It’s the end of the week, and most of us should be heading out. This is actually the first Friday night I’ve had free in about a month, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do. But time to do another mail bag.
I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?
- Dan
Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.
Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.
But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.
And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.
I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?
- Rodrigo
If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.
You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.
Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.
- TR
I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.
Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.
Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?
- Anonymous
Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).
But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.
I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…
What do you think?
- Love Potion
Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.
This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.
So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.
Showing posts with label Tags: Advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tags: Advice. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
Leave The House Ready To Approach
ALWAYS leave the house ready to approach. Dress nice, do your hair, smell good… or at least not bad, you get the point. That was one of the first rules Sinn gave us at the day game seminar and for up until today I had followed his advice.
Today I’m dying of plague and call out of work, but I have a hair appointment later in the day and don’t want to cancel because it’s a super bitch to make new one. I roll out of bed, don’t shower, don’t do my hair, put on a pair of jeans and a wrinkled tee from off my floor, and to top off this great look I put an over sized hoodie on. I looked like a super scrub. But what do I care right? I’m dying of plague and don’t want to open anyways… wrong.
I’m waiting for the train and I see her, physically she’s everything I look for in a girl; short(around 5′ nothing), tan, perfect ass, cute tits, awesome hair, a bunch of piercings in her ears, and a lip ring. She was a rock chick who didn’t lose any of her femininity.
And then there’s me looking like a complete chode.
We make eye contact and I smile. She gives me one look up and down, back turns me, and pulls out her phone and calls someone. Complete and total blow out. The one day I leave the house looking like shit I see a 10. I learned that lesson the hard way, hope you guys don’t have to.
Today I’m dying of plague and call out of work, but I have a hair appointment later in the day and don’t want to cancel because it’s a super bitch to make new one. I roll out of bed, don’t shower, don’t do my hair, put on a pair of jeans and a wrinkled tee from off my floor, and to top off this great look I put an over sized hoodie on. I looked like a super scrub. But what do I care right? I’m dying of plague and don’t want to open anyways… wrong.
I’m waiting for the train and I see her, physically she’s everything I look for in a girl; short(around 5′ nothing), tan, perfect ass, cute tits, awesome hair, a bunch of piercings in her ears, and a lip ring. She was a rock chick who didn’t lose any of her femininity.
And then there’s me looking like a complete chode.
We make eye contact and I smile. She gives me one look up and down, back turns me, and pulls out her phone and calls someone. Complete and total blow out. The one day I leave the house looking like shit I see a 10. I learned that lesson the hard way, hope you guys don’t have to.
Personal Space in Day Game
So after yesterday post I hope none of you are touching on the opener during day game. If you don’t believe me just go out to a store and touch a woman’s arm before you’ve started talking to her. Odds are she’ll jump, yell, run away, etc.
But how far away should you be standing when you open? I’m only talking about stationary girls here, moving sets are a completely different beast.
The best range I’ve found is around 5 feet or 1.5 meters for the rest of the world.
The only other exception to this is if she has headphones on. You’re going to have to get a bit closer to her so she notices your presence, looks at you, and you can motion for her to take them off.
Women are much more conscious of their personal space during the day and you imposing on it can make them either feel nervous or see you as rude.
So I start from about 5 feet away, project my voice a bit when I say “Hey” so she looks at me, deliver the rest of my opener, introduce myself, and put out my hand to shake hers.
Now that you have your hand out to shake hers you can take a step forward and she usually will as well and you have now closed the 5 foot gap in between you two. The handshake acts as an excuse to get you two closer together.
You can easily tell if she’s not comfortable being that close to you after that handshake. If she’s not comfortable she’s going to take a step back. Let her take the step away, and lock in. As the interaction progresses you’ll notice how she’ll come closer and close the gap once she becomes comfortable talking to you.
The whole key to day game is respecting social boundaries. If you can do that and carry on a normal conversation you can do day game.
But how far away should you be standing when you open? I’m only talking about stationary girls here, moving sets are a completely different beast.
The best range I’ve found is around 5 feet or 1.5 meters for the rest of the world.
The only other exception to this is if she has headphones on. You’re going to have to get a bit closer to her so she notices your presence, looks at you, and you can motion for her to take them off.
Women are much more conscious of their personal space during the day and you imposing on it can make them either feel nervous or see you as rude.
So I start from about 5 feet away, project my voice a bit when I say “Hey” so she looks at me, deliver the rest of my opener, introduce myself, and put out my hand to shake hers.
Now that you have your hand out to shake hers you can take a step forward and she usually will as well and you have now closed the 5 foot gap in between you two. The handshake acts as an excuse to get you two closer together.
You can easily tell if she’s not comfortable being that close to you after that handshake. If she’s not comfortable she’s going to take a step back. Let her take the step away, and lock in. As the interaction progresses you’ll notice how she’ll come closer and close the gap once she becomes comfortable talking to you.
The whole key to day game is respecting social boundaries. If you can do that and carry on a normal conversation you can do day game.
Staying in a Social Mood -day game
You can’t sit at home playing World Of Warcraft all day and then go out and turn on the PUA switch and start talking to people.
He’s 100% right, you have to stay in a social mode through out the day.
So I decided to figure out exactly how I do it, where I talk to people, what I say, etc. And these aren’t sets, just regular people who I talk to for the fuck of it.
Here’s what I came up with
As I walk to work I try and talk to 2 people along the way
Doc: “Hey man, how’s it going?”
Person 1: “Good, you?”
Doc: “Great! Have a good one”
Person 1: “You too dude”
Doc: “Wow, you’re dog’s beautiful!”
Dog Walker: “Thanks! She’s a German Shepherd.”
Doc: “I want one so bad but I can’t in my apartment. Can I pet her?”
Dog Walker: “Sure, she won’t bite.”
Doc: “Blah, blah, -pets dog-, Nice meeting you.”
I go and pick up some lunch
Doc: “Hey, how’s it going?”
Food Girl: “Alright”
Doc: “Just alright? You gotta start having more fun at work”
Food Girl: “Blah, Blah, I usually do but I’m tired and Blah, Blah.”
Doc: Yeah, I hear ya there. I was up all night doing XYZ. But let me get a chicken burrito.”
At the Mac store
Doc: “Hey dude, I’m looking for Office ‘08 and a charger for my Macbook”
Apple Guy: “Sure! Office is right over there and our chargers are here”
Doc: “Thanks! Hey, do you have those new super thin Macbooks?”
Apple Guy: “Not yet, like 1 week”
Doc: “Word. I was looking at them today online they look sick.”
Apple Guy: “Blah, Blah, Computer talk”
Doc: “Thanks dude”
Doc: “Is this the right charger for a 13″ Macbook?” (I know it’s the right charger)
Apple Girl: “Let me see. Yup you got it!”
Doc: “Cool! Do you know anything about 2nd gen Iphones?”
Apple Girl: “Blah, Blah, you guys get the idea”
Outside smoking a cig
Doc: “Hey, do you have a light?
Guy: “Sure”
Doc: “Thanks man.”
Guy: “No Problem. Aren’t you cold?”
Doc: “Nah, I’m used to it and I was in Canada over the weekend.”
Guy: “Nice! What part?”
Doc: “Blah, blah, blah”
In Shaw’s at the Deli
Woman in front of me gets a slice of cheese to see if it’s thick enough and starts to eat it
Doc: “Isn’t that the best?!”Woman: “Huh?”Doc: “That. The free slice of cheese”
Woman: “Oh, yeah. Haha”
Doc: “It’s like you’re a little kid again with your mom at the store and they give you a free slice of cheese and a cookie”
Doc: “Yeah, I know. I loved that”
Woman: “Haha. Me two! I liked going to the grocery store, it made it fun.”
Doc: “That’s actually the only reason I came here today… to get my free slice,”
Woman: Haha, blah, blah”
And I always talk to about 4 people on the phone for a about ten minutes each while I take breaks at work. Plus any actual sets I do as I go about my day.
It’s seriously the easiest thing to do, gets you in a social mode, and makes your day more fun.
Get out there, talk to people, brighten their day, and be social!
He’s 100% right, you have to stay in a social mode through out the day.
So I decided to figure out exactly how I do it, where I talk to people, what I say, etc. And these aren’t sets, just regular people who I talk to for the fuck of it.
Here’s what I came up with
As I walk to work I try and talk to 2 people along the way
Doc: “Hey man, how’s it going?”
Person 1: “Good, you?”
Doc: “Great! Have a good one”
Person 1: “You too dude”
Doc: “Wow, you’re dog’s beautiful!”
Dog Walker: “Thanks! She’s a German Shepherd.”
Doc: “I want one so bad but I can’t in my apartment. Can I pet her?”
Dog Walker: “Sure, she won’t bite.”
Doc: “Blah, blah, -pets dog-, Nice meeting you.”
I go and pick up some lunch
Doc: “Hey, how’s it going?”
Food Girl: “Alright”
Doc: “Just alright? You gotta start having more fun at work”
Food Girl: “Blah, Blah, I usually do but I’m tired and Blah, Blah.”
Doc: Yeah, I hear ya there. I was up all night doing XYZ. But let me get a chicken burrito.”
At the Mac store
Doc: “Hey dude, I’m looking for Office ‘08 and a charger for my Macbook”
Apple Guy: “Sure! Office is right over there and our chargers are here”
Doc: “Thanks! Hey, do you have those new super thin Macbooks?”
Apple Guy: “Not yet, like 1 week”
Doc: “Word. I was looking at them today online they look sick.”
Apple Guy: “Blah, Blah, Computer talk”
Doc: “Thanks dude”
Doc: “Is this the right charger for a 13″ Macbook?” (I know it’s the right charger)
Apple Girl: “Let me see. Yup you got it!”
Doc: “Cool! Do you know anything about 2nd gen Iphones?”
Apple Girl: “Blah, Blah, you guys get the idea”
Outside smoking a cig
Doc: “Hey, do you have a light?
Guy: “Sure”
Doc: “Thanks man.”
Guy: “No Problem. Aren’t you cold?”
Doc: “Nah, I’m used to it and I was in Canada over the weekend.”
Guy: “Nice! What part?”
Doc: “Blah, blah, blah”
In Shaw’s at the Deli
Woman in front of me gets a slice of cheese to see if it’s thick enough and starts to eat it
Doc: “Isn’t that the best?!”Woman: “Huh?”Doc: “That. The free slice of cheese”
Woman: “Oh, yeah. Haha”
Doc: “It’s like you’re a little kid again with your mom at the store and they give you a free slice of cheese and a cookie”
Doc: “Yeah, I know. I loved that”
Woman: “Haha. Me two! I liked going to the grocery store, it made it fun.”
Doc: “That’s actually the only reason I came here today… to get my free slice,”
Woman: Haha, blah, blah”
And I always talk to about 4 people on the phone for a about ten minutes each while I take breaks at work. Plus any actual sets I do as I go about my day.
It’s seriously the easiest thing to do, gets you in a social mode, and makes your day more fun.
Get out there, talk to people, brighten their day, and be social!
How to Meet Women During the Day
Learning how to pick up a girl during the day is one of the most worthwhile skills you can develop. You don’t have to schedule time to go out to a party or a night club or a bar. Instead, you can go about your every day life — grocery shopping, riding the bus to work, going to class — and still meet beautiful and attractive women.
There are some key differences with meeting women during the day. In fact, it’s practically polar opposite from meeting women at night. But as with meeting women at night, these skills must be practiced regularly to have any lasting impact on your life.
Women during the day are busy. When you meet a woman at night, you can be pretty sure that she’s most likely not going to go anywhere or start doing something else. But women during the day are running errands, heading to meetings, on their lunch break, etc.
For this reason, they often have legitimate time constraints that must be honored. If she says she’s busy, then she’s busy, don’t take it personally.
The other effect of this is that you must work quickly. It’s best to learn to show direct interest when meeting women during the day.
Another difference is that you’re solely going for phone numbers. You’re not going to get the girl to kiss you in the middle of a mall food court or at the local coffee shop, so just build some rapport and go for her phone number.
Finally, it’s best to look for girls who are by themselves during the day. When you approach women in large groups or with other guys, it comes off as socially awkward and unexpected. You end up spending all of your time convincing her friends that you’re not weird instead of actually getting somewhere with the girl.
There are some key differences with meeting women during the day. In fact, it’s practically polar opposite from meeting women at night. But as with meeting women at night, these skills must be practiced regularly to have any lasting impact on your life.
Women during the day are busy. When you meet a woman at night, you can be pretty sure that she’s most likely not going to go anywhere or start doing something else. But women during the day are running errands, heading to meetings, on their lunch break, etc.
For this reason, they often have legitimate time constraints that must be honored. If she says she’s busy, then she’s busy, don’t take it personally.
The other effect of this is that you must work quickly. It’s best to learn to show direct interest when meeting women during the day.
Another difference is that you’re solely going for phone numbers. You’re not going to get the girl to kiss you in the middle of a mall food court or at the local coffee shop, so just build some rapport and go for her phone number.
Finally, it’s best to look for girls who are by themselves during the day. When you approach women in large groups or with other guys, it comes off as socially awkward and unexpected. You end up spending all of your time convincing her friends that you’re not weird instead of actually getting somewhere with the girl.
Night Game Model Part 8- Dealing with a Bad Night
I just started going out and sarging again for the first time in months. When I say sarge, I actually mean going out with the intention to pick up girls for myself (I don’t really consider coaching part of it, since I typically try to let the student carry most of the weight in set). Anyway, I started going out again and I’m pretty rusty and I had a particularly “off” night last night. Everything just felt a bit out of whack, so I just wanted to write up some things that help me handle nights like that.
Whatever you do, don’t be hard on yourself. The minute you start beating yourself up saying, “damnit, I suck, what’s wrong with me?” your night’s over. It’s all downhill from there. No matter how ugly things get, no matter how awkward and pathetic you are, DON’T let yourself beat yourself up. Nothing good comes out of it. I try to make kind of a, “we’ll deal with this later” deal with myself. You know how like when you were a kid and you were getting in trouble in public and your mom/dad was like, “We’re going to deal with this when we get home,” because they didn’t want to make a huge scene in public and make things worse? It’s kind of like that. I just hold off all self-criticism and pitying until I get home.
Don’t blame the girls, the night, the venue, blah, blah, blah. Look. Some nights just suck. Some logistics just suck. Some venues just suck. We all know that. Sometimes girls are just bitches and you get the bad luck of the draw. But there’s no reason to look for excuses. If you could be doing better, you could be doing better and that’s all that matters. BUT don’t beat yourself up about it until you get home.
When in doubt, do whatever helps you have fun. What kills you on nights like this is that you’ll have a couple sets that don’t go too well and then you start getting annoyed/upset/frustrated which makes the next sets go even worse, and so on and so on. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and annoyed, take a time out for 30 minutes. Do something that you enjoy. Last night, I did 4-5 sets, none of which went very far and a couple of them I thought I ran horribly (by my standards). I was getting a little pissed, so what’d I do? I sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and watched the basketball game for about 30 minutes. I chilled out, let it all go, quit caring. After about 20 minutes or so, a real cute blonde came and sat next to me. I casually opened her and it ended up being my best set of the night. Take the pressure off, relax and always make sure the fun’s there. If the fun’s not there, nothing will be.
Learn from your mistakes and move on. I like to debrief myself the next day. I find that “sleeping it off” whether a great night or a bad night helps me be objective. The night of, when you get home, regardless of how things went, you’re still on an emotional high/low, you may be a bit drunk, you’re probably tired. It’s hard to be objective in those situations. I like to wait until I wake up the next day to analyze myself. I make note of what I did well and what I didn’t, and once I’ve made a mental note of what I should change I immediately discard the night and let go of it. It’s in the past. Over the next day or two, if feelings of resentment or regret start creeping up, I immediately let them go and move on. There’s no point in dwelling, no matter how bad you fuck up.
Every night’s a new night. The best way to get over a bad night is to have a great night. Go out again the next night if you can. Even if it’s not a great night, having fun and having a couple sets go all right sure beats the hell out of sitting at home and dwelling on your fuck ups. Even better, go out with some friends and just goof off. You’ll be over it in no time.
Whatever you do, don’t be hard on yourself. The minute you start beating yourself up saying, “damnit, I suck, what’s wrong with me?” your night’s over. It’s all downhill from there. No matter how ugly things get, no matter how awkward and pathetic you are, DON’T let yourself beat yourself up. Nothing good comes out of it. I try to make kind of a, “we’ll deal with this later” deal with myself. You know how like when you were a kid and you were getting in trouble in public and your mom/dad was like, “We’re going to deal with this when we get home,” because they didn’t want to make a huge scene in public and make things worse? It’s kind of like that. I just hold off all self-criticism and pitying until I get home.
Don’t blame the girls, the night, the venue, blah, blah, blah. Look. Some nights just suck. Some logistics just suck. Some venues just suck. We all know that. Sometimes girls are just bitches and you get the bad luck of the draw. But there’s no reason to look for excuses. If you could be doing better, you could be doing better and that’s all that matters. BUT don’t beat yourself up about it until you get home.
When in doubt, do whatever helps you have fun. What kills you on nights like this is that you’ll have a couple sets that don’t go too well and then you start getting annoyed/upset/frustrated which makes the next sets go even worse, and so on and so on. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and annoyed, take a time out for 30 minutes. Do something that you enjoy. Last night, I did 4-5 sets, none of which went very far and a couple of them I thought I ran horribly (by my standards). I was getting a little pissed, so what’d I do? I sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and watched the basketball game for about 30 minutes. I chilled out, let it all go, quit caring. After about 20 minutes or so, a real cute blonde came and sat next to me. I casually opened her and it ended up being my best set of the night. Take the pressure off, relax and always make sure the fun’s there. If the fun’s not there, nothing will be.
Learn from your mistakes and move on. I like to debrief myself the next day. I find that “sleeping it off” whether a great night or a bad night helps me be objective. The night of, when you get home, regardless of how things went, you’re still on an emotional high/low, you may be a bit drunk, you’re probably tired. It’s hard to be objective in those situations. I like to wait until I wake up the next day to analyze myself. I make note of what I did well and what I didn’t, and once I’ve made a mental note of what I should change I immediately discard the night and let go of it. It’s in the past. Over the next day or two, if feelings of resentment or regret start creeping up, I immediately let them go and move on. There’s no point in dwelling, no matter how bad you fuck up.
Every night’s a new night. The best way to get over a bad night is to have a great night. Go out again the next night if you can. Even if it’s not a great night, having fun and having a couple sets go all right sure beats the hell out of sitting at home and dwelling on your fuck ups. Even better, go out with some friends and just goof off. You’ll be over it in no time.
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