tonight is Wednesday I have one girl which I started texting last night and tonight when in too deep reported comfort as mark manson with the say. I am a true believer of mark. On attractions active and half passive it's balance in between them exhibits calibration. On rejections you get a sense of neediness and even despearation as my female friend Monique says its a void that you feel but it's actually a void that you want and you can only get spiritual and not necessarily from a woman. Its true... So what I did is I actually fast for a whole day I'm not really sure the background of fasting but its pretty much it's you and survival mode and clears your mind to focus on what it is important for you. I meant really did it because I felt that I needed to clear my mind and needed a little bit of putting myself back into the diet which I'm doing so it actually worked in my favor because all the sudden things started becoming clear and I said he thinking and survival morning thinking about myself first or having a passion and what really matters to me Stephen Nash talks a lot about this and not a lot of people get it because they think it is very super ficial are abstract but when you really really put this into practice it's a very powerful because it actually build your character your identity in life. What I am so good after a fast is I and when you're needing to stay like franco says you never text to go out don't communicate with anyone woman. A clear mind really sets I really calm tone in your life and say OK now I'm back and really sets you be really nice calibration. Of course have you done it before this is like not going to the gym and then you're going to the gym again and kind of mentally prepare yourself there for so you can do is take things to get you where you need to be. Make Molly said once the will must be stronger than the skinny think fasting and meditating a really really do step your calibration. I was somewhat depressed on Tuesday and down and today I have to the three girls that I'm talking to you right now one of them is going to meet him tomorrow and the other one is pretty much whenever I feel like it. I have 3 in one site and 2 on other.I'm balancing rapport first humour then push pull or releases..this I learned from sinn Jon Lee..excellent excellent... Breakthrough comfort which future teaches..I basically in past ad swingcatts prizing once my Intuition knows its solid rapport w consistency and commitment. I'm a student of theory of pimp game and so I once establish trust rapport genuinely... I establish my role as an authority figure in her life. For some its natural and for some its a way demonstrate express masculinity. That Never changes...... I cool thing is to fuck a girl and then text all of the prospects...you always have go be hungry for the hunt of new prospects...with calibration from fasting ..and your persuasive verbal skill..you can seduce without being harsh...if you Dont fuck and your mind is cluttered w problem..then you come off weird needy lonely desperate and worse clueless.I read about an author guru on self help which he fasts once a week. Think this balances life ambitions and survival with good emotional self control... Its taken me longer to recover calibration...but 2 days of plain hi openers or immediately opening after she notices you leads to extreme fast solid attraction cause you are congruent in her way of her wanting you yet you opening her desires creating that fantasy for her a reality. Her imagination will take her. And game new ones...I use NLP 10% in my text and in person to reinforce her attraction interest into me...once you for that you can always bait her.
Showing posts with label Tags: Calibration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tags: Calibration. Show all posts
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Monday, June 14, 2010
Mailbag: Text Game and Teasing
Back with another mailbag. A few typical game questions that are pretty common. I’ll be busy coaching all weekend, but check this blog on Monday as there’s going to be some HUGE changes — like, fucking everything’s about to change. I’m really excited.
As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!
- Tyler
Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.
First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.
Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.
That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.
So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:
- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.
I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.
This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.
If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.
As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.
Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.
Thanks man,
- TR
Teasing requires three things:
1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.
If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.
Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.
Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.
As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!
- Tyler
Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.
First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.
Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.
That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.
So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:
- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.
I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.
This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.
If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.
As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.
Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.
Thanks man,
- TR
Teasing requires three things:
1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.
If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.
Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.
Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.
Environmental Energy and How It Relates To You
No, this is not a post about Greenpeace or global warming — not THAT kind of environmental energy.
This question has been coming up a lot lately, both with students and at lair talks. And it’s the question of environment. Typically, the guy will say one of the following:
“I usually do night game at clubs, but during the day a lot of women blow me out or flake on me.”
“I typically do day game, and when I go out at night girls ignore me or seem to find me boring.”
This is a REALLY common problem, and the reason is that the way you game changes based on WHERE you’re gaming. What usually happens is that guys learn to game in one setting — either day game or night game, and then once they get a little bit of experience, they branch out and try the other environments. But they don’t realize that it’s very different.
Think about it. During the day, your average woman is out walking around, not paying attention, pretty low energy, going about her day, probably out just to buy some milk and bread or something. And if you come flying in, grabbing her, yelling obscene jokes and teasing her about her shoes… it’s going to freak her out. Big time.
On the other hand, if you are in a loud night club, and you open a girl and immediately start trying to talk to her about where she’s from and what she likes to do… she’s going to get bored in about 3 seconds flat and walk away.
You need to match the energy of your environment.
In night clubs, it’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crazy, people are drunk, dancing and flirting left and right… so you need to be just as exciting and interesting to have a chance. The way I often describe club game to guys is, “you need to be the brightest and shiniest object in the room.” Not literally, but as far as your energy goes — you need to be more interesting and exciting than whatever she was doing before you opened her, or else you’re done.
Day game, on the contrary, is relaxed, chilled out and very, very, very casual. Anything you do that is too energetic during the day is going to shock her and make her feel weird. Imagine the energy level it takes to ask directions to Starbucks, that’s what the whole interaction should be like. Little to no touching, little to no teasing — just some smiling and some interesting conversation.
Clubs and day game are the two extremes… you’ll also find a lot of “in between” environments.
For instance, a lot of bars or lounges are going to be more casual than dance clubs, and dive bars and pubs are going to be even more casual. Opening a girl on the street at night will probably only be slightly more energetic than day game in many cases, and many social events and parties will fall into the same category.
Social circle situations (not counting parties) such as work, class, or meeting friends for lunch should be just as casual and low energy as day game if not moreso.
Calibrate your energy to the environment. Here are some principles to remember:
The Higher the Energy = the more kino, the more attraction game, the louder and more animated you should be, the harsher and edgier your humor, the better and more flamboyantly dressed.
The Lower the Energy = less kino, more comfort game, quieter, more relaxed and casual, little to no humor, dressed nicely but normally.
Hope this clears up a lot of issues for guys out there.
This question has been coming up a lot lately, both with students and at lair talks. And it’s the question of environment. Typically, the guy will say one of the following:
“I usually do night game at clubs, but during the day a lot of women blow me out or flake on me.”
“I typically do day game, and when I go out at night girls ignore me or seem to find me boring.”
This is a REALLY common problem, and the reason is that the way you game changes based on WHERE you’re gaming. What usually happens is that guys learn to game in one setting — either day game or night game, and then once they get a little bit of experience, they branch out and try the other environments. But they don’t realize that it’s very different.
Think about it. During the day, your average woman is out walking around, not paying attention, pretty low energy, going about her day, probably out just to buy some milk and bread or something. And if you come flying in, grabbing her, yelling obscene jokes and teasing her about her shoes… it’s going to freak her out. Big time.
On the other hand, if you are in a loud night club, and you open a girl and immediately start trying to talk to her about where she’s from and what she likes to do… she’s going to get bored in about 3 seconds flat and walk away.
You need to match the energy of your environment.
In night clubs, it’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crazy, people are drunk, dancing and flirting left and right… so you need to be just as exciting and interesting to have a chance. The way I often describe club game to guys is, “you need to be the brightest and shiniest object in the room.” Not literally, but as far as your energy goes — you need to be more interesting and exciting than whatever she was doing before you opened her, or else you’re done.
Day game, on the contrary, is relaxed, chilled out and very, very, very casual. Anything you do that is too energetic during the day is going to shock her and make her feel weird. Imagine the energy level it takes to ask directions to Starbucks, that’s what the whole interaction should be like. Little to no touching, little to no teasing — just some smiling and some interesting conversation.
Clubs and day game are the two extremes… you’ll also find a lot of “in between” environments.
For instance, a lot of bars or lounges are going to be more casual than dance clubs, and dive bars and pubs are going to be even more casual. Opening a girl on the street at night will probably only be slightly more energetic than day game in many cases, and many social events and parties will fall into the same category.
Social circle situations (not counting parties) such as work, class, or meeting friends for lunch should be just as casual and low energy as day game if not moreso.
Calibrate your energy to the environment. Here are some principles to remember:
The Higher the Energy = the more kino, the more attraction game, the louder and more animated you should be, the harsher and edgier your humor, the better and more flamboyantly dressed.
The Lower the Energy = less kino, more comfort game, quieter, more relaxed and casual, little to no humor, dressed nicely but normally.
Hope this clears up a lot of issues for guys out there.
Sub-Communication: It’s not what you say, but why you say it
This is part four of my brashly titled series, “The Seven Immutable Laws of Pick Up”.
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
Think back to when you were a newbie (or maybe you ARE a newbie). When newbies first discover the community and the notion of improving their dating skills, what’s the first concept we ALL latch onto?
“What’s the best thing to say to her?”
Dozens of books are written on the subject enumerating hundreds of “pick up lines” or “openers” — not to mention the entirety of the seduction community’s routines. One company even sells a “Routine Manual” with literally hundreds of pages of pre-scripted conversation for guys to learn and then recite when they go out.
But here’s the interesting part for any guy who has gone out and tried to use these techniques: sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. Well, that would seem obvious right? Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss (despite what the marketing may say). But I’m not talking about some silly game or far-out palmistry routine here, I’m talking about something basic such as DHV’ing yourself or even opening with the common opinion opener — something that logically SHOULD work every time.
On this journey, one of the first “Ah ha!” moments is usually when we first realize that exactly WHAT we say isn’t the most important component in an interaction. My realization came after I had been going out regularly for a few months. I was out with a natural friend. The night had been uneventful, so we took our drunken stupor to the streets of downtown Boston. We’re walking by moving sets every few seconds when my friend spontaneously calls out to one of them.
“Hey you! Yeah you! Hey sweetheart, come here! I have to ask you something.”
The girl nervously saunters over. My friend stands waiting, teetering here and there. Universal anticipation: “What the hell is he going to ask her?”
…
“Can I pee in your butt?”
WHAAAAAA??! At the time, I was horrified. Stopping and opening a moving set outside was still a big deal to me at the time, much less asking her if I could urinate in her asshole. But what did he do? Well, he laughed obviously… but he walked up to the NEXT SET and did it AGAIN. Each time it became seemingly funnier and more ridiculous than the last.
To my amazement, after three or four times, girls started laughing with him. Next thing I know, we’re in set and talking to them. We’re opening sets with “Can I pee in your butt?” I couldn’t believe it. To hell with those opinion openers I had been practicing!
My friend ended up pulling that night (hey, I said he was a natural). To this day it’s been one of the most influential nights on my game. It crystallized in my mind that the words you say are just the tip of the iceberg: the 20% of meaning that merely broaches the surface.
Jump ahead two years. I’m coaching and working with students. I ran into a handful of guys who had a peculiar problem: despite the fact that they were honest and cool, their DHV stories didn’t work. They fell flat EVERY time. I was a bit stumped until I went out in field with them. They weren’t DHV’ing. They were bragging.
What’s the difference?
Purpose.
When you DHV properly — when you share something personal about your life and personality — you simply state fact. It’s an offering. She’s free to accept it, to be impressed, disgusted, amazed, bored. Whatever. When you brag, you’re seeking a reaction. You’re seeking rapport and even adulation.
Take negging or teasing. Some guys do it and get horrible results. Others do it and get fantastic results. What’s the difference between insulting and teasing? One’s purpose is to cut the other person down maliciously, the other is to generate playfulness and lightness of a subject that one may usually take too seriously.
When it boils down to it, ask yourself what the PURPOSE of everything you say is. Because it’s going to be one of two things: either you’re giving value or you’re taking value. You’re either seeking rapport or giving to everyone you meet unconditionally. Either you’re looking for validation in others or you have found it within yourself.
Sub-communication is an seemingly magical form of communicating that women are fluent at yet men rarely acknowledge. Sub-communication is why “No” sometimes means “Yes”. Why “I’m not going to sleep with you tonight,” means “I can’t wait to fuck you” many times and “get the fuck away from me” other times. It’s why, “You make me feel special,” can be said by five different girls and mean five completely different things. WHY is she saying this? WHY did I say what I did to her?
Too often men seek a literal interpretation of their interactions. She said X, so it HAS TO MEAN Y. No!
You must look a step deeper. Look for what motivates people’s actions and words. When a girl does something, ask yourself, “Why?” Then take that answer and ask, “Why?” Do it until the motivations within the interaction become apparent.
She talked to me all night, but abruptly followed her friend to the bathroom.
Why?
She seemed to be getting annoyed or disconcerted the last few minutes.
Why?
She acted like I had just hurt her feelings.
Why?
She probably felt like I was rejecting her in some way.
Why?
I stopped escalating and progressing.
Why?
I was afraid of losing what I already had.
Or…
I called her three times this weekend even though she never called me back.
Why?
I wanted to make sure I got ahold of her.
Why?
I really want to see her again badly.
Why?
She’s the only number I’ve gotten in weeks and I was so afraid she wouldn’t call me back.
Why?
I feel like I NEED to have this girl, ANY girl.
Why?
Mommy never hugged me enough.
Etc.
As you can see, this exercise trains you to notice the PURPOSE of what happens. As we all know, women are NOTORIOUS for saying one thing and meaning something completely different, or seemingly changing their mind on a whim. It may seem contradictory. It may seem illogical. But guess what?
WOMEN’S ACTIONS MAKE SENSE!
You just have to be privvy to the purpose and motivations behind what they say.
At the same time, constantly question what you say and WHY YOU SAY IT. You can say the greatest things in the world, but if you’re saying it because you seek validation, because you need rapport and for people to approve of you, you will be dropped quickly and often.
Be honest with yourself that matters. It’s not what you say, but WHY you say it.
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
Think back to when you were a newbie (or maybe you ARE a newbie). When newbies first discover the community and the notion of improving their dating skills, what’s the first concept we ALL latch onto?
“What’s the best thing to say to her?”
Dozens of books are written on the subject enumerating hundreds of “pick up lines” or “openers” — not to mention the entirety of the seduction community’s routines. One company even sells a “Routine Manual” with literally hundreds of pages of pre-scripted conversation for guys to learn and then recite when they go out.
But here’s the interesting part for any guy who has gone out and tried to use these techniques: sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. Well, that would seem obvious right? Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss (despite what the marketing may say). But I’m not talking about some silly game or far-out palmistry routine here, I’m talking about something basic such as DHV’ing yourself or even opening with the common opinion opener — something that logically SHOULD work every time.
On this journey, one of the first “Ah ha!” moments is usually when we first realize that exactly WHAT we say isn’t the most important component in an interaction. My realization came after I had been going out regularly for a few months. I was out with a natural friend. The night had been uneventful, so we took our drunken stupor to the streets of downtown Boston. We’re walking by moving sets every few seconds when my friend spontaneously calls out to one of them.
“Hey you! Yeah you! Hey sweetheart, come here! I have to ask you something.”
The girl nervously saunters over. My friend stands waiting, teetering here and there. Universal anticipation: “What the hell is he going to ask her?”
…
“Can I pee in your butt?”
WHAAAAAA??! At the time, I was horrified. Stopping and opening a moving set outside was still a big deal to me at the time, much less asking her if I could urinate in her asshole. But what did he do? Well, he laughed obviously… but he walked up to the NEXT SET and did it AGAIN. Each time it became seemingly funnier and more ridiculous than the last.
To my amazement, after three or four times, girls started laughing with him. Next thing I know, we’re in set and talking to them. We’re opening sets with “Can I pee in your butt?” I couldn’t believe it. To hell with those opinion openers I had been practicing!
My friend ended up pulling that night (hey, I said he was a natural). To this day it’s been one of the most influential nights on my game. It crystallized in my mind that the words you say are just the tip of the iceberg: the 20% of meaning that merely broaches the surface.
Jump ahead two years. I’m coaching and working with students. I ran into a handful of guys who had a peculiar problem: despite the fact that they were honest and cool, their DHV stories didn’t work. They fell flat EVERY time. I was a bit stumped until I went out in field with them. They weren’t DHV’ing. They were bragging.
What’s the difference?
Purpose.
When you DHV properly — when you share something personal about your life and personality — you simply state fact. It’s an offering. She’s free to accept it, to be impressed, disgusted, amazed, bored. Whatever. When you brag, you’re seeking a reaction. You’re seeking rapport and even adulation.
Take negging or teasing. Some guys do it and get horrible results. Others do it and get fantastic results. What’s the difference between insulting and teasing? One’s purpose is to cut the other person down maliciously, the other is to generate playfulness and lightness of a subject that one may usually take too seriously.
When it boils down to it, ask yourself what the PURPOSE of everything you say is. Because it’s going to be one of two things: either you’re giving value or you’re taking value. You’re either seeking rapport or giving to everyone you meet unconditionally. Either you’re looking for validation in others or you have found it within yourself.
Sub-communication is an seemingly magical form of communicating that women are fluent at yet men rarely acknowledge. Sub-communication is why “No” sometimes means “Yes”. Why “I’m not going to sleep with you tonight,” means “I can’t wait to fuck you” many times and “get the fuck away from me” other times. It’s why, “You make me feel special,” can be said by five different girls and mean five completely different things. WHY is she saying this? WHY did I say what I did to her?
Too often men seek a literal interpretation of their interactions. She said X, so it HAS TO MEAN Y. No!
You must look a step deeper. Look for what motivates people’s actions and words. When a girl does something, ask yourself, “Why?” Then take that answer and ask, “Why?” Do it until the motivations within the interaction become apparent.
She talked to me all night, but abruptly followed her friend to the bathroom.
Why?
She seemed to be getting annoyed or disconcerted the last few minutes.
Why?
She acted like I had just hurt her feelings.
Why?
She probably felt like I was rejecting her in some way.
Why?
I stopped escalating and progressing.
Why?
I was afraid of losing what I already had.
Or…
I called her three times this weekend even though she never called me back.
Why?
I wanted to make sure I got ahold of her.
Why?
I really want to see her again badly.
Why?
She’s the only number I’ve gotten in weeks and I was so afraid she wouldn’t call me back.
Why?
I feel like I NEED to have this girl, ANY girl.
Why?
Mommy never hugged me enough.
Etc.
As you can see, this exercise trains you to notice the PURPOSE of what happens. As we all know, women are NOTORIOUS for saying one thing and meaning something completely different, or seemingly changing their mind on a whim. It may seem contradictory. It may seem illogical. But guess what?
WOMEN’S ACTIONS MAKE SENSE!
You just have to be privvy to the purpose and motivations behind what they say.
At the same time, constantly question what you say and WHY YOU SAY IT. You can say the greatest things in the world, but if you’re saying it because you seek validation, because you need rapport and for people to approve of you, you will be dropped quickly and often.
Be honest with yourself that matters. It’s not what you say, but WHY you say it.
Approaching and Social Calibration
I was out coaching last night and my student and I were talking about how different guys have different sticking points and how different guys are able to push themselves to different extents. And I kind of had this interesting realization.
One of the major sticking points of guys who come into the community is that they lack basic social skills. They are simply unable to maintain a coherent conversation without being awkward.
There are also some people who are insanely driven and will open 10 sets a night, five nights a week for a year straight. They’ll try and memorize every routine and spout anything they read online to the exact word.
What always kind of baffled me was these are usually the same people. It just seemed like an overarching coincidence.
This may seem kind of obvious now, but I realized last night that the REASON these guys are able to open constantly, all day, every day is because they don’t understand social norms and therefore aren’t influenced by social norms.
The root of approach anxiety and the reason guys who already have good social skills have trouble pushing themselves is because they are too aware of the social norms and they’re aware that they have to break the social norms. Guys who lack social skills aren’t even aware of the social norms, therefore pushing themselves to approach 100 sets a week doesn’t even occur to them as difficult.
…and gosh darnit, people like me…
One of the major sticking points of guys who come into the community is that they lack basic social skills. They are simply unable to maintain a coherent conversation without being awkward.
There are also some people who are insanely driven and will open 10 sets a night, five nights a week for a year straight. They’ll try and memorize every routine and spout anything they read online to the exact word.
What always kind of baffled me was these are usually the same people. It just seemed like an overarching coincidence.
This may seem kind of obvious now, but I realized last night that the REASON these guys are able to open constantly, all day, every day is because they don’t understand social norms and therefore aren’t influenced by social norms.
The root of approach anxiety and the reason guys who already have good social skills have trouble pushing themselves is because they are too aware of the social norms and they’re aware that they have to break the social norms. Guys who lack social skills aren’t even aware of the social norms, therefore pushing themselves to approach 100 sets a week doesn’t even occur to them as difficult.
…and gosh darnit, people like me…
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