Sometimes, when a man finds himself at a loss for words when speaking to a woman, wonders whether or not she likes him or when and if he should call her, it isn't always because he is a poor conversationalist, can't read the signs or doesn't know how or when to ask a woman out. This is especially true if he doesn't have the same issues when socially interacting with friends or family. When this is the case, if a man seems to have more problems interacting with women more so then other people in general, then his problem is a very simple one: He has a problem with sex.
By approaching a woman he is sexually interested in, he realizes he is automatically exposing his goal like a neon sign while she remains the ultimate mystery to him. He has no idea what turns her on. This lop-sided, sexual disadvantage creates a situation with him where everything he could think to say or do feels like a high risk, hopeless shot in the dark. This is when the possible results for him are degraded to either sheer luck and sure rejection. It is the source of all of his hesitation and questions.
The information he is looking for is a woman's sexual characteristics. If I were to put a man in front of a woman with sexual characteristic traits that are transparent to him, his confidence to proceed builds because uncertainty is diminished. Everything from what, when and how on conversation topics to kino often reveal themselves as plain as day without even knowing so much as her name. For example:
The Prostitute: Even a man that has terrible hardships with women will typically understand that smooth talk and cocky attitudes are not required to achieve the end goal of sex with a hooker. He'll know immediately that so long as he has money to spare she will "like him". He'll know he can call on her tomorrow, in three days or next week and she will be "interested". He'll know she's more than likely uninterested in discussing politics and world events. He would know that he can be more aggressive with kino. There isn't a lot of guess work. The sexual characteristics of such a woman are mostly defined for him and he will have a much more clear plan on how to handle many situations.
The Virgin: He will know that it isn't appropriate to ask her what she may charge for certain sexual favors. He will know where a typical discussion with such a woman will start, where it will typically go and what patience is required. There isn't a lot of guess work. The sexual characteristics of such a woman are mostly defined for him and he will have a much more clear plan on how to handle many situations.
Naturally, most women fall in between these two extremes. But wouldn't it be liberating if you could see the way just as clearly with any woman you meet?
You can, but in order to figure out how to do this, you first have to understand where the source of your uncertainty with women comes from. Once you understand that, you then have to understand how the escalation process works. From here, you can then work on being a "DJ" because you will know how to elicit the sexual characteristics of women and proceed with true confidence; the kind of confidence that comes from knowing exactly what you're doing and not from mumbling "I think I can" and "I'm the prize" to yourself in the mirror every day.
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Amante Silvestre06-01-2007, 08:40 PM
1. The Source Of Uncertainty
The greatest hesitation in doing something always begins with the inability to see a way to reverse things should it go badly. Many men hesitate to approach a woman because they don't know how they would recover from the possibility of rejection. They are afraid to say something because they don't know how they would recover from the possibility of saying something stupid. They are afraid to go in for the kiss because they don't know what they would do if she were to pull away. The reoccurring theme is uncertainty. The popular solution, many believe, is to learn how to better read the signs women give off. However, this is only a small part of the solution and sometimes not even part of the problem. The uncertainty many men have with women more often comes, not from from their inability to read signals, but to give off the proper signs to women themselves.
If a man avoids eye contact with a woman, she will have no indication he is interested and will give him no signs on how to proceed. If a woman has no indication what so ever than a man wants to kiss her, she will not give the signs that will clue him in on when or if he should proceed. The more vague a man is with his desires, the less likely a woman will develop signs for him to read. This is why many men are always guessing and asking questions. They can't figure her out because she doesn't know where they're going.
For example, going back to our "problem with sex" discussion earlier, many men end up in the "friend zone" because they go so far as to purposely prevent themselves from giving these women sexual signs. They don't want to be seen as just another hard-on looking for a quick lay, so they immediately refute that possible reputation by saying and doing things that indicate sex is not a desire. By giving non-sexual signs, a woman is forced to give non-sexual clues, and these men often misinterpret what positive clues may come of this effort as the signs of opportunity in escalating a sexual relationship. They then go on to contrast everything by asking for a date or going in for an unexpected kiss. It should be of no surprise that sexual rejection is the usual result and her desire to "just be friends" is the usual response.
The inability for a man to convey the proper signals is what turns many of his efforts into blind ones that more often end in failure and missed opportunities. More failure creates more hesitation, which in turn creates more uncertainty, which leads to improper, weak or no signals, which leads to more failure that leads to more hesitation which leads to more uncertainty. And so on and on goes the vicious cycle.
In order to break out of this cycle and create the skill that you need to read the sexual characteristics of women with confidence, you have to learn how to control the pattern of escalation.
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Amante Silvestre06-01-2007, 08:41 PM
2. The Pattern Of Escalation
When we remove all of the tactics and skills of seduction, the process of escalation is a very simple one to break down. Eye contact is usually the precursor to an approach (conversation). Conversation is usually the precursor to "kino". Kino is usually the precursor to kissing. Kissing is the usual precursor to sex. At each stage in this over-simplified escalation process there is a repetitive pattern composed of three steps which will occur over and over again in every interaction you will have with a woman. It will begin with initial eye contact and it will prevail all the way to sex. These three steps are defined as follows:
1) Know yourself what the next step is.
2) Remove the awkwardness of taking that step.
3) Insinuate the next step will come.
Although it sounds simple enough, this is where most men fail. Everything from phone calls to kino to the first kiss utilizes this three step process. This is the process by which you convey the proper signals yourself, which in turn yield the proper clues you need from her in order to take the guess work out of what comes next and when. Skipping any of these steps creates uncertainty and unfavorable odds.
Obviously, the next step after starting a conversation is to score a phone number. However, many men falter when the time comes because they didn't remove the awkwardness of asking for it. These are the guys that end up getting fake numbers or the boyfriend line because they are more often just trying to bully their way through a fear. These are the men that call a woman not knowing if she will remember him, let alone like him, even when those numbers turn out to be real ones. They are the ones that get stuck reminding her where they met and what color shirt he was wearing during their encounter. This is an awkward place to work from when the goal is a date, and it becomes even more awkward when she knows you're going to ask her for one (Insinuating the next step will come). Skip step two and the odds of hitting an awkward moment, saying something stupid and/or getting rejected increase.
A man that goes through all three steps will lower his risk and increase his success rate. These are the men that begin to chip away at the awkwardness of asking for a number because they are planting the idea of things to do and ways to interact outside of that meeting (Remove the awkwardness of taking that step). They then guide the conversation to suggest exchanging phone numbers is inevitable (Insinuate the next step will come) . These men already know they are getting a phone number before they ask for it, because a woman's continuing interest in the conversation is a clear sign she is willing. If a woman were to indicate a lack of interest in that conversation, he spares himself rejection because he chooses not to ask for her number to begin with. Either way, he is never guessing. He knows.
Eye Contact is another example. The next step after initiating eye contact is to start a conversation. However, many men falter when the time comes because they didn't remove the awkwardness of the approach. These are the guys that often end up experiencing rude and embarrassing rejections because they failed to hold eye contact long enough (or avoided it all together) to let a woman know he is interested in her. These are the guys that have to tap her on the shoulder to get her attention because she didn't know he was coming, hence never truly invited him over. This is an awkward place to start a conversation, and it becomes even more awkward when she realizes he's not going to simply ask where the bathroom is and just keep on going.
Here too, a man that goes through all three steps will lower his risk and increase his success rate. He holds eye contact long enough for her to know he is interested in taking the next step. She too knows what the next step is and gives the sign that he should proceed. He knows before he even says hello that she will talk to him out of interest and not just courtesy. If a woman were to indicate a lack of interest in that eye contact, he spares himself rejection because he chooses not to approach. Either way, he is never guessing. He knows.
The only time a man truly takes risks is when he feels like it; when the mood strikes him to do something ballsy. He does it for fun, not out of necessity. This is when men can make exceptions and break the rules.
The point here is that the escalation process that reveals a woman's sexual tendencies is not a high-risk, cryptic, complicated art of DJ-ism incognito. It is a wide-open, transparent process that uses low-risk indicators that are easy enough for anyone to read and take directions from.
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Amante Silvestre06-01-2007, 08:42 PM
3. The True Escalation Of DJ-ism
Skinny men believe the women will come when they gain muscle, while fat men believe they will come when they trim down. Whatever the personal goal for self-improvement may be, many men often lay the blame of failing with women upon themselves for some particular shortfall: too skinny, too fat, too broke, too shy, not funny enough, etc. Although this is where the motivation for change comes from, it is also where insecurities are born.
At the age of 18 I had dated many women that were good looking enough to be professional models despite the fact that at the time I was very skinny (140 pounds), somewhat short (I was about 5'7" or 5'8" back then), flat broke, lived at home, had no car, didn't even know the definition of "wardrobe" and was for the most part shy. Why did I do so well? Because I had absolutely no idea what so ever that I was skinny, short, broke, dependant, stranded, unfashionable and shy. I didn't need to fit the mold of what every woman wants. I defined what they wanted when they met me. I had a lot of friends, I had a lot of fun and I had hobbies that made me look very good.
What many men fail to realize when they are trying to increase their chances with women is that it is entirely possible to have great success with women even while many types of shortfalls exist. The reason these two traits can co-exist is precisely because the sexual interests of women come in many flavors and every group of women have their share of good-looking girls. For every one that likes men thick, there are others that like them thin. For every one that likes men loud, there is another that likes them shy. For every one that likes brainiacs there are others who like meat-heads. For every gold-digger there is a hopeless romantic that doesn't care about materialism. For every prostitute there is a virgin.
In order for men to gain the personal freedom they need to feel comfortable with themselves, regardless of where they are on the path of self-improvement, they have to be willing to stop blaming these shortfalls of theirs. They never were the reasons for their problems with women and the opposite of these shortfalls are not the solution. Their problems come from their insecurities and only their insecurities. If they're geeky and insecure about it, it will be that insecurity and not the geekiness that will turn women off. If they don't think they'll get the women until they can bench press 250, they're absolutely right, but not because they can finally bench 250. Goals are a good thing to have, but they become measures of insecurity when men allow these goals to define their happiness and level of confidence. When they allow that to happen, the greater their goals are the more it will enable women to notice how much these men really hate themselves. And in many cases, even when these goals are achieved, what would have been confidence turns into arrogance because of that chip they've been carrying on their shoulders for so long.
In order to succeed without waiting for success, you must become a man that is seldom despised. That comes when you are comfortable with yourself yet strive to improve simultaneously. It comes when you can make other people feel comfortable. That's what opens people up. Once you open them up, you can then remove the sources of uncertainty. Remove uncertainty, and you can set into motion the process of escalation.
You may not have every woman falling all over you, but do that and you will never again repel them.
Have a great weekend.
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