Mark Manson is a GREAT GUY
I respect him cause he says it like it is,
I really enjoyed fuck yes fuck no post. heres is original LINK http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
this inspired me and made perfect sense when to say NO to a girl eventhough she gave you "a chance"
I think it saves time and makes everything in dating easier and all this nonsense and stupidity from inept women from the girls who are genuine with you then you GAME ON! or
open the door a little to your WORLD to her....
BE FUCK YEAH GUY FOR YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE OTHERS
and you don't have to worry about ANY Girl or getting her to Like you..
modern times has changed and girls are proactive seekers like Cats on prey..they hunt and catch to try to keep..
so girls ARE NINJA with not showing interest in DIRECT WAY.
but
Girls That Do show interest in you means that YOU appreciate HER!
women make effort to buy that shoe...get that LOOK... get fixed UP!
OFCOURSE SHE WILL BE INTERESTED
IF NOT ITS FUCK NO!
PERIOD.
Showing posts with label inner game. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner game. Show all posts
Monday, January 19, 2015
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
INNER GAME: stay in control of emotions to be unaffected and unreactive
I recently found myself in deep emotional turmoil...
but as logical as it may sound you have to keep yourself detached emotionally.
Things that occur to you or encounter in your life doesnt define who you are, I mean the negative and painful parts.
As humans we tend to get our anger and emotions get to us then we justify these emotions to either blame or sobb over them justify our suffering.
this isnt so if you grab yourself out of it before you find yourself deep into an emotional depression or wreck.
It may sound rehashed but here's the thing:
you must be in control of what you feel
1- You can feel sad but doesnt mean you are SAD. Rephrase this.
this will help detach emotions from clouding you.
2- Sounds Cliche -ish but see positive and try to experience it as a lesson to move forward to better things to come and motivate you. This emotion you can dive yoruself in and the mind will make necesary changes without thinking.nmotiate yourself to be teflon strong regardless of adversity in your Life.you will learn not to doubt yourself and believe more in yourself.
"better sooner than latter."
"when life hits hard you have to get more power to getback"
"up if it were easy everybody would be doing it "
"you are responsible for yourself,your LIFE and your own happiness..never a woman"
"I love myself no matter what"..this is talking to yourself reinforcing your beliefs,not affirmations per se'.
Jesse has great ones in the section of "narcisstic incantations" in his product
which DOES WORK and very effective, I have used it and suggest to check that out.
3- Dont be affected by other peoples actions towards you.
Even if you NEXT a chick or chick rejects you dont let that affect you.You have to maintain focus on your Life and you well being at all times.
Always look at other sucessfull people who have been succesfull regardless of obstacles and circumstances.
(Or can offer their advice and may have gone through what you are going through, LISTEN to THEM)
Great reference that has personally help me on this and has great breakdown in a simple smart masculine way of managing your behavior is :
Robert Greene's 33 strategies of war chapter 3 It is a great read
heres a very brief review from Wiki:
Chapter 3
Amidst the Turmoil of Events, Do Not Lose Your Presence of Mind: The Counterbalance Strategy. You must stay focused, define your goals and have the confidence to achieve those goals. With this in place, strive toward that goal relentlessly.
Keys to Warfare
Do not get frustrated by people less strategic or foolish, use them to your advantage.
Seek out the conflict, do not hide from it.
Maintain presence of mind, do not let yourself be intimidated by yourself or others.
Do not panic, focus on what you are confident in
Develop a quick reaction sense, make decisions
Rely on yourself,minimize reliance on others.***my note: especially with women,never rely on her for our happiness or validation of yourself.their emotions change so quick that you will go crazy if you rely on them for their approval of YOU!**
4- "Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash."
-GEN GEORGE PATTON
Dont always play it safe, Jesse talks about this in his program.
Worst enemy is your comfort zone.
Dont try to go to the other extreme as well,Be smart about it.
Theres always a balance.
Inspire yourself into your passion, work , gym or hobby.try to push yourself,ike increasing the weight and reps..this wil help you develope muscles and mental muscle from your actions.
This will also develop awarness and will make you a more of a go getter into being proactive towards your goal.
For Seduction I think that dont jump into conclusions too soon, always be aware at the beginning after expereince and some rejection you will know how to handle them without second thought it will be so fast you wont catch yoursel fsecond guessing or flinching.
dont always play into your comfort zone, be smart. you will encounter some situation that you cant avoid , theres always left and right its never just one way.
Its what you do with it , what you do with the ball no matter how shitty the pass is to you, its up to you to what to do with it, use this to your advantage.
See yourself having control , be proactive then take action.
this kills self dobt and will educate you.
EXAMPLE : you set up a date and it starts to rain...
options: you either make up an excuse to yourself because of the rain and cut the date short
OR
you use it as an excuse to talk about good feelings about rainy days...cuddling watching a movie ..eat in at your place and order delivery ....and how you are going to have to kick her out since you cant stay up too late...etc etc..
Its what you do with what you are given,this will help change your thinking.
Always think that you and you only can change the future and outcome of your own life.
Ask yourself if you deserve it, if you really love yourself to want it.
Then go for it.
Theres no greater feeling when you love yourself .
sorry for the mix up , i tried to make this simple and understandable.
Hope this helps any of you guys out there.
always feel free to comment.
__________________
Action will destroy your procrastination.- Og Mandino
calibration on how to be the prize, to chase or not to chase???
Cool.
This is something I noticed that I caught myself doing.
This is about perception and about how you view things.
First as a man, you know you should be the Prize.
I dont mean be an ahole or scream at her or being negative to her.
NO. I did that and it works on Low self estem girls sometimes but thats not the point.
On balance post of PU I mentioned whats called "inner game"
to me inner game = self confidence.
Its that simple.
Most guys who get good by PU start with outer skills and
after the end up in a relationship or sleep with girls.They get needy.
When they recover, they work on their "inner game" for last.
I advise that the best way is too work endlessy on yourself first.
Cause from that PU comes easier.
Whats the difference of qualifying her and making her the PRIZE.
I learned 2 theories:
First, to get a girl atttracted you must DHV's, talk about yourself to display
attractive qualities by story first .etc.
2nd theory is you are high value , you shouldnt talk about yourself
and she has to qualify to you. cause you are the PRIZE.
IN PRACTICE:
When she isnt into you yet you can try with theory 1
if she is into you or you have some commonalites right off you can make her talk
about herself.Theory number 2.
This is the part where calibration (social awareness) comes in.
Real world experiences:
If you do it wrong,
theory number 1 comes off as you are trying to get her to like you,
TRY HARD. Not attractive.Like you dont deserve her and need to talk about yourself
to make her like you and she is noticing that.So she disqualifies you!
This is contradicting.But Wait theres more
Doing Theory number 2 wrong,
You are making her talk about herself, yet since you arent sharing about yourself yet,
the questions you ask are about her. sometimes interogation but its more like trying to
So indirectly ,more you ask ,more you are interested in her, equals she is the PRIZE.
Equals you are investing in her too much. not a challenge.
Dont give up now! I know its advanced stuff
Remember Seduction is effortless yet you must be proactive.
Solution:
Learn to be aware in social interactions when to talk and when to shut up!
I have friends who talk and talk and dont shut up and when I try to talk they interupt me.
I imagine poor girls might feel.
Other guys are too shy or too macho a hole which is social awkward both ways.
Listen when she is expressing herself and make her explain herself more when she does.
Dont ask questions in a row after she answers , it seems weird unless its a joke or
doing it to break her frame or state.
You talk about yourself if she isnt trying to invest in conversation so you start first and change topics,
try to get her engaged in coversation dont be all to yourself.
talk about her personality and things you noticed about her once you feel its on'.
Keep it both ways in between (push pull)
theory 1 and theory 2
based on how the vibe is going favorable and the chemistry going on by male female dynamic.
I know its abstract but feel free to comment
calibration is based of Entropy's definition of balance
ryan is credited for overgaming.
passive active value Entropy and saffron.
GREAT STUFF
This is something I noticed that I caught myself doing.
This is about perception and about how you view things.
First as a man, you know you should be the Prize.
I dont mean be an ahole or scream at her or being negative to her.
NO. I did that and it works on Low self estem girls sometimes but thats not the point.
On balance post of PU I mentioned whats called "inner game"
to me inner game = self confidence.
Its that simple.
Most guys who get good by PU start with outer skills and
after the end up in a relationship or sleep with girls.They get needy.
When they recover, they work on their "inner game" for last.
I advise that the best way is too work endlessy on yourself first.
Cause from that PU comes easier.
Whats the difference of qualifying her and making her the PRIZE.
I learned 2 theories:
First, to get a girl atttracted you must DHV's, talk about yourself to display
attractive qualities by story first .etc.
2nd theory is you are high value , you shouldnt talk about yourself
and she has to qualify to you. cause you are the PRIZE.
IN PRACTICE:
When she isnt into you yet you can try with theory 1
if she is into you or you have some commonalites right off you can make her talk
about herself.Theory number 2.
This is the part where calibration (social awareness) comes in.
Real world experiences:
If you do it wrong,
theory number 1 comes off as you are trying to get her to like you,
TRY HARD. Not attractive.Like you dont deserve her and need to talk about yourself
to make her like you and she is noticing that.So she disqualifies you!
This is contradicting.But Wait theres more
Doing Theory number 2 wrong,
You are making her talk about herself, yet since you arent sharing about yourself yet,
the questions you ask are about her. sometimes interogation but its more like trying to
So indirectly ,more you ask ,more you are interested in her, equals she is the PRIZE.
Equals you are investing in her too much. not a challenge.
Dont give up now! I know its advanced stuff
Remember Seduction is effortless yet you must be proactive.
Solution:
Learn to be aware in social interactions when to talk and when to shut up!
I have friends who talk and talk and dont shut up and when I try to talk they interupt me.
I imagine poor girls might feel.
Other guys are too shy or too macho a hole which is social awkward both ways.
Listen when she is expressing herself and make her explain herself more when she does.
Dont ask questions in a row after she answers , it seems weird unless its a joke or
doing it to break her frame or state.
You talk about yourself if she isnt trying to invest in conversation so you start first and change topics,
try to get her engaged in coversation dont be all to yourself.
talk about her personality and things you noticed about her once you feel its on'.
Keep it both ways in between (push pull)
theory 1 and theory 2
based on how the vibe is going favorable and the chemistry going on by male female dynamic.
I know its abstract but feel free to comment
calibration is based of Entropy's definition of balance
ryan is credited for overgaming.
passive active value Entropy and saffron.
GREAT STUFF
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
cheery TV is the SHIT!!!! 69and women masturbating helps your inner game
http://www.cherrytv.com/
Jesse, 06/04/09
Hello 69!
Sure, it may be the most popular number in Junior High bathroom stalls… But, for many, ‘69′ is a timeless favorite between the sheets. Named after the way in which the numbers 6 and 9 fit perfectly together, this position has many variations, which allow for partners to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. There’s partner (a) on top, partner (b) on top, side-to-side/head-to-toe, standing, and so on and so forth. Many appreciate ‘69′ for the [literal] in-your-face intimacy it requires. Yet, for others, that vulnerability is precisely what makes it an unappealing position. If you’re keen on the idea (but are still feeling a little uneasy), here’s a few tips for mathematical bliss.
Tips for the ‘69′ Position:
(1) Shower first. In ‘69,’ you might as well forget the concept of personal space. Your genitals will, in fact, be up close and personal. If you don’t feel clean, this position can be extremely unnerving. So, do whatever preparations are necessary for you to personally feel attractive in the ‘69′ position. [On a similar note, you'll likely want your partner to do the same. If you find it awkward to bring up, suggest showering together beforehand. Not only can it make '69' more pleasurable, but it can also act as foreplay.]
(2) Experiment with weight/pressure. Depending on the variation of ‘69,’ you might be dealing with the body weight of your partner on top of you (or vice-versa). To some (including Alex on this episode), this is a very positive experience. Others find it uncomfortable or distracting. Experiment with different variations in order to find an arrangement that’s comfortable for both you and your partner.
(3) Use delayed starts. In most relationships, both partners do not tend to orgasm at exactly the same moment. Therefore, it might be useful for one person to start performing oral sex before the other begins. (Be forewarned that the visual aspect of ‘69′ has been known to send many off the Buy Generic pharmacy deep end much more quickly than in other positions. Timing will be something to work on.)
(4) Give your partner a hand. As a person approaches orgasm in ‘69,’ it’s often difficult to continue focusing on the giving aspect of oral sex. At this point, it may be useful to incorporate the hands instead. (And for those who clench their jaws together during orgasm, please take this as a friendly yet firm suggestion from me to you!)
Certainly, this position can prove to be a challenge. Yet, for many, ‘69′ is no longer an odd number. Tips on oral sex may also help to improve your experience…
For some general tips on oral sex, check out these past postings on our blog: Oral Sex Topics
Also, find out more tips on our episode Oral Sex Tricks
Related posts:
1.A+ in Oral Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse...
2.Intercourse and the ‘O’ We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the...
3.Pride in Performing Oral Sex There are times when the mood strikes to give...
4.Sex On Top Many men seem to think that when a woman is...
5.Blow Job Hand Use Some men like it hot…but all like it wet. The...
Did you enjoy this post?
Jesse, 06/04/09
Hello 69!
Sure, it may be the most popular number in Junior High bathroom stalls… But, for many, ‘69′ is a timeless favorite between the sheets. Named after the way in which the numbers 6 and 9 fit perfectly together, this position has many variations, which allow for partners to both give and receive oral sex simultaneously. There’s partner (a) on top, partner (b) on top, side-to-side/head-to-toe, standing, and so on and so forth. Many appreciate ‘69′ for the [literal] in-your-face intimacy it requires. Yet, for others, that vulnerability is precisely what makes it an unappealing position. If you’re keen on the idea (but are still feeling a little uneasy), here’s a few tips for mathematical bliss.
Tips for the ‘69′ Position:
(1) Shower first. In ‘69,’ you might as well forget the concept of personal space. Your genitals will, in fact, be up close and personal. If you don’t feel clean, this position can be extremely unnerving. So, do whatever preparations are necessary for you to personally feel attractive in the ‘69′ position. [On a similar note, you'll likely want your partner to do the same. If you find it awkward to bring up, suggest showering together beforehand. Not only can it make '69' more pleasurable, but it can also act as foreplay.]
(2) Experiment with weight/pressure. Depending on the variation of ‘69,’ you might be dealing with the body weight of your partner on top of you (or vice-versa). To some (including Alex on this episode), this is a very positive experience. Others find it uncomfortable or distracting. Experiment with different variations in order to find an arrangement that’s comfortable for both you and your partner.
(3) Use delayed starts. In most relationships, both partners do not tend to orgasm at exactly the same moment. Therefore, it might be useful for one person to start performing oral sex before the other begins. (Be forewarned that the visual aspect of ‘69′ has been known to send many off the Buy Generic pharmacy deep end much more quickly than in other positions. Timing will be something to work on.)
(4) Give your partner a hand. As a person approaches orgasm in ‘69,’ it’s often difficult to continue focusing on the giving aspect of oral sex. At this point, it may be useful to incorporate the hands instead. (And for those who clench their jaws together during orgasm, please take this as a friendly yet firm suggestion from me to you!)
Certainly, this position can prove to be a challenge. Yet, for many, ‘69′ is no longer an odd number. Tips on oral sex may also help to improve your experience…
For some general tips on oral sex, check out these past postings on our blog: Oral Sex Topics
Also, find out more tips on our episode Oral Sex Tricks
Related posts:
1.A+ in Oral Research shows that most women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse...
2.Intercourse and the ‘O’ We’ve all seen them in TV shows and movies… the...
3.Pride in Performing Oral Sex There are times when the mood strikes to give...
4.Sex On Top Many men seem to think that when a woman is...
5.Blow Job Hand Use Some men like it hot…but all like it wet. The...
Did you enjoy this post?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Inner game of a PIMP - by player supreme a review of Mickey Royal's book Pimp GAME
Inner Game
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“When you stand alone before a mirror, all whom you do not see are beneath you”
What do these words from Mickey Royals book called “THE PIMP GAME, AN INSTRUCTIONAL MANUEL” mean?
A pimp, mack, player uses the tool of words to entice women into their worlds. Words are forms of communications. So it can be said that pimps are masters of communication. Why? Because pimps do know how to get into the head of their targets, using words.
But what about our own self talk that goes on within our own heads? How are you communicating with you? The level of success your having at any given venue is in direct relation to how well you communicate with your own mind.
In the player world this is called your inner game. But the key to successful inner game falls on how well you communicate to your own subconscious mind. Are you putting in good thoughts and self evaluations or are you putting in garbage?
Way back in time when I took computer programming classes in the dawn of the computer ages, there was a saying (GIGO), which stood for garbage in garbage out.
If your putting in bad thoughts into your own head, words such as; I’m ugly, no women will like me, I am a bad communicator…ect ect… then this is what your going to create in your life. If half the people on these dating forums would just change the way they talk to themselves their outer world will change accordingly.
So in borrowing a lesson from the pimp game. You need to believe in yourself. Your ego must be at a level way above anybody around you. Especially above any women that you are trying to mack on. A women whom I kick it with has an ex-husband.
This guy is a true Mack. He is driving 2 cars. A lexus, and a Misibishi Sports car. Both of which were bought and paid for by various women. He was gotten $50,000.00 from one woman who also had him fawk her daughter. Don’t ask! And various other items. A professional Mack.
She told me that how he does it even though this guy is very ugly ( and he is), he gets the women to believe that HE is actually above them. And that they should be gratefull for him even spending his time with them.
I think those internet operators who are getting their ideas from the pimp game are calling this make yourself the prize.
Remember Morris from the group the Time. Think back to the Prince movie Purple Rain. That is the kind of ego and self love that I’m talking about. Maybe not at that narccisstic extreme, but close to it.
All whom you do not see when you stand alone in front of a mirror are beneath you.
Adapt this as your daily mantra. Live it and believe it. Never put ho’s up on pedestals. They will only shyt on you from above. When you can get them to believe that your something special and they should be glad to even be near you, then you have reached the proper level of self confidence and self communication.
Keep telling yourself that every day until it is firmly gripped into your reality.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“When you stand alone before a mirror, all whom you do not see are beneath you”
What do these words from Mickey Royals book called “THE PIMP GAME, AN INSTRUCTIONAL MANUEL” mean?
A pimp, mack, player uses the tool of words to entice women into their worlds. Words are forms of communications. So it can be said that pimps are masters of communication. Why? Because pimps do know how to get into the head of their targets, using words.
But what about our own self talk that goes on within our own heads? How are you communicating with you? The level of success your having at any given venue is in direct relation to how well you communicate with your own mind.
In the player world this is called your inner game. But the key to successful inner game falls on how well you communicate to your own subconscious mind. Are you putting in good thoughts and self evaluations or are you putting in garbage?
Way back in time when I took computer programming classes in the dawn of the computer ages, there was a saying (GIGO), which stood for garbage in garbage out.
If your putting in bad thoughts into your own head, words such as; I’m ugly, no women will like me, I am a bad communicator…ect ect… then this is what your going to create in your life. If half the people on these dating forums would just change the way they talk to themselves their outer world will change accordingly.
So in borrowing a lesson from the pimp game. You need to believe in yourself. Your ego must be at a level way above anybody around you. Especially above any women that you are trying to mack on. A women whom I kick it with has an ex-husband.
This guy is a true Mack. He is driving 2 cars. A lexus, and a Misibishi Sports car. Both of which were bought and paid for by various women. He was gotten $50,000.00 from one woman who also had him fawk her daughter. Don’t ask! And various other items. A professional Mack.
She told me that how he does it even though this guy is very ugly ( and he is), he gets the women to believe that HE is actually above them. And that they should be gratefull for him even spending his time with them.
I think those internet operators who are getting their ideas from the pimp game are calling this make yourself the prize.
Remember Morris from the group the Time. Think back to the Prince movie Purple Rain. That is the kind of ego and self love that I’m talking about. Maybe not at that narccisstic extreme, but close to it.
All whom you do not see when you stand alone in front of a mirror are beneath you.
Adapt this as your daily mantra. Live it and believe it. Never put ho’s up on pedestals. They will only shyt on you from above. When you can get them to believe that your something special and they should be glad to even be near you, then you have reached the proper level of self confidence and self communication.
Keep telling yourself that every day until it is firmly gripped into your reality.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool
Soothing Anger-Management Techniques
By Christopher Steiner
Feeling like you're about to boil over from stress and irritation? Here's how to keep the lid on.
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Saturdays at Billy Lowe's beauty salon in Los Angeles' trendy West Hollywood neighborhood can get pretty hairy. Lowe will see up to 10 clients on a Saturday in his personal chair. He never double-books (meaning he sees people from start to finish), so one late client can snarl everything.
The stress quotient ramped up on a recent Saturday afternoon when one of Lowe's celebrity clients called to say she would be at least an hour late for her appointment. Lowe has styled camera-ready heads from Ellen Degeneres to the cast of Desperate Housewives. He didn't get to that perch without understanding the needs--and stroking the egos--of his clientele. He couldn't make these folks wait because one foul-mouthed starlet couldn't manage her schedule.
Stress, Anger & More
Some bosses think outbursts of temper serve them well. Sometimes they may even be right. How do you control CEO rage?.>>
More Related
• How To Effectively Resolve Conflict
• Most Effective Stress Relievers
• How To Beat The Winter Blues
• Shaking the Blues
As his anger swelled, Lowe took a deep breath and devised a plan. When the woman arrived, a handful of salon assistants and interns would swoop in, treat her to tea and give her a hand massage. Says Lowe, 38: "After five minutes of that, she was back to her normal self, telling jokes and counting the days until she'd see me again."
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Many on-the-job conflicts don't play out so smoothly. Four out of five people fail at work because of interpersonal problems, not lack of technical skill, says B.J. Gallagher, a workplace consultant in Los Angeles. "Getting along with others, keeping your negative emotions in check, and negotiating conflict are essential in any job, in any organization," he says. It doesn't help that work is more stressful than ever. Longer hours, less pay and morale-sapping layoffs can drive even the most placid Bruce Banners to Hulk out.
While it's unhealthy to bury your anger, you can't let it boil over at work, either. Here are a few time-tested anger-management techniques, care of those who make a living helping us…all…remain…calm. (For a full list, see our slide show.)
The Double Blow
No, this doesn't mean give your colleague a jab to the gut followed by an elbow to the face. This trick, courtesy of Dr. Robert Epstein, instructor at the Rady School of Management at the University of California San Diego, works like this: As your rage swells, exhale fully and then, just as you're at the end of your exhale, blow hard. This expels the remaining air that's trapped in your lungs and counteracts the dangerous tendency to breathe shallowly when you feel threatened. "Shallow breathing circulates toxins in your bloodstream and makes you panicky," says Dr. Epstein.
Verbal Jujitsu
Berated by a co-worker or a frustrated superior? Dr. Debra Condren, founder of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career guide for women, has a solution: "I keep my face neutral, make sure I'm breathing and staying calm, with my feet planted any my body relaxed," she says. When the other person's verbal screed is done, Condren utters flatly: "I hear what you're saying," or "I can see you have strong feelings about this issue." The lack of visible reaction snuffs the emotional wick.
Avoid Assumptions
A co-worker is late and it's looking like you'll have to do that joint presentation alone. His fecklessness is infuriating. Before it engulfs you, says Dr. Simon Rego, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in New York, pause to consider all the things that could have happened. Perhaps his child is sick or his car broke down. Avoid assumptions--or as Rego calls them, "cognitive distortions"--which can lead to blame and anger. Says Rego: "Once these distortions can be identified, challenged and replaced with more helpful coping thoughts, the feelings of anger should decrease."
Know Your Triggers
Plenty of people get angry, but they don't know why. Look for anger-inducing patterns and jot them down, says Marty Babits, author of The Power of the Middle Ground, A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. This takes hearty doses of self-honesty and willingness to accept the truth. If certain people get on your nerves, then, well, they just do. In many cases, your best bet is simply to recognize who they are and avoid them whenever possible. If that sounds cold, take comfort in knowing that you are doing them a favor.
By Christopher Steiner
Feeling like you're about to boil over from stress and irritation? Here's how to keep the lid on.
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Saturdays at Billy Lowe's beauty salon in Los Angeles' trendy West Hollywood neighborhood can get pretty hairy. Lowe will see up to 10 clients on a Saturday in his personal chair. He never double-books (meaning he sees people from start to finish), so one late client can snarl everything.
The stress quotient ramped up on a recent Saturday afternoon when one of Lowe's celebrity clients called to say she would be at least an hour late for her appointment. Lowe has styled camera-ready heads from Ellen Degeneres to the cast of Desperate Housewives. He didn't get to that perch without understanding the needs--and stroking the egos--of his clientele. He couldn't make these folks wait because one foul-mouthed starlet couldn't manage her schedule.
Stress, Anger & More
Some bosses think outbursts of temper serve them well. Sometimes they may even be right. How do you control CEO rage?.>>
More Related
• How To Effectively Resolve Conflict
• Most Effective Stress Relievers
• How To Beat The Winter Blues
• Shaking the Blues
As his anger swelled, Lowe took a deep breath and devised a plan. When the woman arrived, a handful of salon assistants and interns would swoop in, treat her to tea and give her a hand massage. Says Lowe, 38: "After five minutes of that, she was back to her normal self, telling jokes and counting the days until she'd see me again."
Top Tips: Six Ways To Keep Your Cool At Work
Many on-the-job conflicts don't play out so smoothly. Four out of five people fail at work because of interpersonal problems, not lack of technical skill, says B.J. Gallagher, a workplace consultant in Los Angeles. "Getting along with others, keeping your negative emotions in check, and negotiating conflict are essential in any job, in any organization," he says. It doesn't help that work is more stressful than ever. Longer hours, less pay and morale-sapping layoffs can drive even the most placid Bruce Banners to Hulk out.
While it's unhealthy to bury your anger, you can't let it boil over at work, either. Here are a few time-tested anger-management techniques, care of those who make a living helping us…all…remain…calm. (For a full list, see our slide show.)
The Double Blow
No, this doesn't mean give your colleague a jab to the gut followed by an elbow to the face. This trick, courtesy of Dr. Robert Epstein, instructor at the Rady School of Management at the University of California San Diego, works like this: As your rage swells, exhale fully and then, just as you're at the end of your exhale, blow hard. This expels the remaining air that's trapped in your lungs and counteracts the dangerous tendency to breathe shallowly when you feel threatened. "Shallow breathing circulates toxins in your bloodstream and makes you panicky," says Dr. Epstein.
Verbal Jujitsu
Berated by a co-worker or a frustrated superior? Dr. Debra Condren, founder of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career guide for women, has a solution: "I keep my face neutral, make sure I'm breathing and staying calm, with my feet planted any my body relaxed," she says. When the other person's verbal screed is done, Condren utters flatly: "I hear what you're saying," or "I can see you have strong feelings about this issue." The lack of visible reaction snuffs the emotional wick.
Avoid Assumptions
A co-worker is late and it's looking like you'll have to do that joint presentation alone. His fecklessness is infuriating. Before it engulfs you, says Dr. Simon Rego, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in New York, pause to consider all the things that could have happened. Perhaps his child is sick or his car broke down. Avoid assumptions--or as Rego calls them, "cognitive distortions"--which can lead to blame and anger. Says Rego: "Once these distortions can be identified, challenged and replaced with more helpful coping thoughts, the feelings of anger should decrease."
Know Your Triggers
Plenty of people get angry, but they don't know why. Look for anger-inducing patterns and jot them down, says Marty Babits, author of The Power of the Middle Ground, A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. This takes hearty doses of self-honesty and willingness to accept the truth. If certain people get on your nerves, then, well, they just do. In many cases, your best bet is simply to recognize who they are and avoid them whenever possible. If that sounds cold, take comfort in knowing that you are doing them a favor.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The Psychology Behing GF Stealing by Sinn
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hey there,
Today I wanted to dive into a rough outline of the psychology behind wanting to steal another guy's girl. Something I see very regularly in students and then in guys when they first become instructors or start having a decent amount of success with women.
But before I delve into that, I want to first acknowledge that I have been guilty of this before and may currently be sleeping with girls who have BFs I don't know about.
This is not some soapbox post about how you should only sleep with girls who are 1000% single. Nor some diatribe against sleeping with a girl in a relationship. Or girls who cheat on their BFs. I acknowledge that in reality these things sometimes happen whether or not you want them to.
Instead I want to look at what these kinds of actions say about the guy doing them...
It's become quite common in the community for guys to brag about how they can steal girls from guys. It's almost like they are some sort of bad-ass mercenary of game. They come rolling around and you better grab on to your girlfriend's hand or she'll be blowing MR new PUA guy in the bathroom like he's Bon Jovi. And it's not limited to the Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community as during his introduction on the first episode of The Jersey Shore Mike "The Situation" talked about how if he saw himself coming into a club he'd take his girlfriend and leave. He also later pulls " The robbery" on housemate Vinny by making out with a girl after Vinny made out with her. The situation is an awesome blend of overconfidence and insecurity hence the girl stealing...
In fact there is one guru who goes so far as to even claim he can steal ANYONE'S GF in under 90 seconds...
Again, whether or not those claims are true ( And let's face it most of them aren't) what does it say about a guy (guru or not) who brags about taking another guy's GF as if that somehow makes him cooler? Furthermore what does it say about you as a person that you buy products and bootcamps based on guys bragging about stealing other guy's GFs?
Let's look at the evolution of most of these guys ( And I won't name names but I think you can all figure it out). Most of them were unpopular or even picked on during their school years ( No judgment, I was picked on too). But instead of doing what I did and looking for ways to fit in with the people who were cooler than me and get their acceptance, these guys got angry and wanted to "show" the other people how wrong they were about them.
Then they went about their lives, always wanting to get back at those mean football players and cool kids in High School. But they never really consciously saw a way to do it until...
They find The Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community, and they learn all sorts of tactics and techniques. They're exposed to posts like Tyler Durden's "Secret Society" which details how all girls cheat and you just have to show them you're in the club of guys they will cheat with. Maybe you read some books like " My Secret Garden" or " Sperm Wars" which document all sorts of crazy female sexual behavior and now you believe that with your tight game you can STEAL any girl from ANY guy, because YOU know THE SECRET!!!
Insert maniacal nerd laugh here...
I should say something here; all of this really does depend on your goals. If your goal is to have a bunch of dudes on the internet think you're cool then talking about all the GFS you steal is a good way to go about it. If you want to have a bunch of meaningless one night stands, girls in relationships are a good way to go. If you want to start a relationship with a girl who has made it obvious she cheats on her Bfs again a good way to go. If that's what you want more power to you. I just think you're a loser :)
In my experience the best way to get back at people who were mean to you or show people you are valuable, is to create an AWESOME life for yourself while letting all that stuff remain in the past. I was a nerd in high school who got rejected by every girl I asked out all 4 years... I spent almost two years with a girl who cheated on me, and I had a horrible group of friends that made me the butt of their jokes causing majorly low self esteem. But I moved on, I figured out what I wanted in my life and I moved towards that. You can do the same. You don't need to take girls away from other guys in order to validate yourself as cooler or better than anyone else.
The whole community in general would be better without this kind of stuff as would locker rooms and anywhere else guys brag about this shit..
JS- The King Of Content
Hey there,
Today I wanted to dive into a rough outline of the psychology behind wanting to steal another guy's girl. Something I see very regularly in students and then in guys when they first become instructors or start having a decent amount of success with women.
But before I delve into that, I want to first acknowledge that I have been guilty of this before and may currently be sleeping with girls who have BFs I don't know about.
This is not some soapbox post about how you should only sleep with girls who are 1000% single. Nor some diatribe against sleeping with a girl in a relationship. Or girls who cheat on their BFs. I acknowledge that in reality these things sometimes happen whether or not you want them to.
Instead I want to look at what these kinds of actions say about the guy doing them...
It's become quite common in the community for guys to brag about how they can steal girls from guys. It's almost like they are some sort of bad-ass mercenary of game. They come rolling around and you better grab on to your girlfriend's hand or she'll be blowing MR new PUA guy in the bathroom like he's Bon Jovi. And it's not limited to the Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community as during his introduction on the first episode of The Jersey Shore Mike "The Situation" talked about how if he saw himself coming into a club he'd take his girlfriend and leave. He also later pulls " The robbery" on housemate Vinny by making out with a girl after Vinny made out with her. The situation is an awesome blend of overconfidence and insecurity hence the girl stealing...
In fact there is one guru who goes so far as to even claim he can steal ANYONE'S GF in under 90 seconds...
Again, whether or not those claims are true ( And let's face it most of them aren't) what does it say about a guy (guru or not) who brags about taking another guy's GF as if that somehow makes him cooler? Furthermore what does it say about you as a person that you buy products and bootcamps based on guys bragging about stealing other guy's GFs?
Let's look at the evolution of most of these guys ( And I won't name names but I think you can all figure it out). Most of them were unpopular or even picked on during their school years ( No judgment, I was picked on too). But instead of doing what I did and looking for ways to fit in with the people who were cooler than me and get their acceptance, these guys got angry and wanted to "show" the other people how wrong they were about them.
Then they went about their lives, always wanting to get back at those mean football players and cool kids in High School. But they never really consciously saw a way to do it until...
They find The Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community, and they learn all sorts of tactics and techniques. They're exposed to posts like Tyler Durden's "Secret Society" which details how all girls cheat and you just have to show them you're in the club of guys they will cheat with. Maybe you read some books like " My Secret Garden" or " Sperm Wars" which document all sorts of crazy female sexual behavior and now you believe that with your tight game you can STEAL any girl from ANY guy, because YOU know THE SECRET!!!
Insert maniacal nerd laugh here...
I should say something here; all of this really does depend on your goals. If your goal is to have a bunch of dudes on the internet think you're cool then talking about all the GFS you steal is a good way to go about it. If you want to have a bunch of meaningless one night stands, girls in relationships are a good way to go. If you want to start a relationship with a girl who has made it obvious she cheats on her Bfs again a good way to go. If that's what you want more power to you. I just think you're a loser :)
In my experience the best way to get back at people who were mean to you or show people you are valuable, is to create an AWESOME life for yourself while letting all that stuff remain in the past. I was a nerd in high school who got rejected by every girl I asked out all 4 years... I spent almost two years with a girl who cheated on me, and I had a horrible group of friends that made me the butt of their jokes causing majorly low self esteem. But I moved on, I figured out what I wanted in my life and I moved towards that. You can do the same. You don't need to take girls away from other guys in order to validate yourself as cooler or better than anyone else.
The whole community in general would be better without this kind of stuff as would locker rooms and anywhere else guys brag about this shit..
JS- The King Of Content
The 5 Immutable Laws Of Pick Up- by Sinn interview by afc adam
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The 5 Immutable Laws Of Pick Up
Hooray hyperbolic titles!!!
Anyway here's a bit of what i teach on bootcamps. These are things that I think come as close as possible to being 100% true when picking girls up.
1. Ignore anything which cannot help you get the girl. This is the heart of being non-reactive, dealing with social pressure, whatever you wanna call it. You have to learn to ignore things, be they congruence tests or guys entering your sets. If it doesn't help you, it's useless and not worth giving attention to.
2. Always be cooler than the girl. Even if it's just .001% you always have to act as if you think she's not as cool as you. This can take the form of teasing, commanding, or simply not explaining yourself. Girls are just not evolutionarily programmed to be attracted to guys of equal or lesser status. It sucks but it's the way the world works.
3. ABC. Or always be closing as my buddy Entropy would say. As a man you must take all responsibility for escalation. From physically escalating to maintaining plausible deniability with her friends. Everything is up to you. Men are sexually aggressive, women are sexually receptive.
4. Saying something is better than saying nothing. When you see a girl you want to approach it is WAY easier to go in and mess it up than to sit around debating the different ways you could do it. Give yourself permission to fail. Because even trying puts you ahead of 99% of guys.
5. Thinking in field is the enemy. I always say " less thinking, more making moves." Which besides being a line I stole from a Dave Chapelle stand up special, applies to pick up perfectly. Thinking is the worst thing you can be doing when you're out. Actually maybe it's the second worst after talking about game. Instead let go of the outcome, recognize that you are on the plateau as George Leonard calls it in Mastery and put in the work. Do approaches, get blown out, learn. That's the only point of going out to game. Not to oggle and complain about how all the sets are too hard.
So those are my five rules of pick up. If you stick to those you should be off to a good start in your learning process.
S
The 5 Immutable Laws Of Pick Up
Hooray hyperbolic titles!!!
Anyway here's a bit of what i teach on bootcamps. These are things that I think come as close as possible to being 100% true when picking girls up.
1. Ignore anything which cannot help you get the girl. This is the heart of being non-reactive, dealing with social pressure, whatever you wanna call it. You have to learn to ignore things, be they congruence tests or guys entering your sets. If it doesn't help you, it's useless and not worth giving attention to.
2. Always be cooler than the girl. Even if it's just .001% you always have to act as if you think she's not as cool as you. This can take the form of teasing, commanding, or simply not explaining yourself. Girls are just not evolutionarily programmed to be attracted to guys of equal or lesser status. It sucks but it's the way the world works.
3. ABC. Or always be closing as my buddy Entropy would say. As a man you must take all responsibility for escalation. From physically escalating to maintaining plausible deniability with her friends. Everything is up to you. Men are sexually aggressive, women are sexually receptive.
4. Saying something is better than saying nothing. When you see a girl you want to approach it is WAY easier to go in and mess it up than to sit around debating the different ways you could do it. Give yourself permission to fail. Because even trying puts you ahead of 99% of guys.
5. Thinking in field is the enemy. I always say " less thinking, more making moves." Which besides being a line I stole from a Dave Chapelle stand up special, applies to pick up perfectly. Thinking is the worst thing you can be doing when you're out. Actually maybe it's the second worst after talking about game. Instead let go of the outcome, recognize that you are on the plateau as George Leonard calls it in Mastery and put in the work. Do approaches, get blown out, learn. That's the only point of going out to game. Not to oggle and complain about how all the sets are too hard.
So those are my five rules of pick up. If you stick to those you should be off to a good start in your learning process.
S
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Truth about Stranger Approaching-by justin wayne..bonus email
The Truth about Stranger Approaching
In Dating/Pick-Up Theory on December 16, 2010 at 6:24 am
The Basic Explanation
Stranger Approach is something that no man should ever rely on. Even with the best ‘Pick Up SKills’, it can still lead to depression if not done right.
Despite my success, I’ve experienced depression while I was getting a lot of girls around a year ago. The main reason is this. No matter how good you are, you will always be ‘treated’ as a stranger, which is not healthy feedback for your mind. You will always fail more than you succeed in stranger approach. This is for reasons sometimes beyond our control.
Therefore, you will never truly feel like a winner if you had to climb mountains to get a girl. Why? because you will always be coming from a place of scarcity if you use the hardest approach to meet women.
The funny thing is, if naturals mostly meet girls in their social circle, then why would people who are not natural try to do stranger approach which is 10 times harder???
Thats why most people never really get good at it. Its not meant for you to get laid every day. It’s merely to help you become a man of social value to people and actually develop cool social circles.
Here’s a perfect song for this. Even the LEGEND Jim Morrison from THE DOORS sang about how much it sucks being a stranger when trying to meet people.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bonus email :
Firstly, I want you to know thats it is only natural to feel 'off guard'. Stranger approaching is NOT normal and is considered 'weird' to normal people. Stranger approach, as you may have noticed, takes a certain mindset to carry out. That is why I look at it as a sport since you are playing against some odds which enhance the feeling of success.
The reason why it is a "performance" and NOT a way simple way of life, it's because we are not programmed to consistently meet and trust people who we do not know. Even if we program ourselves to do it, the people who were are approaching will still be conditioned to not truly connect with strangers in any meaningful way. This is why it has to be a 'performance'.
Some people think that performing means coming off fake. This is not necessarily the case. Even if someone looks perfectly natural doing random stranger approach game, they are still 'performing'. They are simply performing well.
That being understood. I remember you mentioning that you have a lot of experience gaming in NY and Miami. I guarantee that anyone who is not a NEWBIE is definitely not afraid to 'approach' a girl and simply just open. That's an easy task for anyone who have at least approached dozens of strangers. Especially since you can simply walk away if you approached ONLY for the sake of practicing opening.
It has now come to my attention that what most people (who are not newbies) do NOT fear the Approach. They fear the PERFORMANCE that they have to do after the open. It is relatively easy to say "hi". It is difficult to perform after saying hi.
Let's think about it. After you approach the girl to say hi, then you have to barrel through many potential challenges and social awkwardness that you have already faced far too many times in the back of your mind. She may look at you as if she is uncomfortable, she may be slightly rude to you, she may be friendly but still not interested in you and you find out later, She may get a phone call. OR, you may sound nervous, you may forget what you were going to say, you may be lost for words, you may say something stupid. Etc.
Performing is the act of trying to get the girl in which 99% is after the opener. Performing is what you must face in real time. It is wat makes you feel like you 'invested' or 'wasted' your time.
Approach Anxiety = Only for NEWBIES
Performance Anxiety = For most people who are actually trying to get the girl.
There is also a strange notion that "naturals" can just do random street approach and get laid like rockstars. MAJORLY FALSE.
Naturals do more warm approaching. The most difficult thing a natural would do is a WARM Approach in a social venue where it is NOT awkward to approach women. Naturals inherently know that at first glance, doing random stranger approaches on the street is not the ideal thing to do. Truth be told. It is not. Most naturals meet girls though social circles and a bar of friend etc.
Naturals do not randomly approach stranger and get laid. When they try, they too look and feel awkward in many cases too. It is not that they are social awkward people, it is just that they are going against social nature. Random Stranger approaching goes against it.
So stranger approach is a performance because it is not Natural to approach random people and make a true romantic connection with them. This is why it has to be looked as a science and art from in my humble opinion. The science has to do with the ratio of what works and what doesn't. The art is how you convey what you are suppose to.
So do not beat yourself up because you do not approach a girl when you are going through your normal activities. Even I do not approach all the time. It feels awkward for me too when I am not in the MODE or mindset. I mostly get laid when i change my mindset to perform. Since stranger approaching is out of the ordinary and goes against our very nature. I pass beautiful women in my life all the time too.
Stranger Approaching can be learned. But like anything else, it is not for everyone. That is why I will always let people know the truth about it. It worked for me after digging very deep.
This is why I suggest to society at large that Random Stranger Approaching should be only viewed as a niche and will always be a "niche". Just like any other challenging sport such as Free Running.
Also, if you want to feel sane, please do stranger approaching in moderation. I always tell my students to NOT practice every day, It will make you come off weird. Unless you have a great social circle of people who you are always in touch with.
Ultimately, whether you become great at Random Stranger Approach or not, focus on being apart of social circles where you can be given a fair chance and also come have normal interaction with people without trying to get something from them. It is good for your social mental psyche.
It is normal and ok to feel this way.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Hope this helps.
PS. I wrote this long because I felt its time for me to start giving more advice so people can understand what I am about. I will take your name out of it for confidentiality. Great question. Let me know if you have any other questions.
In Dating/Pick-Up Theory on December 16, 2010 at 6:24 am
The Basic Explanation
Stranger Approach is something that no man should ever rely on. Even with the best ‘Pick Up SKills’, it can still lead to depression if not done right.
Despite my success, I’ve experienced depression while I was getting a lot of girls around a year ago. The main reason is this. No matter how good you are, you will always be ‘treated’ as a stranger, which is not healthy feedback for your mind. You will always fail more than you succeed in stranger approach. This is for reasons sometimes beyond our control.
Therefore, you will never truly feel like a winner if you had to climb mountains to get a girl. Why? because you will always be coming from a place of scarcity if you use the hardest approach to meet women.
The funny thing is, if naturals mostly meet girls in their social circle, then why would people who are not natural try to do stranger approach which is 10 times harder???
Thats why most people never really get good at it. Its not meant for you to get laid every day. It’s merely to help you become a man of social value to people and actually develop cool social circles.
Here’s a perfect song for this. Even the LEGEND Jim Morrison from THE DOORS sang about how much it sucks being a stranger when trying to meet people.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bonus email :
Firstly, I want you to know thats it is only natural to feel 'off guard'. Stranger approaching is NOT normal and is considered 'weird' to normal people. Stranger approach, as you may have noticed, takes a certain mindset to carry out. That is why I look at it as a sport since you are playing against some odds which enhance the feeling of success.
The reason why it is a "performance" and NOT a way simple way of life, it's because we are not programmed to consistently meet and trust people who we do not know. Even if we program ourselves to do it, the people who were are approaching will still be conditioned to not truly connect with strangers in any meaningful way. This is why it has to be a 'performance'.
Some people think that performing means coming off fake. This is not necessarily the case. Even if someone looks perfectly natural doing random stranger approach game, they are still 'performing'. They are simply performing well.
That being understood. I remember you mentioning that you have a lot of experience gaming in NY and Miami. I guarantee that anyone who is not a NEWBIE is definitely not afraid to 'approach' a girl and simply just open. That's an easy task for anyone who have at least approached dozens of strangers. Especially since you can simply walk away if you approached ONLY for the sake of practicing opening.
It has now come to my attention that what most people (who are not newbies) do NOT fear the Approach. They fear the PERFORMANCE that they have to do after the open. It is relatively easy to say "hi". It is difficult to perform after saying hi.
Let's think about it. After you approach the girl to say hi, then you have to barrel through many potential challenges and social awkwardness that you have already faced far too many times in the back of your mind. She may look at you as if she is uncomfortable, she may be slightly rude to you, she may be friendly but still not interested in you and you find out later, She may get a phone call. OR, you may sound nervous, you may forget what you were going to say, you may be lost for words, you may say something stupid. Etc.
Performing is the act of trying to get the girl in which 99% is after the opener. Performing is what you must face in real time. It is wat makes you feel like you 'invested' or 'wasted' your time.
Approach Anxiety = Only for NEWBIES
Performance Anxiety = For most people who are actually trying to get the girl.
There is also a strange notion that "naturals" can just do random street approach and get laid like rockstars. MAJORLY FALSE.
Naturals do more warm approaching. The most difficult thing a natural would do is a WARM Approach in a social venue where it is NOT awkward to approach women. Naturals inherently know that at first glance, doing random stranger approaches on the street is not the ideal thing to do. Truth be told. It is not. Most naturals meet girls though social circles and a bar of friend etc.
Naturals do not randomly approach stranger and get laid. When they try, they too look and feel awkward in many cases too. It is not that they are social awkward people, it is just that they are going against social nature. Random Stranger approaching goes against it.
So stranger approach is a performance because it is not Natural to approach random people and make a true romantic connection with them. This is why it has to be looked as a science and art from in my humble opinion. The science has to do with the ratio of what works and what doesn't. The art is how you convey what you are suppose to.
So do not beat yourself up because you do not approach a girl when you are going through your normal activities. Even I do not approach all the time. It feels awkward for me too when I am not in the MODE or mindset. I mostly get laid when i change my mindset to perform. Since stranger approaching is out of the ordinary and goes against our very nature. I pass beautiful women in my life all the time too.
Stranger Approaching can be learned. But like anything else, it is not for everyone. That is why I will always let people know the truth about it. It worked for me after digging very deep.
This is why I suggest to society at large that Random Stranger Approaching should be only viewed as a niche and will always be a "niche". Just like any other challenging sport such as Free Running.
Also, if you want to feel sane, please do stranger approaching in moderation. I always tell my students to NOT practice every day, It will make you come off weird. Unless you have a great social circle of people who you are always in touch with.
Ultimately, whether you become great at Random Stranger Approach or not, focus on being apart of social circles where you can be given a fair chance and also come have normal interaction with people without trying to get something from them. It is good for your social mental psyche.
It is normal and ok to feel this way.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Hope this helps.
PS. I wrote this long because I felt its time for me to start giving more advice so people can understand what I am about. I will take your name out of it for confidentiality. Great question. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Mailbag! (3/20/09)
It’s the end of the week, and most of us should be heading out. This is actually the first Friday night I’ve had free in about a month, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do. But time to do another mail bag.
I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?
- Dan
Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.
Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.
But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.
And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.
I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?
- Rodrigo
If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.
You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.
Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.
- TR
I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.
Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.
Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?
- Anonymous
Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).
But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.
I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…
What do you think?
- Love Potion
Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.
This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.
So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.
I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?
- Dan
Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.
Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.
But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.
And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.
I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?
- Rodrigo
If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.
You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.
Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.
- TR
I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.
Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.
Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?
- Anonymous
Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).
But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.
I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…
What do you think?
- Love Potion
Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.
This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.
So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.
My Personal PUA Journey by Enteropy
I’ve recently gotten a few emails and comments asking if I could be more specific about my personal PUA development: what sticking points did I have? What did I work on? How long did it take? Etc. I get this question A LOT in seminars and lair talks as well, so I decided to break it down here.
So here’s the run-down:
In The Beginning:
When: Late 2005
Situation: Had just read “The Game”. Could barely even fathom approaching hot girls, much less envision myself actually doing it. Had just gotten dumped by the love of my life, still dealing with some baggage and depression. Hadn’t had sex in almost a year.
Natural Strengths: Tall and decent-looking. Could hold a good conversation. Good sense of humor. Had some friends. If I got drunk enough, I wasn’t afraid to try and make out with a girl.
Natural Weaknesses: Scared to death of approaching. Had serious commitment/self-esteem/sexual anxiety issues. Honestly believed that I’d never get another girl as amazing as my ex to ever like me again.
Phase 1: OMG, She Talked to Me!
When: Winter and Spring of 2006
Progress Report: It took me three months to actually work up the nerve to cold approach a girl. When I finally did, I was so nervous and self-conscious, I actually apologized for talking to her. I focused mainly on going to parties and meeting girls through my friends. I used some of David DeAngelo’s Cocky/Funny to turn my humor on girls and actually got some mediocre results. A drunk make-out here, an ugly girl’s phone number there. Still no real results though.
I read the Venusian Arts Handbook (basically what became Magic Bullets) and decided to memorize some routines, magic tricks and even some palm-reading. In my first couple dozen sets of my life, I would try these and they would fail miserably. I suck at magic. One girl, while getting a palm-read, looked at me and said, “Why are you touching me?” Another girl, after a botched magic trick looked at me and said, “You should just try being normal.” Little did I know, she gave me better advice than 80% of the PUA community.
Sticking Points: I still had awful approach anxiety. Anything more than one set a night was a “good night.” Attraction game was all over the place, uncalibrated, and awkward. I sucked at routines.
Phase 2: Afraid of Sex
When: May – July of 2006
Progress Report: I took the girl’s advice and tried to just act normal on cold approaches. To my utter amazement, my results got better. I stuck with the Cocky/Funny I used at my friend’s parties and actually started getting phone numbers off cold approach.
My social circle game really started coming into its own. My occasional drunk make-outs finally turned into hook ups and in April, I ended a 16-month sex drought. The experience was terrifying.
When I got sexual with girls, I freaked out that they’d become emotional attached or involved with me (baggage from my relationship; me projecting), and would quit answering their calls. I held the limiting belief that any girl who would sleep with me wanted to be my girlfriend. Seriously…
In June, I met up with a local Boston guy through the lair. He could approach all night but couldn’t hold conversations. I could hold conversations all night but couldn’t approach because I still had crippling approach anxiety. He proceeded to approach about eight sets in the first hour. I stood by stunned and horrified at the groups he fearlessly started talking to. By the end of the night I calmed down and even opened a few sets myself. My AA finally became manageable.
It was in July in which I met a super-natural. We met because the same girl invited us both to a party of hers. To this day, I have yet to meet anyone in the community better than him. Over the next year, I would go out with him and watch him pull smoking hot girls home consistently and without hesitation. I owe a lot of the speed and extent of my development to him.
Sticking Points: Bad sexual anxiety. Sloppy escalation. Would act like a jack ass on day 2’s.
Phase 3: Finally Getting It
When: August – December 2006
Progress Report: I continued to go out five nights a week, half of which I spent with my natural wing, the other half with community guys or college friends.
Watching my natural friend interact with women quickly influenced my dominance and how sexual I was willing to be around girls. The stuff he pulled off was amazing and consistently tested my beliefs and reality.
That summer, I took a girl home from a party. She was very aggressive and it was apparently within an hour or two that we’d have sex. When we got back to my place, once again I ran into severe sexual anxiety and started freaking out that this girl was going to want to date me or something. I decided to take the bluntly honest route and talk to her, set expectations. I told her after sex, “Hey, you’re cool but you need to know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
She laughed in my face and said, “Who said I wanted to see you again?” This experience was HUGE.
My college party/social circle game hit its peak. I had a night in August where I hooked up with three girls in one night. My college friends and their parties would continue to supply the majority of my lays for the next six months.
I got my first fuck buddies, although I was still bad at keeping them around. I still over-gamed on day 2’s and girls I had already slept with, mostly out of a lack of confidence, but also out of habit.
During this period, I probably slept with 10-12 girls, tripling the amount of women I had been with in my entire life.
On paper, I suppose I had reached legitimate “PUA” status. Within only eight months, I had gone from being a stumbling newbie who needed help approaching, to the guy most guys came to for advice in the lair. I got one night stands. I had a fuck buddy or two.
But I still had a lot of inner game work and emotional work to do — stuff I had never planned on working on, but would soon bite me in the ass.
Sticking Points: Inner game — seeking way too much validation, becoming addicted to sarging. Emotionally vacant. Still had sexual anxiety issues.
Interlude: The Salvadorean Woman
When: January – May 2007
Progress Report: I began to get frustrated in December of 2006. I still had a lot of irrational fears about girls I was seeing — I’d inexplicably stop calling them back and decide that they were needy and crazy — and kept fighting bouts of sexual anxiety.
I decided to check myself into therapy. I did some research, found a guy near my apartment who my insurance covered and I could relate to (went to same college, had been a musician and a slacker, used to womanize when he was young).
What started out as, “Hey Doc, help me keep my pecker hard,” turned into a long dialog that delved into my emotional issues — first, my ex-girlfriend (predictable) and then my parent’s divorce (whoa, didn’t see that coming) and then finally my entire adolescence.
I’m not one of those guys who shits on therapy at all. I think if you find the right therapist, it’s incredibly helpful. You just have to find the right person and be willing to open yourself up and work on yourself. I was extremely engaged every week. Every week I’d figure something out about myself, my emotional inner works, my past, my issues, etc. and then I’d spend the rest of the week turning the ideas over in my head. Eventually, after about 4-5 months, I showed up one day and it felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I stopped. That was it. All in all, seeking therapy was one of the smartest things I ever did.
The other thing that happened was I met a woman. She was foreign (love it), older (also love it), beautiful, smart and rich. Our first date consisted of her buying a bottle of Johnny Walker and us sitting in her apartment until 4AM speaking in broken English (her) and broken Spanish (me). It was wonderful.
Now, as with all the other previous girls that I had really liked, I was still scared shitless of commitment, but this woman was too amazing to not commit to. She was mature and handled her emotions well, which is what I needed in the girl I dated at the time. She was fun and playful, had a sexy accent, and spoiled the shit out of me. It’s really hard to ditch a woman when she’s sexy, fun AND perfectly willing to spend $1000 on you without thinking twice.
It was good for me. It was perfect for me really. It restored my confidence, my emotional stability, helped me open myself up again. I wasn’t afraid of intimacy or relationships anymore.
Eventually, she had to move back to her country. Her family worked in the government (which in Central America is a huge deal). She finagled a job for me at the US Embassy down there and invited me to go down to live with her.
As fantastic as it all sounded, I realized she and I wanted different things. I had just gotten out of college. She wanted to settle down, probably marry and have kids. The idea that a woman was actually willing to marry me — and not even that, a woman of THAT caliber really did a number on my reality.
Unfortunately, I had to turn her down. We lost touch. She was such a blessing and I still think about her now and again.
Phase 4: Put Me Back in the Game Coach
When: May – December 2007
Progress Report: When I came back, I was rusty for a few weeks. But in no time, I was hitting it hard again, five nights a week, and the results started pouring in like there was no tomorrow. Probably a new girl every week or two for six months.
But the difference was that I was actually keeping girls around now. I was keeping them around for three, six, even eight months at a time. We always seemed to enjoy our time together. And when it came time for them to move on, I was remaining friends with them. There were almost never any hard feelings or awful drama.
Within a few months I had a large rotation of girls that I maintained until the end of the year.
Sticking Points: I still remained emotionally shallow with my girls. Also, my lifestyle had become dominated by pick up. I reached a point where I was unemployed, broke, living on a friend’s couch, and was dating four girls and going out three nights a week. It was stupid. And I quickly became miserable.
Phase 5: Girlfriend, Coaching and the Post-PUA Life
When: January – September 2008
Progress Report: I decided to put my life in order. On top of being a mess personally and financially, I was getting burnt out from all of the sarging. I don’t know about you, but after about a dozen 4-month-long casual relationships, it starts to get a bit old. The one night stands got old even way before that.
This period, I found myself slowly falling into another serious long-term relationship with my current girlfriend. She started as a FB about six months prior.
This period also saw me begin coaching which created a bizarre effect on my social life and general psyche for a while. This is documented on this blog in my “Post PUA Life” posts from the summer of 2008.
But a lot of this was just getting back to being a normal person again. As fucked up as that sounds, it was true. Learning how to NOT go out five nights a week. Learning how to go out and NOT approach girls and still have fun.
Phase 6: Emotional Freedom, Polyamory, and Beyond?
When: September 2008 – Present
Progress Report: The evolution I’ve gone through the last six months has been a deeply emotional/relationship management one. It has also been chronicles on this blog here. My saga with Erika has also been a product of this personal evolution.
Sticking Points: I’d say my sticking points now involve managing multiple deep emotional relationships simultaneously — you could call it “love logistics.” I still think when it comes down to it, the first five minutes are my weakest minutes of any cold approach. I could do better opening large groups and handling night-game logistics. But these are all things that I don’t really plan on addressing until I become single again, move and starting going out again.
So here’s the run-down:
In The Beginning:
When: Late 2005
Situation: Had just read “The Game”. Could barely even fathom approaching hot girls, much less envision myself actually doing it. Had just gotten dumped by the love of my life, still dealing with some baggage and depression. Hadn’t had sex in almost a year.
Natural Strengths: Tall and decent-looking. Could hold a good conversation. Good sense of humor. Had some friends. If I got drunk enough, I wasn’t afraid to try and make out with a girl.
Natural Weaknesses: Scared to death of approaching. Had serious commitment/self-esteem/sexual anxiety issues. Honestly believed that I’d never get another girl as amazing as my ex to ever like me again.
Phase 1: OMG, She Talked to Me!
When: Winter and Spring of 2006
Progress Report: It took me three months to actually work up the nerve to cold approach a girl. When I finally did, I was so nervous and self-conscious, I actually apologized for talking to her. I focused mainly on going to parties and meeting girls through my friends. I used some of David DeAngelo’s Cocky/Funny to turn my humor on girls and actually got some mediocre results. A drunk make-out here, an ugly girl’s phone number there. Still no real results though.
I read the Venusian Arts Handbook (basically what became Magic Bullets) and decided to memorize some routines, magic tricks and even some palm-reading. In my first couple dozen sets of my life, I would try these and they would fail miserably. I suck at magic. One girl, while getting a palm-read, looked at me and said, “Why are you touching me?” Another girl, after a botched magic trick looked at me and said, “You should just try being normal.” Little did I know, she gave me better advice than 80% of the PUA community.
Sticking Points: I still had awful approach anxiety. Anything more than one set a night was a “good night.” Attraction game was all over the place, uncalibrated, and awkward. I sucked at routines.
Phase 2: Afraid of Sex
When: May – July of 2006
Progress Report: I took the girl’s advice and tried to just act normal on cold approaches. To my utter amazement, my results got better. I stuck with the Cocky/Funny I used at my friend’s parties and actually started getting phone numbers off cold approach.
My social circle game really started coming into its own. My occasional drunk make-outs finally turned into hook ups and in April, I ended a 16-month sex drought. The experience was terrifying.
When I got sexual with girls, I freaked out that they’d become emotional attached or involved with me (baggage from my relationship; me projecting), and would quit answering their calls. I held the limiting belief that any girl who would sleep with me wanted to be my girlfriend. Seriously…
In June, I met up with a local Boston guy through the lair. He could approach all night but couldn’t hold conversations. I could hold conversations all night but couldn’t approach because I still had crippling approach anxiety. He proceeded to approach about eight sets in the first hour. I stood by stunned and horrified at the groups he fearlessly started talking to. By the end of the night I calmed down and even opened a few sets myself. My AA finally became manageable.
It was in July in which I met a super-natural. We met because the same girl invited us both to a party of hers. To this day, I have yet to meet anyone in the community better than him. Over the next year, I would go out with him and watch him pull smoking hot girls home consistently and without hesitation. I owe a lot of the speed and extent of my development to him.
Sticking Points: Bad sexual anxiety. Sloppy escalation. Would act like a jack ass on day 2’s.
Phase 3: Finally Getting It
When: August – December 2006
Progress Report: I continued to go out five nights a week, half of which I spent with my natural wing, the other half with community guys or college friends.
Watching my natural friend interact with women quickly influenced my dominance and how sexual I was willing to be around girls. The stuff he pulled off was amazing and consistently tested my beliefs and reality.
That summer, I took a girl home from a party. She was very aggressive and it was apparently within an hour or two that we’d have sex. When we got back to my place, once again I ran into severe sexual anxiety and started freaking out that this girl was going to want to date me or something. I decided to take the bluntly honest route and talk to her, set expectations. I told her after sex, “Hey, you’re cool but you need to know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
She laughed in my face and said, “Who said I wanted to see you again?” This experience was HUGE.
My college party/social circle game hit its peak. I had a night in August where I hooked up with three girls in one night. My college friends and their parties would continue to supply the majority of my lays for the next six months.
I got my first fuck buddies, although I was still bad at keeping them around. I still over-gamed on day 2’s and girls I had already slept with, mostly out of a lack of confidence, but also out of habit.
During this period, I probably slept with 10-12 girls, tripling the amount of women I had been with in my entire life.
On paper, I suppose I had reached legitimate “PUA” status. Within only eight months, I had gone from being a stumbling newbie who needed help approaching, to the guy most guys came to for advice in the lair. I got one night stands. I had a fuck buddy or two.
But I still had a lot of inner game work and emotional work to do — stuff I had never planned on working on, but would soon bite me in the ass.
Sticking Points: Inner game — seeking way too much validation, becoming addicted to sarging. Emotionally vacant. Still had sexual anxiety issues.
Interlude: The Salvadorean Woman
When: January – May 2007
Progress Report: I began to get frustrated in December of 2006. I still had a lot of irrational fears about girls I was seeing — I’d inexplicably stop calling them back and decide that they were needy and crazy — and kept fighting bouts of sexual anxiety.
I decided to check myself into therapy. I did some research, found a guy near my apartment who my insurance covered and I could relate to (went to same college, had been a musician and a slacker, used to womanize when he was young).
What started out as, “Hey Doc, help me keep my pecker hard,” turned into a long dialog that delved into my emotional issues — first, my ex-girlfriend (predictable) and then my parent’s divorce (whoa, didn’t see that coming) and then finally my entire adolescence.
I’m not one of those guys who shits on therapy at all. I think if you find the right therapist, it’s incredibly helpful. You just have to find the right person and be willing to open yourself up and work on yourself. I was extremely engaged every week. Every week I’d figure something out about myself, my emotional inner works, my past, my issues, etc. and then I’d spend the rest of the week turning the ideas over in my head. Eventually, after about 4-5 months, I showed up one day and it felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I stopped. That was it. All in all, seeking therapy was one of the smartest things I ever did.
The other thing that happened was I met a woman. She was foreign (love it), older (also love it), beautiful, smart and rich. Our first date consisted of her buying a bottle of Johnny Walker and us sitting in her apartment until 4AM speaking in broken English (her) and broken Spanish (me). It was wonderful.
Now, as with all the other previous girls that I had really liked, I was still scared shitless of commitment, but this woman was too amazing to not commit to. She was mature and handled her emotions well, which is what I needed in the girl I dated at the time. She was fun and playful, had a sexy accent, and spoiled the shit out of me. It’s really hard to ditch a woman when she’s sexy, fun AND perfectly willing to spend $1000 on you without thinking twice.
It was good for me. It was perfect for me really. It restored my confidence, my emotional stability, helped me open myself up again. I wasn’t afraid of intimacy or relationships anymore.
Eventually, she had to move back to her country. Her family worked in the government (which in Central America is a huge deal). She finagled a job for me at the US Embassy down there and invited me to go down to live with her.
As fantastic as it all sounded, I realized she and I wanted different things. I had just gotten out of college. She wanted to settle down, probably marry and have kids. The idea that a woman was actually willing to marry me — and not even that, a woman of THAT caliber really did a number on my reality.
Unfortunately, I had to turn her down. We lost touch. She was such a blessing and I still think about her now and again.
Phase 4: Put Me Back in the Game Coach
When: May – December 2007
Progress Report: When I came back, I was rusty for a few weeks. But in no time, I was hitting it hard again, five nights a week, and the results started pouring in like there was no tomorrow. Probably a new girl every week or two for six months.
But the difference was that I was actually keeping girls around now. I was keeping them around for three, six, even eight months at a time. We always seemed to enjoy our time together. And when it came time for them to move on, I was remaining friends with them. There were almost never any hard feelings or awful drama.
Within a few months I had a large rotation of girls that I maintained until the end of the year.
Sticking Points: I still remained emotionally shallow with my girls. Also, my lifestyle had become dominated by pick up. I reached a point where I was unemployed, broke, living on a friend’s couch, and was dating four girls and going out three nights a week. It was stupid. And I quickly became miserable.
Phase 5: Girlfriend, Coaching and the Post-PUA Life
When: January – September 2008
Progress Report: I decided to put my life in order. On top of being a mess personally and financially, I was getting burnt out from all of the sarging. I don’t know about you, but after about a dozen 4-month-long casual relationships, it starts to get a bit old. The one night stands got old even way before that.
This period, I found myself slowly falling into another serious long-term relationship with my current girlfriend. She started as a FB about six months prior.
This period also saw me begin coaching which created a bizarre effect on my social life and general psyche for a while. This is documented on this blog in my “Post PUA Life” posts from the summer of 2008.
But a lot of this was just getting back to being a normal person again. As fucked up as that sounds, it was true. Learning how to NOT go out five nights a week. Learning how to go out and NOT approach girls and still have fun.
Phase 6: Emotional Freedom, Polyamory, and Beyond?
When: September 2008 – Present
Progress Report: The evolution I’ve gone through the last six months has been a deeply emotional/relationship management one. It has also been chronicles on this blog here. My saga with Erika has also been a product of this personal evolution.
Sticking Points: I’d say my sticking points now involve managing multiple deep emotional relationships simultaneously — you could call it “love logistics.” I still think when it comes down to it, the first five minutes are my weakest minutes of any cold approach. I could do better opening large groups and handling night-game logistics. But these are all things that I don’t really plan on addressing until I become single again, move and starting going out again.
Night Game Model Part 8- Dealing with a Bad Night
I just started going out and sarging again for the first time in months. When I say sarge, I actually mean going out with the intention to pick up girls for myself (I don’t really consider coaching part of it, since I typically try to let the student carry most of the weight in set). Anyway, I started going out again and I’m pretty rusty and I had a particularly “off” night last night. Everything just felt a bit out of whack, so I just wanted to write up some things that help me handle nights like that.
Whatever you do, don’t be hard on yourself. The minute you start beating yourself up saying, “damnit, I suck, what’s wrong with me?” your night’s over. It’s all downhill from there. No matter how ugly things get, no matter how awkward and pathetic you are, DON’T let yourself beat yourself up. Nothing good comes out of it. I try to make kind of a, “we’ll deal with this later” deal with myself. You know how like when you were a kid and you were getting in trouble in public and your mom/dad was like, “We’re going to deal with this when we get home,” because they didn’t want to make a huge scene in public and make things worse? It’s kind of like that. I just hold off all self-criticism and pitying until I get home.
Don’t blame the girls, the night, the venue, blah, blah, blah. Look. Some nights just suck. Some logistics just suck. Some venues just suck. We all know that. Sometimes girls are just bitches and you get the bad luck of the draw. But there’s no reason to look for excuses. If you could be doing better, you could be doing better and that’s all that matters. BUT don’t beat yourself up about it until you get home.
When in doubt, do whatever helps you have fun. What kills you on nights like this is that you’ll have a couple sets that don’t go too well and then you start getting annoyed/upset/frustrated which makes the next sets go even worse, and so on and so on. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and annoyed, take a time out for 30 minutes. Do something that you enjoy. Last night, I did 4-5 sets, none of which went very far and a couple of them I thought I ran horribly (by my standards). I was getting a little pissed, so what’d I do? I sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and watched the basketball game for about 30 minutes. I chilled out, let it all go, quit caring. After about 20 minutes or so, a real cute blonde came and sat next to me. I casually opened her and it ended up being my best set of the night. Take the pressure off, relax and always make sure the fun’s there. If the fun’s not there, nothing will be.
Learn from your mistakes and move on. I like to debrief myself the next day. I find that “sleeping it off” whether a great night or a bad night helps me be objective. The night of, when you get home, regardless of how things went, you’re still on an emotional high/low, you may be a bit drunk, you’re probably tired. It’s hard to be objective in those situations. I like to wait until I wake up the next day to analyze myself. I make note of what I did well and what I didn’t, and once I’ve made a mental note of what I should change I immediately discard the night and let go of it. It’s in the past. Over the next day or two, if feelings of resentment or regret start creeping up, I immediately let them go and move on. There’s no point in dwelling, no matter how bad you fuck up.
Every night’s a new night. The best way to get over a bad night is to have a great night. Go out again the next night if you can. Even if it’s not a great night, having fun and having a couple sets go all right sure beats the hell out of sitting at home and dwelling on your fuck ups. Even better, go out with some friends and just goof off. You’ll be over it in no time.
Whatever you do, don’t be hard on yourself. The minute you start beating yourself up saying, “damnit, I suck, what’s wrong with me?” your night’s over. It’s all downhill from there. No matter how ugly things get, no matter how awkward and pathetic you are, DON’T let yourself beat yourself up. Nothing good comes out of it. I try to make kind of a, “we’ll deal with this later” deal with myself. You know how like when you were a kid and you were getting in trouble in public and your mom/dad was like, “We’re going to deal with this when we get home,” because they didn’t want to make a huge scene in public and make things worse? It’s kind of like that. I just hold off all self-criticism and pitying until I get home.
Don’t blame the girls, the night, the venue, blah, blah, blah. Look. Some nights just suck. Some logistics just suck. Some venues just suck. We all know that. Sometimes girls are just bitches and you get the bad luck of the draw. But there’s no reason to look for excuses. If you could be doing better, you could be doing better and that’s all that matters. BUT don’t beat yourself up about it until you get home.
When in doubt, do whatever helps you have fun. What kills you on nights like this is that you’ll have a couple sets that don’t go too well and then you start getting annoyed/upset/frustrated which makes the next sets go even worse, and so on and so on. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and annoyed, take a time out for 30 minutes. Do something that you enjoy. Last night, I did 4-5 sets, none of which went very far and a couple of them I thought I ran horribly (by my standards). I was getting a little pissed, so what’d I do? I sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and watched the basketball game for about 30 minutes. I chilled out, let it all go, quit caring. After about 20 minutes or so, a real cute blonde came and sat next to me. I casually opened her and it ended up being my best set of the night. Take the pressure off, relax and always make sure the fun’s there. If the fun’s not there, nothing will be.
Learn from your mistakes and move on. I like to debrief myself the next day. I find that “sleeping it off” whether a great night or a bad night helps me be objective. The night of, when you get home, regardless of how things went, you’re still on an emotional high/low, you may be a bit drunk, you’re probably tired. It’s hard to be objective in those situations. I like to wait until I wake up the next day to analyze myself. I make note of what I did well and what I didn’t, and once I’ve made a mental note of what I should change I immediately discard the night and let go of it. It’s in the past. Over the next day or two, if feelings of resentment or regret start creeping up, I immediately let them go and move on. There’s no point in dwelling, no matter how bad you fuck up.
Every night’s a new night. The best way to get over a bad night is to have a great night. Go out again the next night if you can. Even if it’s not a great night, having fun and having a couple sets go all right sure beats the hell out of sitting at home and dwelling on your fuck ups. Even better, go out with some friends and just goof off. You’ll be over it in no time.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Review of KWML by dr paul- intro
I had my friend tell me to look into KWML and its so damn good...
Amazing stuff the KWML material... he talks about masterminding too ...haha :)
Im by chapter 2. What a great read. Thanks guys.
its like a pie chart of qualities to be a whole well rounded person.
valueable indeed.
I am missing King and Warrior projection and development of more of that quality.
Im going to read and analyze each chapter write up my thoughts and a review on my blog and come up with ideas to implement them.
I'm going to try to keep things solid so that I wont overdo the reading too much info and just read this book alone for the week.
too much reading isnt good if you arent putting the material into practice.
-S
PS: Calibration is combination of all of them
Attraction:
Appraoch: King (direct,subtle), Magician (indirect)
Shit tests/ negs to qualify them: Magician,Warrior
Creating attraction and imagination: Magician
Comfort:
handling AMOGS / DHV's protector of loved ones: Warrior
Genuine charisma / Leading: King
Dominance and Role dynamics: Warrior/King
Passionate and Rake: Lover Poet
Excitiment and Funny/ chemistry connection : Magician/ Lover
Sexualize the interaction: Warrior/Magician/Lover
Overall Sexual role play/ Define relationship w woman: King
Amazing stuff the KWML material... he talks about masterminding too ...haha :)
Im by chapter 2. What a great read. Thanks guys.
its like a pie chart of qualities to be a whole well rounded person.
valueable indeed.
I am missing King and Warrior projection and development of more of that quality.
Im going to read and analyze each chapter write up my thoughts and a review on my blog and come up with ideas to implement them.
I'm going to try to keep things solid so that I wont overdo the reading too much info and just read this book alone for the week.
too much reading isnt good if you arent putting the material into practice.
-S
PS: Calibration is combination of all of them
Attraction:
Appraoch: King (direct,subtle), Magician (indirect)
Shit tests/ negs to qualify them: Magician,Warrior
Creating attraction and imagination: Magician
Comfort:
handling AMOGS / DHV's protector of loved ones: Warrior
Genuine charisma / Leading: King
Dominance and Role dynamics: Warrior/King
Passionate and Rake: Lover Poet
Excitiment and Funny/ chemistry connection : Magician/ Lover
Sexualize the interaction: Warrior/Magician/Lover
Overall Sexual role play/ Define relationship w woman: King
Badboy's post on getting your priority straight
this is a special post, I should have listened to and ingrained in my head.
I love it cause he is one of few who says truth about PU.
I always thought people didnt want me to get good so I get upset and go at it like a face to a wall. but that isnt wise, the best thing is to get your priority and have balance in your life.
pick up is great as you find the info and easily get Keyboard Jockey and you try to find best material out there. but if you dont go out you will fail and your low self esteem will destroy you and PUA will take over your life and it will get worse....
its terrible cause Ive been there and thats why I left for awhile and I wouldnt put it in first place . But when I go out I would give it 100% of it and enjoy it.
Get Your Priorities Straight ...Today
by Badboy
I see lots of guys in the Seduction Community make the same mistake over and over, regarding where their priorities are... Namely, letting pickup take over their life. Guys spend all their time reading forums, downloading more and more material, studying every guru's philosophy and eventually it becomes their whole life. Guys start to look at the world as one big sarge and lose the ability to act like a normal person with friends and other priorities in their life. This is why so many guys you meet in the community are fucking weird. There are plenty of great guys in it, but also a lot of weirdos. Make an effort to be a normal person before being a mPUA... You'll be happier.
Pickup should be just one of the hobbies you have. Don't spend more than 2-3 days a week on it and don't spend all your free time trolling the internet for more info... Learn what you need to to so that you are getting results but then just go out and have fun, go to the gym, do some reading, play sports, learn something new... Girls love guys with a genuinely good lifestyle which is why guys who obsess over only pickup are actually hurting their chances with girls. What they are doing is putting women and their need for validation above all other things and the gaping void that forms in their life because of this will be subcommunicated eventually and drive girls away. This is a horrible dynamic to create in your life. Sitting in front of a computer, reading forums and spending hours worrying about what opener to use is the worst lifestyle you can have. Your pursuit of women should be a small facet of your overall well developed lifestyle; not vice-versa.
Go out and make some friends. Real friends. Not just community guys. It's stupid if all the people you hang out with are community guys. If you do so, you are limiting yourself from all that life has to offer
Starting out, of course take a workshop to get you on the level where you can continue to progress by yourself, then take community guys(wings), and train with them during the 2-3 days a week you dedicate to gaming. Other than that, make sure you have a balanced, interesting, fulfilling life and you will get much better results than if you spend 20 hours a week �studying� pickup.
Start doing this today.
Enjoy,
BadBoy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confidence & Leadership by Badboy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confidence and Leadership
by Badboy
We all know how important INNER GAME is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what Inner Game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I perfected the delivery of my voice?
Actually, Inner Game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted to you. That's how most naturals get laid. They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they're the prize, which is exactly what attracts women.
I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because they radiate confidence and not easily concerned with outside criticism. They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goal. I am willing to teach you how to become a leader, how to make people follow you and even respect you.
These steps are essential to leading a successful life.
The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that is intangible, so they say this person has "charisma", or "this guy is a charismatic person". If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you see that they actually have one big quality in common. They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality. They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they punish it.
You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living succesfully on this planet. Let's take respect for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work? First start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don't respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself like shit, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that shit is just what you are.
Next, what you must accomplish is to develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that impedes upon your integrity. Tell them you disaprove, and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. Kick their asses for it. Make them know they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you like shit and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people see this, and learn to disrepect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself, and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.
For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only 3 times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow, otherwise you won't see me ever again.
I make options for myself, so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I choose. For now, even if you don't have other options, make it look like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my girls. I love them and will treat them like a queen, but only as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how, when women don't get what they want, they call me a jerk. They make not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.
Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you'll get punished, and trust me, you won't make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It is funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that "shit tests" are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, shit tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That's just normal behavior.
My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner. What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not giving his owner shit, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.
Now, let's get back to charismatic people. It's funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. A negative examples would be Hitler, while positive examples like Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.
These leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from her.
So the first step toward developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will notice something really unusual: as soon as I go into a set, I am not sucked into their frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach a set or any group of people, I don't position myself so the whole group can hear me. I don't try to yell so the whole group can hear me. First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. For example, I approach them, have them open up to me, sit down, and use the space around me to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modelled or learned, but it's been a part of my personality for a long time.
I really can't stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter S, and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. It is more important than his health or his body... sad. Why the fuck should I be in some uncomfortable position when I talk with some average frustrated woman. What the fuck is she for me?
You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a set or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can't be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can't hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone's lips for ten minutes is really sexual.
Badboy
I love it cause he is one of few who says truth about PU.
I always thought people didnt want me to get good so I get upset and go at it like a face to a wall. but that isnt wise, the best thing is to get your priority and have balance in your life.
pick up is great as you find the info and easily get Keyboard Jockey and you try to find best material out there. but if you dont go out you will fail and your low self esteem will destroy you and PUA will take over your life and it will get worse....
its terrible cause Ive been there and thats why I left for awhile and I wouldnt put it in first place . But when I go out I would give it 100% of it and enjoy it.
Get Your Priorities Straight ...Today
by Badboy
I see lots of guys in the Seduction Community make the same mistake over and over, regarding where their priorities are... Namely, letting pickup take over their life. Guys spend all their time reading forums, downloading more and more material, studying every guru's philosophy and eventually it becomes their whole life. Guys start to look at the world as one big sarge and lose the ability to act like a normal person with friends and other priorities in their life. This is why so many guys you meet in the community are fucking weird. There are plenty of great guys in it, but also a lot of weirdos. Make an effort to be a normal person before being a mPUA... You'll be happier.
Pickup should be just one of the hobbies you have. Don't spend more than 2-3 days a week on it and don't spend all your free time trolling the internet for more info... Learn what you need to to so that you are getting results but then just go out and have fun, go to the gym, do some reading, play sports, learn something new... Girls love guys with a genuinely good lifestyle which is why guys who obsess over only pickup are actually hurting their chances with girls. What they are doing is putting women and their need for validation above all other things and the gaping void that forms in their life because of this will be subcommunicated eventually and drive girls away. This is a horrible dynamic to create in your life. Sitting in front of a computer, reading forums and spending hours worrying about what opener to use is the worst lifestyle you can have. Your pursuit of women should be a small facet of your overall well developed lifestyle; not vice-versa.
Go out and make some friends. Real friends. Not just community guys. It's stupid if all the people you hang out with are community guys. If you do so, you are limiting yourself from all that life has to offer
Starting out, of course take a workshop to get you on the level where you can continue to progress by yourself, then take community guys(wings), and train with them during the 2-3 days a week you dedicate to gaming. Other than that, make sure you have a balanced, interesting, fulfilling life and you will get much better results than if you spend 20 hours a week �studying� pickup.
Start doing this today.
Enjoy,
BadBoy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confidence & Leadership by Badboy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confidence and Leadership
by Badboy
We all know how important INNER GAME is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what Inner Game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I perfected the delivery of my voice?
Actually, Inner Game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted to you. That's how most naturals get laid. They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they're the prize, which is exactly what attracts women.
I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because they radiate confidence and not easily concerned with outside criticism. They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goal. I am willing to teach you how to become a leader, how to make people follow you and even respect you.
These steps are essential to leading a successful life.
The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that is intangible, so they say this person has "charisma", or "this guy is a charismatic person". If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you see that they actually have one big quality in common. They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality. They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they punish it.
You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living succesfully on this planet. Let's take respect for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work? First start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don't respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself like shit, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that shit is just what you are.
Next, what you must accomplish is to develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that impedes upon your integrity. Tell them you disaprove, and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. Kick their asses for it. Make them know they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you like shit and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people see this, and learn to disrepect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself, and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.
For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only 3 times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow, otherwise you won't see me ever again.
I make options for myself, so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I choose. For now, even if you don't have other options, make it look like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my girls. I love them and will treat them like a queen, but only as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how, when women don't get what they want, they call me a jerk. They make not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.
Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you'll get punished, and trust me, you won't make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It is funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that "shit tests" are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, shit tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That's just normal behavior.
My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner. What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not giving his owner shit, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.
Now, let's get back to charismatic people. It's funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. A negative examples would be Hitler, while positive examples like Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.
These leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from her.
So the first step toward developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will notice something really unusual: as soon as I go into a set, I am not sucked into their frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach a set or any group of people, I don't position myself so the whole group can hear me. I don't try to yell so the whole group can hear me. First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. For example, I approach them, have them open up to me, sit down, and use the space around me to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modelled or learned, but it's been a part of my personality for a long time.
I really can't stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter S, and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. It is more important than his health or his body... sad. Why the fuck should I be in some uncomfortable position when I talk with some average frustrated woman. What the fuck is she for me?
You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a set or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can't be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can't hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone's lips for ten minutes is really sexual.
Badboy
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
What I learned so far in terms of game....and what i used
OK This is a private post cause It has to do with what got me going good.
updated
Marie interview with David D-the best the best the best
5 immutable laws of pickup adam sinn
stripper game sinn audio
breakthrought comfort sinn
tao of steve mp3 in memory
badboy change emotions
I'd say :
Attraction
theory: ENTROPY is BEST
tactics:
RSD verbal attraction with Ryan
Mehow GTG for groups
ADAM's BC and his BR his ebook
asian playboy BT spiking post
RSD bt spiking post
mehow bt spiking CD
sinns post on bt spiking
INVESTMENT theory ADAM in ultimate natural game dvd
formula :ADAMs formula
map or blueprint of logicstics : M3 model
openers: CJ low inverstment openers
awaken indirect
adams social indirect
Comfort
BADBOY WIDE AND DEEP RAPPORT
anything to do with conversational hyponosis and rapport
persuasion or being understanding
mystery's dhv stripper what you got going other than your looks?"
conversational hypnosis w steve g jones
persuasion course by david barron
Entropy's coaching
RJ SS patterns
SNL frames
Doc Holidays no judgemtnal frame
Doc Holidays advice
Saffron LR's
CJ LR's
Jsmooht's coaching and breakdown review.
reviewing od my own interactions and trying to correct it for next time.
ADAM lyons conversational excersizs
Entropys comfort excersize on improv dhv's comfort
Eltopo RED stack and phone consult
All CJ dhv's
CJ routine SRT and RJ stuff qualify after
-nina harltey 's first 10 minutes of her video sexual instruction lesson on sexual frames
- tyler durden secret society post
DAYGAME-
mp3 doc hollidays direct game
AWAKEN coaching CD sets
DOc Holidays coaching
RSD CD Daygame
Paul Janka
notes from Soul and sinn's course
adam lyons vids
sexual:
framing swingcatt
RJ SS patterns
vin di carlo sexual tension ebook
Saffron's SNL LR vegas
SNL course
BRadP CD
Eltopo phone coaching
BADBOYs kiss close
Speer's infield insider
Hypnitca infield insider
IMPRoV class!!!! :)
PSYCHs eval and his talk. sexual escalation
plausible denaibility always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner game:
Brian tracy - science of self confidence , goals
Wayne Dyer's books
psycho psybernetics
Bible and sermons i will record
Braddock and MR M how to be an alpha male
Braddock blog inner game
Robert greene's WAR book
David Deangelo INNER GAME
Entropy
Modeling adam Lyons and his mp3 w jamie smart
Immitating Paul Janka
Swingggcatts beliefs
Friends motivating you to get better or you have game.
Jeffy /show, his video in transformations and his ebook.
RJ dallas lair talk DVD 1 innergame to improve at game
Women psycology:
FRANCO
vin di carlo female psycology CD last track on CD based my game and comfort on that.
david deangelo interviews MARIE
CJ 's Material MP3's get a GF
Entropy's post.
Adam attraction explained and stay promiscious
bradP 3030 workbook
DATES: doc holliday ebook
AWAKEN wine bar coaching!!!
bradP dates
ADAM's :)
GTG
Your FRAME or mindset:
swinggcatt beliefs
paul janka modeling him
badboy ebook frame
shit tests RSD tyler foundations and jeffy's book
FRANCO's get the good gril innergame frame
pick up your game HOOBIE ebook
doc holliday not to be nice guy newsletter
Closing or push pull:
Ozzie LMR in transformations
Sinns talk on breathrough comfort
Doc holliday B-H-R-R
Adrain's advice on Magician's choice
ADAM lyons ice cream pull excuse simlar to Ozzie RSD transofrmations.
SNL course and comfort entropyand saffron's advice. Doc Holliday's Date book, closing.
Sinns LR book.
ELTOPO threesome LR
PHONE GAME:
NO JEFFY AIR SUPPLY!!!!!!
Sinns phone game 2.0,
Vince kelvin's phone game.
my own simple text game
Mehow reversed number close for daygame
CJ phone game aka followup game.
DOC holliday
PAUL JANKA
Saffron
ELTOPO text game sexual.
deep phone seduction
body language:
saffron coaching and eye contact and bodylanguage the way he walks
lloyd and lil waynes all around the world video modeling sexual eye contact
spiderman 3 walk
stayin alive strut
model george clooney attitude in oceans eleven
ELtopo's voise model it.
no negs with pauses.
always do takeaways ala CJ Sinn eltopo.
practice rehearsing patterns
SS flash cards
Relationship:
Franco -manual
Sebastian Drake social mastery
Adam -promiscoius
Jeffy shitest after comfort
MR.M braddock how to be an alpha male.
Brian tracey
Oneits:
micheal roeder
onetisis post love addiction by braddock
Franco's manual of seduction
youtube vids:
mystery plows shitests
infield videos daygame mehow
adam afc infield or advice nice guys vs jerks
adam's qualification
paul janka
entropy
amog asian playboy
lovedrop speaking for project hollywood
tyler rsd motivation foundations
pua training vids
WAYNE JUGGLER!!!!!! AWESOME VIDS!!!
sinn youtube stuff.
Russel brand MIlla and carmen (frame and shit test)
KEYS TO VIP CAJUN ! ! ! !
ADAMS top ten dating tips!!: )
learning pickup:
hoobies lecture in rsd transformation
and I will post more I think can be helpful.
Vin di carlo's dating diablo is aweosme
BRADP clothign fashion bible is BEST even though ADAM does it well in person.
scott patersons 50 tips to attraction pdf is very good condensed book includes nlp stuff as well...very good IMO
Calibration- is Jeffy newsletter saffron and doc hollidays advice.
adams bootcamp and improv class and living with natural helped me alot.
D-boy's posts I will compile as PDF, Saffron's POST compile as PDF soon....
I will include posts here. my game has awaken!!!
updated
Marie interview with David D-the best the best the best
5 immutable laws of pickup adam sinn
stripper game sinn audio
breakthrought comfort sinn
tao of steve mp3 in memory
badboy change emotions
I'd say :
Attraction
theory: ENTROPY is BEST
tactics:
RSD verbal attraction with Ryan
Mehow GTG for groups
ADAM's BC and his BR his ebook
asian playboy BT spiking post
RSD bt spiking post
mehow bt spiking CD
sinns post on bt spiking
INVESTMENT theory ADAM in ultimate natural game dvd
formula :ADAMs formula
map or blueprint of logicstics : M3 model
openers: CJ low inverstment openers
awaken indirect
adams social indirect
Comfort
BADBOY WIDE AND DEEP RAPPORT
anything to do with conversational hyponosis and rapport
persuasion or being understanding
mystery's dhv stripper what you got going other than your looks?"
conversational hypnosis w steve g jones
persuasion course by david barron
Entropy's coaching
RJ SS patterns
SNL frames
Doc Holidays no judgemtnal frame
Doc Holidays advice
Saffron LR's
CJ LR's
Jsmooht's coaching and breakdown review.
reviewing od my own interactions and trying to correct it for next time.
ADAM lyons conversational excersizs
Entropys comfort excersize on improv dhv's comfort
Eltopo RED stack and phone consult
All CJ dhv's
CJ routine SRT and RJ stuff qualify after
-nina harltey 's first 10 minutes of her video sexual instruction lesson on sexual frames
- tyler durden secret society post
DAYGAME-
mp3 doc hollidays direct game
AWAKEN coaching CD sets
DOc Holidays coaching
RSD CD Daygame
Paul Janka
notes from Soul and sinn's course
adam lyons vids
sexual:
framing swingcatt
RJ SS patterns
vin di carlo sexual tension ebook
Saffron's SNL LR vegas
SNL course
BRadP CD
Eltopo phone coaching
BADBOYs kiss close
Speer's infield insider
Hypnitca infield insider
IMPRoV class!!!! :)
PSYCHs eval and his talk. sexual escalation
plausible denaibility always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inner game:
Brian tracy - science of self confidence , goals
Wayne Dyer's books
psycho psybernetics
Bible and sermons i will record
Braddock and MR M how to be an alpha male
Braddock blog inner game
Robert greene's WAR book
David Deangelo INNER GAME
Entropy
Modeling adam Lyons and his mp3 w jamie smart
Immitating Paul Janka
Swingggcatts beliefs
Friends motivating you to get better or you have game.
Jeffy /show, his video in transformations and his ebook.
RJ dallas lair talk DVD 1 innergame to improve at game
Women psycology:
FRANCO
vin di carlo female psycology CD last track on CD based my game and comfort on that.
david deangelo interviews MARIE
CJ 's Material MP3's get a GF
Entropy's post.
Adam attraction explained and stay promiscious
bradP 3030 workbook
DATES: doc holliday ebook
AWAKEN wine bar coaching!!!
bradP dates
ADAM's :)
GTG
Your FRAME or mindset:
swinggcatt beliefs
paul janka modeling him
badboy ebook frame
shit tests RSD tyler foundations and jeffy's book
FRANCO's get the good gril innergame frame
pick up your game HOOBIE ebook
doc holliday not to be nice guy newsletter
Closing or push pull:
Ozzie LMR in transformations
Sinns talk on breathrough comfort
Doc holliday B-H-R-R
Adrain's advice on Magician's choice
ADAM lyons ice cream pull excuse simlar to Ozzie RSD transofrmations.
SNL course and comfort entropyand saffron's advice. Doc Holliday's Date book, closing.
Sinns LR book.
ELTOPO threesome LR
PHONE GAME:
NO JEFFY AIR SUPPLY!!!!!!
Sinns phone game 2.0,
Vince kelvin's phone game.
my own simple text game
Mehow reversed number close for daygame
CJ phone game aka followup game.
DOC holliday
PAUL JANKA
Saffron
ELTOPO text game sexual.
deep phone seduction
body language:
saffron coaching and eye contact and bodylanguage the way he walks
lloyd and lil waynes all around the world video modeling sexual eye contact
spiderman 3 walk
stayin alive strut
model george clooney attitude in oceans eleven
ELtopo's voise model it.
no negs with pauses.
always do takeaways ala CJ Sinn eltopo.
practice rehearsing patterns
SS flash cards
Relationship:
Franco -manual
Sebastian Drake social mastery
Adam -promiscoius
Jeffy shitest after comfort
MR.M braddock how to be an alpha male.
Brian tracey
Oneits:
micheal roeder
onetisis post love addiction by braddock
Franco's manual of seduction
youtube vids:
mystery plows shitests
infield videos daygame mehow
adam afc infield or advice nice guys vs jerks
adam's qualification
paul janka
entropy
amog asian playboy
lovedrop speaking for project hollywood
tyler rsd motivation foundations
pua training vids
WAYNE JUGGLER!!!!!! AWESOME VIDS!!!
sinn youtube stuff.
Russel brand MIlla and carmen (frame and shit test)
KEYS TO VIP CAJUN ! ! ! !
ADAMS top ten dating tips!!: )
learning pickup:
hoobies lecture in rsd transformation
and I will post more I think can be helpful.
Vin di carlo's dating diablo is aweosme
BRADP clothign fashion bible is BEST even though ADAM does it well in person.
scott patersons 50 tips to attraction pdf is very good condensed book includes nlp stuff as well...very good IMO
Calibration- is Jeffy newsletter saffron and doc hollidays advice.
adams bootcamp and improv class and living with natural helped me alot.
D-boy's posts I will compile as PDF, Saffron's POST compile as PDF soon....
I will include posts here. my game has awaken!!!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Inner game goodie
I had to repost this cause It helped me alot...I mean ALOT!
I love inner game soo much cause it can open your eyes to reality...So far Id say Braddock is top guy for inner game in terms of seduction community of dating coaches.
his how to be an alpha male and otehr reference books have helped me....
withotu further adu.
Inner Game With Dating Coach Braddock…(A Kick In The Ass)
07/23/09Filed under: Pickup
Some of my old posts were deleted when I imported my blog. This is one of them
When I first started learning this stuff there were several sticking points that really held me back. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning this stuff.
1. Relax!!!
If you make talking to women so important that you feel like every approach is the Super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you no longer enjoy going out.
Just a few weeks of going out with this kind of pressure and you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read dating eBooks for 7 hours per day instead of 3 hours per day."
HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus. Go out with specific goals for the night or the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story.” or “I am going to go out and I will try to isolate at least one woman in every group I open and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club.”
Don’t grade yourself to hard. If you do meet most of the goals on your list, then it was a successful night. If you find yourself not meeting your goals several nights in a row, then set easier goals for a while. Once you meet those goals consistently, sit down and draw up more complex goals. When you set goals like the one’s above you have measurable, attainable, and realistic goals for every night you go out.
Saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers.” or “My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.” This kind of goal setting is unreasonable and unhealthy.
These kind of goals are in no way realistic, you do not allow yourself any room for growth, and no matter how great the outcome, you do not allow yourself the possibility to create momentum from the small successes. 7 of the 10 women you opened were cool to you and you took 3 phone numbers?
Wouldn’t that have been a good night? It definitely would not if you were putting weird restrictions on how you measure your success. Did you ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself.
Can you see how ridiculous thinking like that is? When I first started this stuff I used to think like that all the time. I wanted to be the best TODAY or else. I could have a great night, but it was NEVER enough! How long do you think I lasted thinking like that before damn near having a meltdown? Not very long. I stumbled onto a few resources that really helped me. Brian Tracy – Goal Setting, Brian Tracy – The Science of Self Confidence, David D – Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden – Implementing a Habit.
They helped me to completely change the way I looked at mastering this and any new endeavor. I highly suggest you get your hands on those. A few months ago I did an audio series with Sheriff and Mr. M called “How To Be An Alpha Male” where we attempted to tackle these exact issues. That audio series is full of gold and should clean you up if this kind of stuff is holding you back. Savoy has created a page where you can listen to the first 10 minutes of all of our audio series. If you would like to listen to the first 10 minutes of this one, CLICK HERE.
.
2. Learn In The Field: (Don’t be an arm chair quarterback)
Everyone talks about this, but damn this is far and away the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING myself, makes. You find dating science and you think you can read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and memorize every line. Then one day you hope you will compile the master routine that will give you the power to walk into a bar and spit the greatest routine stack of all time and….. BAM! Girls clothes will just start falling off!!
If you have been doing this and think this will work, you are sadly sadly mistaken. While you do need to do your homework to get an understanding of the basic concepts, you will actually learn more talking to an actual woman, than you will from 100 hours of studying books and DVD’s.
As a matter of fact, the reading will not make much sense and will be of little help until you have spent some time talking to women and have put yourself in the exact situation the author is writing about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play golf and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 20 minute lesson and they would kick your ass. The same thing applies to learning game. You must be an active learner. Reading without doing will give your mind distorted conceptions of what it should actually look and feel like.
There are books that I thought were terrible when I first started learning this stuff mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would work amazing on women, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. This is because you don’t know what will work until you try it. You can theorize all day, but you are essentially mentally jerking yourself off and wasting your time. If you are not going to actually get out there and try the stuff you are reading, then you would be better off reading books on business or psychology, as to not waste your time.
(Pic Above: Guy on the forums who reads and writes about game, but never actually goes out and talks to women)
After being a dating coach for a while and teaching a ton of bootcamps, it becomes so easy to peg the guys who have read everything but who have spent little or no time actually talking to women. These guys usually know every theory ever written like the back of their hand, they know every the routine by heart, usually better than I do, and can’t wait to correct instructors and other students on what they theoretically "should have done" in said situation.
They treat certain dating coaches like they are sages or religious characters. “Well Braddock, are you sure we should do it that way, because Mystery said that you should never tell a girl she is hot.” “Well Braddock, actually David D says that you should always go for the 3 minute email close in that situation.” Next guy that says something like this to me is getting a fucking cock punch for his sake, not mine!
When we go out that night, they are always the guy who is either gun shy, comes off really creepy and calculated, or they are delusional constantly thinking they are much farther along with the women they talk to than they really are. Guys like this usually have all the advice in the world and they have millions of stories that nobody can confirm.
DON’T BE LIKE THAT!!!! Living this kind of existence is a complete fucking waste of time and life. This mind set is not proactive and it’s not getting you anywhere closer to sleeping with or dating the kind of women that you really want. Being an arm chair quarterback is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, writing about how fun roller coasters are, arguing about which roller coaster is best, but never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why in the hell would you do that!?!? Even if you are not one of the guys who sits around talking about it, but you are reading all the time and not taking action…..then I will almost guarantee that you are still dying inside knowing you should be out there trying this stuff and getting the dating life you’ve always wanted. Why read all of this shit if you aren’t going to use it???
If this is hitting you, I hope you realize that I’m not trying to be mean, I am trying to make a point. I know why people read and read, but don’t actually take action. It is the same reason I didn’t for the longest time after finding this stuff. You probably only half believe that it is real and/or you are likely scared shitless of facing the unavoidable rejection associated with approaching women and putting your personality on the line time after time. You have probably also read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire the second you start trying to talk to a woman trying to remember every routine you have ever read! I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
For starters you need to set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun, not a job. Set small goals, that add up to equal bigger goals. While doing this, you should be adding just one new piece every couple of weeks and you should only add something new after you have mastered the thing you are currently working on. Stop jumping around working on 300 things at once. What end up happening is that you only get 3% better at 300 things instead of really mastering and internalizing each piece. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but pay that price in small doses, while realizing that not any one set matters. Learning this skill set or any other for that matter is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop trying to "game girls." One of the reasons you feel like a nervous wreck is because you are going out with some secret missioin to "game girls." While you should go out with a few objectives in mind, the overall goal should be to get talkative and playful. The second you can get your mind to accept that as the goal, your nights will go much better. The second you start thinking about what you "should" be doing because of all the pickup books you have read, you will meld down. Your brain will lock up and you will be engulfed with negative feelings and anxiety.
3. Stop Giving Your Brain So Much Information To Digest
Why your brain locks up
Your brain does not operate well when you give it a different mission every time you leave the house. Until you have mastered a step, don’t move on to the next, especially when you haven’t mastered the basics. In neurobiology there are concepts called "long term potentiation" and "short term potentiation." Long term potentiation refers to the brain deciding to link up a group of neurons that have been repeatedly fired, creating a neural net, essentially hard wiring a certain task, skill, or thought process. Once you have long term potentiation around a certain skill or thought process, the brain does not have to consciously think about hot to do that anymore. It will essentially run that on auto pilot. For example you don’t have to think about how to tie your shoes, but your mind would have to be fully engaged to learn golf if you had never played it. However, for someone like Tiger Woods, he has hit so many golf balls, he has developed long term potentiation and it takes very little conscious thought for him to hit a golf ball.
Short term potentiation on the other hand occurs when you only use a skill or thought pattern randomly. The brain has finite resources and as a result it must maximize efficiency of those resources. If you only do something a few times or only randomly the brain does not link the neurons associated with that into a neural net. It does not want to waste the resources because it assumes you won’t use that thought process or skill very often. As a result of never achieving long term potentiation, your brain never puts these process on auto pilot. You will constantly have to put your conscious thought on whatever the activity is.
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. You must realize that to get long term potentiation you must do the same act repetitively. If you want long term potentiation (if you want opening ot be auto pilot) then you must open a large volume of sets. This goes for putting transitioning, teasing, storytelling, etc.. on auto pilot. However, if you are constantly reading new eBooks without taking the time to get long term potentiation on the most important concepts you are overloading your brain with so much information that you are putting it in a constant state of short term potentiation. You will never reach mastery.
Therefore….Just going out all the time is not the key. You should go out with the goal of working on something specific until you have it internalized. Does that mean if you are working on transitioning you shouldn’t try to escalate physically as well? Of course not. It just means that anything past transitioning is simply a bonus. The lion share of your focus will be on transitioning, but if you find yourself in a 3some you aren’t going to run away because "I’m working on transitioning, I won’t get long term potentiation." Don’t be dogmatic about this! Just most of your focus on knocking out one thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Some steps you may master in a week and some may take months. No big deal.
.
4. Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!!
I know guys who constantly lie about how hot the women they date are and how many women they’ve slept with in order to impress others. FYI…. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT for one thing and secondly they probably know you are lying. They likely just don’t call you out on it in order to avoid an awkward intervention over something ridiculous. However, I will guarantee you that they do talk shit about your lies when you aren’t around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your own progress. Guys who get laid all the time and guys who consistently date beautiful women don’t feel the need to tell everyone around them about it. They could care less what everyone else thinks about it.
Spend a month really working on the ability to reduce the degree to which you care what others think about you. It’s almost impossible to get rid of this completely, but you can greatly reduce it. The first step to stop worrying about what others think about you, is to stop worrying about and comparing yourself to your friends. Stop talking about game with them with them. Use the attraction forums to discuss this stuff if you really need an outlet. This means stop talking about game with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will likely feel slightly jealous and find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at meeting and attracting women, they will be full of advice that is most likely horrid. This doesn’t just limit itself to pickup. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just run your own race.
Stop talking bad about other people. Most of the time when we talk bad about other people we are simply trying to make ourselves feel better. This is ridiculous logic, because for every person you can tear down or I can find you someone better than you in another area. The cycle would never end. It’s also addictive. You will find yourself judging and talking trash when you really don’t even care and likely don’t even mean it just because you have conditioned yourself to do it. Even more dangerous is the fact that judging others constantly, makes you more judemental on yourself. You start to realize that if you judge others so hard, they must be doing the same to you. This leads to paranoia and unnecessary stress.
My point is that you are your own best compass. I suggest that you only take advice from people who have put their time in the trenches and earned their stripes in whatever endeavor you are trying to learn. Donald Trump would not be wise to ask me how to buy real estate and I would not try to read his books hoping for advice on how to meet and attract women.
Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. They haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab some of those eBooks and DVD’s and look for that next level. When you grab those books after getting a ton of experience they will all make much more sense and you will go apply the material at a much faster pace because you will actually have a point of reference.
Even more importantly, you will no longer have to take everything a dating coach says as fact! I can remember when I first found all of this stuff, I thought a lot of what I read sounded really fucking gay, but at the time I had to take it as fact, because they were supposedly gurus and I didn’t have a point of reference to compare it to. After getting out there and really doing some approaches, I could look at material and quickly tell if it was really useful or just some bullshit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. Until I had done quite a few approaches I had no idea what was what.
Soooo, PUT THE BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I’m serious. Life is not lived behind a computer reading about how someone else who is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Take the knowledge that helps you, but go create your own cool stories and exciting experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn’t always that cool, I promise.
Things That Will Help You Now
•Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%. For every 1 hour you spend reading about game spend 2 hours actually talking to women.
•Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again. You can’t make an omelet if you don’t crack some eggs.
•Have the mental frame that, “The first 600 approaches don’t count.” How can this one girl be the super bowl if you still have 599 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
•Set small goals you can reach each night. Look back in a few months and I know you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
•Stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.” Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go approach 20 women or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” Hell no! You would approach 20 women in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t approach 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve?????????? That’s ridiculous. Stop being a pussy, period.
Nothing in this article is meant to be mean. I just remember how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a little kick in the ass…
.
Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
.
-Braddock
I love inner game soo much cause it can open your eyes to reality...So far Id say Braddock is top guy for inner game in terms of seduction community of dating coaches.
his how to be an alpha male and otehr reference books have helped me....
withotu further adu.
Inner Game With Dating Coach Braddock…(A Kick In The Ass)
07/23/09Filed under: Pickup
Some of my old posts were deleted when I imported my blog. This is one of them
When I first started learning this stuff there were several sticking points that really held me back. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning this stuff.
1. Relax!!!
If you make talking to women so important that you feel like every approach is the Super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you no longer enjoy going out.
Just a few weeks of going out with this kind of pressure and you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read dating eBooks for 7 hours per day instead of 3 hours per day."
HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus. Go out with specific goals for the night or the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story.” or “I am going to go out and I will try to isolate at least one woman in every group I open and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club.”
Don’t grade yourself to hard. If you do meet most of the goals on your list, then it was a successful night. If you find yourself not meeting your goals several nights in a row, then set easier goals for a while. Once you meet those goals consistently, sit down and draw up more complex goals. When you set goals like the one’s above you have measurable, attainable, and realistic goals for every night you go out.
Saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers.” or “My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.” This kind of goal setting is unreasonable and unhealthy.
These kind of goals are in no way realistic, you do not allow yourself any room for growth, and no matter how great the outcome, you do not allow yourself the possibility to create momentum from the small successes. 7 of the 10 women you opened were cool to you and you took 3 phone numbers?
Wouldn’t that have been a good night? It definitely would not if you were putting weird restrictions on how you measure your success. Did you ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself.
Can you see how ridiculous thinking like that is? When I first started this stuff I used to think like that all the time. I wanted to be the best TODAY or else. I could have a great night, but it was NEVER enough! How long do you think I lasted thinking like that before damn near having a meltdown? Not very long. I stumbled onto a few resources that really helped me. Brian Tracy – Goal Setting, Brian Tracy – The Science of Self Confidence, David D – Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden – Implementing a Habit.
They helped me to completely change the way I looked at mastering this and any new endeavor. I highly suggest you get your hands on those. A few months ago I did an audio series with Sheriff and Mr. M called “How To Be An Alpha Male” where we attempted to tackle these exact issues. That audio series is full of gold and should clean you up if this kind of stuff is holding you back. Savoy has created a page where you can listen to the first 10 minutes of all of our audio series. If you would like to listen to the first 10 minutes of this one, CLICK HERE.
.
2. Learn In The Field: (Don’t be an arm chair quarterback)
Everyone talks about this, but damn this is far and away the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING myself, makes. You find dating science and you think you can read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and memorize every line. Then one day you hope you will compile the master routine that will give you the power to walk into a bar and spit the greatest routine stack of all time and….. BAM! Girls clothes will just start falling off!!
If you have been doing this and think this will work, you are sadly sadly mistaken. While you do need to do your homework to get an understanding of the basic concepts, you will actually learn more talking to an actual woman, than you will from 100 hours of studying books and DVD’s.
As a matter of fact, the reading will not make much sense and will be of little help until you have spent some time talking to women and have put yourself in the exact situation the author is writing about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play golf and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 20 minute lesson and they would kick your ass. The same thing applies to learning game. You must be an active learner. Reading without doing will give your mind distorted conceptions of what it should actually look and feel like.
There are books that I thought were terrible when I first started learning this stuff mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would work amazing on women, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. This is because you don’t know what will work until you try it. You can theorize all day, but you are essentially mentally jerking yourself off and wasting your time. If you are not going to actually get out there and try the stuff you are reading, then you would be better off reading books on business or psychology, as to not waste your time.
(Pic Above: Guy on the forums who reads and writes about game, but never actually goes out and talks to women)
After being a dating coach for a while and teaching a ton of bootcamps, it becomes so easy to peg the guys who have read everything but who have spent little or no time actually talking to women. These guys usually know every theory ever written like the back of their hand, they know every the routine by heart, usually better than I do, and can’t wait to correct instructors and other students on what they theoretically "should have done" in said situation.
They treat certain dating coaches like they are sages or religious characters. “Well Braddock, are you sure we should do it that way, because Mystery said that you should never tell a girl she is hot.” “Well Braddock, actually David D says that you should always go for the 3 minute email close in that situation.” Next guy that says something like this to me is getting a fucking cock punch for his sake, not mine!
When we go out that night, they are always the guy who is either gun shy, comes off really creepy and calculated, or they are delusional constantly thinking they are much farther along with the women they talk to than they really are. Guys like this usually have all the advice in the world and they have millions of stories that nobody can confirm.
DON’T BE LIKE THAT!!!! Living this kind of existence is a complete fucking waste of time and life. This mind set is not proactive and it’s not getting you anywhere closer to sleeping with or dating the kind of women that you really want. Being an arm chair quarterback is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, writing about how fun roller coasters are, arguing about which roller coaster is best, but never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why in the hell would you do that!?!? Even if you are not one of the guys who sits around talking about it, but you are reading all the time and not taking action…..then I will almost guarantee that you are still dying inside knowing you should be out there trying this stuff and getting the dating life you’ve always wanted. Why read all of this shit if you aren’t going to use it???
If this is hitting you, I hope you realize that I’m not trying to be mean, I am trying to make a point. I know why people read and read, but don’t actually take action. It is the same reason I didn’t for the longest time after finding this stuff. You probably only half believe that it is real and/or you are likely scared shitless of facing the unavoidable rejection associated with approaching women and putting your personality on the line time after time. You have probably also read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire the second you start trying to talk to a woman trying to remember every routine you have ever read! I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
For starters you need to set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun, not a job. Set small goals, that add up to equal bigger goals. While doing this, you should be adding just one new piece every couple of weeks and you should only add something new after you have mastered the thing you are currently working on. Stop jumping around working on 300 things at once. What end up happening is that you only get 3% better at 300 things instead of really mastering and internalizing each piece. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but pay that price in small doses, while realizing that not any one set matters. Learning this skill set or any other for that matter is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop trying to "game girls." One of the reasons you feel like a nervous wreck is because you are going out with some secret missioin to "game girls." While you should go out with a few objectives in mind, the overall goal should be to get talkative and playful. The second you can get your mind to accept that as the goal, your nights will go much better. The second you start thinking about what you "should" be doing because of all the pickup books you have read, you will meld down. Your brain will lock up and you will be engulfed with negative feelings and anxiety.
3. Stop Giving Your Brain So Much Information To Digest
Why your brain locks up
Your brain does not operate well when you give it a different mission every time you leave the house. Until you have mastered a step, don’t move on to the next, especially when you haven’t mastered the basics. In neurobiology there are concepts called "long term potentiation" and "short term potentiation." Long term potentiation refers to the brain deciding to link up a group of neurons that have been repeatedly fired, creating a neural net, essentially hard wiring a certain task, skill, or thought process. Once you have long term potentiation around a certain skill or thought process, the brain does not have to consciously think about hot to do that anymore. It will essentially run that on auto pilot. For example you don’t have to think about how to tie your shoes, but your mind would have to be fully engaged to learn golf if you had never played it. However, for someone like Tiger Woods, he has hit so many golf balls, he has developed long term potentiation and it takes very little conscious thought for him to hit a golf ball.
Short term potentiation on the other hand occurs when you only use a skill or thought pattern randomly. The brain has finite resources and as a result it must maximize efficiency of those resources. If you only do something a few times or only randomly the brain does not link the neurons associated with that into a neural net. It does not want to waste the resources because it assumes you won’t use that thought process or skill very often. As a result of never achieving long term potentiation, your brain never puts these process on auto pilot. You will constantly have to put your conscious thought on whatever the activity is.
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. You must realize that to get long term potentiation you must do the same act repetitively. If you want long term potentiation (if you want opening ot be auto pilot) then you must open a large volume of sets. This goes for putting transitioning, teasing, storytelling, etc.. on auto pilot. However, if you are constantly reading new eBooks without taking the time to get long term potentiation on the most important concepts you are overloading your brain with so much information that you are putting it in a constant state of short term potentiation. You will never reach mastery.
Therefore….Just going out all the time is not the key. You should go out with the goal of working on something specific until you have it internalized. Does that mean if you are working on transitioning you shouldn’t try to escalate physically as well? Of course not. It just means that anything past transitioning is simply a bonus. The lion share of your focus will be on transitioning, but if you find yourself in a 3some you aren’t going to run away because "I’m working on transitioning, I won’t get long term potentiation." Don’t be dogmatic about this! Just most of your focus on knocking out one thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Some steps you may master in a week and some may take months. No big deal.
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4. Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!!
I know guys who constantly lie about how hot the women they date are and how many women they’ve slept with in order to impress others. FYI…. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT for one thing and secondly they probably know you are lying. They likely just don’t call you out on it in order to avoid an awkward intervention over something ridiculous. However, I will guarantee you that they do talk shit about your lies when you aren’t around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your own progress. Guys who get laid all the time and guys who consistently date beautiful women don’t feel the need to tell everyone around them about it. They could care less what everyone else thinks about it.
Spend a month really working on the ability to reduce the degree to which you care what others think about you. It’s almost impossible to get rid of this completely, but you can greatly reduce it. The first step to stop worrying about what others think about you, is to stop worrying about and comparing yourself to your friends. Stop talking about game with them with them. Use the attraction forums to discuss this stuff if you really need an outlet. This means stop talking about game with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will likely feel slightly jealous and find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at meeting and attracting women, they will be full of advice that is most likely horrid. This doesn’t just limit itself to pickup. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just run your own race.
Stop talking bad about other people. Most of the time when we talk bad about other people we are simply trying to make ourselves feel better. This is ridiculous logic, because for every person you can tear down or I can find you someone better than you in another area. The cycle would never end. It’s also addictive. You will find yourself judging and talking trash when you really don’t even care and likely don’t even mean it just because you have conditioned yourself to do it. Even more dangerous is the fact that judging others constantly, makes you more judemental on yourself. You start to realize that if you judge others so hard, they must be doing the same to you. This leads to paranoia and unnecessary stress.
My point is that you are your own best compass. I suggest that you only take advice from people who have put their time in the trenches and earned their stripes in whatever endeavor you are trying to learn. Donald Trump would not be wise to ask me how to buy real estate and I would not try to read his books hoping for advice on how to meet and attract women.
Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. They haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab some of those eBooks and DVD’s and look for that next level. When you grab those books after getting a ton of experience they will all make much more sense and you will go apply the material at a much faster pace because you will actually have a point of reference.
Even more importantly, you will no longer have to take everything a dating coach says as fact! I can remember when I first found all of this stuff, I thought a lot of what I read sounded really fucking gay, but at the time I had to take it as fact, because they were supposedly gurus and I didn’t have a point of reference to compare it to. After getting out there and really doing some approaches, I could look at material and quickly tell if it was really useful or just some bullshit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. Until I had done quite a few approaches I had no idea what was what.
Soooo, PUT THE BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I’m serious. Life is not lived behind a computer reading about how someone else who is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Take the knowledge that helps you, but go create your own cool stories and exciting experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn’t always that cool, I promise.
Things That Will Help You Now
•Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%. For every 1 hour you spend reading about game spend 2 hours actually talking to women.
•Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again. You can’t make an omelet if you don’t crack some eggs.
•Have the mental frame that, “The first 600 approaches don’t count.” How can this one girl be the super bowl if you still have 599 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
•Set small goals you can reach each night. Look back in a few months and I know you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
•Stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.” Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go approach 20 women or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” Hell no! You would approach 20 women in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t approach 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve?????????? That’s ridiculous. Stop being a pussy, period.
Nothing in this article is meant to be mean. I just remember how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a little kick in the ass…
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Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
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-Braddock
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