I read RJ's stuff once in a while and I noticed that you have to be the jerk that gives her space for her to come to you....
its simple yet to project it without verbalizing it ,can be calibrated..subcommunications of your actions of why you say them...
In a relationship , we tend to be there for her be nice and she complaints and give her more and more and more ..til basically you end up carry all the work in the relationship...yes you do have to lead but she has to work as well...you ahve to elicit for her to invest in it...how? same with pick up .
you bait and use assertiveness and your sub com has to be ( n and this from rJ)
Do a little Frame Control on yourself before you try it on her. Repeat this to yourself till it's clear:
"I am not attached, but nor am I disinterested."
And then orient yourself to your end goal by asking:
"Do I want a poke in the eye, or do I want to poke her?"
Its what calibration is about, or you can call it a mild push pull mixed with qualification on waiting for her to react....
Also to avoid confrontation issues I found best is not to give her a reason to respond, cause she will have a tendency to respond negative cause she isnt getting her way...
SO YOU LEAD...
ADAM said: "Be freindly ..yet keep distance"
I say DOnt be her therapist, be busy.
my friend Kawg says : dont go into too much detail or educate her on how things are going to be ....just be simple light to cut off contact with her.
I lost my neediness last night with the support of doc strangelove , entropy and a rock and the guys that have emailed me.....
Im not going to talk about what happend and Im just going to focus on my work and situation.
the more I talk the more obsess I become and reactive in which unhealthy.
Im aware that I can attract a woman whenever I feel like it , I just dont depend on her for my happyness or rely on her for my own personal issues...
that I made a mistake of and in general its a DLV if it comes from that frame cause polarity is reversed therefore her actions will depend on her state or emotions.
as my friedn natural told me just ignore her for now. Dont give her a reason to respond.
this is a thin line and a bomb to explode in which I have to carefully withdraw myself from it.
its frame control on how you will lead to what you want and avoid going to a territory of problems and drama.
AVOID repetittious conversation or talk about relationship status...
dont add negative fluff or personal issues or whats called as "noise"
to distract her..but yet be chill and congruent.
as matt said : be happy positive and cheerful, it will keep you from seeming insecure or needy.
appear that you have moved on and you no longer need your GF
most ex GF keep their ex boyfriends as "friends" to help themselves heal who is there to heal the boyfreind?
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here's the RJ newsletter :
"I'm Tired Of Being Her 'Therapist' While She's Banging Those Jerks"
Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
You're a smart guy who's "got it goin' on" who knows how to overcome your fear, walk right over to the hottie you see at the next table, and Sarge on her 'till next thing you know, she's screaming your name while you take her places she's never been before.
But there's one problem. The other guys she's been with have treated her like garbage. You refuse to resort to bullying, begging, buying, bs or booze...but she's so used to guys who DO, that you end up being the "therapist" she cries to about those other jerks.
You know, the jerks who are f@@king her silly while you fantasize about her during your date with Rosey and her five sisters. Here's a note I got from a student who's in that boat:
==============================================
I have the hots for this chick who has ONLY ever been attracted to guys who treated her like crap. Occasionally she'll call me or I her and we'll hang a bit or talk on the phone. Each time, I extend her comfort zone just a bit more and her affirm, ratify and REACH for more good feelings.
It's been my experience, if you treat women nice they tend to run away because it is all new to them. And I'm left standing there, knowing I had good intentions. But good intentions ain't getting my Willy wet.
Can you expand the process here of how you had to be "hard" on her at first (which is what she expects from men) and slowly change her comfort zone to reach for good feelings - that will open up her heart and blow her mind.
Can this be done without me becoming her therapist and "friend" instead of her lover?
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This is territory fraught with pitfalls. First, foremost, UPPERMOST, MOST importantly:
DETACH YOURSELF from the outcome. You might like this woman, but you have to detach; turn down your desire to bang her, make a difference, change her worldview, etc.
Do a little Frame Control on yourself before you try it on her. Repeat this to yourself till it's clear:
"I am not attached, but nor am I disinterested."
And then orient yourself to your end goal by asking:
"Do I want a poke in the eye, or do I want to poke her?"
(I think you KNOW what *I* prefer!)
Instead of being the "friend" whose shoulder she cries on about how those jerks treat her wrong, you'll be the guy who gets her soaking wet with desire...the "best she's ever had." They'll wish they were YOU.
Peace and piece,
RJ
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