Showing posts with label controlling emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label controlling emotions. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
INNER GAME: stay in control of emotions to be unaffected and unreactive
I recently found myself in deep emotional turmoil...
but as logical as it may sound you have to keep yourself detached emotionally.
Things that occur to you or encounter in your life doesnt define who you are, I mean the negative and painful parts.
As humans we tend to get our anger and emotions get to us then we justify these emotions to either blame or sobb over them justify our suffering.
this isnt so if you grab yourself out of it before you find yourself deep into an emotional depression or wreck.
It may sound rehashed but here's the thing:
you must be in control of what you feel
1- You can feel sad but doesnt mean you are SAD. Rephrase this.
this will help detach emotions from clouding you.
2- Sounds Cliche -ish but see positive and try to experience it as a lesson to move forward to better things to come and motivate you. This emotion you can dive yoruself in and the mind will make necesary changes without thinking.nmotiate yourself to be teflon strong regardless of adversity in your Life.you will learn not to doubt yourself and believe more in yourself.
"better sooner than latter."
"when life hits hard you have to get more power to getback"
"up if it were easy everybody would be doing it "
"you are responsible for yourself,your LIFE and your own happiness..never a woman"
"I love myself no matter what"..this is talking to yourself reinforcing your beliefs,not affirmations per se'.
Jesse has great ones in the section of "narcisstic incantations" in his product
which DOES WORK and very effective, I have used it and suggest to check that out.
3- Dont be affected by other peoples actions towards you.
Even if you NEXT a chick or chick rejects you dont let that affect you.You have to maintain focus on your Life and you well being at all times.
Always look at other sucessfull people who have been succesfull regardless of obstacles and circumstances.
(Or can offer their advice and may have gone through what you are going through, LISTEN to THEM)
Great reference that has personally help me on this and has great breakdown in a simple smart masculine way of managing your behavior is :
Robert Greene's 33 strategies of war chapter 3 It is a great read
heres a very brief review from Wiki:
Chapter 3
Amidst the Turmoil of Events, Do Not Lose Your Presence of Mind: The Counterbalance Strategy. You must stay focused, define your goals and have the confidence to achieve those goals. With this in place, strive toward that goal relentlessly.
Keys to Warfare
Do not get frustrated by people less strategic or foolish, use them to your advantage.
Seek out the conflict, do not hide from it.
Maintain presence of mind, do not let yourself be intimidated by yourself or others.
Do not panic, focus on what you are confident in
Develop a quick reaction sense, make decisions
Rely on yourself,minimize reliance on others.***my note: especially with women,never rely on her for our happiness or validation of yourself.their emotions change so quick that you will go crazy if you rely on them for their approval of YOU!**
4- "Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash."
-GEN GEORGE PATTON
Dont always play it safe, Jesse talks about this in his program.
Worst enemy is your comfort zone.
Dont try to go to the other extreme as well,Be smart about it.
Theres always a balance.
Inspire yourself into your passion, work , gym or hobby.try to push yourself,ike increasing the weight and reps..this wil help you develope muscles and mental muscle from your actions.
This will also develop awarness and will make you a more of a go getter into being proactive towards your goal.
For Seduction I think that dont jump into conclusions too soon, always be aware at the beginning after expereince and some rejection you will know how to handle them without second thought it will be so fast you wont catch yoursel fsecond guessing or flinching.
dont always play into your comfort zone, be smart. you will encounter some situation that you cant avoid , theres always left and right its never just one way.
Its what you do with it , what you do with the ball no matter how shitty the pass is to you, its up to you to what to do with it, use this to your advantage.
See yourself having control , be proactive then take action.
this kills self dobt and will educate you.
EXAMPLE : you set up a date and it starts to rain...
options: you either make up an excuse to yourself because of the rain and cut the date short
OR
you use it as an excuse to talk about good feelings about rainy days...cuddling watching a movie ..eat in at your place and order delivery ....and how you are going to have to kick her out since you cant stay up too late...etc etc..
Its what you do with what you are given,this will help change your thinking.
Always think that you and you only can change the future and outcome of your own life.
Ask yourself if you deserve it, if you really love yourself to want it.
Then go for it.
Theres no greater feeling when you love yourself .
sorry for the mix up , i tried to make this simple and understandable.
Hope this helps any of you guys out there.
always feel free to comment.
__________________
Action will destroy your procrastination.- Og Mandino
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool
Soothing Anger-Management Techniques
By Christopher Steiner
Feeling like you're about to boil over from stress and irritation? Here's how to keep the lid on.
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Saturdays at Billy Lowe's beauty salon in Los Angeles' trendy West Hollywood neighborhood can get pretty hairy. Lowe will see up to 10 clients on a Saturday in his personal chair. He never double-books (meaning he sees people from start to finish), so one late client can snarl everything.
The stress quotient ramped up on a recent Saturday afternoon when one of Lowe's celebrity clients called to say she would be at least an hour late for her appointment. Lowe has styled camera-ready heads from Ellen Degeneres to the cast of Desperate Housewives. He didn't get to that perch without understanding the needs--and stroking the egos--of his clientele. He couldn't make these folks wait because one foul-mouthed starlet couldn't manage her schedule.
Stress, Anger & More
Some bosses think outbursts of temper serve them well. Sometimes they may even be right. How do you control CEO rage?.>>
More Related
• How To Effectively Resolve Conflict
• Most Effective Stress Relievers
• How To Beat The Winter Blues
• Shaking the Blues
As his anger swelled, Lowe took a deep breath and devised a plan. When the woman arrived, a handful of salon assistants and interns would swoop in, treat her to tea and give her a hand massage. Says Lowe, 38: "After five minutes of that, she was back to her normal self, telling jokes and counting the days until she'd see me again."
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Many on-the-job conflicts don't play out so smoothly. Four out of five people fail at work because of interpersonal problems, not lack of technical skill, says B.J. Gallagher, a workplace consultant in Los Angeles. "Getting along with others, keeping your negative emotions in check, and negotiating conflict are essential in any job, in any organization," he says. It doesn't help that work is more stressful than ever. Longer hours, less pay and morale-sapping layoffs can drive even the most placid Bruce Banners to Hulk out.
While it's unhealthy to bury your anger, you can't let it boil over at work, either. Here are a few time-tested anger-management techniques, care of those who make a living helping us…all…remain…calm. (For a full list, see our slide show.)
The Double Blow
No, this doesn't mean give your colleague a jab to the gut followed by an elbow to the face. This trick, courtesy of Dr. Robert Epstein, instructor at the Rady School of Management at the University of California San Diego, works like this: As your rage swells, exhale fully and then, just as you're at the end of your exhale, blow hard. This expels the remaining air that's trapped in your lungs and counteracts the dangerous tendency to breathe shallowly when you feel threatened. "Shallow breathing circulates toxins in your bloodstream and makes you panicky," says Dr. Epstein.
Verbal Jujitsu
Berated by a co-worker or a frustrated superior? Dr. Debra Condren, founder of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career guide for women, has a solution: "I keep my face neutral, make sure I'm breathing and staying calm, with my feet planted any my body relaxed," she says. When the other person's verbal screed is done, Condren utters flatly: "I hear what you're saying," or "I can see you have strong feelings about this issue." The lack of visible reaction snuffs the emotional wick.
Avoid Assumptions
A co-worker is late and it's looking like you'll have to do that joint presentation alone. His fecklessness is infuriating. Before it engulfs you, says Dr. Simon Rego, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in New York, pause to consider all the things that could have happened. Perhaps his child is sick or his car broke down. Avoid assumptions--or as Rego calls them, "cognitive distortions"--which can lead to blame and anger. Says Rego: "Once these distortions can be identified, challenged and replaced with more helpful coping thoughts, the feelings of anger should decrease."
Know Your Triggers
Plenty of people get angry, but they don't know why. Look for anger-inducing patterns and jot them down, says Marty Babits, author of The Power of the Middle Ground, A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. This takes hearty doses of self-honesty and willingness to accept the truth. If certain people get on your nerves, then, well, they just do. In many cases, your best bet is simply to recognize who they are and avoid them whenever possible. If that sounds cold, take comfort in knowing that you are doing them a favor.
By Christopher Steiner
Feeling like you're about to boil over from stress and irritation? Here's how to keep the lid on.
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Saturdays at Billy Lowe's beauty salon in Los Angeles' trendy West Hollywood neighborhood can get pretty hairy. Lowe will see up to 10 clients on a Saturday in his personal chair. He never double-books (meaning he sees people from start to finish), so one late client can snarl everything.
The stress quotient ramped up on a recent Saturday afternoon when one of Lowe's celebrity clients called to say she would be at least an hour late for her appointment. Lowe has styled camera-ready heads from Ellen Degeneres to the cast of Desperate Housewives. He didn't get to that perch without understanding the needs--and stroking the egos--of his clientele. He couldn't make these folks wait because one foul-mouthed starlet couldn't manage her schedule.
Stress, Anger & More
Some bosses think outbursts of temper serve them well. Sometimes they may even be right. How do you control CEO rage?.>>
More Related
• How To Effectively Resolve Conflict
• Most Effective Stress Relievers
• How To Beat The Winter Blues
• Shaking the Blues
As his anger swelled, Lowe took a deep breath and devised a plan. When the woman arrived, a handful of salon assistants and interns would swoop in, treat her to tea and give her a hand massage. Says Lowe, 38: "After five minutes of that, she was back to her normal self, telling jokes and counting the days until she'd see me again."
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Many on-the-job conflicts don't play out so smoothly. Four out of five people fail at work because of interpersonal problems, not lack of technical skill, says B.J. Gallagher, a workplace consultant in Los Angeles. "Getting along with others, keeping your negative emotions in check, and negotiating conflict are essential in any job, in any organization," he says. It doesn't help that work is more stressful than ever. Longer hours, less pay and morale-sapping layoffs can drive even the most placid Bruce Banners to Hulk out.
While it's unhealthy to bury your anger, you can't let it boil over at work, either. Here are a few time-tested anger-management techniques, care of those who make a living helping us…all…remain…calm. (For a full list, see our slide show.)
The Double Blow
No, this doesn't mean give your colleague a jab to the gut followed by an elbow to the face. This trick, courtesy of Dr. Robert Epstein, instructor at the Rady School of Management at the University of California San Diego, works like this: As your rage swells, exhale fully and then, just as you're at the end of your exhale, blow hard. This expels the remaining air that's trapped in your lungs and counteracts the dangerous tendency to breathe shallowly when you feel threatened. "Shallow breathing circulates toxins in your bloodstream and makes you panicky," says Dr. Epstein.
Verbal Jujitsu
Berated by a co-worker or a frustrated superior? Dr. Debra Condren, founder of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career guide for women, has a solution: "I keep my face neutral, make sure I'm breathing and staying calm, with my feet planted any my body relaxed," she says. When the other person's verbal screed is done, Condren utters flatly: "I hear what you're saying," or "I can see you have strong feelings about this issue." The lack of visible reaction snuffs the emotional wick.
Avoid Assumptions
A co-worker is late and it's looking like you'll have to do that joint presentation alone. His fecklessness is infuriating. Before it engulfs you, says Dr. Simon Rego, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in New York, pause to consider all the things that could have happened. Perhaps his child is sick or his car broke down. Avoid assumptions--or as Rego calls them, "cognitive distortions"--which can lead to blame and anger. Says Rego: "Once these distortions can be identified, challenged and replaced with more helpful coping thoughts, the feelings of anger should decrease."
Know Your Triggers
Plenty of people get angry, but they don't know why. Look for anger-inducing patterns and jot them down, says Marty Babits, author of The Power of the Middle Ground, A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. This takes hearty doses of self-honesty and willingness to accept the truth. If certain people get on your nerves, then, well, they just do. In many cases, your best bet is simply to recognize who they are and avoid them whenever possible. If that sounds cold, take comfort in knowing that you are doing them a favor.
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