Daygame hesitation sticking points :I noticed a pattern
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I only do daygame.
and most scenarios have to do with either being somewhere and seeing a woman hot doing random errands and I get clueless at times to open them.
I dont go to coffee shops and bookstores just for pickup, I got ton of stuff to do and I think I should have an ability to be somewhere and get a chance to get to know a girl.
A scenario is today I saw was :
Gas station I was pumping gas and the car
the car behind me a hot woman comes out and goes in to pay and then goes to pump her gas into her car , she looks elsewhere doesnt notice me..I try to go open and hesitate...dont open F-K!
Library: Im standing looking for a book standing infront of bookshelf looking at books,I notice a cute girl looking at me ,
I look and notice her looking at me and catch her eye.....I hesitate and look away back into looking into bookshelf and she leaves....F-K!
Outside Supermarket:
I was driving by talking w my brother in my car a notice a woman who is corner who walks out of a local mini mart...I drive by slow and she then stands in the corner to cross , she stares and then I smile she smiles back with a sexual vibe and I drive away....its like we exchanged sexual eye contact....
I noticed from this and other posts before that Im constantly hesitating to open, Its ok to be caught off guard but now its becoming more and more often these scenarios and Im not doing something about it and its frustrating.
I would like any suggestions on this issue Im having.
Thanks guys
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Hey Sandros
I've been studying hard for finals too. Its good to hear from you again.
Firstly, I want you to know thats it is only natural to feel 'off guard'. Stranger approaching is NOT normal and is considered 'weird' to normal people. Stranger approach, as you may have noticed, takes a certain mindset to carry out. That is why I look at it as a sport since you are playing against some odds which enhance the feeling of success.
The reason why it is a "performance" and NOT a way simple way of life, it's because we are not programmed to consistently meet and trust people who we do not know. Even if we program ourselves to do it, the people who were are approaching will still be conditioned to not truly connect with strangers in any meaningful way. This is why it has to be a 'performance'.
Some people think that performing means coming off fake. This is not necessarily the case. Even if someone looks perfectly natural doing random stranger approach game, they are still 'performing'. They are simply performing well.
That being understood. I remember you mentioning that you have a lot of experience gaming in NY and Miami. I guarantee that anyone who is not a NEWBIE is definitely not afraid to 'approach' a girl and simply just open. That's an easy task for anyone who have at least approached dozens of strangers. Especially since you can simply walk away if you approached ONLY for the sake of practicing opening.
It has now come to my attention that what most people (who are not newbies) do NOT fear the Approach. They fear the PERFORMANCE that they have to do after the open. It is relatively easy to say "hi". It is difficult to perform after saying hi.
Let's think about it. After you approach the girl to say hi, then you have to barrel through many potential challenges and social awkwardness that you have already faced far too many times in the back of your mind. She may look at you as if she is uncomfortable, she may be slightly rude to you, she may be friendly but still not interested in you and you find out later, She may get a phone call. OR, you may sound nervous, you may forget what you were going to say, you may be lost for words, you may say something stupid. Etc.
Performing is the act of trying to get the girl in which 99% is after the opener. Performing is what you must face in real time. It is wat makes you feel like you 'invested' or 'wasted' your time.
Approach Anxiety = Only for NEWBIES
Performance Anxiety = For most people who are actually trying to get the girl.
There is also a strange notion that "naturals" can just do random street approach and get laid like rockstars. MAJORLY FALSE.
Naturals do more warm approaching. The most difficult thing a natural would do is a WARM Approach in a social venue where it is NOT awkward to approach women. Naturals inherently know that at first glance, doing random stranger approaches on the street is not the ideal thing to do. Truth be told. It is not. Most naturals meet girls though social circles and a bar of friend etc.
Naturals do not randomly approach stranger and get laid. When they try, they too look and feel awkward in many cases too. It is not that they are social awkward people, it is just that they are going against social nature. Random Stranger approaching goes against it.
So stranger approach is a performance because it is not Natural to approach random people and make a true romantic connection with them. This is why it has to be looked as a science and art from in my humble opinion. The science has to do with the ratio of what works and what doesn't. The art is how you convey what you are suppose to.
So do not beat yourself up because you do not approach a girl when you are going through your normal activities. Even I do not approach all the time. It feels awkward for me too when I am not in the MODE or mindset. I mostly get laid when i change my mindset to perform. Since stranger approaching is out of the ordinary and goes against our very nature. I pass beautiful women in my life all the time too.
Stranger Approaching can be learned. But like anything else, it is not for everyone. That is why I will always let people know the truth about it. It worked for me after digging very deep.
This is why I suggest to society at large that Random Stranger Approaching should be only viewed as a niche and will always be a "niche". Just like any other challenging sport such as Free Running.
Also, if you want to feel sane, please do stranger approaching in moderation. I always tell my students to NOT practice every day, It will make you come off weird. Unless you have a great social circle of people who you are always in touch with.
Ultimately, whether you become great at Random Stranger Approach or not, focus on being apart of social circles where you can be given a fair chance and also come have normal interaction with people without trying to get something from them. It is good for your social mental psyche.
It is normal and ok to feel this way.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Hope this helps.
Justin WAyne
PS. I wrote this long because I felt its time for me to start giving more advice so people can understand what I am about. I will take your name out of it for confidentiality. Great question. Let me know if you have any other questions
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MORE CONTRIBUTORS
Originally Posted by Illustrator
Hesitation comes from fear. Kill the fear you kill the hesitation.
Thanks man.GREAT Advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedSeraph
You have an advantage in that you are trying to make these approaches during the day, to strangers you will likely never see again. Keeping that in mind, if you mess up, there really isn't any damage done, no one to be embarrassed to. So you have nothing to lose just snapping to say SOMETHING, ANYTHING to these ladies, and crashing and burning, just to get used to opening quickly and thinking on your feet. This should motivate you to act first and think later. Get the experience.
You are right I shouldn't feel nervous.I should say this to myself. Thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by LastMan
Obvious question:
Have you ever not had this problem? Or does the 'daygame' you 'do' consist entirely of missed oppurtunities?
Not really, in the past I would do standard cold approach, but since I started noticing girls checking me out and giving me IOIs and started using more eye contact to initiate (something Ive been experimenting) I get into these situations and hesitate..cause Ive never read or heard anyone talk about girls giving you interest in Pickup ,its always about you doing a bunch of cold appraoches. Also in NY its mainly street game by foot , but here in Mia.. here it isnt common for a stranger to appraoch, its not social thing to do that.
you can say that Im in the middle of "I know I can appraoch" and " Ok she gives interest" "this is a gas station, now what ?" or " She is eye fucking me, OK what am I supposed to do".
Like performance anxiety of some sort.
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TEQUILA MAN SAYS:
Yeah, Sandee, I call it stalling. We ALL do it.
ForeverMan and Jesse should have some good advice.
TM
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