needs modification, but I am determined to make it work.
Persistence
Next up is a Chinese girl with a loose green top that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. I open her on the street and start touching her arms and hands immediately. There is resistance, but I keep talking and making her laugh. I tease her by saying that she wore those clothes on purpose so that I would approach her.
Once I’ve got her giggling, I convince her to come have a drink with me. Something about her top and billowing breasts possess me while we sit there in the hot sun, and suddenly I turn into super kino escalation guy. My hands are ALL over her and at first there is resistance, but then she starts to enjoy it and keeps saying, “This is so crazy!” I keep going for the makeout, but there is even more resistance. I am fighting through it like a trooper. I start kissing her neck and whispering all the naughty things I want to do to her into her ear. It’s about 3pm, broad daylight outside, and I’ve known this girl for all of ten minutes.
I convince her to come to my hotel room another twenty minutes later. Then I have to wait until Dr Yen gets out. While he is getting ready, I build some meagre comfort with the girl. When Yen leaves, I caveman her onto the bed. There’s more resistance and ultimately she refuses to have sex with me. Damn it. This time I had the logistics, but I didn’t have the comfort. With some seriously blue balls at this stage, I resolve to make the rapid daytime makeout work.
Reward
Yen and I decide to hit up the free music festival in The Hague. Festivals are awesome because everyone is always in such a good mood. I spot a beautiful young brunette girl on the tram over there, but she’s too far away to open.
We get off the tram and a few minutes later I notice she’s just in front of me walking slowly by herself. Boom! A girl walking slowly is always a good sign for a Same Day Lay; they’re typically in a slightly dreamlike state, almost waiting for something exciting to happen to them. It also means she’s not in a rush to go meet anyone either, which means you could be the person she spends the rest of the afternoon with.
One of the great things about Day Game is that once you get over your approach anxiety, it’s actually very simple and easy to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman. In most situations you can either use a Direct or a Situational Opener and then transition off it with something interesting and/or funny. My goal is to make a girl laugh within the first minute or two of the interaction; that way she’ll completely relax and happily continue talking with me.
Dr Yen runs off to open some blonde girl in pink tights. I walk up behind the young brunette girl and tap her lightly on the arm from behind.
Soul: Hey, my friend has just gone to chat up that girl over there, so I’m bored and need company. How are you?
Her: Oh, ok [smiling]. I’m fine thanks.
Soul: So have you been to this festival before?
Her: No, it’s my first time.
Soul: Awesome, me too. I’m in Holland for the weekend, I love it here. Everyone is so cute and friendly. I love the Dutch accent too. It always sounds like you guys are talking with your mouth full!
Her: [Giggles]
Soul: Where are your friends? [I’m establishing logistics]
Her: I’m meeting a friend a bit later, but just thought I’d come by myself for a bit and wait until she gets here.
Soul: [*Ding ding ding* A girl walking around by herself is waiting to be swept off her feet] Wow, that’s brave of you to come to a huge festival by yourself. I really like that kind of independence in a woman.
Her: [Beaming smile] Thanks!
I continue walking and talking with her. Five minutes later I’m wondering whether I can kiss her or not. I always tell my students, “Don’t be someone who makes assumptions as to whether something is possible or not, be willing to test those assumptions with your actions.”
So I stop her, tell her that she has amazing skin, and stroke a lock of her hair back. No reaction. She just keeps on looking at me. It’s a good sign. I lean in and she reciprocates. We kiss, softly and gently at first, and then more voraciously. I learned my lesson from the previous daytime makeouts, so I pull away a few seconds later. I am not going to make the mistake of doing too much, too soon.
I take her by the hand and we keep on walking and talking. I run my standard comfort and kino escalation stuff – we sit down on the grass, listen to the music and I put my arms around her and stroke her gently. I find out all about her passions, her interests, where she has travelled, and what she wants to be when she grows up. I tell her a bit about myself, without giving too much away.
Girls don’t need to know all the details about you. They just want to see some evidence that you could be the kind of man they spend time with. What this is exactly varies from woman to woman, but there are certain characteristics that are almost universally attractive, such as passion, ambition, determination, adventurousness and integrity.
We keep walking and eventually meet up with her friend. I tell her that I’d love to spend more time with her and seed the idea of having drinks at my hotel later on in the evening. When you seed an idea like this early on, it achieves two things. It tests the water to see how they react to the idea and it makes it seem smoother later on when it’s actually time to move back to your place.
I start setting sexual frames as well to make sure that she understands (on an emotional level) that we are going to be intimate. I tell her I am going to kiss her delicious skin all over, and that she’s going to enjoy running her hands over my muscular, taut body. She is smiling and says, “That sounds nice.” It’s on.
I go catch up with Dr Yen while she goes off with her friend. I leave them to chill for a while, and then tell her to come meet me outside the festival. We get in a tram and head back to my hotel.
Once we get inside, she looks at me, and says, “I have to tell you something.” I’ve heard these words enough times to know what’s coming. “I’m a virgin,” she says.
I’ve been with plenty of virgins in the past, and I’m grateful to have learnt from my mistakes enough to give every virgin I meet a great first time. The old adage, “Leave them better than you found them,” is never more relevant than with a virgin.
Soul: [Big, warm smile] That’s ok. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. I’m going to take care of you tonight, ok honey?
Her: I know. That’s why I came home with you. I just felt so comfortable with you. This is crazy. I’ve never slept with any of my boyfriends before. I always lied and told them I was waiting for the one, but I don’t think I was. I think I just needed someone to make me feel as comfortable as you have.
I look at her, smile, and lead her by the hand to my bed. I say, “Let’s get into bed,” and we take off our clothes.
I spend the next half hour making the softest, gentlest and most sensual love to her. Once I’m sure she’s enjoying it and it’s not hurting her, I shift up a few gears and pound her into the bed.
I get this text from her when she gets home,
“Hey Jeremy, how are you? I just wanted to let you know that I really loved spending time with you. This night was amazing, just as you are. I wish you and your friend a good time in Amsterdam. We’ll stay in touch. Xx”
It was a beautiful day outside and night had just begun to fall.
Soul
Author: Soul
Seduction / Lay Reports /
I’m not really one for writing detailed LRs, but I wanted to break this one down just to demonstrate what is possible in Day Game. It’s also a good reminder of how far I’ve come. To think that a few years ago I couldn’t even imagine talking to a beautiful young woman in the cold light of day, let alone sleeping with one on the same day I met her, is incredible.
There are two themes to this story that are important for developing your skills with women (and indeed, improving any area of your life): Experimentation and Persistence.
Whenever you get good at something, you will find you periodically reach a plateau in your skill level. At this stage, you need to experiment and start trying different methods and techniques. In this case, I wanted to experiment with daytime physical escalation. I normally advocate that my students avoid serious kino (physical touching) in Day Game until they are on a date with the girl. But I was curious to see whether I could kiss girls quickly in the daytime and still seduce them.
The second theme is persistence. It is important to realize that when you think something should be possible, you need to be persistent in order to achieve it. 99% of people don’t have enough determination and will give up too soon. But if you really believe something can work and you persist at it, eventually you will crack the secret. That’s how I originally got into Day Game.
The Holland Trip & Real Man Conference 2008
SmoothDoc from the Dutch Seduction Lair invited my good friend Dr Yen and me to visit him in Holland to give a talk to the Dutch Lair. I’d never met this guy before, but was completely in awe of him when I did. He’s putting together the Real Man Conference 2008, which is an international summit for guys wanting to improve their skills with women.
What really impressed me about SmoothDoc was his devotion to the event. He’s not even sure if he’s going to make any money from it. He already has the lifestyle he wants: a lovely house in the suburbs, a flash car and a loving and beautiful wife. He tells me he is putting together the conference because it is his dream. He equates it to seeing a beautiful woman on the street and thinking, “I have to approach her, I have to try.” For him, this conference is the same deal. There’s nothing I respect more in a man than determination and integrity.
Experimentation
Hanging out with Dr Yen is great. He came to one of my London lair talks about half a year back and has now become a good friend. It’s amazing when you teach someone something and then you watch as they develop it and improve upon it until they have their own unique style.
Dr Yen is a powerhouse of sexual energy. Skinny with bleached blond rock star hair, he is the Italian Stallion of the modern era. He tells me about pushing physical escalation boundaries on the street at night and how this helps him to filter out the girls that aren’t going to go home with him.
It sounds intense but exciting. I normally make it a rule not to escalate physically with a girl in Day Game until we’re on an instant date. But I have started to wonder how fast and far I can push things physically in the daytime.
I am doing a few street sets the first day I’m in Amsterdam when I spot a beautiful girl wearing sexy, big sunglasses sitting at a table outside a coffee shop. I go over and run one of my standard direct openers, “Excuse me, you are so gorgeous I had to come and say hello” – she opens up like a can of beans. A few minutes later, I’m taking her number and trying to establish a logistical plan for spending more time with her.
She tells me she’s going to Paris early tomorrow morning, so I’m thinking either I try to sleep with her this afternoon or when she’s back from Paris a day later. I have to get back to Dr Yen, so I take her number and leave. A little while later I meet her at the station for a few minutes and just think, “Fuck it, go for the kiss.” It’s broad daylight and I’ve interacted with her for all of four minutes, but all I can think about is pushing things as far and fast as I can.
I look at her, start giving her my seduction eyes, lean in slowly to kiss each cheek, pull back, and then pull her in to kiss me on the lips. There’s tension and some resistance, but my lips touch hers. There’s more resistance, so I add in some tongue and her resistance falters. She is mine.
I try texting and calling her to meet me when she comes back from Paris, but she flakes. Damn it. I conclude that I pushed too far in the initial interaction without having good enough logistics to continue it. The rapid daytime makeout needs modification, but I am determined to make it work.
Persistence
Next up is a Chinese girl with a loose green top that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. I open her on the street and start touching her arms and hands immediately. There is resistance, but I keep talking and making her laugh. I tease her by saying that she wore those clothes on purpose so that I would approach her.
Once I’ve got her giggling, I convince her to come have a drink with me. Something about her top and billowing breasts possess me while we sit there in the hot sun, and suddenly I turn into super kino escalation guy. My hands are ALL over her and at first there is resistance, but then she starts to enjoy it and keeps saying, “This is so crazy!” I keep going for the makeout, but there is even more resistance. I am fighting through it like a trooper. I start kissing her neck and whispering all the naughty things I want to do to her into her ear. It’s about 3pm, broad daylight outside, and I’ve known this girl for all of ten minutes.
I convince her to come to my hotel room another twenty minutes later. Then I have to wait until Dr Yen gets out. While he is getting ready, I build some meagre comfort with the girl. When Yen leaves, I caveman her onto the bed. There’s more resistance and ultimately she refuses to have sex with me. Damn it. This time I had the logistics, but I didn’t have the comfort. With some seriously blue balls at this stage, I resolve to make the rapid daytime makeout work.
Reward
Yen and I decide to hit up the free music festival in The Hague. Festivals are awesome because everyone is always in such a good mood. I spot a beautiful young brunette girl on the tram over there, but she’s too far away to open.
We get off the tram and a few minutes later I notice she’s just in front of me walking slowly by herself. Boom! A girl walking slowly is always a good sign for a Same Day Lay; they’re typically in a slightly dreamlike state, almost waiting for something exciting to happen to them. It also means she’s not in a rush to go meet anyone either, which means you could be the person she spends the rest of the afternoon with.
One of the great things about Day Game is that once you get over your approach anxiety, it’s actually very simple and easy to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman. In most situations you can either use a Direct or a Situational Opener and then transition off it with something interesting and/or funny. My goal is to make a girl laugh within the first minute or two of the interaction; that way she’ll completely relax and happily continue talking with me.
Dr Yen runs off to open some blonde girl in pink tights. I walk up behind the young brunette girl and tap her lightly on the arm from behind.
Soul: Hey, my friend has just gone to chat up that girl over there, so I’m bored and need company. How are you?
Her: Oh, ok [smiling]. I’m fine thanks.
Soul: So have you been to this festival before?
Her: No, it’s my first time.
Soul: Awesome, me too. I’m in Holland for the weekend, I love it here. Everyone is so cute and friendly. I love the Dutch accent too. It always sounds like you guys are talking with your mouth full!
Her: [Giggles]
Soul: Where are your friends? [I’m establishing logistics]
Her: I’m meeting a friend a bit later, but just thought I’d come by myself for a bit and wait until she gets here.
Soul: [*Ding ding ding* A girl walking around by herself is waiting to be swept off her feet] Wow, that’s brave of you to come to a huge festival by yourself. I really like that kind of independence in a woman.
Her: [Beaming smile] Thanks!
I continue walking and talking with her. Five minutes later I’m wondering whether I can kiss her or not. I always tell my students, “Don’t be someone who makes assumptions as to whether something is possible or not, be willing to test those assumptions with your actions.”
So I stop her, tell her that she has amazing skin, and stroke a lock of her hair back. No reaction. She just keeps on looking at me. It’s a good sign. I lean in and she reciprocates. We kiss, softly and gently at first, and then more voraciously. I learned my lesson from the previous daytime makeouts, so I pull away a few seconds later. I am not going to make the mistake of doing too much, too soon.
I take her by the hand and we keep on walking and talking. I run my standard comfort and kino escalation stuff – we sit down on the grass, listen to the music and I put my arms around her and stroke her gently. I find out all about her passions, her interests, where she has travelled, and what she wants to be when she grows up. I tell her a bit about myself, without giving too much away.
Girls don’t need to know all the details about you. They just want to see some evidence that you could be the kind of man they spend time with. What this is exactly varies from woman to woman, but there are certain characteristics that are almost universally attractive, such as passion, ambition, determination, adventurousness and integrity.
We keep walking and eventually meet up with her friend. I tell her that I’d love to spend more time with her and seed the idea of having drinks at my hotel later on in the evening. When you seed an idea like this early on, it achieves two things. It tests the water to see how they react to the idea and it makes it seem smoother later on when it’s actually time to move back to your place.
I start setting sexual frames as well to make sure that she understands (on an emotional level) that we are going to be intimate. I tell her I am going to kiss her delicious skin all over, and that she’s going to enjoy running her hands over my muscular, taut body. She is smiling and says, “That sounds nice.” It’s on.
I go catch up with Dr Yen while she goes off with her friend. I leave them to chill for a while, and then tell her to come meet me outside the festival. We get in a tram and head back to my hotel.
Once we get inside, she looks at me, and says, “I have to tell you something.” I’ve heard these words enough times to know what’s coming. “I’m a virgin,” she says.
I’ve been with plenty of virgins in the past, and I’m grateful to have learnt from my mistakes enough to give every virgin I meet a great first time. The old adage, “Leave them better than you found them,” is never more relevant than with a virgin.
Soul: [Big, warm smile] That’s ok. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. I’m going to take care of you tonight, ok honey?
Her: I know. That’s why I came home with you. I just felt so comfortable with you. This is crazy. I’ve never slept with any of my boyfriends before. I always lied and told them I was waiting for the one, but I don’t think I was. I think I just needed someone to make me feel as comfortable as you have.
I look at her, smile, and lead her by the hand to my bed. I say, “Let’s get into bed,” and we take off our clothes.
I spend the next half hour making the softest, gentlest and most sensual love to her. Once I’m sure she’s enjoying it and it’s not hurting her, I shift up a few gears and pound her into the bed.
I get this text from her when she gets home,
“Hey Jeremy, how are you? I just wanted to let you know that I really loved spending time with you. This night was amazing, just as you are. I wish you and your friend a good time in Amsterdam. We’ll stay in touch. Xx”
It was a beautiful day outside and night had just begun to fall.
Soul
Saturday, October 16, 2010
teachings of hot seat RSD relative to emotional intelligence
I think I learnd this from BadBoy and from being intuitive plus BT spiking.
this is about practicing provoking or elicitng actions to have women react to you aka invest emotionally.
I remember also Badboy mentioning this in his comfort game.
brad in his RSD mastermind explains it well.
I thin knowing this and as topo mentioned it to me at one time that is what aware of then you can know where you are with the girl.
then I saw jeffyt and tyler talk about something similar going sexual..which was AHA I do that All the time!
I figured i had learned to model people. the first was the natural whom I learned to imitate. but the book by tom vennutto body fat solutioon has a chapter on modeling.
I had listend to a rapport audio which isnt available anymore for download from Dantalion jones. how i learend how to build storng coldreading rapprt by going inside their heads.
from there i realize alot of things, then learend ,modeling.
where Im going is that RSD hotseat in a way tries to incorporate that teaching.
only thing is i learned it by myslf.
I thank badboy, brad rsd,tom venutto's book, my personal trainer whom i tried to model his thought process to dieting, Mark's email and coaching.
Mark is really good with this but not sure if he is conscious of teachign it properly cause its kindah weird yet complicated. you have to be intuitive and emotionally aware. and be familiar to BT Spiking.
heres an email which gave me opporunity to impore a modeling process as Sinn calls it backwards enginneering as he did with future and CJ :
Here’s a heads up that I’ll be speaking at the 2010 Dating
Conference in NYC from June 4-6th. This is looking to be the
biggest conference of the year with a great line up of speakers.
And I want to turn this into a chance to hang out with YOU,
one of my loyal readers.
My talk will be called, “Pick Up as an Emotional Process.” And
it's BRAND NEW material I've never revealed before.
Basically the idea is that everything we do in pick up is designed
to elicit the proper emotional responses from the woman and
ourselves. All tactics, and techniques are designed for this purpose.
So i have an idea that elicitng BT spiking is same in how you put yourself in state. basically if you know how to handle you emotions you can control and dictate other peoples emotions. Entropy told me the beginning in a questioned i asked him about state and BT Spliking.
that is why tyler is good with emotional reading cause he wrote on BT Spiking.
Asian playboy is also great with this, he as a list and saffron who explains a Lay report audio explains how he manged her emotions to get the girl chasing.
so this concept isnt new at all but it can get complicated some guys know about it and some guys dont know.
but modeling, rapport, emotions and self control are all related by the emotions.
think about.
energy and emotions are addicting as Tyler says
RSD stuff in hotseat will explain this and does a good job.
this is about practicing provoking or elicitng actions to have women react to you aka invest emotionally.
I remember also Badboy mentioning this in his comfort game.
brad in his RSD mastermind explains it well.
I thin knowing this and as topo mentioned it to me at one time that is what aware of then you can know where you are with the girl.
then I saw jeffyt and tyler talk about something similar going sexual..which was AHA I do that All the time!
I figured i had learned to model people. the first was the natural whom I learned to imitate. but the book by tom vennutto body fat solutioon has a chapter on modeling.
I had listend to a rapport audio which isnt available anymore for download from Dantalion jones. how i learend how to build storng coldreading rapprt by going inside their heads.
from there i realize alot of things, then learend ,modeling.
where Im going is that RSD hotseat in a way tries to incorporate that teaching.
only thing is i learned it by myslf.
I thank badboy, brad rsd,tom venutto's book, my personal trainer whom i tried to model his thought process to dieting, Mark's email and coaching.
Mark is really good with this but not sure if he is conscious of teachign it properly cause its kindah weird yet complicated. you have to be intuitive and emotionally aware. and be familiar to BT Spiking.
heres an email which gave me opporunity to impore a modeling process as Sinn calls it backwards enginneering as he did with future and CJ :
Here’s a heads up that I’ll be speaking at the 2010 Dating
Conference in NYC from June 4-6th. This is looking to be the
biggest conference of the year with a great line up of speakers.
And I want to turn this into a chance to hang out with YOU,
one of my loyal readers.
My talk will be called, “Pick Up as an Emotional Process.” And
it's BRAND NEW material I've never revealed before.
Basically the idea is that everything we do in pick up is designed
to elicit the proper emotional responses from the woman and
ourselves. All tactics, and techniques are designed for this purpose.
So i have an idea that elicitng BT spiking is same in how you put yourself in state. basically if you know how to handle you emotions you can control and dictate other peoples emotions. Entropy told me the beginning in a questioned i asked him about state and BT Spliking.
that is why tyler is good with emotional reading cause he wrote on BT Spiking.
Asian playboy is also great with this, he as a list and saffron who explains a Lay report audio explains how he manged her emotions to get the girl chasing.
so this concept isnt new at all but it can get complicated some guys know about it and some guys dont know.
but modeling, rapport, emotions and self control are all related by the emotions.
think about.
energy and emotions are addicting as Tyler says
RSD stuff in hotseat will explain this and does a good job.
My review on justin wayne
justin wayne is real deal
I spoke to him and he was open to talk to me about intricate details on how he closes same day and turists girls.
If you read his stuff and his videos you feel like its fake but i warn you its not.
I did similar game to what he is doing and he is far more experienced than theory.
i think newbies should not see him cause he is advanced.
If you have fucked up alot and do have lays definately contact him.
I recommend him highly to improve your game.
Guy is someone I understand and finally got to talk with.
real honest and definately brings reality check to the table.
Paul Janka is good at daygame but is good looking and doesnt game tourists.
Justin isnt good looking and fucks tourists chicks easy.
That says it all.
i respect both and he is dead on about qualification.
Sandros
I spoke to him and he was open to talk to me about intricate details on how he closes same day and turists girls.
If you read his stuff and his videos you feel like its fake but i warn you its not.
I did similar game to what he is doing and he is far more experienced than theory.
i think newbies should not see him cause he is advanced.
If you have fucked up alot and do have lays definately contact him.
I recommend him highly to improve your game.
Guy is someone I understand and finally got to talk with.
real honest and definately brings reality check to the table.
Paul Janka is good at daygame but is good looking and doesnt game tourists.
Justin isnt good looking and fucks tourists chicks easy.
That says it all.
i respect both and he is dead on about qualification.
Sandros
Thursday, October 14, 2010
October 2010 Update: mark's blog. pickup and studying
ive been focused on studying for the boards and complementing with GYM.
Im going to talk with justin wayne and go over a few things that might unlock his game for it to be backwards engineered.
This I do from a standpoint of learning to close on daygame.
I do close on dates, Same night lays arent consistent to be considered predictable.
experience and talking with mark has helped me understand this when i would go out alot and fail miserably.
i plan to put aside Pickup ,going out , etc etc until i take my test.
on my break i will post here.
Lately I havent noticed any IOIs or AIs. that is due to my mind being focused and my vibe around women.
I did see a woman who i found sexually attractive but the momment to escalte further wasnt there.
i noticed from mark's blog and his redition of PUA's validation give guys bad advice.
that is why i recommend guys like Mark.
I dont have my shite together to really make things run faster in my life right now, but it takes sacrifice.
i mentioned game is like bodybuilding.
more doing that thinking.
Im resting more and mentally prepareing myself for the exam.
I apprecate Jeff Stepehns coaching me for interview he is great guy to learn hypnosis.
that being said, I have alot of things to discus.
-Fashion show-social circle game a FR which shows you what i analyzed
-Convention show game applied to hired guns and same night lay
Im going to talk with justin wayne and go over a few things that might unlock his game for it to be backwards engineered.
This I do from a standpoint of learning to close on daygame.
I do close on dates, Same night lays arent consistent to be considered predictable.
experience and talking with mark has helped me understand this when i would go out alot and fail miserably.
i plan to put aside Pickup ,going out , etc etc until i take my test.
on my break i will post here.
Lately I havent noticed any IOIs or AIs. that is due to my mind being focused and my vibe around women.
I did see a woman who i found sexually attractive but the momment to escalte further wasnt there.
i noticed from mark's blog and his redition of PUA's validation give guys bad advice.
that is why i recommend guys like Mark.
I dont have my shite together to really make things run faster in my life right now, but it takes sacrifice.
i mentioned game is like bodybuilding.
more doing that thinking.
Im resting more and mentally prepareing myself for the exam.
I apprecate Jeff Stepehns coaching me for interview he is great guy to learn hypnosis.
that being said, I have alot of things to discus.
-Fashion show-social circle game a FR which shows you what i analyzed
-Convention show game applied to hired guns and same night lay
Life as a Pickup Artist by Entropy
My Life as a Pickup Artist
By Mark Manson,
Note: This article is long. It accounts my history in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) community, my successes and failures as well as the strengths and shortcomings of the movement as a whole. If you have never been associated with PUA’s or know nothing about them, then this article acts more or less as an extended auto-biography of my personal journey and experiences with my development with women. If you have been associated with the PUA scene, then I’d recommend reading it to gain understanding and insight into your own process.
Introduction
In case you aren’t aware, the whole “dating advice for men” thing is a fairly new concept. In fact, it didn’t even exist until a couple decades ago, and really didn’t begin to become a legitimate industry until this last decade. A splinter of this movement is a community that’s commonly referred to as The Pick Up Artist community.
Beginning as some Usenet forums in the 90′s, it was a group of guys who congregated mainly to share pick up lines, strategies and tips in order to sleep with as many women as possible. The prevailing zeitgeist of the time was that there was a knowable “formula” of seduction — that if a man simply knew the correct components and how to press the right buttons, any woman would sleep with him.
Despite all evidence and common sense to the contrary, the idea caught steam and suddenly thousands of men worldwide were dedicating a massive amount of time, energy and effort into “cracking the code” of a woman’s heart and ultimately, her vagina.
The first man who came around claiming to have done this was none other than the famous Mystery himself, creating for himself quite a reputation, a business and later on, a television show to boot. Many others followed in his wake, including Neil Strauss, the author of the best-selling book “The Game.” From there, the floodgates opened. The book was a hit. And soon the few thousand geeks gathered sharing their “secrets” with one another turned into hundreds of thousands, and then millions. A few message boards turned into hundreds. A multi-million dollar industry was born and still thrives to this day.
And as the landscape of “the community” evolved, so did the content in which was created. With the mainstream success of the book and television show came thousands and thousands of normal, mainstream men. Theory slowly drifted away from the concepts of lines and routines. And the idea of there being a formula for picking up women is slowly being rejected in place of advice more focused on getting in touch with one’s sexuality, becoming more dominant and escalating on women liberally.
But despite these positive developments, the scene, as a whole, can be as toxic as it is helpful. The exact reasons why I’ll get into a minute. Hopefully my own story will help you understand my reasoning.
From Heartbreak to Glory Times
In 2005, I underwent one of the most traumatizing moments of my young 21-year-old life. My girlfriend at the time, my high school sweetheart, suddenly left me for another guy. My confidence level with women at the time hovered around nil, and my role in our relationship could have been more or less described as a doormat. I was painfully insecure and blissfully naive. So as you can imagine, I was absolutely devastated.
But despite the glaring flaws in the relationship, at the time — being as ignorant as most of us are with our first loves — I thought everything was perfect up until then. As usual, the last one to realize that the relationship was completely falling apart was the man in it. If you had asked me the day before, I would have told you this was the girl that I would end up marrying. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, much less being happy with anyone else.
A few months later, it was by chance that I stumbled across “The Game” in my local bookstore. It was sitting atop the “New Releases” table in front of the door. I’ve always been a bookworm, so its title and appearance was immediately… well, seductive. I picked it up, and my first reaction was to feel repulsed. What kind of scumbag would write a book about this stuff? But of course, being human, I couldn’t help but read the first few pages. I had to see for myself how vile and decrepit this guy was, right?
Needless to say, within 5 minutes I was hooked. I bought the book and finished it within 24 hours.
And so began my foray into the netherworld of PUA. Little did I know how far this wormhole would take me.
I devoured 3-4 books, dozens of YouTube videos and hundreds of pages worth of forum posts in a matter of days. The prospect of not only taking control of my love life (where I had recently been so hurt), but finally becoming the “cool” player that I had always wanted to be, and having massive amounts of sex with hot girls — it was all too much to resist.
It took me three months to work up the nerve to approach a girl. I was so nervous that I immediately apologized for talking to her. It took another three months to actually get a girl to go on a date with me. And finally, two more months to get one to actually sleep with me.
For the next year and a half or so, I went out 5-6 nights a week picking up women. I posted on multiple forums and continued to consume a monstrous amount of dating advice and pick up theory. There was something deep down driving me, and although I didn’t realize it at the time, it wasn’t completely healthy.
But my emotional issues aside, I can’t lie: I was having a blast. After a year or so I was dating multiple women, something I had thought completely impossible before. I was more confident than I had ever been. Had more friends than I had ever had. Was getting laid constantly, and developing some awesome social skills to boot.
Being a Deadbeat and Re-evaluation
But as another year of debauchery and irresponsibility went by, not everything was peachy. I was becoming addicted to the validation I was getting, addicted to the thrills and forsaking a lot of priorities in my life for superficial kicks and fun. Having sex, something that most people treat as a normal activity had almost reached a point of obsession to me. To give you an idea of the state I was in, I wrote the following in November of 2007:
A realization hit me — what’s the big deal? I get laid a lot. Congratu-fucking-lations Mark, you’re a normal part of society now. So why are you spending hours a day posting on forums, reading theory, dissecting phone calls from girls with your roommates and going out four nights a week? For the love of God, I live on a fucking couch. I ride my bike all day. I don’t even have my own computer to type these blog posts on. I haven’t done anything that didn’t involve alcohol, a vagina or a television screen in months.
I was a deadbeat. I was broke, had a shitty job I hated, lived on my friend’s futon, and was going to bars and chasing women every night. Now, I take full responsibility for my behavior, but I existed within a community that glorified and reinforced this type of lifestyle. And ultimately, it was making me miserable.
I made an effort to start getting my life together, and I even began to flirt with ditching the whole PUA thing and trying to get along on my own. But it was soon obvious I wasn’t done yet.
The main thing that sucked me back in was the prospect of coaching. At the time (late 2007), the industry was still booming, and the average experience-level of the guys coming in was unbearably low and naive. Through no act of my own other than sharing my stories and antics publicly on forums, I began getting consistent requests to be coached and taught.
The Truth About PUA Coaching
Here’s a dirty truth about being a PUA coach: many guys who take coaching don’t actually want to change. They want to be validated. They want to feel cool and be around someone who they think is cool. They want to unload the responsibility for changing themselves onto someone else.
Rather than hiring a coach to help them progress, to them it’s more of a “rent-a-cool-friend” service. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of guys who ARE looking to improve, and there are a lot of guys who do have good attitudes and do get a lot out of coaching. I had many students accomplish amazing things with me. But unfortunately, the PUA market and community don’t promote the proper attitudes… in fact, much of the marketing and hype only encourages this sort of pathetic behavior.
The market promotes fanboyism and idol worshiping. It’s sickening. I started to realize this when some of my students turned out to be these brilliant, successful and amazing men. Men who were far more successful in life than I was, and they’d look at me as some sort of demigod. Why? Because I’ve slept with more women? Because when I walk into a club, people actually think I’m cool? It makes absolutely no sense. Looking for advice and guidance is one thing, but this was something else entirely.
A lot of these guys don’t need a pick up instructor. They need a shrink and maybe some sort of anti-anxiety therapy. They need some confidence and a push to put themselves out there more and more. The technical aspect of picking up women really ISN’T that difficult. It really can be explained and taught within a few days. But it must be practiced for a long time, and to have that practice, a guy has to have healthy mindsets and an ability to overcome his fears.
But there’s a side to this that doesn’t get talked about often. There’s a concept in psychology called “The Over-Justification Effect.” From Wikipedia:
“The overjustification effect occurs when an external incentive such as money or prizes decreases a person’s intrinsic motivation to perform a task. According to self-perception theory, people pay more attention to the incentive, and less attention to the enjoyment and satisfaction that they receive from performing the activity. The overall effect is a shift in motivation to extrinsic factors and the undermining of pre-existing intrinsic motivation.
In one of the earliest demonstrations of this effect, researchers promised a group of 3-5 year old children that they would receive a “good player” ribbon for drawing with felt-tipped pens. A second group of children played with the pens and received an unexpected reward (the same ribbon), and a third group was not given a reward. All of the children played with the pens, a typically enjoyable activity for preschoolers. Later, when observed in a free-play setting, the children who received a reward that had been promised to them played significantly less with the felt-tipped pens. The researchers concluded that expected rewards undermine intrinsic motivation in previously enjoyable activities.[1] A replication of this experiment found that rewarding children with certificates and trophies decreased intrinsic interest in playing math games.[2]“
This effect is felt too much by instructors. We receive so much external validation and incentive (money, accolades, fanboys, groupies, etc.) that it distorts that original emotional desire to simply meet people and meet women. I also ran into this in music school when I was a teenager. Believe or not, music and art schools have the highest drop out rates in the world (some pushing 90%). And if you think about it, it makes sense. You’re taking something that people have always naturally been inclined to do (create music or art) and start rewarding them tangibly for it through money, grades, prizes, etc. For me it killed all of the passion of music and I dropped out after a year.
There have been some famous studies done on motivation and what they’ve found is this: external incentives create better performance in rote and logical objectives. But external incentives create WORSE performance in creative objectives. Hence the 90% drop out rate of music/art schools.
Well apply that burn out to social interactions and you get a pretty fucked up effect. When your social interactions are the yardstick that your success is measured on, it absolutely kills the joy of socializing, and depresses the hell out of you in the process. When your emotional intimacy becomes a business asset, it completely undermines your relationships. For a prolonged period of time, this effect can lead one to a very dark place. I met many coaches who had been working in the industry for years and years who were obviously miserable people. It’s why my original business partner quit and got a day job. And it consistently tested my resilience for two years.
But both sides are to blame: the consumers for buying into such a false idol, and the instructors for being seduced by it. On the surface, it’s a life of partying, girls and money. The three things a young guy loves most, right? But in actuality, you spend more time hanging out with other men — awkward, insecure and desperately watching every move of yours and judging you. You’re no longer free to just be yourself. You aren’t allowed to have a night where you just want to drink and relax. You aren’t allowed to pass up a girl because you don’t feel like talking to her. You aren’t allowed to be awkward or unsure of yourself or nervous about anything.
The line between “work” and “play” blurs until the two are completely indistinguishable. Your nights out being social are the same as meeting prospective clients and marketing opportunities. Your prospective clients and marketing opportunities, in turn, want to be your friend and go out with you socially. It’s a psychological mess that drags your emotional stability down with it. Thank god I had a serious girlfriend by that time, otherwise I probably would have lost my sanity.
And here’s the most screwed up part: the beliefs on which the community is founded lead to a constant state of mutual discontent. Since the success of one’s sex and emotional life is the standard of success, thousands of men sit online arguing and comparing things that are 100% subjective. And what invariably happens, is everyone merely projects their own personal discontent onto the perceived failures and shortcomings of others. This guy’s girls aren’t hot enough. That guy only sleeps with 3 girls a month. This guy is only good at day game. That guy just gets by on looks. Everyone is deemed a “fraud” in their own way and for some reason, everyone has tacitly agreed to unrealistic expectations that can be met by none. What the community has become is a cess pool of frustrated children with keyboards.
The Pathologies of the Pick Up Artist
There is absolutely NOTHING normal about what a Pick Up Artist does or why he does it. Dating advice is one thing. Self improvement is another. But quantifying your social and emotional life and then measuring it against others online and for money will murder your soul. Plain and simple.
In the beginning picking up women can be a science, but the better you get, the more it becomes an art. Once guys pass a certain threshold or so, the only thing that differentiates them is style. This style is based mostly on your personality and what types of women you like. Improvement only exists in adapting your objective skill-set to your subjective desires. Any sort of “next step” is actually more of a lateral movement, rather than moving up.
Beyond getting the first couple lays, quantifying “game” in any sense approaches the impossible — completely subjective and any arguments about skill-levels, quality, consistency, or styles is arguing past one another — like claiming heavy metal is better than rap just because… well, just because.
Over the years, I’ve dated women that other guys think are hideous. I’ve dated women that guys who don’t know me literally come up to me in bars and give me high fives when she’s not looking. There are a lot of women that most guys consider “hot” that I have absolutely no interest in, and vice-versa.
What I’m getting at, is once you become consistent, the only real metric for “success” is your own satisfaction. We’re always playing a numbers game, and once you get your % up to 1/10 or above, really any objective measure of skill kind of becomes pointless.
Once your % passes that magic threshold, it’s really just a matter of how much time and effort you’re willing to dump into your sex life. Some of us dump a lot of time and effort. Most don’t.
For this reason, the idea of “who is the best?” Or who can close the most consistently, or who has the best club game, the best day game, etc. — it’s a bunch of nonsense and as my friend Doc used to say, “Dick crack.” It gets a bunch of competitive and horny guys and their egos excited. But at the end of the day, whether I can lay a girl in 50 minutes and you need two dates is pointless. If my girl has a 9 body and a 5 face and yours has a 6 body and 8 face is pointless.
You’re getting sucked into the validation trap, which turns into a very dark place if you stay there long enough.
The fact is, what is perceived as “the community,” is merely a loud minority. An elitist and somewhat pathological minority.
You don’t end up in the Pick Up Artist community unless you are incredibly unhappy or unsatisfied about something. It may be conscious, it may be unconscious. It may be short-term, or it may be deep-seated and long-term. But the fact is, the community acts for a lot of men as a diversion or scapegoat from dealing with their real issues — their emotional issues.
We’re men, we’re experts at rationalizing painful feelings away — we hate dealing with them. For a lot of men, all these eBooks and audio courses merely act as rationalizations — a way to escape for a little bit longer, a way to logically solve the unsolvable. Emotions aren’t quantifiable or objective, so these men band together in attempt to quantify and objectify their emotional lives together, under the auspices of “improvement.”
And by their shared metrics, improve they do. “I had my first SNL.” “I banged my first 9 last night.” Etc. But there’s no yardstick for happiness, fulfillment, meaning or significance. This may sound lame and campy, but when you’ve met as many miserable guys with 100+ lays as I have, you may take it seriously.
Some of them forget… they forget that there’s a whole life to these interactions behind the objectification and quantification. They enter the validation trap — where a cocaine-addicted stripper has more value than a Plain Jane with a Ph.D, where a threesome has more value than an engagement ring, where things like acne scars or B-cup tits suddenly become deal-breakers in a relationship.
The PUA community at large is a bubble — it has a propensity to become elitist and to project its own desires and intentions onto everyone else.
They glorify their goals, try to deduce other’s actions and desires into base sexual needs, scoff at guys who don’t get into it as “AFC’s” and look down upon newbies who give up and leave as quitters and men who aren’t “man enough” to persevere the hundreds of rejections just to get their dick wet more often. Yet most guys are pretty damn content with a couple nice girls and a plain-Jane girlfriend who loves them.
Destroying My Demons
As I’ve been saying since 2006, and it’s not a big revelation anymore, but PUA is self-help in disguise. PUA’s can applaud themselves for their social development, their amazing relationships and conquests — but the truth is that they all arrive there because something was/is wrong. And there’s nothing to get all high and mighty about.
It takes a certain kind of man to find the objectification of his emotional life appealing. It takes a certain kind of man to become addicted to the validation of receiving love and affection from women.
The vast, vast majority of men who come to this stuff are the “one and done” crowd. In fact, you who are reading this, chances are you’re one of them too. You’re here because you’re nervous about this or that. You have a date coming up. There’s a girl in your class you think is cute, but you don’t know what to say. You’re in the middle of a dry spell and want to get out. You come here for a little simple advice, maybe a little motivation. You go out and get the date you want, the girlfriend you want, approach the girl you want to approach… and then you’re done.
But there’s a loud minority who for them it’s something more.
Something deep down in their emotional fabric drives them much further. They excitedly accept the objectification and relish in the validation. I did. And I see other guys do it too. And really what it is is their way of sorting through their emotional baggage. Some guys it takes 10-15 women. Some it takes 50-100. Some guys are damaged too deeply and never get out. But the truth remains: you don’t sell your soul to the devil unless part of you is already a little dead inside.
I am not an exception, just another casualty. I wrote this in August of 2008:
I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.
This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the vaginas in which I had been sticking my penis. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But Mark, we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”
I became horrified. Had my “friendship” with these girls merely consisted of me obsessing over my sexuality with them? Had our friendship just been a repository for me to validate myself — that I’m attractive, that women have sex with me, and that other women like it that women have sex with me?
Sadly, it had.
Your first reaction to this may be, “Shit, I wish I had that problem…” but remember this article and this quote. Because one day you may find yourself there, and you may find yourself as disconcerted as I was.
Whenever I talk about this, most men immediately ask me, “What emotional realities are we running from? What baggage are you talking about? I’m normal, it’s all these other guys who are crazy.”
This is actually an easier question than it may seem. It’s going to be different for every guy, but by FAR the most common deep emotional problems and fears that I come across in the PUA crowd are: ex-girlfriend or ex-wife that broke their heart and/or ruined them, divorced or absent parents, death of a loved one, death of a parent, or just repeated emotional beat-downs growing up — whether it be growing up in the projects, being verbally abused by girls your entire childhood for being fat, etc., etc.
A lot of guys can relate to at least one of the above. I know I can.
It’s painful to go back and deal with a lot of that. Some of it REALLY painful. And we don’t do it. We put it off for years. I came to PUA and was motivated primarily by my ex-girlfriend of four years cheating on me and leaving me. That fucking hurt. I thought I got over it, but I didn’t get over it for years. And when I looked deeper, I just realized that that had just been irritating a deeper wound stemming from my divorced parents and family situation growing up. That one STILL hurts. And I think the circumstances in which I grew up in is the largest reason why I’ve dedicated so much time, effort, thought and emotion to picking up women.
It’s not normal. And I accept that.
I look at myself and I realize now that underneath it all, there was a need for intimacy and love. It was when I finally buckled down and committed to a girl and started a new relationship that was actually healthy and happy, that finally showed me that. Like everyone else on this planet, I’m searching for intimacy and love, I’m just wired in such a way that it’s hard for me to get to that point with a woman. That’s what drives me. Just like I think deep down that’s what drives most of these guys. For whatever reason, we need to traverse some complex and damaged emotional landscape to get there though. And PUA has been an avenue for some of us to do that.
Regardless, I choose to not identify with the Pick Up Artist moniker any longer. The reasons are the two I listed above: I refuse to objectify my social interactions and love life, and I refuse to judge my personal success or have others judge my personal success based on my social and emotional life.
But not only do I choose to continue teaching and coaching, but I believe I can teach and coach from a much healthier and far more successful place this way.
If you were or are part of the PUA community, I encourage you to shed the unhealthy associations that come with it. This site is specifically designed to give dating and seduction advice and direction in a healthy manner: focusing on personal satisfaction and fulfillment with all of your sexual relationships, rather than racking up numbers or conquests, winning the admiration of your peers or attempting to be the “coolest” guy you know.
Personally, I think the PUA thing is a fad. I think in 10 years, we’ll look back and think of it as one of those silly things we did in the 2000′s, kind of like big hair in the 80′s, or dial-up modems in the 90′s. The mindsets the community is based upon are self-defeating, and only the truly damaged or self-loathing would continue to subscribe to them for a whole lifetime.
Dating advice for men, on the other hand, is only growing and will continue to grow. It’s going to continue to expand and become more inclusive and more mainstream. I think everything that’s currently Pick Up Artist related will either transition to a more mainstream audience or fade into relative obscurity. It will run its course, just like the men who make up its ranks will run theirs.
To Be Fair… In Hindsight
I know I’ve been pretty harsh on the whole Pick Up Artist thing in this article. And a lot of this probably stems from my bitterness and being too close to it for too long. But I must give credit where credit is due:
I would not be nearly as socially confident or competent today, if it weren’t for the PUA community.
There are HUNDREDS of amazing experiences and dozens of amazing women I would have missed out on, had I not picked up that book on that fateful day.
Through sheer force and confrontation, I’ve had to face many of my own emotional issues and overcome them in a short period of time — issues I probably would have gone half a lifetime being otherwise oblivious to.
And of course, I made some pretty cool friends and met some interesting people. Without whom, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
In the end, I suppose this article should be taken as a cautionary tale. There’s a lot to gain from that whole movement, but there’s also a lot that you can get trapped in and sucked under by. A friend of mine put it perfectly when he said, “You can judge a self-help movement by how many people leave it. If people are leaving it, then it’s doing something right.” Well, many people leave the PUA community, so it must be doing something right.
Just make sure you’re one of the ones who leaves.
By Mark Manson,
Note: This article is long. It accounts my history in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) community, my successes and failures as well as the strengths and shortcomings of the movement as a whole. If you have never been associated with PUA’s or know nothing about them, then this article acts more or less as an extended auto-biography of my personal journey and experiences with my development with women. If you have been associated with the PUA scene, then I’d recommend reading it to gain understanding and insight into your own process.
Introduction
In case you aren’t aware, the whole “dating advice for men” thing is a fairly new concept. In fact, it didn’t even exist until a couple decades ago, and really didn’t begin to become a legitimate industry until this last decade. A splinter of this movement is a community that’s commonly referred to as The Pick Up Artist community.
Beginning as some Usenet forums in the 90′s, it was a group of guys who congregated mainly to share pick up lines, strategies and tips in order to sleep with as many women as possible. The prevailing zeitgeist of the time was that there was a knowable “formula” of seduction — that if a man simply knew the correct components and how to press the right buttons, any woman would sleep with him.
Despite all evidence and common sense to the contrary, the idea caught steam and suddenly thousands of men worldwide were dedicating a massive amount of time, energy and effort into “cracking the code” of a woman’s heart and ultimately, her vagina.
The first man who came around claiming to have done this was none other than the famous Mystery himself, creating for himself quite a reputation, a business and later on, a television show to boot. Many others followed in his wake, including Neil Strauss, the author of the best-selling book “The Game.” From there, the floodgates opened. The book was a hit. And soon the few thousand geeks gathered sharing their “secrets” with one another turned into hundreds of thousands, and then millions. A few message boards turned into hundreds. A multi-million dollar industry was born and still thrives to this day.
And as the landscape of “the community” evolved, so did the content in which was created. With the mainstream success of the book and television show came thousands and thousands of normal, mainstream men. Theory slowly drifted away from the concepts of lines and routines. And the idea of there being a formula for picking up women is slowly being rejected in place of advice more focused on getting in touch with one’s sexuality, becoming more dominant and escalating on women liberally.
But despite these positive developments, the scene, as a whole, can be as toxic as it is helpful. The exact reasons why I’ll get into a minute. Hopefully my own story will help you understand my reasoning.
From Heartbreak to Glory Times
In 2005, I underwent one of the most traumatizing moments of my young 21-year-old life. My girlfriend at the time, my high school sweetheart, suddenly left me for another guy. My confidence level with women at the time hovered around nil, and my role in our relationship could have been more or less described as a doormat. I was painfully insecure and blissfully naive. So as you can imagine, I was absolutely devastated.
But despite the glaring flaws in the relationship, at the time — being as ignorant as most of us are with our first loves — I thought everything was perfect up until then. As usual, the last one to realize that the relationship was completely falling apart was the man in it. If you had asked me the day before, I would have told you this was the girl that I would end up marrying. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, much less being happy with anyone else.
A few months later, it was by chance that I stumbled across “The Game” in my local bookstore. It was sitting atop the “New Releases” table in front of the door. I’ve always been a bookworm, so its title and appearance was immediately… well, seductive. I picked it up, and my first reaction was to feel repulsed. What kind of scumbag would write a book about this stuff? But of course, being human, I couldn’t help but read the first few pages. I had to see for myself how vile and decrepit this guy was, right?
Needless to say, within 5 minutes I was hooked. I bought the book and finished it within 24 hours.
And so began my foray into the netherworld of PUA. Little did I know how far this wormhole would take me.
I devoured 3-4 books, dozens of YouTube videos and hundreds of pages worth of forum posts in a matter of days. The prospect of not only taking control of my love life (where I had recently been so hurt), but finally becoming the “cool” player that I had always wanted to be, and having massive amounts of sex with hot girls — it was all too much to resist.
It took me three months to work up the nerve to approach a girl. I was so nervous that I immediately apologized for talking to her. It took another three months to actually get a girl to go on a date with me. And finally, two more months to get one to actually sleep with me.
For the next year and a half or so, I went out 5-6 nights a week picking up women. I posted on multiple forums and continued to consume a monstrous amount of dating advice and pick up theory. There was something deep down driving me, and although I didn’t realize it at the time, it wasn’t completely healthy.
But my emotional issues aside, I can’t lie: I was having a blast. After a year or so I was dating multiple women, something I had thought completely impossible before. I was more confident than I had ever been. Had more friends than I had ever had. Was getting laid constantly, and developing some awesome social skills to boot.
Being a Deadbeat and Re-evaluation
But as another year of debauchery and irresponsibility went by, not everything was peachy. I was becoming addicted to the validation I was getting, addicted to the thrills and forsaking a lot of priorities in my life for superficial kicks and fun. Having sex, something that most people treat as a normal activity had almost reached a point of obsession to me. To give you an idea of the state I was in, I wrote the following in November of 2007:
A realization hit me — what’s the big deal? I get laid a lot. Congratu-fucking-lations Mark, you’re a normal part of society now. So why are you spending hours a day posting on forums, reading theory, dissecting phone calls from girls with your roommates and going out four nights a week? For the love of God, I live on a fucking couch. I ride my bike all day. I don’t even have my own computer to type these blog posts on. I haven’t done anything that didn’t involve alcohol, a vagina or a television screen in months.
I was a deadbeat. I was broke, had a shitty job I hated, lived on my friend’s futon, and was going to bars and chasing women every night. Now, I take full responsibility for my behavior, but I existed within a community that glorified and reinforced this type of lifestyle. And ultimately, it was making me miserable.
I made an effort to start getting my life together, and I even began to flirt with ditching the whole PUA thing and trying to get along on my own. But it was soon obvious I wasn’t done yet.
The main thing that sucked me back in was the prospect of coaching. At the time (late 2007), the industry was still booming, and the average experience-level of the guys coming in was unbearably low and naive. Through no act of my own other than sharing my stories and antics publicly on forums, I began getting consistent requests to be coached and taught.
The Truth About PUA Coaching
Here’s a dirty truth about being a PUA coach: many guys who take coaching don’t actually want to change. They want to be validated. They want to feel cool and be around someone who they think is cool. They want to unload the responsibility for changing themselves onto someone else.
Rather than hiring a coach to help them progress, to them it’s more of a “rent-a-cool-friend” service. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of guys who ARE looking to improve, and there are a lot of guys who do have good attitudes and do get a lot out of coaching. I had many students accomplish amazing things with me. But unfortunately, the PUA market and community don’t promote the proper attitudes… in fact, much of the marketing and hype only encourages this sort of pathetic behavior.
The market promotes fanboyism and idol worshiping. It’s sickening. I started to realize this when some of my students turned out to be these brilliant, successful and amazing men. Men who were far more successful in life than I was, and they’d look at me as some sort of demigod. Why? Because I’ve slept with more women? Because when I walk into a club, people actually think I’m cool? It makes absolutely no sense. Looking for advice and guidance is one thing, but this was something else entirely.
A lot of these guys don’t need a pick up instructor. They need a shrink and maybe some sort of anti-anxiety therapy. They need some confidence and a push to put themselves out there more and more. The technical aspect of picking up women really ISN’T that difficult. It really can be explained and taught within a few days. But it must be practiced for a long time, and to have that practice, a guy has to have healthy mindsets and an ability to overcome his fears.
But there’s a side to this that doesn’t get talked about often. There’s a concept in psychology called “The Over-Justification Effect.” From Wikipedia:
“The overjustification effect occurs when an external incentive such as money or prizes decreases a person’s intrinsic motivation to perform a task. According to self-perception theory, people pay more attention to the incentive, and less attention to the enjoyment and satisfaction that they receive from performing the activity. The overall effect is a shift in motivation to extrinsic factors and the undermining of pre-existing intrinsic motivation.
In one of the earliest demonstrations of this effect, researchers promised a group of 3-5 year old children that they would receive a “good player” ribbon for drawing with felt-tipped pens. A second group of children played with the pens and received an unexpected reward (the same ribbon), and a third group was not given a reward. All of the children played with the pens, a typically enjoyable activity for preschoolers. Later, when observed in a free-play setting, the children who received a reward that had been promised to them played significantly less with the felt-tipped pens. The researchers concluded that expected rewards undermine intrinsic motivation in previously enjoyable activities.[1] A replication of this experiment found that rewarding children with certificates and trophies decreased intrinsic interest in playing math games.[2]“
This effect is felt too much by instructors. We receive so much external validation and incentive (money, accolades, fanboys, groupies, etc.) that it distorts that original emotional desire to simply meet people and meet women. I also ran into this in music school when I was a teenager. Believe or not, music and art schools have the highest drop out rates in the world (some pushing 90%). And if you think about it, it makes sense. You’re taking something that people have always naturally been inclined to do (create music or art) and start rewarding them tangibly for it through money, grades, prizes, etc. For me it killed all of the passion of music and I dropped out after a year.
There have been some famous studies done on motivation and what they’ve found is this: external incentives create better performance in rote and logical objectives. But external incentives create WORSE performance in creative objectives. Hence the 90% drop out rate of music/art schools.
Well apply that burn out to social interactions and you get a pretty fucked up effect. When your social interactions are the yardstick that your success is measured on, it absolutely kills the joy of socializing, and depresses the hell out of you in the process. When your emotional intimacy becomes a business asset, it completely undermines your relationships. For a prolonged period of time, this effect can lead one to a very dark place. I met many coaches who had been working in the industry for years and years who were obviously miserable people. It’s why my original business partner quit and got a day job. And it consistently tested my resilience for two years.
But both sides are to blame: the consumers for buying into such a false idol, and the instructors for being seduced by it. On the surface, it’s a life of partying, girls and money. The three things a young guy loves most, right? But in actuality, you spend more time hanging out with other men — awkward, insecure and desperately watching every move of yours and judging you. You’re no longer free to just be yourself. You aren’t allowed to have a night where you just want to drink and relax. You aren’t allowed to pass up a girl because you don’t feel like talking to her. You aren’t allowed to be awkward or unsure of yourself or nervous about anything.
The line between “work” and “play” blurs until the two are completely indistinguishable. Your nights out being social are the same as meeting prospective clients and marketing opportunities. Your prospective clients and marketing opportunities, in turn, want to be your friend and go out with you socially. It’s a psychological mess that drags your emotional stability down with it. Thank god I had a serious girlfriend by that time, otherwise I probably would have lost my sanity.
And here’s the most screwed up part: the beliefs on which the community is founded lead to a constant state of mutual discontent. Since the success of one’s sex and emotional life is the standard of success, thousands of men sit online arguing and comparing things that are 100% subjective. And what invariably happens, is everyone merely projects their own personal discontent onto the perceived failures and shortcomings of others. This guy’s girls aren’t hot enough. That guy only sleeps with 3 girls a month. This guy is only good at day game. That guy just gets by on looks. Everyone is deemed a “fraud” in their own way and for some reason, everyone has tacitly agreed to unrealistic expectations that can be met by none. What the community has become is a cess pool of frustrated children with keyboards.
The Pathologies of the Pick Up Artist
There is absolutely NOTHING normal about what a Pick Up Artist does or why he does it. Dating advice is one thing. Self improvement is another. But quantifying your social and emotional life and then measuring it against others online and for money will murder your soul. Plain and simple.
In the beginning picking up women can be a science, but the better you get, the more it becomes an art. Once guys pass a certain threshold or so, the only thing that differentiates them is style. This style is based mostly on your personality and what types of women you like. Improvement only exists in adapting your objective skill-set to your subjective desires. Any sort of “next step” is actually more of a lateral movement, rather than moving up.
Beyond getting the first couple lays, quantifying “game” in any sense approaches the impossible — completely subjective and any arguments about skill-levels, quality, consistency, or styles is arguing past one another — like claiming heavy metal is better than rap just because… well, just because.
Over the years, I’ve dated women that other guys think are hideous. I’ve dated women that guys who don’t know me literally come up to me in bars and give me high fives when she’s not looking. There are a lot of women that most guys consider “hot” that I have absolutely no interest in, and vice-versa.
What I’m getting at, is once you become consistent, the only real metric for “success” is your own satisfaction. We’re always playing a numbers game, and once you get your % up to 1/10 or above, really any objective measure of skill kind of becomes pointless.
Once your % passes that magic threshold, it’s really just a matter of how much time and effort you’re willing to dump into your sex life. Some of us dump a lot of time and effort. Most don’t.
For this reason, the idea of “who is the best?” Or who can close the most consistently, or who has the best club game, the best day game, etc. — it’s a bunch of nonsense and as my friend Doc used to say, “Dick crack.” It gets a bunch of competitive and horny guys and their egos excited. But at the end of the day, whether I can lay a girl in 50 minutes and you need two dates is pointless. If my girl has a 9 body and a 5 face and yours has a 6 body and 8 face is pointless.
You’re getting sucked into the validation trap, which turns into a very dark place if you stay there long enough.
The fact is, what is perceived as “the community,” is merely a loud minority. An elitist and somewhat pathological minority.
You don’t end up in the Pick Up Artist community unless you are incredibly unhappy or unsatisfied about something. It may be conscious, it may be unconscious. It may be short-term, or it may be deep-seated and long-term. But the fact is, the community acts for a lot of men as a diversion or scapegoat from dealing with their real issues — their emotional issues.
We’re men, we’re experts at rationalizing painful feelings away — we hate dealing with them. For a lot of men, all these eBooks and audio courses merely act as rationalizations — a way to escape for a little bit longer, a way to logically solve the unsolvable. Emotions aren’t quantifiable or objective, so these men band together in attempt to quantify and objectify their emotional lives together, under the auspices of “improvement.”
And by their shared metrics, improve they do. “I had my first SNL.” “I banged my first 9 last night.” Etc. But there’s no yardstick for happiness, fulfillment, meaning or significance. This may sound lame and campy, but when you’ve met as many miserable guys with 100+ lays as I have, you may take it seriously.
Some of them forget… they forget that there’s a whole life to these interactions behind the objectification and quantification. They enter the validation trap — where a cocaine-addicted stripper has more value than a Plain Jane with a Ph.D, where a threesome has more value than an engagement ring, where things like acne scars or B-cup tits suddenly become deal-breakers in a relationship.
The PUA community at large is a bubble — it has a propensity to become elitist and to project its own desires and intentions onto everyone else.
They glorify their goals, try to deduce other’s actions and desires into base sexual needs, scoff at guys who don’t get into it as “AFC’s” and look down upon newbies who give up and leave as quitters and men who aren’t “man enough” to persevere the hundreds of rejections just to get their dick wet more often. Yet most guys are pretty damn content with a couple nice girls and a plain-Jane girlfriend who loves them.
Destroying My Demons
As I’ve been saying since 2006, and it’s not a big revelation anymore, but PUA is self-help in disguise. PUA’s can applaud themselves for their social development, their amazing relationships and conquests — but the truth is that they all arrive there because something was/is wrong. And there’s nothing to get all high and mighty about.
It takes a certain kind of man to find the objectification of his emotional life appealing. It takes a certain kind of man to become addicted to the validation of receiving love and affection from women.
The vast, vast majority of men who come to this stuff are the “one and done” crowd. In fact, you who are reading this, chances are you’re one of them too. You’re here because you’re nervous about this or that. You have a date coming up. There’s a girl in your class you think is cute, but you don’t know what to say. You’re in the middle of a dry spell and want to get out. You come here for a little simple advice, maybe a little motivation. You go out and get the date you want, the girlfriend you want, approach the girl you want to approach… and then you’re done.
But there’s a loud minority who for them it’s something more.
Something deep down in their emotional fabric drives them much further. They excitedly accept the objectification and relish in the validation. I did. And I see other guys do it too. And really what it is is their way of sorting through their emotional baggage. Some guys it takes 10-15 women. Some it takes 50-100. Some guys are damaged too deeply and never get out. But the truth remains: you don’t sell your soul to the devil unless part of you is already a little dead inside.
I am not an exception, just another casualty. I wrote this in August of 2008:
I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.
This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the vaginas in which I had been sticking my penis. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But Mark, we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”
I became horrified. Had my “friendship” with these girls merely consisted of me obsessing over my sexuality with them? Had our friendship just been a repository for me to validate myself — that I’m attractive, that women have sex with me, and that other women like it that women have sex with me?
Sadly, it had.
Your first reaction to this may be, “Shit, I wish I had that problem…” but remember this article and this quote. Because one day you may find yourself there, and you may find yourself as disconcerted as I was.
Whenever I talk about this, most men immediately ask me, “What emotional realities are we running from? What baggage are you talking about? I’m normal, it’s all these other guys who are crazy.”
This is actually an easier question than it may seem. It’s going to be different for every guy, but by FAR the most common deep emotional problems and fears that I come across in the PUA crowd are: ex-girlfriend or ex-wife that broke their heart and/or ruined them, divorced or absent parents, death of a loved one, death of a parent, or just repeated emotional beat-downs growing up — whether it be growing up in the projects, being verbally abused by girls your entire childhood for being fat, etc., etc.
A lot of guys can relate to at least one of the above. I know I can.
It’s painful to go back and deal with a lot of that. Some of it REALLY painful. And we don’t do it. We put it off for years. I came to PUA and was motivated primarily by my ex-girlfriend of four years cheating on me and leaving me. That fucking hurt. I thought I got over it, but I didn’t get over it for years. And when I looked deeper, I just realized that that had just been irritating a deeper wound stemming from my divorced parents and family situation growing up. That one STILL hurts. And I think the circumstances in which I grew up in is the largest reason why I’ve dedicated so much time, effort, thought and emotion to picking up women.
It’s not normal. And I accept that.
I look at myself and I realize now that underneath it all, there was a need for intimacy and love. It was when I finally buckled down and committed to a girl and started a new relationship that was actually healthy and happy, that finally showed me that. Like everyone else on this planet, I’m searching for intimacy and love, I’m just wired in such a way that it’s hard for me to get to that point with a woman. That’s what drives me. Just like I think deep down that’s what drives most of these guys. For whatever reason, we need to traverse some complex and damaged emotional landscape to get there though. And PUA has been an avenue for some of us to do that.
Regardless, I choose to not identify with the Pick Up Artist moniker any longer. The reasons are the two I listed above: I refuse to objectify my social interactions and love life, and I refuse to judge my personal success or have others judge my personal success based on my social and emotional life.
But not only do I choose to continue teaching and coaching, but I believe I can teach and coach from a much healthier and far more successful place this way.
If you were or are part of the PUA community, I encourage you to shed the unhealthy associations that come with it. This site is specifically designed to give dating and seduction advice and direction in a healthy manner: focusing on personal satisfaction and fulfillment with all of your sexual relationships, rather than racking up numbers or conquests, winning the admiration of your peers or attempting to be the “coolest” guy you know.
Personally, I think the PUA thing is a fad. I think in 10 years, we’ll look back and think of it as one of those silly things we did in the 2000′s, kind of like big hair in the 80′s, or dial-up modems in the 90′s. The mindsets the community is based upon are self-defeating, and only the truly damaged or self-loathing would continue to subscribe to them for a whole lifetime.
Dating advice for men, on the other hand, is only growing and will continue to grow. It’s going to continue to expand and become more inclusive and more mainstream. I think everything that’s currently Pick Up Artist related will either transition to a more mainstream audience or fade into relative obscurity. It will run its course, just like the men who make up its ranks will run theirs.
To Be Fair… In Hindsight
I know I’ve been pretty harsh on the whole Pick Up Artist thing in this article. And a lot of this probably stems from my bitterness and being too close to it for too long. But I must give credit where credit is due:
I would not be nearly as socially confident or competent today, if it weren’t for the PUA community.
There are HUNDREDS of amazing experiences and dozens of amazing women I would have missed out on, had I not picked up that book on that fateful day.
Through sheer force and confrontation, I’ve had to face many of my own emotional issues and overcome them in a short period of time — issues I probably would have gone half a lifetime being otherwise oblivious to.
And of course, I made some pretty cool friends and met some interesting people. Without whom, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
In the end, I suppose this article should be taken as a cautionary tale. There’s a lot to gain from that whole movement, but there’s also a lot that you can get trapped in and sucked under by. A friend of mine put it perfectly when he said, “You can judge a self-help movement by how many people leave it. If people are leaving it, then it’s doing something right.” Well, many people leave the PUA community, so it must be doing something right.
Just make sure you’re one of the ones who leaves.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Archiveof prior getting good : D-boy gives advice to young sandros before he got good
Quote:
attraction comfort seduction
This is fine, I do it as well.
I want to propose a few concepts to you that are crucial.. tell me how you apply them, and if you do apply them or what you think of them:
- she should want it more
- you have a life, aside from the community and the girl you want
- the girl is SECONDARY to your priorities
- you feel the same way during a PU with a hot girl, as you would with making a new guy friend... you just let things roll naturally, and don't try to force anything (aka, investing too much)
- you VIBE. I define vibe like this:
vibe is when both of you are equally invested in one another (aka, you both like eachother), but the woman is slightly investing more into you. It could be as simple as, she is investing on your withdrawals.
- escalate on IOIs from women.
Quote:
but I run deep comfort and go sexual
how does a typical PU go for you?
what is the location, how long are you in set, what are you saying, what are they doing that signifies they are interested in you, how do you go sexual, etc?
I suggest you go to www.fastseduction.com and read:
zarathustra_fi archive
Sleazy archive
Brad P. archive
also, I suggest you stop thinking of a pick up in a linear way.. i.e.: attract, comfort, seduce.
think of it as one, with different pathways.
Quote:
and they get buyers remorse or feel they connected ad just a friend.
elaborate on the buyers remorse.
if you are getting the friend thing, you are probably being to nice and are not being a THREAT.
as Franco says, leaders:
imprudent (they do not give a fuck)
can make small rapport with people
do you feel do you that?
imprudence can be many things.. negs, C&F, slapping a girls ass, etc, wearing black nails, etc.
Quote:
before that i was doing just attraction and qualifiacation and chit caht and try to close.
this is what you should do:
structure an opportunity for a woman where you put your cards out on the table allowing her to accept, or decline.
if she declines, move on. do not try to figure out how to make it work.
this will also save you a lot of time.
How do you do this?
I suggest you drop a lot of planning, or gaming and just understand the fundamentals (which I suspect you already do) and apply them.
so, go out, have fun, treat all girls like little children, have minimal expectations, and see where the night goes, etc.
Quote:
I know how to physically escalate i sometimes over do it.
yeah, I've done this to. don't worry about it.
whenever I feel the desire to do too much, I always think:
"WHO WANTS IT MORE?"
if the answer is me, I withdraw to save my cards.
Quote:
"its better to over escalate then not escalate" jeffy rsd
yes, in the proper circumstance.
it is better to stick a hand down a girls pants if she grabs your cock, rather than just hug her or something...
that is the context of his statement.
Quote:
they all lose interest..its like Im finally getting female friends or female aquantences but Im not getting laid or its going nowhere..like an orbiter.
you probably are investing too much.
tell me more about a typical PU for you.
D-Boy
attraction comfort seduction
This is fine, I do it as well.
I want to propose a few concepts to you that are crucial.. tell me how you apply them, and if you do apply them or what you think of them:
- she should want it more
- you have a life, aside from the community and the girl you want
- the girl is SECONDARY to your priorities
- you feel the same way during a PU with a hot girl, as you would with making a new guy friend... you just let things roll naturally, and don't try to force anything (aka, investing too much)
- you VIBE. I define vibe like this:
vibe is when both of you are equally invested in one another (aka, you both like eachother), but the woman is slightly investing more into you. It could be as simple as, she is investing on your withdrawals.
- escalate on IOIs from women.
Quote:
but I run deep comfort and go sexual
how does a typical PU go for you?
what is the location, how long are you in set, what are you saying, what are they doing that signifies they are interested in you, how do you go sexual, etc?
I suggest you go to www.fastseduction.com and read:
zarathustra_fi archive
Sleazy archive
Brad P. archive
also, I suggest you stop thinking of a pick up in a linear way.. i.e.: attract, comfort, seduce.
think of it as one, with different pathways.
Quote:
and they get buyers remorse or feel they connected ad just a friend.
elaborate on the buyers remorse.
if you are getting the friend thing, you are probably being to nice and are not being a THREAT.
as Franco says, leaders:
imprudent (they do not give a fuck)
can make small rapport with people
do you feel do you that?
imprudence can be many things.. negs, C&F, slapping a girls ass, etc, wearing black nails, etc.
Quote:
before that i was doing just attraction and qualifiacation and chit caht and try to close.
this is what you should do:
structure an opportunity for a woman where you put your cards out on the table allowing her to accept, or decline.
if she declines, move on. do not try to figure out how to make it work.
this will also save you a lot of time.
How do you do this?
I suggest you drop a lot of planning, or gaming and just understand the fundamentals (which I suspect you already do) and apply them.
so, go out, have fun, treat all girls like little children, have minimal expectations, and see where the night goes, etc.
Quote:
I know how to physically escalate i sometimes over do it.
yeah, I've done this to. don't worry about it.
whenever I feel the desire to do too much, I always think:
"WHO WANTS IT MORE?"
if the answer is me, I withdraw to save my cards.
Quote:
"its better to over escalate then not escalate" jeffy rsd
yes, in the proper circumstance.
it is better to stick a hand down a girls pants if she grabs your cock, rather than just hug her or something...
that is the context of his statement.
Quote:
they all lose interest..its like Im finally getting female friends or female aquantences but Im not getting laid or its going nowhere..like an orbiter.
you probably are investing too much.
tell me more about a typical PU for you.
D-Boy
Thursday, October 7, 2010
meeting different types of girls in a fashion show
I just came back from a fashion show alot of celebrities and models.
small crowd, it was invite only.
In Miami btw.
It was my first, I was dressed well and got some girls to check me out.
I enjoyed myself there and learned how easy it can be to get laid off there.
Ofcourse there were guys who didnt belong there and subcommunication gave that off easily.
i saw several non models who came to after party and looked around the room screening the room and trying to catch eye contact.
I guess she felt alone and was looking for a good time.
other girls where there to hang aaround celebrity and try to get laid or at least get laid.
I had a great time and noticed some things that can help me from the experience and networking.
I will try to write a FR with some notes for my blog but will try to post them here.
some guys in pua call it social circle game, but I think for this particular type of events its the perceived value rather than the most well dressed man in the room or the best looking man...well depends if you are celebrity.lol.
Girls are easy to talk with and no need to go direct unless you decided to stay in set with that particular one and try to go for a SNL.
some dating coaches cant advise or coach these type of scenarios.
fashion show? models? i mean real models? Celebritys.Real celebrities ? yes the guys you see on TV? try to see yourself there wthout acting like a touristy fan asking for picture autograph..lol.
i have alot on my mind and very hungry but will try to post it here if you'd like. Im definately writting this up for my blog.
small crowd, it was invite only.
In Miami btw.
It was my first, I was dressed well and got some girls to check me out.
I enjoyed myself there and learned how easy it can be to get laid off there.
Ofcourse there were guys who didnt belong there and subcommunication gave that off easily.
i saw several non models who came to after party and looked around the room screening the room and trying to catch eye contact.
I guess she felt alone and was looking for a good time.
other girls where there to hang aaround celebrity and try to get laid or at least get laid.
I had a great time and noticed some things that can help me from the experience and networking.
I will try to write a FR with some notes for my blog but will try to post them here.
some guys in pua call it social circle game, but I think for this particular type of events its the perceived value rather than the most well dressed man in the room or the best looking man...well depends if you are celebrity.lol.
Girls are easy to talk with and no need to go direct unless you decided to stay in set with that particular one and try to go for a SNL.
some dating coaches cant advise or coach these type of scenarios.
fashion show? models? i mean real models? Celebritys.Real celebrities ? yes the guys you see on TV? try to see yourself there wthout acting like a touristy fan asking for picture autograph..lol.
i have alot on my mind and very hungry but will try to post it here if you'd like. Im definately writting this up for my blog.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
justin wayne vid lr
Here’s an alternative link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq2ypnSENMU
I am glad that they chose the girl for me to approach so that its totally legit.
My plan was not to close her the same day since there are a few logistical reason why sometimes I can not close the same day. In this situation, she was suppose to meet up with her boyfriend. So I just focused on getting her “romantically invested” in me first.
Within 10 minutes I already had her warm and playful and got the make out. I dont know why they left it out in the video but it doesn’t matter since they got the footage of closing the deal.
(Some of the footage was from my phone, i just simpled joked and said “i have to tape this beautiful moment “
After that I knew I had to move her. SHe followed me to the bookstore. One thing I always ell people is that a true instant date is when you guys actually look like boyfriend and girlfriend. I did a lot of handholding ,and then she started chasing me and hugging me without me having to initiate it.
Her boyfriend called her like 10 times during the pick up. I then convinced her to come by me. I live one hr away in queens. I wasnt worried because i knew the number was pretty solid. So even if she couldnt come home with me that day, i could always continue it later and have on of the PUA Watchmen follow me.
However, she decided to come on the 1hr journey to Queens with me. (The pick up was in Union Sq). Keep in mind this is my usual routine so im used to pulling them from the city all the time.
Two of the PUA Watchmen guys followed me on the train, i acted as if i didn’t know them.
I took her in my room and fucked her doggy style, and took the footage on my phone.
Anyways, I would like to thank JB from PickUpArtistEvents for putting this together.
Keep your heads up guys.
justin wayne
I am glad that they chose the girl for me to approach so that its totally legit.
My plan was not to close her the same day since there are a few logistical reason why sometimes I can not close the same day. In this situation, she was suppose to meet up with her boyfriend. So I just focused on getting her “romantically invested” in me first.
Within 10 minutes I already had her warm and playful and got the make out. I dont know why they left it out in the video but it doesn’t matter since they got the footage of closing the deal.
(Some of the footage was from my phone, i just simpled joked and said “i have to tape this beautiful moment “
After that I knew I had to move her. SHe followed me to the bookstore. One thing I always ell people is that a true instant date is when you guys actually look like boyfriend and girlfriend. I did a lot of handholding ,and then she started chasing me and hugging me without me having to initiate it.
Her boyfriend called her like 10 times during the pick up. I then convinced her to come by me. I live one hr away in queens. I wasnt worried because i knew the number was pretty solid. So even if she couldnt come home with me that day, i could always continue it later and have on of the PUA Watchmen follow me.
However, she decided to come on the 1hr journey to Queens with me. (The pick up was in Union Sq). Keep in mind this is my usual routine so im used to pulling them from the city all the time.
Two of the PUA Watchmen guys followed me on the train, i acted as if i didn’t know them.
I took her in my room and fucked her doggy style, and took the footage on my phone.
Anyways, I would like to thank JB from PickUpArtistEvents for putting this together.
Keep your heads up guys.
justin wayne
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
DHV seduction with different type of women. Know what you sell to girls! by FRANCO
DHV seduction with different type of women. Know what you sell to girls! by FRANCO
DHV is in the art of seducing women = Demonstrating Higher Value.
When it is done properly it is done in an indirect way.
If you show to a woman directly that you have value and you get caught boasting about yourself that becomes a huge DLV = Demonstrating Lower Value.
Men of value ARE their own value. They do not boast about it.
Anyway, as I have described in the Manual of Seduction women are programmed to get sexually and emotionally aroused in the presence of men of higher value.
Nowadays life is hectic: there is no time for everything.
So you need to know how to use DHV to seduce women fast. It spares you time.
The wrong way to use DHV is this:
Her: “What´s your job?”
You: “Oh.. I think that only losers work a lot. Much better to live on passive income!”
The right way to DHV is this:
Her: “What´s your job?”
You: “Oh.. lately I have been not working much. We are doing this family business and see my Dad is a fanatic of automatism in business. He teases me all the time when I work too much. Nice Dad isn´t it? He is all the time worried about my health and well being. I just love my Dad ”
The first one is not good: you are boasting to her.
The second one is good: “someone else” is there and responsible for your success. Especially if you say it as you would be “bored” she will not understand that you are showing your value in order to seduce her.
When you put it like something your Dad said and did about you she gets the message that not working much and having a lot of money is “natural” to you.
Anyway: seduction is little bit like marketing and you really need to know what your targets – ”your customers” – are willing to buy.
An even better game is to structure your DHV so to “sell her” what you know she is likely to buy.
As we know from the eBook Getting The Good Girls we have 3 kind of women: the Good Girl, the Adventuress and the Materialista.
The Good Girl is interested in reaching the heart of a man and tests men to detect is she safe with them. Good girls test for safety and deeper emotional communication with men.
The Adventuress is interested in getting validation, attention, excitement and sex.
The Materialista is interested in getting mental and sexual power over you in order to gain material advantages, money and social status.
So before you structure your DHV try to evaluate quickly her type and sell her what she is willing to buy: in that way you will seduce her faster.
The above example for example “might” be a good one for a Good Girl in the case she is screening for safety. On the other hand she could be also a Materialista and be interested in your Dad´s commercial activity and how it might be transferred to you one day.
If she is an Adventuress and you detect she is you might go on with your DHV like this..
You: “Oh.. on the other hand my Dad is sooo boring.. see it´s wonderful in life to have fun. Fun and excitement. You know there are people who really don´t know how to break the rules.. actually my Dad believes I do not know it. I actually know that when he was young he really was doing some wild stuff..”
Se a DHV is a powerful “marketing tool” for your seduction when you are able to detect in advance her type… and: sell her what she wants.
She will begin to chase you, then.
DHV is in the art of seducing women = Demonstrating Higher Value.
When it is done properly it is done in an indirect way.
If you show to a woman directly that you have value and you get caught boasting about yourself that becomes a huge DLV = Demonstrating Lower Value.
Men of value ARE their own value. They do not boast about it.
Anyway, as I have described in the Manual of Seduction women are programmed to get sexually and emotionally aroused in the presence of men of higher value.
Nowadays life is hectic: there is no time for everything.
So you need to know how to use DHV to seduce women fast. It spares you time.
The wrong way to use DHV is this:
Her: “What´s your job?”
You: “Oh.. I think that only losers work a lot. Much better to live on passive income!”
The right way to DHV is this:
Her: “What´s your job?”
You: “Oh.. lately I have been not working much. We are doing this family business and see my Dad is a fanatic of automatism in business. He teases me all the time when I work too much. Nice Dad isn´t it? He is all the time worried about my health and well being. I just love my Dad ”
The first one is not good: you are boasting to her.
The second one is good: “someone else” is there and responsible for your success. Especially if you say it as you would be “bored” she will not understand that you are showing your value in order to seduce her.
When you put it like something your Dad said and did about you she gets the message that not working much and having a lot of money is “natural” to you.
Anyway: seduction is little bit like marketing and you really need to know what your targets – ”your customers” – are willing to buy.
An even better game is to structure your DHV so to “sell her” what you know she is likely to buy.
As we know from the eBook Getting The Good Girls we have 3 kind of women: the Good Girl, the Adventuress and the Materialista.
The Good Girl is interested in reaching the heart of a man and tests men to detect is she safe with them. Good girls test for safety and deeper emotional communication with men.
The Adventuress is interested in getting validation, attention, excitement and sex.
The Materialista is interested in getting mental and sexual power over you in order to gain material advantages, money and social status.
So before you structure your DHV try to evaluate quickly her type and sell her what she is willing to buy: in that way you will seduce her faster.
The above example for example “might” be a good one for a Good Girl in the case she is screening for safety. On the other hand she could be also a Materialista and be interested in your Dad´s commercial activity and how it might be transferred to you one day.
If she is an Adventuress and you detect she is you might go on with your DHV like this..
You: “Oh.. on the other hand my Dad is sooo boring.. see it´s wonderful in life to have fun. Fun and excitement. You know there are people who really don´t know how to break the rules.. actually my Dad believes I do not know it. I actually know that when he was young he really was doing some wild stuff..”
Se a DHV is a powerful “marketing tool” for your seduction when you are able to detect in advance her type… and: sell her what she wants.
She will begin to chase you, then.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sexual Framing and Qualification - Passions and Live in the Moment
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Student DHV Story Critique
Hi Quality et. al,
On our phone consultation, you said I should do some preparation before heading out to Vegas on Nov 2nd. A big part of it was creating material for stories. Well, here's what I came up with. I'm not quite sure how I can turn everything into DHV, how much of it is interesting, or how to put it all together to make it flow. But this is the kind of stuff that interests me and what a big part of my life is about or just interesting stuff that happened in my life. As you suggested, these are just bullet points. I could talk for hours on the stuff below and I have before. But not everyone finds it interesting. Some people find it very interesting. Others would be bored.
Leon,
Good job on the prompt response. One more thing that I would like for you to do is put the attraction switch label on each story and tell me when you think each story is best told. I.e. Attraction, Comfort, etc since you weren't too familiar with the attraction switches. This will get you in the habit of being able to identify your stories with the attraction switches and when to tell them.
Also, some of the stories are kind of dry and will need revamping. We will work on these in the bootcamp. Delivery is also key! I will break down each story if I can find the time. Here is an example of one.... Putting in all the work before the bootcamp will definately pay off when you are in the field!
Quote:
Story 4 - Cycling
- After the .com bust, I quit my job and started living the lifestyle of a pro cyclist for almost 4 years. I did well enough during the .com boom to afford to do this. It's not as glamours as it sounds. Basically eat, sleep, train, repeat. Never got to be as fast as the Pro's, but I got pretty damm fast. I could get a top 20 finish in some of the largest amateur races in my category and often won/placed in local races. Traveled around the northeast doing some of the biggest amateur races in the region. I did this to see how far I push my body physically.
Pluses
* Shows that you made good money before.
* Adventurous and bold enough to jump careers
* Shows Passion and Drive
* Lots of travels and experiences
Minus
* May comes off as bragging or trying too hard.
* Doesn't promote emotions
* Is not interesting to someone who doesn't have a passion for biking
* Hard to relate
* Dry
Suggestions
Tell a story and evoke a lot of emotions. Maybe put down a big race and how nervous you felt. Maybe say at one point you thought about quitting but pushed yourself hard from inside and because of that, was able to place in the top 20. Add twists and turns in the story. Say that someone bumped into you and made you fall loosing precious time. Add more conflict by shows that you injured your leg on the fall and wanted to quit etc. And tell her how it felt to finally cross the finish line. and what a feeling of accomplishment it was. Tell her how your friends were there cheering for you and how they all hugged you at the end and lifted you up on their shoulders to parade. Say one of your home girls handed you some flowers. Get the picture? Just adding these elements into your story makes it a much more interesting story. Add a punch line or moral to the story. I.e. "And I realized that no matter how tough it gets, I'm a fighter inside and my heart will never forgive me if I ever quit" etc.
~Quality - Asian Playboy Intern Instructor
ABC of Attraction
qualitypua.blogspot.com
On our phone consultation, you said I should do some preparation before heading out to Vegas on Nov 2nd. A big part of it was creating material for stories. Well, here's what I came up with. I'm not quite sure how I can turn everything into DHV, how much of it is interesting, or how to put it all together to make it flow. But this is the kind of stuff that interests me and what a big part of my life is about or just interesting stuff that happened in my life. As you suggested, these are just bullet points. I could talk for hours on the stuff below and I have before. But not everyone finds it interesting. Some people find it very interesting. Others would be bored.
Leon,
Good job on the prompt response. One more thing that I would like for you to do is put the attraction switch label on each story and tell me when you think each story is best told. I.e. Attraction, Comfort, etc since you weren't too familiar with the attraction switches. This will get you in the habit of being able to identify your stories with the attraction switches and when to tell them.
Also, some of the stories are kind of dry and will need revamping. We will work on these in the bootcamp. Delivery is also key! I will break down each story if I can find the time. Here is an example of one.... Putting in all the work before the bootcamp will definately pay off when you are in the field!
Quote:
Story 4 - Cycling
- After the .com bust, I quit my job and started living the lifestyle of a pro cyclist for almost 4 years. I did well enough during the .com boom to afford to do this. It's not as glamours as it sounds. Basically eat, sleep, train, repeat. Never got to be as fast as the Pro's, but I got pretty damm fast. I could get a top 20 finish in some of the largest amateur races in my category and often won/placed in local races. Traveled around the northeast doing some of the biggest amateur races in the region. I did this to see how far I push my body physically.
Pluses
* Shows that you made good money before.
* Adventurous and bold enough to jump careers
* Shows Passion and Drive
* Lots of travels and experiences
Minus
* May comes off as bragging or trying too hard.
* Doesn't promote emotions
* Is not interesting to someone who doesn't have a passion for biking
* Hard to relate
* Dry
Suggestions
Tell a story and evoke a lot of emotions. Maybe put down a big race and how nervous you felt. Maybe say at one point you thought about quitting but pushed yourself hard from inside and because of that, was able to place in the top 20. Add twists and turns in the story. Say that someone bumped into you and made you fall loosing precious time. Add more conflict by shows that you injured your leg on the fall and wanted to quit etc. And tell her how it felt to finally cross the finish line. and what a feeling of accomplishment it was. Tell her how your friends were there cheering for you and how they all hugged you at the end and lifted you up on their shoulders to parade. Say one of your home girls handed you some flowers. Get the picture? Just adding these elements into your story makes it a much more interesting story. Add a punch line or moral to the story. I.e. "And I realized that no matter how tough it gets, I'm a fighter inside and my heart will never forgive me if I ever quit" etc.
~Quality - Asian Playboy Intern Instructor
ABC of Attraction
qualitypua.blogspot.com
Accelerated Comfort using Future Projection
Many of you guys know this but it is good to go back to basics from time to time. It can always help you reflect and see things in a different light. Below is a routine that I created using Future Projections and Pair bonding to help achieve deep levels of comfort within a short period of time. Check it out!
The trick to having little to no LMR is comfort. Comfort is crucial to getting laid! The more comfort you build, the less LMR you will get. The game is truly played in comfort. Many girls makes the guy wait a little before having sex with them mainly because they are not comfortable with the idea of having sex with the guy. That is why it is so important for you to not only have rapport but sexual rapport and build a solid connection with her. If you build her sexual comfort effectively, there will be no time limit on how soon you can have sex with her.
Future Projecting is a powerful tool that can greatly increase her comfort level with you. When done properly, it anchors strong feelings of comfort that can only otherwise be achieved by spending long periods of time with each other; it brings that feeling into the present moment.
Below is an example routine of how to properly future project and use pair bonding for a one-two punch.
"You really have to go with me to my friend’s beach house in Mexico with me! It will be so much fun! Imagine you and me lying on the beach in the warm sun relaxing sipping on a cold tall glass of pina colada listening to the waves of the ocean and feeling the cool breeze flowing through our hair. Can you feel the warm sand between your toes? I can see it now! I notice you need more sun block on your shoulders and back so I help you put some on like this. (Then demonstrate as if you were going to put sun block on her shoulders and back).
“Then I noticed how tensed you are so I give you a slow relaxing massage and put you to sleep in my arms. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Then I later we can go horseback riding down the beach and watch the sunset as we head back for a dinner that is waiting for us on the patio. There will be tiki torches and sweet bottles of wine waiting for us. Then we can go and dance on the sand in the moonlight all night. (Grab her and embrace her like you are slow dancing) and get her to feel your touch and imagine herself actually there with you."
To add a Buying Temperature spike you can also say:
"Wait! You’re not a cheap drunk are you? (do a light push by letting her go of the embrace) Because with all of that wine, you will be stepping on my toes and falling all over the place. So…… I will have to carry you back to the bedroom like this. (Then pick her up and carry her for a few seconds.) This will get her out of the trance and pump up her BT.
Then bring her back into the trance for even a deeper added effect (Fractionation).
Then as you are lying there in my arms, I am holding you close and gently move your hair to the side and slowly caress your soft beautiful skin with the back of my fingers. (Move her hair out of her face and lightly caress her face with the back of your hands and fingers. You can go in for a kiss at this time if you wish. Or you can get close to get her to anticipate it and pull away to tease her and build some sexual tension. Logistically, you must be close to her in order to have a smooth transition."
Qualify her to get her to work to earn your right to go with you.
"But I am not sure if that is something you would enjoy. Do you like spending relaxing weekends on the beach with someone special to you?"
Can you see how powerful the routine can be? It is effective on several levels.
1. It gets her to imagine spending time with you in the future
2. And if she was to lie on the beach next to you some place far away, it means she’s already really comfortable with you. Weekend get-a-ways are usually associated with couples spending intimate time together. She will imagine spending time with you as a couple. Also, lying on a beach in a bikini implies that she has a certain level of comfort in exposing her body to you. Also rooming with you in a hotel conveys more pair bonding.
3. Also at the end of the routine, get her to accept your frame by verbal confirmation. It helps solidify her acceptance in her mind.
4. For increased effectiveness, ask her to describe details of the future projeciton to you. If she can see herself there with you, then she can see you in her life down the line. And that can build some serious comfort!
5. Also, doing the push pull will help maintain attraction and eliminate the creepy vibe. It will also help her fractionate.
6. You are also generating attraction and sexual arousal at the same time by leading her imagination and showing dominance by manipulating her body and carrying her. It also helps her feel more comfortable with your physical touch.
7. With this routine, you can bring it up later in the interaction and joke about it. You can say, in a playful way, “If you don’t behave yourself, I’m not going to take you horseback riding with me…Don’t force me to take my sugar momma with me?!”
Next time, I will post my Pairing bonding Instant Arousal Routine.
QualityPUA
Asian Playboy Intern Coach
BedTheGirl.com
More Sex, Less Resistance, No more LMR
Sign up for the FREE Weekly Video Demos
Posted by Quality - APB Intern Coach at 6:04 AM
The trick to having little to no LMR is comfort. Comfort is crucial to getting laid! The more comfort you build, the less LMR you will get. The game is truly played in comfort. Many girls makes the guy wait a little before having sex with them mainly because they are not comfortable with the idea of having sex with the guy. That is why it is so important for you to not only have rapport but sexual rapport and build a solid connection with her. If you build her sexual comfort effectively, there will be no time limit on how soon you can have sex with her.
Future Projecting is a powerful tool that can greatly increase her comfort level with you. When done properly, it anchors strong feelings of comfort that can only otherwise be achieved by spending long periods of time with each other; it brings that feeling into the present moment.
Below is an example routine of how to properly future project and use pair bonding for a one-two punch.
"You really have to go with me to my friend’s beach house in Mexico with me! It will be so much fun! Imagine you and me lying on the beach in the warm sun relaxing sipping on a cold tall glass of pina colada listening to the waves of the ocean and feeling the cool breeze flowing through our hair. Can you feel the warm sand between your toes? I can see it now! I notice you need more sun block on your shoulders and back so I help you put some on like this. (Then demonstrate as if you were going to put sun block on her shoulders and back).
“Then I noticed how tensed you are so I give you a slow relaxing massage and put you to sleep in my arms. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Then I later we can go horseback riding down the beach and watch the sunset as we head back for a dinner that is waiting for us on the patio. There will be tiki torches and sweet bottles of wine waiting for us. Then we can go and dance on the sand in the moonlight all night. (Grab her and embrace her like you are slow dancing) and get her to feel your touch and imagine herself actually there with you."
To add a Buying Temperature spike you can also say:
"Wait! You’re not a cheap drunk are you? (do a light push by letting her go of the embrace) Because with all of that wine, you will be stepping on my toes and falling all over the place. So…… I will have to carry you back to the bedroom like this. (Then pick her up and carry her for a few seconds.) This will get her out of the trance and pump up her BT.
Then bring her back into the trance for even a deeper added effect (Fractionation).
Then as you are lying there in my arms, I am holding you close and gently move your hair to the side and slowly caress your soft beautiful skin with the back of my fingers. (Move her hair out of her face and lightly caress her face with the back of your hands and fingers. You can go in for a kiss at this time if you wish. Or you can get close to get her to anticipate it and pull away to tease her and build some sexual tension. Logistically, you must be close to her in order to have a smooth transition."
Qualify her to get her to work to earn your right to go with you.
"But I am not sure if that is something you would enjoy. Do you like spending relaxing weekends on the beach with someone special to you?"
Can you see how powerful the routine can be? It is effective on several levels.
1. It gets her to imagine spending time with you in the future
2. And if she was to lie on the beach next to you some place far away, it means she’s already really comfortable with you. Weekend get-a-ways are usually associated with couples spending intimate time together. She will imagine spending time with you as a couple. Also, lying on a beach in a bikini implies that she has a certain level of comfort in exposing her body to you. Also rooming with you in a hotel conveys more pair bonding.
3. Also at the end of the routine, get her to accept your frame by verbal confirmation. It helps solidify her acceptance in her mind.
4. For increased effectiveness, ask her to describe details of the future projeciton to you. If she can see herself there with you, then she can see you in her life down the line. And that can build some serious comfort!
5. Also, doing the push pull will help maintain attraction and eliminate the creepy vibe. It will also help her fractionate.
6. You are also generating attraction and sexual arousal at the same time by leading her imagination and showing dominance by manipulating her body and carrying her. It also helps her feel more comfortable with your physical touch.
7. With this routine, you can bring it up later in the interaction and joke about it. You can say, in a playful way, “If you don’t behave yourself, I’m not going to take you horseback riding with me…Don’t force me to take my sugar momma with me?!”
Next time, I will post my Pairing bonding Instant Arousal Routine.
QualityPUA
Asian Playboy Intern Coach
BedTheGirl.com
More Sex, Less Resistance, No more LMR
Sign up for the FREE Weekly Video Demos
Posted by Quality - APB Intern Coach at 6:04 AM
Accelerated Comfort using Future Projection
Many of you guys know this but it is good to go back to basics from time to time. It can always help you reflect and see things in a different light. Below is a routine that I created using Future Projections and Pair bonding to help achieve deep levels of comfort within a short period of time. Check it out!
The trick to having little to no LMR is comfort. Comfort is crucial to getting laid! The more comfort you build, the less LMR you will get. The game is truly played in comfort. Many girls makes the guy wait a little before having sex with them mainly because they are not comfortable with the idea of having sex with the guy. That is why it is so important for you to not only have rapport but sexual rapport and build a solid connection with her. If you build her sexual comfort effectively, there will be no time limit on how soon you can have sex with her.
Future Projecting is a powerful tool that can greatly increase her comfort level with you. When done properly, it anchors strong feelings of comfort that can only otherwise be achieved by spending long periods of time with each other; it brings that feeling into the present moment.
Below is an example routine of how to properly future project and use pair bonding for a one-two punch.
"You really have to go with me to my friend’s beach house in Mexico with me! It will be so much fun! Imagine you and me lying on the beach in the warm sun relaxing sipping on a cold tall glass of pina colada listening to the waves of the ocean and feeling the cool breeze flowing through our hair. Can you feel the warm sand between your toes? I can see it now! I notice you need more sun block on your shoulders and back so I help you put some on like this. (Then demonstrate as if you were going to put sun block on her shoulders and back).
“Then I noticed how tensed you are so I give you a slow relaxing massage and put you to sleep in my arms. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Then I later we can go horseback riding down the beach and watch the sunset as we head back for a dinner that is waiting for us on the patio. There will be tiki torches and sweet bottles of wine waiting for us. Then we can go and dance on the sand in the moonlight all night. (Grab her and embrace her like you are slow dancing) and get her to feel your touch and imagine herself actually there with you."
To add a Buying Temperature spike you can also say:
"Wait! You’re not a cheap drunk are you? (do a light push by letting her go of the embrace) Because with all of that wine, you will be stepping on my toes and falling all over the place. So…… I will have to carry you back to the bedroom like this. (Then pick her up and carry her for a few seconds.) This will get her out of the trance and pump up her BT.
Then bring her back into the trance for even a deeper added effect (Fractionation).
Then as you are lying there in my arms, I am holding you close and gently move your hair to the side and slowly caress your soft beautiful skin with the back of my fingers. (Move her hair out of her face and lightly caress her face with the back of your hands and fingers. You can go in for a kiss at this time if you wish. Or you can get close to get her to anticipate it and pull away to tease her and build some sexual tension. Logistically, you must be close to her in order to have a smooth transition."
Qualify her to get her to work to earn your right to go with you.
"But I am not sure if that is something you would enjoy. Do you like spending relaxing weekends on the beach with someone special to you?"
Can you see how powerful the routine can be? It is effective on several levels.
1. It gets her to imagine spending time with you in the future
2. And if she was to lie on the beach next to you some place far away, it means she’s already really comfortable with you. Weekend get-a-ways are usually associated with couples spending intimate time together. She will imagine spending time with you as a couple. Also, lying on a beach in a bikini implies that she has a certain level of comfort in exposing her body to you. Also rooming with you in a hotel conveys more pair bonding.
3. Also at the end of the routine, get her to accept your frame by verbal confirmation. It helps solidify her acceptance in her mind.
4. For increased effectiveness, ask her to describe details of the future projeciton to you. If she can see herself there with you, then she can see you in her life down the line. And that can build some serious comfort!
5. Also, doing the push pull will help maintain attraction and eliminate the creepy vibe. It will also help her fractionate.
6. You are also generating attraction and sexual arousal at the same time by leading her imagination and showing dominance by manipulating her body and carrying her. It also helps her feel more comfortable with your physical touch.
7. With this routine, you can bring it up later in the interaction and joke about it. You can say, in a playful way, “If you don’t behave yourself, I’m not going to take you horseback riding with me…Don’t force me to take my sugar momma with me?!”
Next time, I will post my Pairing bonding Instant Arousal Routine.
QualityPUA
Asian Playboy Intern Coach
BedTheGirl.com
More Sex, Less Resistance, No more LMR
Sign up for the FREE Weekly Video Demos
Posted by Quality - APB Intern Coach at 6:04 AM
The trick to having little to no LMR is comfort. Comfort is crucial to getting laid! The more comfort you build, the less LMR you will get. The game is truly played in comfort. Many girls makes the guy wait a little before having sex with them mainly because they are not comfortable with the idea of having sex with the guy. That is why it is so important for you to not only have rapport but sexual rapport and build a solid connection with her. If you build her sexual comfort effectively, there will be no time limit on how soon you can have sex with her.
Future Projecting is a powerful tool that can greatly increase her comfort level with you. When done properly, it anchors strong feelings of comfort that can only otherwise be achieved by spending long periods of time with each other; it brings that feeling into the present moment.
Below is an example routine of how to properly future project and use pair bonding for a one-two punch.
"You really have to go with me to my friend’s beach house in Mexico with me! It will be so much fun! Imagine you and me lying on the beach in the warm sun relaxing sipping on a cold tall glass of pina colada listening to the waves of the ocean and feeling the cool breeze flowing through our hair. Can you feel the warm sand between your toes? I can see it now! I notice you need more sun block on your shoulders and back so I help you put some on like this. (Then demonstrate as if you were going to put sun block on her shoulders and back).
“Then I noticed how tensed you are so I give you a slow relaxing massage and put you to sleep in my arms. Wouldn’t that be amazing?! Then I later we can go horseback riding down the beach and watch the sunset as we head back for a dinner that is waiting for us on the patio. There will be tiki torches and sweet bottles of wine waiting for us. Then we can go and dance on the sand in the moonlight all night. (Grab her and embrace her like you are slow dancing) and get her to feel your touch and imagine herself actually there with you."
To add a Buying Temperature spike you can also say:
"Wait! You’re not a cheap drunk are you? (do a light push by letting her go of the embrace) Because with all of that wine, you will be stepping on my toes and falling all over the place. So…… I will have to carry you back to the bedroom like this. (Then pick her up and carry her for a few seconds.) This will get her out of the trance and pump up her BT.
Then bring her back into the trance for even a deeper added effect (Fractionation).
Then as you are lying there in my arms, I am holding you close and gently move your hair to the side and slowly caress your soft beautiful skin with the back of my fingers. (Move her hair out of her face and lightly caress her face with the back of your hands and fingers. You can go in for a kiss at this time if you wish. Or you can get close to get her to anticipate it and pull away to tease her and build some sexual tension. Logistically, you must be close to her in order to have a smooth transition."
Qualify her to get her to work to earn your right to go with you.
"But I am not sure if that is something you would enjoy. Do you like spending relaxing weekends on the beach with someone special to you?"
Can you see how powerful the routine can be? It is effective on several levels.
1. It gets her to imagine spending time with you in the future
2. And if she was to lie on the beach next to you some place far away, it means she’s already really comfortable with you. Weekend get-a-ways are usually associated with couples spending intimate time together. She will imagine spending time with you as a couple. Also, lying on a beach in a bikini implies that she has a certain level of comfort in exposing her body to you. Also rooming with you in a hotel conveys more pair bonding.
3. Also at the end of the routine, get her to accept your frame by verbal confirmation. It helps solidify her acceptance in her mind.
4. For increased effectiveness, ask her to describe details of the future projeciton to you. If she can see herself there with you, then she can see you in her life down the line. And that can build some serious comfort!
5. Also, doing the push pull will help maintain attraction and eliminate the creepy vibe. It will also help her fractionate.
6. You are also generating attraction and sexual arousal at the same time by leading her imagination and showing dominance by manipulating her body and carrying her. It also helps her feel more comfortable with your physical touch.
7. With this routine, you can bring it up later in the interaction and joke about it. You can say, in a playful way, “If you don’t behave yourself, I’m not going to take you horseback riding with me…Don’t force me to take my sugar momma with me?!”
Next time, I will post my Pairing bonding Instant Arousal Routine.
QualityPUA
Asian Playboy Intern Coach
BedTheGirl.com
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Posted by Quality - APB Intern Coach at 6:04 AM
Pickup is NOT a skill by Entropy
Here’s one of the biggest myths that’s been circulating for years: that picking up women is a skill and that it can be learned through studying it.
It took me years to figure this out, but that’s not true.
Think about it. The analogies that are usually used is that picking up women is like playing piano or learning a language. If you study it enough, you’ll eventually be able to do it.
But really what is the “skill” involved in meeting and dating a lot of women?
Speaking? Moving your feet? Having sexual feelings and emotions?
These are all things that you’ve had and been able to do your whole life.
THERE’S NOTHING TO LEARN
This is one of the most important and profound realizations that I’ve ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a skill that is learned… it’s a habit that is practiced.
You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven’t created a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just haven’t made a habit of it.
Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of study and work), and more like training yourself to write with your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You “know” how to do it already, it’s just that you’ve never done it before, so you’re fighting through a lifetime of bad habits.
I have more thoughts about this than I can fit into this email, so I sat down and wrote a full 30-page PDF report on this realization and how it’s effected my ability with women. You can download it for free at this link (no email required):
http://www.getgirlfriendguaranteed.com/ssdownload1/SeductionShortcut.pdf
Let me know what you think.
It took me years to figure this out, but that’s not true.
Think about it. The analogies that are usually used is that picking up women is like playing piano or learning a language. If you study it enough, you’ll eventually be able to do it.
But really what is the “skill” involved in meeting and dating a lot of women?
Speaking? Moving your feet? Having sexual feelings and emotions?
These are all things that you’ve had and been able to do your whole life.
THERE’S NOTHING TO LEARN
This is one of the most important and profound realizations that I’ve ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a skill that is learned… it’s a habit that is practiced.
You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven’t created a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just haven’t made a habit of it.
Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of study and work), and more like training yourself to write with your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You “know” how to do it already, it’s just that you’ve never done it before, so you’re fighting through a lifetime of bad habits.
I have more thoughts about this than I can fit into this email, so I sat down and wrote a full 30-page PDF report on this realization and how it’s effected my ability with women. You can download it for free at this link (no email required):
http://www.getgirlfriendguaranteed.com/ssdownload1/SeductionShortcut.pdf
Let me know what you think.
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