My Results Have Been Stupid Lately

I hardly post about my field experiences and development as a PUA anymore. But when I started this blog over a year ago, that was ostensibly its purpose: to track my progress and journal my ideas. Obviously, it’s morphed into a lot more, but I feel like my game has transformed a bit recently so I wanted to post about it.

Long-time readers and friends will know that I kind of “peaked” last summer. This was when I was still going out 4-5 nights a week and getting really great results. About a year ago, I began coaching. I slowed down my sarging in the Spring for real-life reasons and then basically stopped completely by the summer-time.

This was partly due to the lifestyle adjustments to coaching PUA full-time — I actually grew to HATE sarging and actively avoided it unless I was doing demo sets for students. It was also partly because I completely emotionally committed myself to my girlfriend and had little interest or desire in other girls for a while.

My trip to Argentina really seemed to change a lot of that. Since then I’ve been sarging for myself sporadically. When I say, “sarge for myself,” I basically mean when I’m not teaching or just fucking around with friends.

Over the last two months, I’ve only sarged for myself maybe two nights a month. Most of my weekends are booked and most of my weeknights are spent with my girlfriend. But when I do get out, I’m enjoying gaming again.

And I’ve noticed something. The last two months my results have been retardedly good.

I don’t mean crazy good as in going out every night and getting eight lays in two weeks — as far as I know, Sinn is still the king of that.

I mean my batting average has been ridiculous. My consistency has been obscene.

If I had to put some numbers to it, these would be my estimates: five nights, 10-12 sets total; two SNL’s, one threesome, two make-outs, two lays that I turned down, two girls with long-term boyfriends forcing their phone numbers on me anyway (I don’t home-wreck anymore). I can only think of one blow out. I can only think of one set that I fucked up. Two of the nights were literally one-set-nights: one and done. One girl who I ejected from one night after poor logistics hunted me down on Facebook a month later and told me that I was so “memorable,” she had to try to find me (in case you’re wondering, my open relationship status scared her away).

Two of these five nights were filmed and will be viewable sometime in 2009, results and all.

On top of the stupid results, every night I’ve been having fun, not pressuring myself to perform or open, and feel 100% centered and present from the second I open until I close in each set. I know this isn’t a coincidence, as inner game and outer game always correlate with one another.

But I’ve been trying to figure out what changed during my Post PUA Life Crisis that did this.

Now, I’ll be first to admit that since I sarge so seldomly, I am pre-selecting more often. I’ll also be the first to point out that there’s always a large element of luck involved in gaming, and I could very well have just found the right girls on the right nights.

But from an subjective point of view, I definitely feel different when I sarge now. Something has changed. And as always, I have theories:

1) Emotional Maturity – A lot of this can be attributed to my girlfriend (who is still fucking amazing by the way). Looking back, I used to be a very emotionally guarded and often a cold person. It’s obvious to me now that I was terrified of making myself vulnerable to women for fear of getting hurt again. My girlfriend and the evolution of our relationship has helped me realize that no matter how emotionally vulnerable I make myself, I’m still invincible. No one can control my self-esteem and value except for myself — so there’s NEVER a reason to not give myself 100% to everyone.

I love being vulnerable with girls now. It’s my favorite part of the whole process. Because when I make myself vulnerable, she does the same and we experience an actual emotional connection — which is really the only aspect of game that I enjoy these days.

Embracing my vulnerability in sets has not only lead to a large drop off in any anxiety or reticence in set, but it engages girls so much quicker and deeper than straight-up banter and flirting does. So sarging is not only more fun now, but more fulfilling.

Now, a lot of guys associate vulnerability with weakness and not being “Alpha.” But if you think about it, what signifies inner strength more than a man who’s capable of sharing any part of himself to any one at any time?

2) Embracing the Outcomes – This kind of piggy-backs off of number one. I always felt like I was very good at being “outcome independent” — if I got blown out, I got over it pretty quick and would often joke about it, if I had an awesome lay, I’d enjoy it and then be over it a day later or so. But these days, it’s different. I don’t try to ignore the outcome as much as I embrace them, regardless of what they are. I’m discovering there’s some sort of sick pleasure in getting rejected. I still enjoy taking a girl home after an hour or a date. I enjoy having deep, beautiful conversations in the corner of the club and kissing passionately. In the end, all of these results are slowly blurring and becoming similar for me — they’re all unique and dynamic human interactions with their own stories, flavors and shapes, each one has some experience to add to my life and therefore none are “better” than another — they’re just different, some wider-reaching and some deeper.

3) Being Present and Centered – This is something I kind of started learning to do in the Spring, particularly with the Virgin LR, and describe somewhat in this post: simply being emotionally present with whichever girl I’m speaking to.

A lot is made in outer game about mirroring, rapport techniques, kino, but little is mentioned about matching a girl’s emotional state with yours and then leading her. It takes a lot of focus, but it’s so fucking awesome.

I recently went out with a big name coach from another company and he commented to me, “Dude, you don’t talk in set… like ever. I think every girl you opened ended up carrying 80% of the conversation. But you still made it work every time.”

It boggles my mind now that this is looked down on by some other companies and methods as poor form. If a woman is spending her Friday night confiding and sharing herself with me for hours at a time, what does that imply about my value to her? You throw in the fact that I’m both mentally and emotionally present with her — can it get better? That’s intimacy. And when you focus on the intimacy first and sex second, the sex just naturally happens as if it’s an after-thought, LMR ceases to exist, and you wake up the next day, week or month and can still smile about the experience.

Day Game Model – Part 2

Today is part two of my day game model. For part one click here.

Last time I covered the opener and the transition. Today I’m going to cover the rest of the model.

Direct Opener- Excuse me, I know this is crazy or whatever but I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you. I’m Doc.
Transition with Cold Read – You know, you really have this like west coast vibe.

The nest step is

Fluff Talk

After you cold read about where she’s from she’s going to tell you if you’re right or where she’s actually from.

This is a perfect opportunity to create some rapport and make some small talk. As I said in part one there will be times when the girl will give you more information than you asked for, instead of her just saying “No, I’m from Chicago.” She’ll say “No, I moved out here from Chicago and go to school at Harvard.” The second response gives you more to work with but let’s just assume she replied with the first one.

PUA: You know you really have like this west coast vibe.
Girl: No, I’m actually from Chicago
PUA: Really? I never would have guessed that. I was actually in Chicago a few months ago. My friend Dave lives in Wicker Park and we went to this really cool club one night. I think it was called The Apartment.
Girl: Yeah I know The Apartment!
PUA: Yeah it was really crazy they have like a shower and bathtub upstairs. What are you in Boston for?
Girl: Blah Blah Blah

If have any sort of life you’ve probably traveled a bit or at least know something about major US cities that you can talk about. And if you don’t you can always just say “You know I’ve never been to Chicago. Do you like it?”

Every now and then you’ll get thrown a curve ball like “I’m from Wisconsin.” Well I’ve never been there and don’t know anyone from there so I’ll say something like, “Really? I think you’re the first person I’ve ever met from Wisconsin.”

You’re not trying to do anything fancy here. You’re just trying to establish some rapport and get her used to talking to you.

Entropy and I really believe that guys need to learn basic conversation skills before trying to learn to pick up girls. Entropy covers this topic very thoroughly in his ebook.

Qualification Question

Although I said that your cold read will at times act as qualification, most of the time you’ll need to find out more about the girl. And like I said in the beginning of part one, all I do in day game is cycle qualification and comfort a few times.

A whole book could be written on qualification, and probably has, but I’m just going to give you guys the basics.

A qualification question/statement is a question that you ask to elicit a response from a woman that’ll tell you something about them. You then reward her response to your question by qualifying her on it.

The qualification question that I usually use at this point in the interaction is “So what do you do when you’re not ____.”

The “____” is what she was doing before you opened her. So if you meet her in a bookstore it’s “So what do you do when you’re not shopping for books?” The funniest example of this I ever had was when I opened a girl in the addiction and recovery section of a bookstore. I was like “So what do you do when you’re not…” and as I trailed off she looked up, saw what section she was in, and took about 5 steps back so that she was in the self help section. We both laughed about it.

Sometimes the girl will give you a kinda blow off answer like “I work” or “I hangout with friends.” If they do this I like to tease them a little by saying something like “Wow! You have friends too! This is so amazing.” It’s really all about the tonality of how you say it. You don’t want to sound like a dick, you should be smiling and she should be able to detect your sarcasm.

If she tells you anything like “I just finished med school and I’m doing my residency right now.” You should reward her with something like “Wow that’s great! I think it’s awesome when people have jobs that help others. Have you always wanted to be a doctor?”

If you notice at the end I ask another question to make our interaction even deeper and find out more about her. Another great technique is to relate some part of your life to what she does. With the girl who wants to be a doctor I could talk about how my brother is a doctor and tell a random story about me and him growing up.

Grounding Story

Up until this point in the interaction the majority of what has been talked about is her and her life with little stories about you thrown in here and there. This is the point where you really share yourself with her.

Basically your grounding story is a story about you that both builds comfort and attraction at the same time. For day game I like to have the story focus on what you do and WHY you do it.

Here’s an example what I usually say–

“Yeah, like, for, me I work in film. And it’s really cool because like always growing up I was just fascinated with movies. As a little kid I’d literally just sit in front of the TV and watch the same movies over and over again. Just looking at the different cuts and camera angles… Yeah I’m totally a movie nerd. So fair warning.”

The most important part of the story is that I love what I’m doing with my life. I’m doing what I’m passionate about.

Now not everyone love what they do for a living but everyone should have a hobby that they love. If this is the case use your hobby.

“Yeah, like, for, me I work as an accountant. And it’s cool and whatever. But I really love playing basketball. My mom said that basically as soon as I could walk I’d try to play basketball with my older brother and his friends. And it’s really cool, now because I coach some kids on the weekends.”

… I actually like that story more than mine.

There’s not much too it but be prepared for women to ask you questions about the stuff you just mentioned.

More Qualification*

Outside of the number close this is the last step and about half of the time you won’t even need it. Hence the *

I usually only add this last bit of qualification if the girl didn’t give me much with the cold read and my other qualification question.

The great thing is that now that you’ve opened up to her with you’re grounding story she’s much more likely to share herself with you. I’ll usually phrase this step like this–

“So yeah, obviously you hang with friends or whatever but like seriously what do you like to do?”

And it works the same way as the first qualification question. She’ll answer, you reward her for it, and follow it up with another question about what she does or relate it to your life.

Number Close

I first heard this number close from Sinn. It’s simple, it leads, and it’s not too forward. It’s the best number close I’ve ever tried and I’ve stopped using anything else.

“Well I gotta go meet some friends but you seem really cool. Let’s exchange numbers and maybe we’ll grab coffee or something.”

If she says no, it means no. Don’t try to plow or anything… unless you enjoy flaky numbers.

And that’s it.

The entire interaction should last anywhere from 5 – 15 minutes and the numbers you get should be fairly solid.

I’m going to post an interaction that follows the model tomorrow so you guys can see how the conversation flows.

Connection: You can only share what you already know…

Aha! And you thought I gave up on this series, “The Seven Immutable Laws of Pickup”. I would never do that… I just got lazy, caught up releasing an eBook, building three websites, coaching every weekend… you know, typical shit.

Granted, I started this series back in June, in what was supposed to be a once-a-week series, but fuck it. I’m back with installment five, and I think this is a big one that I’ve never really seen touched upon elsewhere in the community.

I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition

What I want to talk about today is what is generally referred to in the community as “comfort game.” I don’t like that term, because it ignores the depth of the communication that actually must go on to get a girl invested in the interaction. It makes it sound like all you have to do is give the girl a back rub and tell her you like puppies, then she’ll magically say, “Oh, what a nice guy, let me spread my legs!”

Comfort game is pretty useless unless the woman feels like she’s connecting to you on some deeper level. And to connect with you, you need to display an ability to empathize with her.

By empathize, I mean if she shares something personal, relate to the emotions she experiences and share something personal that triggers those same emotions within you.

This is an extreme example, but let’s say a girl talks about how her brother died of an overdose and it shattered her life for six months. I could then talk about how one of my best friends drowned when I was 19.

Here’s the thing… most guys “get” this and stop there. You build rapport: girl talks about A, you talk about A, girl talks about B, you talk about B.

But in the example above, simply talking about it isn’t enough, you want to CONNECT to her emotions. So what I would do is describe the experience of dealing with death. I’d talk about the grieving process, the immobilizing depression, how I used humor to cope, feeling like no one could relate to me no matter how much support I was offered, the complete inability to wrap your mind around something that is so absolute as death, etc.

BAM! She gets it, because she lived through the exact same experiences. And because she’s lived it, she knows YOU’VE lived it. You’re not just talking at each other, sharing facts, but now you have shared a life experience — almost as if you two lived it together.

This is building connection.

And building connection is reliant on one thing: you can’t share what you don’t know. In a nutshell, the more self-aware one is about one’s experiences, the more one will be relate to others about their experiences.

As men, we generally suck at being aware of our experiences.

I noticed when I first started coaching and tried to get guys to build more “comfort” I’d give them the usual lines of “You need to talk about yourself more, share yourself, Tell her about yourself,” etc. What these guys would do is start telling girls, “I’m from New Jersey. I like the Yankees. I like Kanye and Jay-Z.”

I got very frustrated and would tell them again, and so they’d go out and say, “I’m from Newark, New Jersey. I REALLY like the Yankees. Kanye and Jay-Z are the best.” What I soon realized was in their minds they WERE sharing themselves. They just weren’t as aware of their life, their motivations, their interests and especially THEIR EMOTIONS.

In these examples, even if the girl is from New York and into Jay-Z, she’s not going to feel that connected to you. Millions of guys out there are from New York and into Jay-Z. You have to dig deeper, find what makes you unique as an individual — WHY do you like Jay-Z? Well, when I was young, my older brother would drive me to school and play old Jay-Z albums. There you go, now we’re getting somewhere. Maybe you picked it up because you really looked up to your brother, maybe he was the biggest father figure in your life. If so, why is that? You need to ask yourself these questions and be willing to share the answers with girls.

It’s not an easy task, but every guy needs to find what differentiates him from the other million guys in town. The good news is that you already ARE different than the other guys, but the hard part is taking a long hard look at yourself to see what’s so unique.

It’s when you do this, not only do you distinguish yourself in the girl’s eyes, but you’re able to build connection based on your life experiences. For instance, that girl who also likes Jay-Z, maybe she had an older brother who took her to a Jay-Z concert. You guys now have an experience to relate to on a much deeper, personal and emotional level.

This law is kind of the other side of the coin of the last law of pickup. Whereas with sub-communication, you’re constantly asking “Why?” in effort to understand the deeper causes of HER actions. Connection and self-awareness is a process of constantly asking “Why?” to understand the deeper causes of your actions.

Why?

Because you can’t share what you don’t know.