Harem Management 101

Somebody recently linked this on the Boston boards and I COMPLETELY forgot that I wrote it. I saw it today and was like, “damn, this is awesome, when did I write this?” So anyway, here it is on the blog.

Alright, here’s what I would call Harem Management 101.

Really, this shit comes down more to how much free time you have and not being stupid than anything else.

As any guy who this post actually applies to knows, women are TIME CONSUMING. They love to sit around and talk and cuddle and do a bunch of nothing with you all day. Typically, if a girl comes over at 8PM one night, it’s pretty much a given that I’m not going to be productive for the rest of the night. Keep this in mind and adjust accordingly.

With that said, when we’re juggling multiple women, they fall into two categories: the FB and the MLTR. FB’s are of the pump-and-dump variety, more of booty calls. You don’t typically hang out with them a long time nor sleep over at their place or let them crash at yours. Sponteneity is more of the norm as calling her up at 10PM one night for a quickie isn’t out of line at all. As such, FB’s are easy on your schedule because they can fit in almost anywhere and you can go long stretches without seeing them (probably up to two to three weeks).

MLTR’s on the other hand are a once-a-week minimum. They usually stay over and vice-versa and you will often spend most of the day/night with her. They’re more time consuming and also weekend eligible (i.e., you should be willing to give them a Friday or Saturday).

For purely logistical reasons, I would not keep more than two MLTR’s at a time. At one point I had 3 MLTR’s and 3 FB’s, and I literally spent twice as much time in other beds as I did my own.

I’ll break down a little scale as far as time-consuming goes, MLTR = 1GF, FB = 0.5GF. So for instance, 2 MLTR’s and 2 FB’s would = 3GF’s.

1GF = Easily manageable. Far more nights free than not. Be careful of scarcity complex and getting too attached to the one girl.
2GF = Still manageable. 2 MLTR’s + 1 FB is probably my favorite rotation as you still have quality time with quality women, have chances to still go out every week, but will never go more than 2-3 days without getting laid.
3GF = This is where it begins to get time consuming. You’re now spending just about every other night with a girl. If you work a lot or have a lot of hobbies, this is probably the most women you can handle at once.
4GF = You really must hate being home and/or alone. No time to go out, always tired. Spending a night by yourself actually begins to look like a luxury.
5GF = This begins to test your sanity. If you still force yourself to go out on weekends, you no longer have ANY nights free. Literally almost every night is a “date” or spent with one girl or another. I got close to this once and I literally had NO FREE TIME. Ever. After a week I freaked out and dropped a couple girls.

You hear about guys like Zan or DavidX who have juggled up 7 or 9 GF’s at a time, but in both cases, the girls all not only know ABOUT each other but knew each other. Having dealt with multiple girlfriends, I don’t buy this at all — unless they’re calling their FB’s “girlfriends” (which some guys do). Simply the amount of time necessary to manage all of the relationships and the fact that you only have so much sex drive. I mean, my sex drive can barely keep up with ONE girlfriend, but NINE? You’d be spending four hours a day fucking and the another four fighting about which girlfriends you were fucking and which ones you weren’t. Your life would fall apart.

I think 4GF is the highest you could reasonably go without having the girls meet each other and start double booking them. I don’t have nearly as much experience with introducing FB’s and MLTR’s and having them hang out. The basic idea is that you tell each girl that you will not tolerate any jealousy or drama from any single girl, that they must at least be courteous to the other women in your life and then just hope the women get along well. Even then, you have to do a lot of maintenance and arbitrating. So the massive amounts of time consumption still exists.

Really, there’s no getting around the time factor. Guys get off bragging or day-dreaming about having like six women at once, but once you actually start dating 5-6 women at a time, the massive amounts of time needed to manage those relationships defeats ANY satisfaction anyway. I mean, sure it’s cool to fuck five different girls in one week, it’s always nice to say you’ve done it. But the reality is at the end of that week I would have killed to have two nights by myself.

Here are some other general guidelines:

1) Try to find a day of the week for each of your MLTR’s. Mondays-Thursdays are great. Check your schedule against hers and see what works. Chicks actually really like this if you can arrange this and tell them, “OK, every Monday is our night together.” Save the FB’s for bootie calls later on in the week when you’re drunk and horny on a Saturday.

2) Obviously, to avoid double-booking, you’re going to have to plan out each week a week in advance. Guideline number one makes this much easier, but a lot of times these girls will invite you to shit or you’ll have new day two’s and shit set up. When you only have 1-2 girls, making plans isn’t a big deal, but when you’re juggling 4-5, planning a week in advance is MANDATORY. Find out the girl’s schedule and make plans. It’s never a bad idea.

3) Managing everyone’s expectations: if a girl wants you to hang out with her next Wednesday, but Wednesday is booked, just tell her “sorry, I got plans, but I’m free Thursday.” If it’s something specific and personal to her (like she’s in a performance or her friend out of town is coming, etc.), call your Wednesday girl and reschedule telling her something ambiguous. NEVER underestimate the power of ambiguity. Saying, “Oh something came up, can we hang out Thursday instead?” will rarely get a second thought. If the girl does say, “Oh, what are you doing?” that should send up a flag that she’s becoming emotionally involved and wants to know why you’re rearranging your time with her. I like taking the route of being honest, except use “my friend’ vaguely to describe what’s going on. For instance, in this example if the girl asked me why I was rescheduling, I would say, “My friend has a performance Wednesday, and they asked me to go to it.” It’s true. But it’s sexually ambiguous.

4) Dropping girls from the rotation requires little more than not calling them. Trust me, if you have enough girls you’ll find yourself forgetting to call your lesser favorites anyway.

5) If any two are bisexual or bi-curious, consider introducing two of them. Double book a night. Tell each one about the other one beforehand and get them to look forward to meeting and then see what happens. In my experience, the best threesome potential happens with a MLTR and an FB combo. Two MLTR’s will get pissy and jealous of each other, and two FB’s, there’s just not enough investment in you.