Mark Manson is a GREAT GUY
I respect him cause he says it like it is,
I really enjoyed fuck yes fuck no post. heres is original LINK http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
this inspired me and made perfect sense when to say NO to a girl eventhough she gave you "a chance"
I think it saves time and makes everything in dating easier and all this nonsense and stupidity from inept women from the girls who are genuine with you then you GAME ON! or
open the door a little to your WORLD to her....
BE FUCK YEAH GUY FOR YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE OTHERS
and you don't have to worry about ANY Girl or getting her to Like you..
modern times has changed and girls are proactive seekers like Cats on prey..they hunt and catch to try to keep..
so girls ARE NINJA with not showing interest in DIRECT WAY.
but
Girls That Do show interest in you means that YOU appreciate HER!
women make effort to buy that shoe...get that LOOK... get fixed UP!
OFCOURSE SHE WILL BE INTERESTED
IF NOT ITS FUCK NO!
PERIOD.
Showing posts with label Entropy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Entropy. Show all posts
Monday, January 19, 2015
Saturday, November 12, 2011
how excesize affects me in my inner game and results w women
Guys, I recently stopped going to the gym due to hectic schedule. I can say that I feel strong but my mood is different,Im inside my head more, I overthink instead of looking for solutions or taking action. I think this plays alot in any Man's Life that exercise is potential to your results with women. you can get laid here or there using "pua routines" here and there but it wont go anywhere and it wont be as consistent, this is common and frustrating thing for guys.
Im glad Jesse puts in alot of value and importance of exercise.
I am not making this up,I feel that these are what lead to deep hole if you aren't exercising , more you will end up in a head game and being lazy.not pushing yourself in any area of life,maybe even victim from being pushed around.
I noticed this change and Im definately going to go to sign up at another gym near me,since Im not getting private trainer any longer cause I feel I can continue myself to save money and push myself a bit more.I dont have a spot nor do I have buddies to train with me at that time since I have hectic irregular schedule.
dont listen to gurus or dating experts who say looks dont matter. Looks do matter guys, they do and more you improve in yourself and invest in yourself in your looks and improving all around, the more self confident you are and you will realize we set our own limitations in Life.
so guys Im not Arnold the governator nor am I being paid to day this but go out and exercise more often as you can.
watch how you will create self discipline and self respect for yourself.
Women will catch this and will want to be with you, for unknown reasons....
really its happened to me before. Do it and dont turn back.
clear your head and exercise
Im glad Jesse puts in alot of value and importance of exercise.
I am not making this up,I feel that these are what lead to deep hole if you aren't exercising , more you will end up in a head game and being lazy.not pushing yourself in any area of life,maybe even victim from being pushed around.
I noticed this change and Im definately going to go to sign up at another gym near me,since Im not getting private trainer any longer cause I feel I can continue myself to save money and push myself a bit more.I dont have a spot nor do I have buddies to train with me at that time since I have hectic irregular schedule.
dont listen to gurus or dating experts who say looks dont matter. Looks do matter guys, they do and more you improve in yourself and invest in yourself in your looks and improving all around, the more self confident you are and you will realize we set our own limitations in Life.
so guys Im not Arnold the governator nor am I being paid to day this but go out and exercise more often as you can.
watch how you will create self discipline and self respect for yourself.
Women will catch this and will want to be with you, for unknown reasons....
really its happened to me before. Do it and dont turn back.
clear your head and exercise
Quote:
| Exercise: 7 benefits of regular physical activity You know exercise is good for you, but do you know how good? From boosting your mood to improving your sex life, find out how exercise can improve your life. By Mayo Clinic.com Want to feel better, have more energy and perhaps even live longer? Look no further than exercise. The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are yours for the taking, regardless of your age, sex or physical ability. Need more convincing to exercise? Check out these seven ways exercise can improve your life. No. 1: Exercise controls weight Exercise can help prevent excess weight gain or help maintain weight loss. When you engage in physical activity, you burn calories. The more intense the activity, the more calories you burn. You don't need to set aside large chunks of time for exercise to reap weight-loss benefits. If you can't do an actual workout, get more active throughout the day in simple ways — by taking the stairs instead of the elevator or revving up your household chores. No. 2: Exercise combats health conditions and diseases Worried about heart disease? Hoping to prevent high blood pressure? No matter what your current weight, being active boosts high-density lipoprotein (HDL), or "good," cholesterol and decreases unhealthy triglycerides. This one-two punch keeps your blood flowing smoothly, which decreases your risk of cardiovascular diseases. In fact, regular physical activity can help you prevent or manage a wide range of health problems and concerns, including stroke, metabolic syndrome, type 2 diabetes, depression, certain types of cancer, arthritis and falls. No. 3: Exercise improves mood Need an emotional lift? Or need to blow off some steam after a stressful day? A workout at the gym or a brisk 30-minute walk can help. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed. You may also feel better about your appearance and yourself when you exercise regularly, which can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem. No. 4: Exercise boosts energy Winded by grocery shopping or household chores? Regular physical activity can improve your muscle strength and boost your endurance. Exercise and physical activity deliver oxygen and nutrients to your tissues and help your cardiovascular system work more efficiently. And when your heart and lungs work more efficiently, you have more energy to go about your daily chores. No. 5: Exercise promotes better sleep Struggling to fall asleep? Or to stay asleep? Regular physical activity can help you fall asleep faster and deepen your sleep. Just don't exercise too close to bedtime, or you may be too energized to fall asleep. No. 6: Exercise puts the spark back into your sex life Do you feel too tired or too out of shape to enjoy physical intimacy? Regular physical activity can leave you feeling energized and looking better, which may have a positive effect on your sex life. But there's more to it than that. Regular physical activity can lead to enhanced arousal for women. And men who exercise regularly are less likely to have problems with erectile dysfunction than are men who don't exercise. No. 7: Exercise can be fun Exercise and physical activity can be a fun way to spend some time. It gives you a chance to unwind, enjoy the outdoors or simply engage in activities that make you happy. Physical activity can also help you connect with family or friends in a fun social setting. So, take a dance class, hit the hiking trails or join a soccer team. Find a physical activity you enjoy, and just do it. If you get bored, try something new. The bottom line on exercise Exercise and physical activity are a great way to feel better, gain health benefits and have fun. As a general goal, aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity every day. If you want to lose weight or meet specific fitness goals, you may need to exercise more. Remember to check with your doctor before starting a new exercise program, especially if you have any health concerns. |
__________________
"I've only had two rules.
Do all you can and do it the best you can.
It's the only way you ever get that feeling of accomplishing something."
-Colonel Sanders KFC
Action will destroy your procrastination.- Og Mandino
"From a woman’s POV, if a man does not know how to physically take care of himself, he will NEVER be able to take care of her"-MK
"I've only had two rules.
Do all you can and do it the best you can.
It's the only way you ever get that feeling of accomplishing something."
-Colonel Sanders KFC
Action will destroy your procrastination.- Og Mandino
"From a woman’s POV, if a man does not know how to physically take care of himself, he will NEVER be able to take care of her"-MK
Saturday, September 24, 2011
storytelling - 3 steps excersize YES I FOUND OUT !!!!!
Get a Girlfriend, Guaranteed
Storytelling
The mark of an expert conversationalist is to be able to become an effective storyteller.
Human beings, by default, are enrapt by stories, or more specifically, a story-arc. Politicians use them to campaign, teachers use them to explain important concepts, comedians use them to make us laugh, and we use them constantly in our day-to-day interactions.
But what you probably didn’t notice is that the best communicators you know are fantastic story-tellers.
The Story Arc
Have you ever had a friend who would start telling you about something and it just seemed to go no where? Like, they’d start telling you about their trip to Chicago and after describing the hotel and maybe mentioning the concierge, the story just went no where?
Or have you ever known someone who consistently makes jokes that don’t completely make sense, or most people don’t ever seem to “get it?”
Or maybe you’re one of these people… Do people ever stop paying attention to you mid-story? Or do you have trouble making others laugh (intentionally, that is)?
Chances are, these people (or you), aren’t following a strong story arc. For whatever reason, humans have evolved to be absolutely fascinated when information is communicated in a certain pattern. This is true of just about any culture and background.
There are three main points of a story arc:
Set Up: The set up is exactly what it says, you’re setting the scene or the context for what you’re about to say. It’s the foundation of what’s about to be told, and if you don’t set up properly, then your stories, jokes and ideas will always seem to be random. People will consistently comment that you’re really random, weird or “off the wall.”
Content/Conflict: After setting up what you’re going to talk about, you get into the actual content. This can also be the “conflict” in your story. Whatever it is, it’s something that causes tension and expectancy. The content of your story needs to be intriguing and hook people into wanting to know what will happen next. If you don’t build much tension with the content of your stories, you will find people losing interest or get the feeling like you ramble on a lot.
Resolution: The resolution releases the tension from the conflict or content. Resolutions can come in forms of punchlines (for jokes), conclusions (for ideas), or just closure for a generic story. People who don’t resolve their stories and ideas well will often get blank stares when they’re finished speaking, or people asking them, “Yeah, and…?” not realizing that the story is finished.
When I was in college, my first roommate had a funny habit whenever he got drunk. He’d basically turn into a narcoleptic — he’d spontaneously fall asleep in strange places and at random moments. (Set up)
Well, literally the first night I knew this guy, he and I go out to some orientation party. We meet a couple girls and go back to their dorm with them. He and I are totally drunk and I notice he’s kind of stopped talking to his girl and is dozing off in the corner. Kind of weird, but it was like 3AM, so whatever. Suddenly, he says he’s going to go and gets up and leaves. I think nothing of it until I go home, wake up the next morning and he’s still not back. Hours pass and I start getting worried. (Content/Conflict)
It turns out that the guy went out into the hallway lobby, laid down on the floor and slept there the whole night. But not only that, he left his jacket in the girl’s room. So at like 9 in the morning he had to sneak back in, wake her up and take his jacket back. It was pretty hilarious at the time. But yeah, that was my college roommate. (Resolution)
Often adding a line like, “Yeah, that was my college roommate,” is good because it indicates that the story is finished and that you’re finished speaking.
I knew I wasn’t meant for the 9 to 5 world almost immediately. Out of college, I took a nice job at a prestigious bank in downtown Boston. (Setup)
I hated it from day one. In fact, I remember thinking about three hours into the first day, “I wonder how long I have to work here before I can leave?” (Conflict/Content)
My next thought was, “This is probably a bad sign.” (Resolution)
Notice that I allude to the conclusion in the beginning of my story. This is called “foreshadowing” and often helps people follow along. Also notice that it really doesn’t matter how long or short each component of the story is as long as you convey the correct information.
When most people talk about a crazy city, I don’t think they’ve ever been to South America. I lived down there for a few months last Spring and you see things every week that are just beyond our reality here. (Setup)
Like one night, we hopped in a cab to go to another night club. It was a Tuesday at about 4am. The taxi driver promptly turns around and asks us if we’d like to try some of his cocaine. We politely refuse. So the cabbie says in Spanish, “Fine, more for me.” He then proceeds to do lines of coke while driving 50mph with his knees. (Content/Conflict)
We all thought we were going to die that night. (Resolution)
All true stories by the way… At the end of this step, I will provide a lot of similar exercises to this for you to practice your storytelling. When I meet guys with poor conversational abilities, storytelling is almost always a glaring reason why.
Integrating Stories into Conversation
In the last section, we talked about “jump off points” in conversation and how that’s how we learn to relate to one another in conversation. The examples showed jump off points in individual sentences.
Well, in real life, people speak in more than sentences, they speak to each other in stories. So you’ll want to develop the ability to formulate entire STORIES around jump off points, as well as notice jump off points within entire stories.
This is actually much easier than it sounds, and you probably do it naturally with your friends and family in a lot of situations. The idea is to just do it consistently and naturally and with ANYBODY, including attractive women.
We’ve put together some in-depth exercises to complete Step 5 for you to practice just that.
What I’ve also noticed working with guys over the years, is that for those with trouble with conversation skills and storytelling, it takes quite a bit of practice for them. So if this is your particular problem area, you may want to continue to do the exercises while moving on through the program.
3 Responses to “Storytelling”
Tac Kit Diep says:
December 13, 2010 at 1:16 pm
structuring your life stories in that manner takes some time, again, bad habits are not easily removed out of your brain.
Reply
Kevin says:
March 17, 2011 at 7:50 pm
I’ve heard people say to get good at storytelling, but this is the best breakdown of i’ve personally seen of it
Reply
Hudson says:
July 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Wow, that’s really well explained. Thank you Mark.
Set up
Conflict/Content
Resolution
Then add: ‘ Yeah, that was my … ‘
Storytelling
The mark of an expert conversationalist is to be able to become an effective storyteller.
Human beings, by default, are enrapt by stories, or more specifically, a story-arc. Politicians use them to campaign, teachers use them to explain important concepts, comedians use them to make us laugh, and we use them constantly in our day-to-day interactions.
But what you probably didn’t notice is that the best communicators you know are fantastic story-tellers.
The Story Arc
Have you ever had a friend who would start telling you about something and it just seemed to go no where? Like, they’d start telling you about their trip to Chicago and after describing the hotel and maybe mentioning the concierge, the story just went no where?
Or have you ever known someone who consistently makes jokes that don’t completely make sense, or most people don’t ever seem to “get it?”
Or maybe you’re one of these people… Do people ever stop paying attention to you mid-story? Or do you have trouble making others laugh (intentionally, that is)?
Chances are, these people (or you), aren’t following a strong story arc. For whatever reason, humans have evolved to be absolutely fascinated when information is communicated in a certain pattern. This is true of just about any culture and background.
There are three main points of a story arc:
Set Up: The set up is exactly what it says, you’re setting the scene or the context for what you’re about to say. It’s the foundation of what’s about to be told, and if you don’t set up properly, then your stories, jokes and ideas will always seem to be random. People will consistently comment that you’re really random, weird or “off the wall.”
Content/Conflict: After setting up what you’re going to talk about, you get into the actual content. This can also be the “conflict” in your story. Whatever it is, it’s something that causes tension and expectancy. The content of your story needs to be intriguing and hook people into wanting to know what will happen next. If you don’t build much tension with the content of your stories, you will find people losing interest or get the feeling like you ramble on a lot.
Resolution: The resolution releases the tension from the conflict or content. Resolutions can come in forms of punchlines (for jokes), conclusions (for ideas), or just closure for a generic story. People who don’t resolve their stories and ideas well will often get blank stares when they’re finished speaking, or people asking them, “Yeah, and…?” not realizing that the story is finished.
When I was in college, my first roommate had a funny habit whenever he got drunk. He’d basically turn into a narcoleptic — he’d spontaneously fall asleep in strange places and at random moments. (Set up)
Well, literally the first night I knew this guy, he and I go out to some orientation party. We meet a couple girls and go back to their dorm with them. He and I are totally drunk and I notice he’s kind of stopped talking to his girl and is dozing off in the corner. Kind of weird, but it was like 3AM, so whatever. Suddenly, he says he’s going to go and gets up and leaves. I think nothing of it until I go home, wake up the next morning and he’s still not back. Hours pass and I start getting worried. (Content/Conflict)
It turns out that the guy went out into the hallway lobby, laid down on the floor and slept there the whole night. But not only that, he left his jacket in the girl’s room. So at like 9 in the morning he had to sneak back in, wake her up and take his jacket back. It was pretty hilarious at the time. But yeah, that was my college roommate. (Resolution)
Often adding a line like, “Yeah, that was my college roommate,” is good because it indicates that the story is finished and that you’re finished speaking.
I knew I wasn’t meant for the 9 to 5 world almost immediately. Out of college, I took a nice job at a prestigious bank in downtown Boston. (Setup)
I hated it from day one. In fact, I remember thinking about three hours into the first day, “I wonder how long I have to work here before I can leave?” (Conflict/Content)
My next thought was, “This is probably a bad sign.” (Resolution)
Notice that I allude to the conclusion in the beginning of my story. This is called “foreshadowing” and often helps people follow along. Also notice that it really doesn’t matter how long or short each component of the story is as long as you convey the correct information.
When most people talk about a crazy city, I don’t think they’ve ever been to South America. I lived down there for a few months last Spring and you see things every week that are just beyond our reality here. (Setup)
Like one night, we hopped in a cab to go to another night club. It was a Tuesday at about 4am. The taxi driver promptly turns around and asks us if we’d like to try some of his cocaine. We politely refuse. So the cabbie says in Spanish, “Fine, more for me.” He then proceeds to do lines of coke while driving 50mph with his knees. (Content/Conflict)
We all thought we were going to die that night. (Resolution)
All true stories by the way… At the end of this step, I will provide a lot of similar exercises to this for you to practice your storytelling. When I meet guys with poor conversational abilities, storytelling is almost always a glaring reason why.
Integrating Stories into Conversation
In the last section, we talked about “jump off points” in conversation and how that’s how we learn to relate to one another in conversation. The examples showed jump off points in individual sentences.
Well, in real life, people speak in more than sentences, they speak to each other in stories. So you’ll want to develop the ability to formulate entire STORIES around jump off points, as well as notice jump off points within entire stories.
This is actually much easier than it sounds, and you probably do it naturally with your friends and family in a lot of situations. The idea is to just do it consistently and naturally and with ANYBODY, including attractive women.
We’ve put together some in-depth exercises to complete Step 5 for you to practice just that.
What I’ve also noticed working with guys over the years, is that for those with trouble with conversation skills and storytelling, it takes quite a bit of practice for them. So if this is your particular problem area, you may want to continue to do the exercises while moving on through the program.
3 Responses to “Storytelling”
Tac Kit Diep says:
December 13, 2010 at 1:16 pm
structuring your life stories in that manner takes some time, again, bad habits are not easily removed out of your brain.
Reply
Kevin says:
March 17, 2011 at 7:50 pm
I’ve heard people say to get good at storytelling, but this is the best breakdown of i’ve personally seen of it
Reply
Hudson says:
July 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Wow, that’s really well explained. Thank you Mark.
Set up
Conflict/Content
Resolution
Then add: ‘ Yeah, that was my … ‘
question vs statements entropy post
Questions vs Statements
Generating Conversation
You can create good conversation out of thin air. It’s a skill, but it can be done. You don’t have to memorize anything or pretend you’re somebody else. You just have to master a few key concepts.
Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport. Friends speak to each other in statements, not questions. Questions are a polite way of requesting information of someone. They create the frame that you desire something from her and she is obligated to fulfill your request. But statements make so that you’re constantly giving away information and value to the other person.
Statements give you a wider array of topics to choose from. Only broad questions feel socially acceptable. Specific and eccentric questioning comes off as odd and unattractive.
For instance, if you’ve been talking to a woman at a bar for a few minutes, saying, “I love olives in my drink. When I was a kid I used to eat them straight out of the jar,” is far more interesting than, “Do you like olives in your drink?” and waiting for her response. In fact, that question is just plain weird. But that statement is interesting, and what many women would consider “cute.”
Questioning should be limited to a minimum. Often, asking her a question is unavoidable to get the conversation rolling. But once it’s rolling, you should make them few and far in between. Many guys talking to a girl in the “interview” style of conversation, which puts the girl on the spot, creates no rapport, and will drive her away.
Instead of incessant questioning, you want to develop a skill called cold-reading. Cold-reading is a skill where you’re able to intuitively “know” something about someone else without actually knowing it.
It’s like being a psychic without the cheesiness.
For our purposes, cold-reading is just a way of creating interesting statements rather than asking questions for information. You don’t ask the question you want to know, but instead you make a mild prediction.
Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples:
“Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”
“What do you do for work?” translates to: “You seem to be a creative person. I bet your job is interesting.”
“How do you guys know each other?” translates to: “You guys look like you’ve been friends for a long time.”
In each situation, the statement makes an educated guess and engages the woman far more than any question will. Instead of asking her about herself, you’re TELLING her about herself. The only thing people love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves. But what if you’re wrong?
That’s the best part! A lot of guys worry about cold-reading because they’re afraid to state something incorrect. This is where human nature works in our favor.
There’s no failing with cold-reading. With every cold-read, one of three things will happen:
1.You’ll be wrong, and she’ll correct you.
2.You’ll be wrong, and she’ll ask you what made you think that.
3.You’ll be right, and she’ll freak out at how perceptive you are.
In the first result, she’ll basically just answer the question you based your cold- read on and forget that you were wrong.
In the second result, you’ll be wrong, but she’ll be so intrigued by your guess, that she’ll create a deeper conversation thread about what you observed about her. Later in the chapter, we’ll talk about the importance of creating the deepest threads possible.
In the third result, the few times you get the cold-read correct, she will most likely be surprised at how perceptive you are about her. This will generate a tidal wave of rapport immediately and impress her at the same time.
Here are examples of a cold-read situation with all three different responses:
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “No, I’m not. But I do love to read, though.”
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “No. What made you think that? Is it my glasses? I just got them.”
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “Yeah, I am! Wow, is it that obvious?”
You should cold-read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer; take a stab at the answer instead of asking.
One night, I met a girl from Chicago. I took a blind guess at which University she went to and was right. She couldn’t get over “how perceptive” I was for a good five minutes. She asked me how I knew and I told her I could tell she was on the intellectual side although I figured she probably moved because the school was located in a bad part of the city. Everything was dead-on despite being educated guesses. From that point on, she engaged me completely in conversation and was more than excited to hang out with me again.
Besides that, creating conversations out of statements protects you from “blanking.” You know when you are talking to a woman and all the sudden the conversation dies and you have no idea what to say? You’re sitting there awkwardly and the more uncomfortable you feel, the harder it is to come up with something. Eventually, you blurt out something boring like, “So… where do you live?”
Using statements can prevent this a great deal. Instead of fishing for a new conversation based on a generic question, you can simply comment about something or observe something. Never underestimate the power of non sequiturs.
“I’m thinking about quitting drinking.” “A car almost hit me on the way here tonight.” “My roommate eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. It’s disgusting.” “I’ve always wanted to visit Africa.”
These will sometimes come across as random. But that’s because they are – they’re whatever thoughts are popping into your head at the moment. It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.
This works because unlike questions, statements require no investment from the other person. You can say whatever you want and there’s no implicit expectation for her to generate conversation as well.
Speaking in statements in this fashion – to generate spontaneous conversation – is important in that it forces you to share yourself with her. When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport. But if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself AND giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.
The amazing thing about speaking in statements is if you do it correctly, she will start asking YOU questions. This may not seem like a big deal, but it actually reorients the entire interaction. As I mentioned earlier, whoever is asking the questions is sub- communicating a desire to learn more about the other, i.e., interest, i.e., they’re attracted to them. If she is constantly seeking information from you, you now have the power to control the interaction – you control the information and the conversation.
To close out this section, I will provide two examples of conversation, from opener to creating threads through statements. Each example will start with a version showing the conversation with questions, and then I will go back through showing the conversation with statements. Pay attention to how much more alive and engaging the statements make the conversation.
Example 1: Questions
Me: “Hi, I’m Mark. How are you tonight?”
Her: “Good, and you?”
Me: “I’m great. I wanted to come over and meet you. Where are you from?”
Her: “I’m from Denmark.”
Me: “Really? That’s amazing. What brings you to the United States?”
Her: “I am studying at a university here.”
Me: “That’s great. Which university?”
Her: “University of Michigan.”
Me: “Cool. What are you studying?”
Her: “Anthropology. I’m working on my thesis right now. I go back to Denmark in a couple months.”
Example 1: Statements
Me: “Hi, I’m Mark. How are you tonight?”
Her: “Good, and you?”
Me: “I’m great. I wanted to come over and meet you. You have an accent. You’re not American.”
Her: “No, I’m not. I’m actually Danish.”
Me: “Cool. I like Danish – I eat them all the time.”
Her: *laughs*
Me: “You laugh at my stupid jokes too! That’s perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Danish person. I’ve been to Holland and Germany, but never Denmark.”
Her: “Oh, it’s great. You need to go. When did you go to Europe?”
Me: “My brother and I went after I graduated high school. I desperately want to go back. I love traveling.”
Her: “Me too.”
Me: “If you could go anywhere in the world, for just one day, where would it be?”
Example 2: Questions
Me: “Hey. I’d appreciate it if you don’t stare at me, women intimidate me.” *smile*
Her: *laughs* “I’m sure.” *rolls eyes* Me: “What’s your name?”
Her: “Jane Doe, and you?”
Me: “Mark. What do you do Jane?”
Her: “I’m a tax attorney.”
Me: “Oh, how’s that?”
Her: “Not too glamorous, obviously. What about you?”
Me: “I just graduated. I’m looking for a job.”
Her: “Ah. Good luck.”
Me: “Where are you from?”
Her: “New York. And you?”
Me: “Texas.”
Her: “Really? You don’t sound like it.”
Example 2: Statements
Me: “Hey. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stare at me, women intimidate me.” *smile*
Her: *laughs* “I’m sure.” *rolls eyes*
Me: “You just look like such a party girl, I don’t know if I could handle you.” *sarcastic smile*
Her: “Yeah. I’m as wild and crazy as they come.” *laughs*
Me: “I can see it. You’re probably holed up in some boring office job all week, and then come out and prey on young unsuspecting men.”
Her: *laughs; to her friends* “He’s so right! Oh my God, you can read me like a book.”
Me: “You’re probably like an accountant or something.”
Her: “I’m a tax attorney. Good guess. And you look too young to have a real job.”
Me: “Damn right! I just graduated… in body but not in mind.”
Her: “Good for you. Enjoy it while you can.”
Me: “You don’t look like a Boston girl.”
Her: “Well, I AM a Boston girl.”
Me: “Really? You don’t have that vibe at all. You seem much warmer.”
Her: “Nope. Born and raised here. Where are you from?”
Me: “Texas.” Her: “No way. You don’t have an accent at all.”
Me: “It’s because I’m civilized.”
Her: *laughs* “You’re too much.” *playfully touches my chest*
Me: “Whoa, what is this, a meat market? Get your hands off me!” *smiles*
Her: *laughs* “I love it!”
5 Responses to “Questions vs Statements”
Tac Kit Diep says:
December 13, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I do think, a good cold read can really help out in the pick-up process. Not that it always works but trying is recommendable.
Reply
Madamada says:
December 16, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I’ve also found out a way to run out of conversation. It applies to the statement concept VS questions.
When you run out of “ideas” to talk, it’s often because it’s try hard, time consuming (you have to think), and also a bit hard to calibrate between modesty / need to impress.
Just translate the emotions and apply other ways to get off the pressure and generate new topic for conversations.
That’s how I view this statement concept instead of asking questions (which will require investment in the girl you’re talking too).
eg : you’re talking about work. (Yes, the most interesting subject in the world in 99 % case when the conversation runs dry)
Work = your clean crystal desk = taste of your arabic coffee = some funny delightful stories and social proofing = nice place to get holidays with white sand and excursions
I guess it’s a nice way to quickly bounce without thinking too much. Just visualize in terms of taste, colour, image (much more significative for me personally) as a shortcut.
Reply
Kevin says:
March 17, 2011 at 7:47 pm
It seems I get better reactions when I tell girls my perception of them rather than me asking them, good stuff.
Reply
Robinson S says:
June 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm
This is very simple but a subtle way to change the tone of the conversation. I’d heard it before but never seen it illustrated this well. Cold reading is fun. Even when you are way, way off.
Reply
Hudson says:
July 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I learned the most from the following sentences:
It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring.
There’s no failing with cold-reading.
Never underestimate the power of non sequiturs. “I’ve always wanted to see Africa.” Just blurt something out!
This is brilliant. I love it.
What I’m gonna blurt out to the girl(s) is the following as this is what I’m thinking all the time:
“I will kiss you in a few minutes.” I bet this will create some emotions in her and some reactions on her side even though it’s just a statement (of intent).
“I want you to come with me.” That’s what I’m gonna blurt out randomly after 15-20 minutes in set.
Hudson
Reply
Generating Conversation
You can create good conversation out of thin air. It’s a skill, but it can be done. You don’t have to memorize anything or pretend you’re somebody else. You just have to master a few key concepts.
Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport. Friends speak to each other in statements, not questions. Questions are a polite way of requesting information of someone. They create the frame that you desire something from her and she is obligated to fulfill your request. But statements make so that you’re constantly giving away information and value to the other person.
Statements give you a wider array of topics to choose from. Only broad questions feel socially acceptable. Specific and eccentric questioning comes off as odd and unattractive.
For instance, if you’ve been talking to a woman at a bar for a few minutes, saying, “I love olives in my drink. When I was a kid I used to eat them straight out of the jar,” is far more interesting than, “Do you like olives in your drink?” and waiting for her response. In fact, that question is just plain weird. But that statement is interesting, and what many women would consider “cute.”
Questioning should be limited to a minimum. Often, asking her a question is unavoidable to get the conversation rolling. But once it’s rolling, you should make them few and far in between. Many guys talking to a girl in the “interview” style of conversation, which puts the girl on the spot, creates no rapport, and will drive her away.
Instead of incessant questioning, you want to develop a skill called cold-reading. Cold-reading is a skill where you’re able to intuitively “know” something about someone else without actually knowing it.
It’s like being a psychic without the cheesiness.
For our purposes, cold-reading is just a way of creating interesting statements rather than asking questions for information. You don’t ask the question you want to know, but instead you make a mild prediction.
Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples:
“Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”
“What do you do for work?” translates to: “You seem to be a creative person. I bet your job is interesting.”
“How do you guys know each other?” translates to: “You guys look like you’ve been friends for a long time.”
In each situation, the statement makes an educated guess and engages the woman far more than any question will. Instead of asking her about herself, you’re TELLING her about herself. The only thing people love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves. But what if you’re wrong?
That’s the best part! A lot of guys worry about cold-reading because they’re afraid to state something incorrect. This is where human nature works in our favor.
There’s no failing with cold-reading. With every cold-read, one of three things will happen:
1.You’ll be wrong, and she’ll correct you.
2.You’ll be wrong, and she’ll ask you what made you think that.
3.You’ll be right, and she’ll freak out at how perceptive you are.
In the first result, she’ll basically just answer the question you based your cold- read on and forget that you were wrong.
In the second result, you’ll be wrong, but she’ll be so intrigued by your guess, that she’ll create a deeper conversation thread about what you observed about her. Later in the chapter, we’ll talk about the importance of creating the deepest threads possible.
In the third result, the few times you get the cold-read correct, she will most likely be surprised at how perceptive you are about her. This will generate a tidal wave of rapport immediately and impress her at the same time.
Here are examples of a cold-read situation with all three different responses:
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “No, I’m not. But I do love to read, though.”
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “No. What made you think that? Is it my glasses? I just got them.”
Me: “You look a bit bookish. You must be a student around here.”
Her: “Yeah, I am! Wow, is it that obvious?”
You should cold-read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer; take a stab at the answer instead of asking.
One night, I met a girl from Chicago. I took a blind guess at which University she went to and was right. She couldn’t get over “how perceptive” I was for a good five minutes. She asked me how I knew and I told her I could tell she was on the intellectual side although I figured she probably moved because the school was located in a bad part of the city. Everything was dead-on despite being educated guesses. From that point on, she engaged me completely in conversation and was more than excited to hang out with me again.
Besides that, creating conversations out of statements protects you from “blanking.” You know when you are talking to a woman and all the sudden the conversation dies and you have no idea what to say? You’re sitting there awkwardly and the more uncomfortable you feel, the harder it is to come up with something. Eventually, you blurt out something boring like, “So… where do you live?”
Using statements can prevent this a great deal. Instead of fishing for a new conversation based on a generic question, you can simply comment about something or observe something. Never underestimate the power of non sequiturs.
“I’m thinking about quitting drinking.” “A car almost hit me on the way here tonight.” “My roommate eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. It’s disgusting.” “I’ve always wanted to visit Africa.”
These will sometimes come across as random. But that’s because they are – they’re whatever thoughts are popping into your head at the moment. It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.
This works because unlike questions, statements require no investment from the other person. You can say whatever you want and there’s no implicit expectation for her to generate conversation as well.
Speaking in statements in this fashion – to generate spontaneous conversation – is important in that it forces you to share yourself with her. When you simply ask a girl questions, you aren’t giving any information about yourself, so it’s harder for her to trust you or build rapport. But if you simply state a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are now sharing yourself AND giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.
The amazing thing about speaking in statements is if you do it correctly, she will start asking YOU questions. This may not seem like a big deal, but it actually reorients the entire interaction. As I mentioned earlier, whoever is asking the questions is sub- communicating a desire to learn more about the other, i.e., interest, i.e., they’re attracted to them. If she is constantly seeking information from you, you now have the power to control the interaction – you control the information and the conversation.
To close out this section, I will provide two examples of conversation, from opener to creating threads through statements. Each example will start with a version showing the conversation with questions, and then I will go back through showing the conversation with statements. Pay attention to how much more alive and engaging the statements make the conversation.
Example 1: Questions
Me: “Hi, I’m Mark. How are you tonight?”
Her: “Good, and you?”
Me: “I’m great. I wanted to come over and meet you. Where are you from?”
Her: “I’m from Denmark.”
Me: “Really? That’s amazing. What brings you to the United States?”
Her: “I am studying at a university here.”
Me: “That’s great. Which university?”
Her: “University of Michigan.”
Me: “Cool. What are you studying?”
Her: “Anthropology. I’m working on my thesis right now. I go back to Denmark in a couple months.”
Example 1: Statements
Me: “Hi, I’m Mark. How are you tonight?”
Her: “Good, and you?”
Me: “I’m great. I wanted to come over and meet you. You have an accent. You’re not American.”
Her: “No, I’m not. I’m actually Danish.”
Me: “Cool. I like Danish – I eat them all the time.”
Her: *laughs*
Me: “You laugh at my stupid jokes too! That’s perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Danish person. I’ve been to Holland and Germany, but never Denmark.”
Her: “Oh, it’s great. You need to go. When did you go to Europe?”
Me: “My brother and I went after I graduated high school. I desperately want to go back. I love traveling.”
Her: “Me too.”
Me: “If you could go anywhere in the world, for just one day, where would it be?”
Example 2: Questions
Me: “Hey. I’d appreciate it if you don’t stare at me, women intimidate me.” *smile*
Her: *laughs* “I’m sure.” *rolls eyes* Me: “What’s your name?”
Her: “Jane Doe, and you?”
Me: “Mark. What do you do Jane?”
Her: “I’m a tax attorney.”
Me: “Oh, how’s that?”
Her: “Not too glamorous, obviously. What about you?”
Me: “I just graduated. I’m looking for a job.”
Her: “Ah. Good luck.”
Me: “Where are you from?”
Her: “New York. And you?”
Me: “Texas.”
Her: “Really? You don’t sound like it.”
Example 2: Statements
Me: “Hey. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stare at me, women intimidate me.” *smile*
Her: *laughs* “I’m sure.” *rolls eyes*
Me: “You just look like such a party girl, I don’t know if I could handle you.” *sarcastic smile*
Her: “Yeah. I’m as wild and crazy as they come.” *laughs*
Me: “I can see it. You’re probably holed up in some boring office job all week, and then come out and prey on young unsuspecting men.”
Her: *laughs; to her friends* “He’s so right! Oh my God, you can read me like a book.”
Me: “You’re probably like an accountant or something.”
Her: “I’m a tax attorney. Good guess. And you look too young to have a real job.”
Me: “Damn right! I just graduated… in body but not in mind.”
Her: “Good for you. Enjoy it while you can.”
Me: “You don’t look like a Boston girl.”
Her: “Well, I AM a Boston girl.”
Me: “Really? You don’t have that vibe at all. You seem much warmer.”
Her: “Nope. Born and raised here. Where are you from?”
Me: “Texas.” Her: “No way. You don’t have an accent at all.”
Me: “It’s because I’m civilized.”
Her: *laughs* “You’re too much.” *playfully touches my chest*
Me: “Whoa, what is this, a meat market? Get your hands off me!” *smiles*
Her: *laughs* “I love it!”
5 Responses to “Questions vs Statements”
Tac Kit Diep says:
December 13, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I do think, a good cold read can really help out in the pick-up process. Not that it always works but trying is recommendable.
Reply
Madamada says:
December 16, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I’ve also found out a way to run out of conversation. It applies to the statement concept VS questions.
When you run out of “ideas” to talk, it’s often because it’s try hard, time consuming (you have to think), and also a bit hard to calibrate between modesty / need to impress.
Just translate the emotions and apply other ways to get off the pressure and generate new topic for conversations.
That’s how I view this statement concept instead of asking questions (which will require investment in the girl you’re talking too).
eg : you’re talking about work. (Yes, the most interesting subject in the world in 99 % case when the conversation runs dry)
Work = your clean crystal desk = taste of your arabic coffee = some funny delightful stories and social proofing = nice place to get holidays with white sand and excursions
I guess it’s a nice way to quickly bounce without thinking too much. Just visualize in terms of taste, colour, image (much more significative for me personally) as a shortcut.
Reply
Kevin says:
March 17, 2011 at 7:47 pm
It seems I get better reactions when I tell girls my perception of them rather than me asking them, good stuff.
Reply
Robinson S says:
June 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm
This is very simple but a subtle way to change the tone of the conversation. I’d heard it before but never seen it illustrated this well. Cold reading is fun. Even when you are way, way off.
Reply
Hudson says:
July 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I learned the most from the following sentences:
It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring.
There’s no failing with cold-reading.
Never underestimate the power of non sequiturs. “I’ve always wanted to see Africa.” Just blurt something out!
This is brilliant. I love it.
What I’m gonna blurt out to the girl(s) is the following as this is what I’m thinking all the time:
“I will kiss you in a few minutes.” I bet this will create some emotions in her and some reactions on her side even though it’s just a statement (of intent).
“I want you to come with me.” That’s what I’m gonna blurt out randomly after 15-20 minutes in set.
Hudson
Reply
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
calibration on how to be the prize, to chase or not to chase???
Cool.
This is something I noticed that I caught myself doing.
This is about perception and about how you view things.
First as a man, you know you should be the Prize.
I dont mean be an ahole or scream at her or being negative to her.
NO. I did that and it works on Low self estem girls sometimes but thats not the point.
On balance post of PU I mentioned whats called "inner game"
to me inner game = self confidence.
Its that simple.
Most guys who get good by PU start with outer skills and
after the end up in a relationship or sleep with girls.They get needy.
When they recover, they work on their "inner game" for last.
I advise that the best way is too work endlessy on yourself first.
Cause from that PU comes easier.
Whats the difference of qualifying her and making her the PRIZE.
I learned 2 theories:
First, to get a girl atttracted you must DHV's, talk about yourself to display
attractive qualities by story first .etc.
2nd theory is you are high value , you shouldnt talk about yourself
and she has to qualify to you. cause you are the PRIZE.
IN PRACTICE:
When she isnt into you yet you can try with theory 1
if she is into you or you have some commonalites right off you can make her talk
about herself.Theory number 2.
This is the part where calibration (social awareness) comes in.
Real world experiences:
If you do it wrong,
theory number 1 comes off as you are trying to get her to like you,
TRY HARD. Not attractive.Like you dont deserve her and need to talk about yourself
to make her like you and she is noticing that.So she disqualifies you!
This is contradicting.But Wait theres more
Doing Theory number 2 wrong,
You are making her talk about herself, yet since you arent sharing about yourself yet,
the questions you ask are about her. sometimes interogation but its more like trying to
So indirectly ,more you ask ,more you are interested in her, equals she is the PRIZE.
Equals you are investing in her too much. not a challenge.
Dont give up now! I know its advanced stuff
Remember Seduction is effortless yet you must be proactive.
Solution:
Learn to be aware in social interactions when to talk and when to shut up!
I have friends who talk and talk and dont shut up and when I try to talk they interupt me.
I imagine poor girls might feel.
Other guys are too shy or too macho a hole which is social awkward both ways.
Listen when she is expressing herself and make her explain herself more when she does.
Dont ask questions in a row after she answers , it seems weird unless its a joke or
doing it to break her frame or state.
You talk about yourself if she isnt trying to invest in conversation so you start first and change topics,
try to get her engaged in coversation dont be all to yourself.
talk about her personality and things you noticed about her once you feel its on'.
Keep it both ways in between (push pull)
theory 1 and theory 2
based on how the vibe is going favorable and the chemistry going on by male female dynamic.
I know its abstract but feel free to comment
calibration is based of Entropy's definition of balance
ryan is credited for overgaming.
passive active value Entropy and saffron.
GREAT STUFF
This is something I noticed that I caught myself doing.
This is about perception and about how you view things.
First as a man, you know you should be the Prize.
I dont mean be an ahole or scream at her or being negative to her.
NO. I did that and it works on Low self estem girls sometimes but thats not the point.
On balance post of PU I mentioned whats called "inner game"
to me inner game = self confidence.
Its that simple.
Most guys who get good by PU start with outer skills and
after the end up in a relationship or sleep with girls.They get needy.
When they recover, they work on their "inner game" for last.
I advise that the best way is too work endlessy on yourself first.
Cause from that PU comes easier.
Whats the difference of qualifying her and making her the PRIZE.
I learned 2 theories:
First, to get a girl atttracted you must DHV's, talk about yourself to display
attractive qualities by story first .etc.
2nd theory is you are high value , you shouldnt talk about yourself
and she has to qualify to you. cause you are the PRIZE.
IN PRACTICE:
When she isnt into you yet you can try with theory 1
if she is into you or you have some commonalites right off you can make her talk
about herself.Theory number 2.
This is the part where calibration (social awareness) comes in.
Real world experiences:
If you do it wrong,
theory number 1 comes off as you are trying to get her to like you,
TRY HARD. Not attractive.Like you dont deserve her and need to talk about yourself
to make her like you and she is noticing that.So she disqualifies you!
This is contradicting.But Wait theres more
Doing Theory number 2 wrong,
You are making her talk about herself, yet since you arent sharing about yourself yet,
the questions you ask are about her. sometimes interogation but its more like trying to
So indirectly ,more you ask ,more you are interested in her, equals she is the PRIZE.
Equals you are investing in her too much. not a challenge.
Dont give up now! I know its advanced stuff
Remember Seduction is effortless yet you must be proactive.
Solution:
Learn to be aware in social interactions when to talk and when to shut up!
I have friends who talk and talk and dont shut up and when I try to talk they interupt me.
I imagine poor girls might feel.
Other guys are too shy or too macho a hole which is social awkward both ways.
Listen when she is expressing herself and make her explain herself more when she does.
Dont ask questions in a row after she answers , it seems weird unless its a joke or
doing it to break her frame or state.
You talk about yourself if she isnt trying to invest in conversation so you start first and change topics,
try to get her engaged in coversation dont be all to yourself.
talk about her personality and things you noticed about her once you feel its on'.
Keep it both ways in between (push pull)
theory 1 and theory 2
based on how the vibe is going favorable and the chemistry going on by male female dynamic.
I know its abstract but feel free to comment
calibration is based of Entropy's definition of balance
ryan is credited for overgaming.
passive active value Entropy and saffron.
GREAT STUFF
Friday, August 19, 2011
Entropy PUA – Everything You Need to Know About Pickup in Two Steps
Entropy PUA – Everything You Need to Know About Pickup in Two Steps
// Attraction
Entropy posted what I think is probably one of, if not the best post the community has ever written on how to get good with women. I agree with what he says 100%. He’s always putting out stellar posts, I suggest you go have a look at his site.
I was coaching a student last night when he turned and asked me, “If you could sum up getting good in the quickest way, what would it be?” Having a couple Red Bull + Vodkas in me, I pulled out of my ass possibly the simplest and most elegant explanation I’ve yet come across… Here it is… getting good at pick up — in two steps and less than a page:
1. Get Over Anxieties
- Social Anxiety: Approach regularly, relax into conversations, be able to build rapport consistently and easily.
- Sexual Anxiety: Be able to physically escalate, go for closes, talk sexually and fuck well.
- The only way to get over anxieties is by CONFRONTING THEM. People will use anything and everything to rationalize ways to avoid confronting their anxieties, the chief of which is inner game.
2. Balance Comfort and Attraction
- Attraction Heavy: A lot of guys are naturally attraction-heavy. They try too hard. They focus more on entertaining, joking, and excitement than actually connecting. They’re usually great at the first 5 minutes and bad at the rest. Girls flake on them constantly, give them tons of LMR, don’t stick around and are generally distrustful. These guys tend to have more sexual anxiety than social anxiety
- Comfort Heavy: Guys who are naturally comfort-heavy end up in the friend zone. They are more focused on connecting, building rapport, talking about life, experiences and genuine topics. They usually get blown out for being too boring and not expressive enough. They’re awful at the first 5 minutes but tend to be very good if a girl already likes them. They have trouble building attraction, but once they get it, girls rarely flake or give them LMR. These guys tend to have much more social anxiety than sexual anxiety.
- Balancing comfort and attraction is calibration. Every guy must learn to balance these two sides within themselves and also for each woman they talk to.
- Calibration is built through applying pick up theory through experience.
Side note: Most “naturals” are comfort-heavy guys who have some sort of natural attraction advantage. For instance, they’re good looking, in a rock band, nightclub promoter, etc. Their natural status or looks takes care of the attraction so they don’t ever have to.
Side note: Inner game is only useful inasmuch as it makes one aware of his anxieties and how to confront them.
That’s it.
// Attraction
Entropy posted what I think is probably one of, if not the best post the community has ever written on how to get good with women. I agree with what he says 100%. He’s always putting out stellar posts, I suggest you go have a look at his site.
I was coaching a student last night when he turned and asked me, “If you could sum up getting good in the quickest way, what would it be?” Having a couple Red Bull + Vodkas in me, I pulled out of my ass possibly the simplest and most elegant explanation I’ve yet come across… Here it is… getting good at pick up — in two steps and less than a page:
1. Get Over Anxieties
- Social Anxiety: Approach regularly, relax into conversations, be able to build rapport consistently and easily.
- Sexual Anxiety: Be able to physically escalate, go for closes, talk sexually and fuck well.
- The only way to get over anxieties is by CONFRONTING THEM. People will use anything and everything to rationalize ways to avoid confronting their anxieties, the chief of which is inner game.
2. Balance Comfort and Attraction
- Attraction Heavy: A lot of guys are naturally attraction-heavy. They try too hard. They focus more on entertaining, joking, and excitement than actually connecting. They’re usually great at the first 5 minutes and bad at the rest. Girls flake on them constantly, give them tons of LMR, don’t stick around and are generally distrustful. These guys tend to have more sexual anxiety than social anxiety
- Comfort Heavy: Guys who are naturally comfort-heavy end up in the friend zone. They are more focused on connecting, building rapport, talking about life, experiences and genuine topics. They usually get blown out for being too boring and not expressive enough. They’re awful at the first 5 minutes but tend to be very good if a girl already likes them. They have trouble building attraction, but once they get it, girls rarely flake or give them LMR. These guys tend to have much more social anxiety than sexual anxiety.
- Balancing comfort and attraction is calibration. Every guy must learn to balance these two sides within themselves and also for each woman they talk to.
- Calibration is built through applying pick up theory through experience.
Side note: Most “naturals” are comfort-heavy guys who have some sort of natural attraction advantage. For instance, they’re good looking, in a rock band, nightclub promoter, etc. Their natural status or looks takes care of the attraction so they don’t ever have to.
Side note: Inner game is only useful inasmuch as it makes one aware of his anxieties and how to confront them.
That’s it.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Real Post About Hot Girls by mark entropy
The Real Post About Hot Girls
In case you are somehow unaware, my post the other day was, in fact, completely satirical. All of it was satirical. It was not partially true. It was only true in that if you did the exact opposite of everything listed there, you’d probably do pretty well. If you read any of it and thought, “That’s actually kind of true,” then you need to seriously re-evaluate where you’re at and what some of your beliefs are. Because you’re not getting anywhere near one of these girls any time soon.
It was not a joke either. Satire, by definition, is when you mock something in such a way to actually show the truth behind it more clearly. When it comes to getting the ultra hot girls, a lot of guys have some bizarre beliefs and perceptions, and that post was a way of amplifying those perceptions to hopefully show you how ridiculous they are.
But still, it’s one of the most common questions: how do I get the super hot girls? The models. The dancers. The actresses.
Believe it or not this is actually a pretty heavy inner game topic, but I’m going to forgo it for now. I actually plan on addressing this subject more thoroughly in my upcoming book, not just because most guys want to be able to get hotter women, but because it’s actually an exemplary situation to demonstrate a lot of points I want to make in the book.
But for now, here is the abridged version. To every guy who has ever wondered how to date models, dancers, actresses, or supposed “high status” girls, read on… It’s actually quite simple.
Step 1: Stop caring how hot they are. This is pretty much 80% of it right here, by itself. This sounds totally counter-intuitive at first, but it’s true. Very, very beautiful women are treated differently their entire lives by men. These men project their fears and fantasies onto these women, and when they approach them, they’re doing it for their own self esteem and validation, not because they actually care what the girl is like or interested in. Do not be this guy. The fact that you have even asked this question means you are guilty of this. I was guilty of this too.
The first step to doing this is to ditch the 1-10 scale. Again, I was guilty of this for a long time, but the ratings scale is toxic in so many ways, the worst of which is that it subtly stereotypes behavior based upon appearance. So the fact that you even recognize in your mind that approaching a “10″ to be different than a “7″ is immediately going to affect your behavior towards her. And she’s going to sense this. And not only is she going to sense it, she’s going to know because 98% of men approach her with the idea that they have to treat her differently.
When you approach, she’s just another girl. You really have to stop caring. I used to get so obsessed about finding “high quality” girls, and I just let it go a little more than a year ago. It’s no coincidence that I pick up the hottest girls of my life now with the less effort than ever before.
Step 2: You have to have your shit together. If there is one thing that’s true about ultra-hot girls, it’s that they have about twice the selection as your normal pretty girl. They meet rich guys all the time. They meet musicians and actors and DJ’s and guys with big muscles and nice cars. It’s not that you need any of this stuff (although it helps), but you cannot have a glaring hole in your lifestyle. You need to have your shit together.
FYI: Going out five nights a week and having social proof in a cheesy night club does not qualify as “having your shit together.”
A nice job you like, a nice place you like, nice friends you like, cool hobbies you like, good health and good shape, and generally a well-adjusted and confident person. Picking up most girls, you can get away without one or a few of that list. Ultra hot girls, you need to have them all handled. You need to be a complete package.
Look at it from her perspective. The first way she screens men is by confidence and charm. Let’s say she meets 20 men one week and 3 of them are confident and charming and she likes being around them. The first one is VERY good-looking but also unemployed and living with a family friend. He has no car. The second has his life together and is pretty wealthy but is overweight and dresses poorly. The third guy has his life together and is in great shape and takes care of himself.
All else being equal, she’s going to go with the third. It’s not that looks are ALL that matter, but when she has so many options, she has no reason to ever settle. That’s why you need to be the complete package. You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt, or be a millionaire, or be a world-class athlete or something. You just need to have your shit together. You really can’t have a major hole in your lifestyle.
Step 3: Stop buying into this “high value” nonsense. A hotter girl will not necessarily make you happier than a less hot girl. Any sort of drive or need to fuck hotter girls for the sake of fucking hotter girls and not for the sake of seeking joy, love and connection is a purely selfish endeavor. There is nothing “high value” about a really hot girl, it’s just that guys project their insecurities onto these women and think there’s something valuable about them. If you ask the women themselves, they have no perception of this “value” or “status” in which you speak of. None at all. These are just merit badges in your head, constructed as a sad way to validate yourself.
I’ve been with five models (two runway), a cheerleader and a successful stage actress. I’ve been on dates with girls who have been approached 3-5 times WHILE ON THE DATE with me. I’ve dated a girl who dated an NBA basketball player before me. I never, ever, ever, EVER heard one of them speak of men in terms of status or not being cool enough or not being rich enough or good-looking enough to hang out with them. In fact, I never heard any of them say anything derogatory about men hitting on them EXCEPT for the man’s lack of confidence, lack of respect or lack of authenticity around her.
A typical complaint from a normal girl: “He’s really nice, why doesn’t he ask me out on a date more often?”
A typical complaint from a very hot girl: “Ugh, that club-owner keeps flashing his watch as if I give a shit.”
People really don’t get it, these girls don’t have it that great. Imagine wanting to date a really great guy, someone who actually cares about you, and literally every single guy you meet starts acting like a total idiot trying to impress you or manipulate you into bed. Meanwhile, your friends who aren’t as pretty as you seem to keep meeting really nice normal guys who actually care about them. It’s actually very frustrating. Imagine having EVERYONE evaluate you for how pretty you are and not your personality or what you say. You’d actually be pretty insecure about what people thought of you.
Step 4: Spend Less Time in Night Clubs. Most of the hottest girls don’t enjoy going to night clubs often. They get harassed and a lot of unwanted attention. The hot girls you see at clubs are usually made up: fake tans, fake tits, fake hair, tons of make up. If you saw them on the street, you’d be half as impressed.
The best way to meet the hottest girls is day game. Social circle as well if you can get networked with them. Obviously, they’re hard to find and you rarely see them. Unless you live in a large international city such as New York City, LA, Miami, London or Paris, there’s a very good chance that you will go weeks or months between sightings.
Guys always assume, the hotter the girl, the harder she is to get. I suppose on a purely supply/demand level, that’s true. There are fewer hot girls and more guys trying to get them. But they’re really no different. The only thing that’s different is that unlike an average pretty girl who only has 50% of guys she meets put her on a pedestal, the super hot girl has 98% of men she meets put her on a pedestal, so she’s going to see through your bullshit immediately.
And in case you didn’t catch it: The rating scale is a pedestal. The concept of “high value” is a pedestal. Coming up with special openers is a pedestal. The theory behind negging is a pedestal. Believing you have to treat her differently in any way is a pedestal.
Cut all of that shit out. Get your life together. Stop caring about looks so much. Treat her like you’d treat anybody else. Stop approaching her to prove something to yourself. Stop treating her like a trophy or an achievement or a merit badge… and just talk to her. Just the fact that you talk to her like a normal human being to will immediately differentiate you from 98% of the other guys she meets.
In case you are somehow unaware, my post the other day was, in fact, completely satirical. All of it was satirical. It was not partially true. It was only true in that if you did the exact opposite of everything listed there, you’d probably do pretty well. If you read any of it and thought, “That’s actually kind of true,” then you need to seriously re-evaluate where you’re at and what some of your beliefs are. Because you’re not getting anywhere near one of these girls any time soon.
It was not a joke either. Satire, by definition, is when you mock something in such a way to actually show the truth behind it more clearly. When it comes to getting the ultra hot girls, a lot of guys have some bizarre beliefs and perceptions, and that post was a way of amplifying those perceptions to hopefully show you how ridiculous they are.
But still, it’s one of the most common questions: how do I get the super hot girls? The models. The dancers. The actresses.
Believe it or not this is actually a pretty heavy inner game topic, but I’m going to forgo it for now. I actually plan on addressing this subject more thoroughly in my upcoming book, not just because most guys want to be able to get hotter women, but because it’s actually an exemplary situation to demonstrate a lot of points I want to make in the book.
But for now, here is the abridged version. To every guy who has ever wondered how to date models, dancers, actresses, or supposed “high status” girls, read on… It’s actually quite simple.
Step 1: Stop caring how hot they are. This is pretty much 80% of it right here, by itself. This sounds totally counter-intuitive at first, but it’s true. Very, very beautiful women are treated differently their entire lives by men. These men project their fears and fantasies onto these women, and when they approach them, they’re doing it for their own self esteem and validation, not because they actually care what the girl is like or interested in. Do not be this guy. The fact that you have even asked this question means you are guilty of this. I was guilty of this too.
The first step to doing this is to ditch the 1-10 scale. Again, I was guilty of this for a long time, but the ratings scale is toxic in so many ways, the worst of which is that it subtly stereotypes behavior based upon appearance. So the fact that you even recognize in your mind that approaching a “10″ to be different than a “7″ is immediately going to affect your behavior towards her. And she’s going to sense this. And not only is she going to sense it, she’s going to know because 98% of men approach her with the idea that they have to treat her differently.
When you approach, she’s just another girl. You really have to stop caring. I used to get so obsessed about finding “high quality” girls, and I just let it go a little more than a year ago. It’s no coincidence that I pick up the hottest girls of my life now with the less effort than ever before.
Step 2: You have to have your shit together. If there is one thing that’s true about ultra-hot girls, it’s that they have about twice the selection as your normal pretty girl. They meet rich guys all the time. They meet musicians and actors and DJ’s and guys with big muscles and nice cars. It’s not that you need any of this stuff (although it helps), but you cannot have a glaring hole in your lifestyle. You need to have your shit together.
FYI: Going out five nights a week and having social proof in a cheesy night club does not qualify as “having your shit together.”
A nice job you like, a nice place you like, nice friends you like, cool hobbies you like, good health and good shape, and generally a well-adjusted and confident person. Picking up most girls, you can get away without one or a few of that list. Ultra hot girls, you need to have them all handled. You need to be a complete package.
Look at it from her perspective. The first way she screens men is by confidence and charm. Let’s say she meets 20 men one week and 3 of them are confident and charming and she likes being around them. The first one is VERY good-looking but also unemployed and living with a family friend. He has no car. The second has his life together and is pretty wealthy but is overweight and dresses poorly. The third guy has his life together and is in great shape and takes care of himself.
All else being equal, she’s going to go with the third. It’s not that looks are ALL that matter, but when she has so many options, she has no reason to ever settle. That’s why you need to be the complete package. You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt, or be a millionaire, or be a world-class athlete or something. You just need to have your shit together. You really can’t have a major hole in your lifestyle.
Step 3: Stop buying into this “high value” nonsense. A hotter girl will not necessarily make you happier than a less hot girl. Any sort of drive or need to fuck hotter girls for the sake of fucking hotter girls and not for the sake of seeking joy, love and connection is a purely selfish endeavor. There is nothing “high value” about a really hot girl, it’s just that guys project their insecurities onto these women and think there’s something valuable about them. If you ask the women themselves, they have no perception of this “value” or “status” in which you speak of. None at all. These are just merit badges in your head, constructed as a sad way to validate yourself.
I’ve been with five models (two runway), a cheerleader and a successful stage actress. I’ve been on dates with girls who have been approached 3-5 times WHILE ON THE DATE with me. I’ve dated a girl who dated an NBA basketball player before me. I never, ever, ever, EVER heard one of them speak of men in terms of status or not being cool enough or not being rich enough or good-looking enough to hang out with them. In fact, I never heard any of them say anything derogatory about men hitting on them EXCEPT for the man’s lack of confidence, lack of respect or lack of authenticity around her.
A typical complaint from a normal girl: “He’s really nice, why doesn’t he ask me out on a date more often?”
A typical complaint from a very hot girl: “Ugh, that club-owner keeps flashing his watch as if I give a shit.”
People really don’t get it, these girls don’t have it that great. Imagine wanting to date a really great guy, someone who actually cares about you, and literally every single guy you meet starts acting like a total idiot trying to impress you or manipulate you into bed. Meanwhile, your friends who aren’t as pretty as you seem to keep meeting really nice normal guys who actually care about them. It’s actually very frustrating. Imagine having EVERYONE evaluate you for how pretty you are and not your personality or what you say. You’d actually be pretty insecure about what people thought of you.
Step 4: Spend Less Time in Night Clubs. Most of the hottest girls don’t enjoy going to night clubs often. They get harassed and a lot of unwanted attention. The hot girls you see at clubs are usually made up: fake tans, fake tits, fake hair, tons of make up. If you saw them on the street, you’d be half as impressed.
The best way to meet the hottest girls is day game. Social circle as well if you can get networked with them. Obviously, they’re hard to find and you rarely see them. Unless you live in a large international city such as New York City, LA, Miami, London or Paris, there’s a very good chance that you will go weeks or months between sightings.
Guys always assume, the hotter the girl, the harder she is to get. I suppose on a purely supply/demand level, that’s true. There are fewer hot girls and more guys trying to get them. But they’re really no different. The only thing that’s different is that unlike an average pretty girl who only has 50% of guys she meets put her on a pedestal, the super hot girl has 98% of men she meets put her on a pedestal, so she’s going to see through your bullshit immediately.
And in case you didn’t catch it: The rating scale is a pedestal. The concept of “high value” is a pedestal. Coming up with special openers is a pedestal. The theory behind negging is a pedestal. Believing you have to treat her differently in any way is a pedestal.
Cut all of that shit out. Get your life together. Stop caring about looks so much. Treat her like you’d treat anybody else. Stop approaching her to prove something to yourself. Stop treating her like a trophy or an achievement or a merit badge… and just talk to her. Just the fact that you talk to her like a normal human being to will immediately differentiate you from 98% of the other guys she meets.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
g3 program table of contents
get a girl friend program
G3 ProgramIntroduction
1. Social Activity and Lifestyle
2. Your Image and Avatar
3. Meeting and Approaching Women
4. Conversations I – Building Rapport
5. Conversations II – Making Connections
6. Sexual Intent
7. Attraction I – Passive Attraction
8. Attraction II – Active Attraction
9. Phone Calls and Texting
10. Dates
11. Physicality and Sex
12. Relationship Basics
Conclusion
Bonus Material
ATTENTION: Steps will now open up EVERY SEVEN DAYS. So you begin with access to the Intro and Step 1, seven days later, Step 2 opens up, seven days later, Step 3, and so on... If you would like to skip ahead to a later step, please email me and I will move you ahead. Thanks.
Welcome to the Get a Girlfriend, Guaranteed Program. The program that's guaranteed to permanently improve your love-life and get you a girlfriend. You've embarked on a journey that's going to reinvent your social abilities and mindsets towards women.
Bookmark this page!
Going through the program is simple: you begin with the Introduction, watching the Program Overview Video below and then proceeding sequentially through each step and article through the program.
Each step is broken into three sections: Reading, Bonuses, and Exercises. For each step, start by doing the reading. Taking notes is recommended. Bonus material is optional and often not necessary, but can be very helpful. Finally, once you've read and understood all of the material of a specific step, complete each of the exercises listed.
If you have trouble with the exercises, go back and review the reading again. If you finish the exercises but felt they were difficult and that you didn't completely "get it," then don't be afraid to go back and do them again.
This program works for guys who take their time and are thorough with it. The more you rush through the material and the more you skip over, the less you're going to get out of it. You get out the effort that you put in. Take your time. Review the readings. Comment on the posts. Do all of the exercises, and do them well. The results are guaranteed.
The 12-Step-Program tab gives a brief overview of the entire program along with a downloadable PDF for the exercises. Also, it's recommended that you read through the Frequently Asked Questions to be prepared for whatever issues may arise.
Tips to Help with Your Success:
- Take your time. Do not rush through the program. You will get out of the program the time and effort you put into it.
- Take notes. Review past material. The content of the G3 Program builds on itself, so material early in the program remains relevant late in the program.
- Read and post comments. Join discussions. Ask questions and answer questions. The more involved you get the more you'll internalize the information.
- If you get frustrated or stuck, take some time off, re-read the introductory articles and perhaps redo any exercises that have been giving you trouble previously.
- If you stay stuck for a longer period of time, feel free to contact us for an email consultation.
G3 ProgramIntroduction
1. Social Activity and Lifestyle
2. Your Image and Avatar
3. Meeting and Approaching Women
4. Conversations I – Building Rapport
5. Conversations II – Making Connections
6. Sexual Intent
7. Attraction I – Passive Attraction
8. Attraction II – Active Attraction
9. Phone Calls and Texting
10. Dates
11. Physicality and Sex
12. Relationship Basics
Conclusion
Bonus Material
ATTENTION: Steps will now open up EVERY SEVEN DAYS. So you begin with access to the Intro and Step 1, seven days later, Step 2 opens up, seven days later, Step 3, and so on... If you would like to skip ahead to a later step, please email me and I will move you ahead. Thanks.
Welcome to the Get a Girlfriend, Guaranteed Program. The program that's guaranteed to permanently improve your love-life and get you a girlfriend. You've embarked on a journey that's going to reinvent your social abilities and mindsets towards women.
Bookmark this page!
Going through the program is simple: you begin with the Introduction, watching the Program Overview Video below and then proceeding sequentially through each step and article through the program.
Each step is broken into three sections: Reading, Bonuses, and Exercises. For each step, start by doing the reading. Taking notes is recommended. Bonus material is optional and often not necessary, but can be very helpful. Finally, once you've read and understood all of the material of a specific step, complete each of the exercises listed.
If you have trouble with the exercises, go back and review the reading again. If you finish the exercises but felt they were difficult and that you didn't completely "get it," then don't be afraid to go back and do them again.
This program works for guys who take their time and are thorough with it. The more you rush through the material and the more you skip over, the less you're going to get out of it. You get out the effort that you put in. Take your time. Review the readings. Comment on the posts. Do all of the exercises, and do them well. The results are guaranteed.
The 12-Step-Program tab gives a brief overview of the entire program along with a downloadable PDF for the exercises. Also, it's recommended that you read through the Frequently Asked Questions to be prepared for whatever issues may arise.
Tips to Help with Your Success:
- Take your time. Do not rush through the program. You will get out of the program the time and effort you put into it.
- Take notes. Review past material. The content of the G3 Program builds on itself, so material early in the program remains relevant late in the program.
- Read and post comments. Join discussions. Ask questions and answer questions. The more involved you get the more you'll internalize the information.
- If you get frustrated or stuck, take some time off, re-read the introductory articles and perhaps redo any exercises that have been giving you trouble previously.
- If you stay stuck for a longer period of time, feel free to contact us for an email consultation.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
how to related to women and how to listen to women:conversational techniques by ENTROPY
How to Relate to Women
By Mark, on June 17th, 2010 6 comments
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In interactions, what’s less important is your experience and what’s more important is how well you can relate to my experience.
In general, talking about yourself is a poor way of relating to other people’s experiences unless there’s a clear emotional parallel (emphasis on EMOTIONAL, not situational). In the end, the emotional rapport is all that matters. Facts and situations are all replaceable.
Example:
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “My dog died. I didn’t really care.”
= POOR WAY TO RELATE
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “My cat died last year. I didn’t leave the house for two days afterward. Losing a pet is awful.”
= BETTER WAY TO RELATE
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “That’s awful. *hug* I’m really sorry. Here, drinks on me… and we’ll toast to the best damn dog there’s ever been. May she rest in peace.”
= BEST WAY TO RELATE
Generally people who only relate to others by talking about themselves, are really just using situations as opportunities to seek validation and attention. How do I know this? I used to do this all the time and still have to stop myself quite a bit (especially when I’m drunk).
Also, when you’re constantly in this mode of only relating to people on a very surface level, your perception will be that everyone else just talks about themselves as well… why? Because they’re not talking about you! And you is the only thing you can relate to.
And here’s something to try next time you’re out… see how long you can hold a conversation with a girl without telling her a single thing about yourself. The results will surprise you (ironically, they usually end up thinking you’re the most understanding and insightful person they’ve ever met).
Listening to Women
By Mark, on December 8th, 2010 17 comments
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Over the years, I’ve been barraged hundreds, if not thousands, of questions regarding women and how to interact with them. Some of them are rote and fundamental. Others are deep and penetrating, often drawing the questioner’s personality as well as his insecurities to the fore.
But unfortunately, a fair share of these questions and concerns are inane to the point of being borderline neurotic…
“How do I respond if she says she doesn’t like my hair?”
“She says I make a good friend, is that a shit test or does it mean she likes me?”
“She started talking her friend after I froze her out, and then went to the bathroom, how do I get her back?”
“After I qualified on how adventurous she was, why didn’t she want to give me her number?”
Uhh… yeah…
These are classic examples of questions that seem like a big deal to guys who are inexperienced with women and trivial to those who are experienced. Inexperienced guys have a tendency to over-analyze and hypothesize; it’s a result of their heightened anxiety-levels. But usually, they’re working themselves up over nothing.
But most of these “questions” are answered before they even become questions in the first place. They’re answered by the women themselves. You just weren’t listening.
There are two primary problems that most men have when it comes to listening to women. The first is the idea that you have to be perpetually talking, entertaining and engaging a woman when in conversation with her. For some reason, many men follow the assumption that the more he’s able to talk and fill in the gaps and spaces with a grandiosity of awesomeness, that somehow the girl, weak at the knees, will melt in front of him like a Popsicle in the sun as he spews story after story at her (emphasis on “at her”).
The reasoning for this follows classic guy logic: if each time I speak, I say something cool that makes her think I’m hot, then I should aim to speak as much as fucking possible. Unfortunately, this disregards a couple facts, the first being that nobody likes someone who talks about themselves constantly — or even talks about ANYTHING constantly. It also ignores the fact that, as taught by Dale Carnegie almost 100 years ago, people feel bonded and close to those who LISTEN to them.
There’s a seminal story about Dale Carnegie when he met a famous person (I believe it was Thomas Edison). Carnegie went in, and instead of asking for something, or trying to extol how amazing HE was — as everyone did with Edison at the time — Carnegie sat down and began probing Edison to speak about himself. The verbal floodgates opened and after sitting there and listening to Edison blabber on for over two hours about his most intimate personal details, Carnegie got up to leave. While leaving Edison noted to Dale: “Mr. Carnegie, you are one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met.” The irony of course being that Carnegie had shared NOTHING with him.
A couple years ago, I was being filmed picking up a girl out at a bar. I met her, spoke to her for maybe an hour and took her home. The footage was never released, but upon talking to guy who recorded it later, he complained, “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t even talk to her. I don’t know what we can do with the footage.”
Of COURSE I didn’t talk to her. I sat there listening all night (and bought her a drink to egg her on). Every second a girl is talking to me, she’s investing in me and in her relationship and connection with me. If I can validate that connection and relationship by listening well, she’ll be very unlikely to ever steer away from me… and she’ll likely find me to be one of the most fascinating people she’s ever met.
The other mistake guys make when it comes to listening to women is that they focus too much on facts, surface words and what’s actually being spoken and not on intentions and emotions.
The most common mistakes men make over and over and over again, whether they’ve known a girl for three minutes or have been married to her for three years, is that they constantly take what they say at face value.
If she says, “I don’t like your hair.” That means that she doesn’t like your hair THAT SECOND and it’s apt to change at any moment. If she says, “I can’t have sex with you tonight,” that means she doesn’t think she can have sex with you right THEN AND THERE and it’s open for discussion.
It’s very rare that a statement from a woman, especially in the midst of flirting or passion, is made with any sort of finality. We men often judge a woman’s statements as some sort of legal decree. “She says I’d make a good friend? Fuck, that means I must be in the friend zone!” No, it’s just a reflection of her emotional state vis-a-vis you at that particular moment.
So how do decipher a woman’s cryptological communications? It’s actually fairly easy, it just takes practice.
Whenever a girl says something that seems to surprise you, or go against what you thought your vibe with her was, or that just plain doesn’t make sense or seems batshit, ask yourself this: what’s the emotion that motivated that statement? And that will explain everything you need to know.
When it comes to sexuality and flirting with men, women operate purely on emotions, rationalized through a verbal filter. Don’t mistake the filter for the message. Just as an example, let’s run through those first four questions again:
“How do I respond if she says she doesn’t like my hair?”
Don’t. You don’t have to respond to everything she says. Your hair doesn’t matter. Her mood does, and this is a reflection of some sort of antipathy towards you or the situation. Why would you ever validate that antipathy by responding to it? I flat out ignore statements like this, or completely disregard them by saying something like, “Yeah, I hate it to…” and then switching topics to something cool and exciting. Again, my concern isn’t my hair, it’s getting her thinking about something she DOES like.
“She says I’d make a good friend. Is this a shit test or does she not like me?”
It depends. Is she saying it in response to one of your sexual advances? It may be her way of turning you down. The meaning of this statement is 100% based on her intention, which you can never know 100%. She could be turning you down. She could be saying it to alleviate tension with you. She could be “shit testing” you. She could be nervous and be turning you down DESPITE liking you. The question is, what do YOU want? Again, recognize the words are the messenger, not the actual message. She’s not making a declaration of friendship here, she’s sending you an emotional smoke signal. My response to something like is always something like, “I don’t need anymore friends,” and then restate my interest in her.
“She started talking to her friend, so I froze her out. Then she went to the bathroom, how do I get her back?”
By not being so oblivious next time. She’s gone. She talked to her friend because you were not connecting with her. Not because you weren’t ENTERTAINING her — many men take this as a sign that they’re not talking ENOUGH. What it means is that she enjoys speaking to her friend — someone that she’s known for years and knows everything about — more than she enjoys talking to you. That doesn’t speak well for you. Freezing her out is a horrible choice. You’re not impressing a girl who has already demonstrated a lack of interest in you by demonstrating a lack of interest back. The fact she went to the bathroom was just a means to consummate the complete lack of relationship you two will never have.
“After I qualified how adventurous she was, why wouldn’t she give me her number?”
Because she doesn’t like you (in that moment). She feels like you’re trying to take something from her and are offering nothing in return. Qualifying her on how adventurous she is can have many effects (both positive and negative), but if you qualify a girl who already feels like you’re out to take something from her, by asking a vague and probing question without context, then she’s probably just going to feel even MORE like you’re trying to take something from her.
These are just a few made-up (but realistic) examples that I deal with consistently with guys. There are an infinite amount more. But hopefully they drive the point home: in conversation, often speaking less is more, quality over quantity. And when it comes to understanding what women are saying to you, it’s a matter of understanding intention and the emotion that motivates her statements, rather than her statements themselves
By Mark, on June 17th, 2010 6 comments
Print This Post | Email This Post
In interactions, what’s less important is your experience and what’s more important is how well you can relate to my experience.
In general, talking about yourself is a poor way of relating to other people’s experiences unless there’s a clear emotional parallel (emphasis on EMOTIONAL, not situational). In the end, the emotional rapport is all that matters. Facts and situations are all replaceable.
Example:
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “My dog died. I didn’t really care.”
= POOR WAY TO RELATE
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “My cat died last year. I didn’t leave the house for two days afterward. Losing a pet is awful.”
= BETTER WAY TO RELATE
Person 1: “My dog died. I cried all day.”
Person 2: “That’s awful. *hug* I’m really sorry. Here, drinks on me… and we’ll toast to the best damn dog there’s ever been. May she rest in peace.”
= BEST WAY TO RELATE
Generally people who only relate to others by talking about themselves, are really just using situations as opportunities to seek validation and attention. How do I know this? I used to do this all the time and still have to stop myself quite a bit (especially when I’m drunk).
Also, when you’re constantly in this mode of only relating to people on a very surface level, your perception will be that everyone else just talks about themselves as well… why? Because they’re not talking about you! And you is the only thing you can relate to.
And here’s something to try next time you’re out… see how long you can hold a conversation with a girl without telling her a single thing about yourself. The results will surprise you (ironically, they usually end up thinking you’re the most understanding and insightful person they’ve ever met).
Listening to Women
By Mark, on December 8th, 2010 17 comments
Print This Post | Email This Post
Over the years, I’ve been barraged hundreds, if not thousands, of questions regarding women and how to interact with them. Some of them are rote and fundamental. Others are deep and penetrating, often drawing the questioner’s personality as well as his insecurities to the fore.
But unfortunately, a fair share of these questions and concerns are inane to the point of being borderline neurotic…
“How do I respond if she says she doesn’t like my hair?”
“She says I make a good friend, is that a shit test or does it mean she likes me?”
“She started talking her friend after I froze her out, and then went to the bathroom, how do I get her back?”
“After I qualified on how adventurous she was, why didn’t she want to give me her number?”
Uhh… yeah…
These are classic examples of questions that seem like a big deal to guys who are inexperienced with women and trivial to those who are experienced. Inexperienced guys have a tendency to over-analyze and hypothesize; it’s a result of their heightened anxiety-levels. But usually, they’re working themselves up over nothing.
But most of these “questions” are answered before they even become questions in the first place. They’re answered by the women themselves. You just weren’t listening.
There are two primary problems that most men have when it comes to listening to women. The first is the idea that you have to be perpetually talking, entertaining and engaging a woman when in conversation with her. For some reason, many men follow the assumption that the more he’s able to talk and fill in the gaps and spaces with a grandiosity of awesomeness, that somehow the girl, weak at the knees, will melt in front of him like a Popsicle in the sun as he spews story after story at her (emphasis on “at her”).
The reasoning for this follows classic guy logic: if each time I speak, I say something cool that makes her think I’m hot, then I should aim to speak as much as fucking possible. Unfortunately, this disregards a couple facts, the first being that nobody likes someone who talks about themselves constantly — or even talks about ANYTHING constantly. It also ignores the fact that, as taught by Dale Carnegie almost 100 years ago, people feel bonded and close to those who LISTEN to them.
There’s a seminal story about Dale Carnegie when he met a famous person (I believe it was Thomas Edison). Carnegie went in, and instead of asking for something, or trying to extol how amazing HE was — as everyone did with Edison at the time — Carnegie sat down and began probing Edison to speak about himself. The verbal floodgates opened and after sitting there and listening to Edison blabber on for over two hours about his most intimate personal details, Carnegie got up to leave. While leaving Edison noted to Dale: “Mr. Carnegie, you are one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met.” The irony of course being that Carnegie had shared NOTHING with him.
A couple years ago, I was being filmed picking up a girl out at a bar. I met her, spoke to her for maybe an hour and took her home. The footage was never released, but upon talking to guy who recorded it later, he complained, “You didn’t do anything. You didn’t even talk to her. I don’t know what we can do with the footage.”
Of COURSE I didn’t talk to her. I sat there listening all night (and bought her a drink to egg her on). Every second a girl is talking to me, she’s investing in me and in her relationship and connection with me. If I can validate that connection and relationship by listening well, she’ll be very unlikely to ever steer away from me… and she’ll likely find me to be one of the most fascinating people she’s ever met.
The other mistake guys make when it comes to listening to women is that they focus too much on facts, surface words and what’s actually being spoken and not on intentions and emotions.
The most common mistakes men make over and over and over again, whether they’ve known a girl for three minutes or have been married to her for three years, is that they constantly take what they say at face value.
If she says, “I don’t like your hair.” That means that she doesn’t like your hair THAT SECOND and it’s apt to change at any moment. If she says, “I can’t have sex with you tonight,” that means she doesn’t think she can have sex with you right THEN AND THERE and it’s open for discussion.
It’s very rare that a statement from a woman, especially in the midst of flirting or passion, is made with any sort of finality. We men often judge a woman’s statements as some sort of legal decree. “She says I’d make a good friend? Fuck, that means I must be in the friend zone!” No, it’s just a reflection of her emotional state vis-a-vis you at that particular moment.
So how do decipher a woman’s cryptological communications? It’s actually fairly easy, it just takes practice.
Whenever a girl says something that seems to surprise you, or go against what you thought your vibe with her was, or that just plain doesn’t make sense or seems batshit, ask yourself this: what’s the emotion that motivated that statement? And that will explain everything you need to know.
When it comes to sexuality and flirting with men, women operate purely on emotions, rationalized through a verbal filter. Don’t mistake the filter for the message. Just as an example, let’s run through those first four questions again:
“How do I respond if she says she doesn’t like my hair?”
Don’t. You don’t have to respond to everything she says. Your hair doesn’t matter. Her mood does, and this is a reflection of some sort of antipathy towards you or the situation. Why would you ever validate that antipathy by responding to it? I flat out ignore statements like this, or completely disregard them by saying something like, “Yeah, I hate it to…” and then switching topics to something cool and exciting. Again, my concern isn’t my hair, it’s getting her thinking about something she DOES like.
“She says I’d make a good friend. Is this a shit test or does she not like me?”
It depends. Is she saying it in response to one of your sexual advances? It may be her way of turning you down. The meaning of this statement is 100% based on her intention, which you can never know 100%. She could be turning you down. She could be saying it to alleviate tension with you. She could be “shit testing” you. She could be nervous and be turning you down DESPITE liking you. The question is, what do YOU want? Again, recognize the words are the messenger, not the actual message. She’s not making a declaration of friendship here, she’s sending you an emotional smoke signal. My response to something like is always something like, “I don’t need anymore friends,” and then restate my interest in her.
“She started talking to her friend, so I froze her out. Then she went to the bathroom, how do I get her back?”
By not being so oblivious next time. She’s gone. She talked to her friend because you were not connecting with her. Not because you weren’t ENTERTAINING her — many men take this as a sign that they’re not talking ENOUGH. What it means is that she enjoys speaking to her friend — someone that she’s known for years and knows everything about — more than she enjoys talking to you. That doesn’t speak well for you. Freezing her out is a horrible choice. You’re not impressing a girl who has already demonstrated a lack of interest in you by demonstrating a lack of interest back. The fact she went to the bathroom was just a means to consummate the complete lack of relationship you two will never have.
“After I qualified how adventurous she was, why wouldn’t she give me her number?”
Because she doesn’t like you (in that moment). She feels like you’re trying to take something from her and are offering nothing in return. Qualifying her on how adventurous she is can have many effects (both positive and negative), but if you qualify a girl who already feels like you’re out to take something from her, by asking a vague and probing question without context, then she’s probably just going to feel even MORE like you’re trying to take something from her.
These are just a few made-up (but realistic) examples that I deal with consistently with guys. There are an infinite amount more. But hopefully they drive the point home: in conversation, often speaking less is more, quality over quantity. And when it comes to understanding what women are saying to you, it’s a matter of understanding intention and the emotion that motivates her statements, rather than her statements themselves
Friday, December 17, 2010
Pickup and Isolation by hammer guest article
Pickup and Isolation
Written by Hammer Topics: Dating, Fitness and Nutrition
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So many thoughts to address in this response post. Apologies if they come out jumbled, well not really, if I cared that much I’d proofread.
The other day Entropy put up a post about how as his pick up skills have improved, he’s started to feel isolated in his dating life, because it becomes more and more difficult for him to find a woman who meets his standards. This post apparently caused a stir of comments, but at the time I wasn’t one of them because this is something I had been feeling for a long time, and it seemed pretty obvious to me.
Improvement in Skills -> More Options -> Better Experiences -> Increase in Number of Dealbreakers for Monogamy
Seems pretty simple, right? Well yesterday Entropy put up another post in response to the comments which made me realize how different the two of us are in our thinking on the subject. Entropy, I love you bud, but I’ve got to call you out. While I have no doubt that Entropy is worlds better than me at pickup, it is clear to me that he still has a long way to go in terms of inner game, or as normal people call it, emotional security.
In the response article, Entropy starts out by saying that he needs a girl who fulfills his emotional needs. This speaks to a core problem with his identity. Why do you have emotional needs? El Topo and I have spent hours on the phone talking about this very topic, and never once has emotional needs come up. Granted, him and I have both been through highly traumatic near death experiences and as a result have a unique appreciation for life, but as far as I’m concerned in order to be “dateable,” you need to have your shit together to the point where you are comfortable being independent. Entropy understands this idea from a validation seeking standpoint, but he doesn’t seem to quite be there yet emotionally (Side note, this could very well be as a result of depression due to his diet, I’m not sure how he’s eating, but he said he lost thirty pounds this year, which means he’s been dieting. For most people, this usually means eating some kind of calorie restricted low fat diet, which as we all know by now, leads to neurotransmitter problems in the brain that cause depression).
The next thing worth addressing is this idea of your reality being different from most peoples’ and that making it hard to find people who understand your reality. This makes sense on a superficial level, but the fact is that it is your job to bring people into your reality and help them understand it. When Steve spends all this time talking about Compliance Patterns and how they can be used to get women emotionally invested in your story, he’s doing it because his goal is to as early in the interaction as possible get a woman to understand his world. This quickly sets the framework for a deep emotional connection.
Entropy talks about celebrities like Brad Pitt having a very small number of options due to their status and women just not understanding the world they live in, which is why they all end up monogamous, but this is just one possible interpretation. Another possible interpretation is that in order to get to that level of fame you have to be desperate for that validation. In many cases, it’s to the point where you suck cocks or take it in the ass to get fame. This goes for both the men and the women. Once they attain that fame, the need for validation doesn’t go away. Would certainly explain Brad Pitt trading up from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie. I’m not saying that’s why he did it, just that it’s a possibility. Not that I pay very close attention, but I don’t really get the impression that their relationship is very happy. I get the impression that she is kind of in control and they resent each other for it. Maybe it’s why she adopts a million kids and he sleeps around?
An “obsession with physical beauty” is not something to be ashamed of. It is genetic. A man should never apologize for what he is attracted to. There’s a difference between wanting the hottest woman out there to impress other men and wanting the hottest women out there because you are attracted to it. For example, I LOVE Lady Gaga. She is so attractive in every way, not going into it now because I think it deserves a post on its own (I’ll make it happen someday, all it takes is a shot). But I don’t think anyone is putting her looks at a 10. Maybe an 8. Gaga may not be your type, but there are going to be certain girls out there who just do it for you, the thing is that they are rare. It’s just a fact of life.
I think the point is that there are other things that you want from another person, but there is a point which you can get to where there is nothing that you NEED. You keep people in your life because you want them there, not because they fill your gaps ala Rocky Balboa.
Written by Hammer Topics: Dating, Fitness and Nutrition
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So many thoughts to address in this response post. Apologies if they come out jumbled, well not really, if I cared that much I’d proofread.
The other day Entropy put up a post about how as his pick up skills have improved, he’s started to feel isolated in his dating life, because it becomes more and more difficult for him to find a woman who meets his standards. This post apparently caused a stir of comments, but at the time I wasn’t one of them because this is something I had been feeling for a long time, and it seemed pretty obvious to me.
Improvement in Skills -> More Options -> Better Experiences -> Increase in Number of Dealbreakers for Monogamy
Seems pretty simple, right? Well yesterday Entropy put up another post in response to the comments which made me realize how different the two of us are in our thinking on the subject. Entropy, I love you bud, but I’ve got to call you out. While I have no doubt that Entropy is worlds better than me at pickup, it is clear to me that he still has a long way to go in terms of inner game, or as normal people call it, emotional security.
In the response article, Entropy starts out by saying that he needs a girl who fulfills his emotional needs. This speaks to a core problem with his identity. Why do you have emotional needs? El Topo and I have spent hours on the phone talking about this very topic, and never once has emotional needs come up. Granted, him and I have both been through highly traumatic near death experiences and as a result have a unique appreciation for life, but as far as I’m concerned in order to be “dateable,” you need to have your shit together to the point where you are comfortable being independent. Entropy understands this idea from a validation seeking standpoint, but he doesn’t seem to quite be there yet emotionally (Side note, this could very well be as a result of depression due to his diet, I’m not sure how he’s eating, but he said he lost thirty pounds this year, which means he’s been dieting. For most people, this usually means eating some kind of calorie restricted low fat diet, which as we all know by now, leads to neurotransmitter problems in the brain that cause depression).
The next thing worth addressing is this idea of your reality being different from most peoples’ and that making it hard to find people who understand your reality. This makes sense on a superficial level, but the fact is that it is your job to bring people into your reality and help them understand it. When Steve spends all this time talking about Compliance Patterns and how they can be used to get women emotionally invested in your story, he’s doing it because his goal is to as early in the interaction as possible get a woman to understand his world. This quickly sets the framework for a deep emotional connection.
Entropy talks about celebrities like Brad Pitt having a very small number of options due to their status and women just not understanding the world they live in, which is why they all end up monogamous, but this is just one possible interpretation. Another possible interpretation is that in order to get to that level of fame you have to be desperate for that validation. In many cases, it’s to the point where you suck cocks or take it in the ass to get fame. This goes for both the men and the women. Once they attain that fame, the need for validation doesn’t go away. Would certainly explain Brad Pitt trading up from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie. I’m not saying that’s why he did it, just that it’s a possibility. Not that I pay very close attention, but I don’t really get the impression that their relationship is very happy. I get the impression that she is kind of in control and they resent each other for it. Maybe it’s why she adopts a million kids and he sleeps around?
An “obsession with physical beauty” is not something to be ashamed of. It is genetic. A man should never apologize for what he is attracted to. There’s a difference between wanting the hottest woman out there to impress other men and wanting the hottest women out there because you are attracted to it. For example, I LOVE Lady Gaga. She is so attractive in every way, not going into it now because I think it deserves a post on its own (I’ll make it happen someday, all it takes is a shot). But I don’t think anyone is putting her looks at a 10. Maybe an 8. Gaga may not be your type, but there are going to be certain girls out there who just do it for you, the thing is that they are rare. It’s just a fact of life.
I think the point is that there are other things that you want from another person, but there is a point which you can get to where there is nothing that you NEED. You keep people in your life because you want them there, not because they fill your gaps ala Rocky Balboa.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
met a porn star...should I game her ???
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Tuesday, November 23, 2010
2 Dating coaches say Miami has coldest and bitchiest women in the country
I just heard from 2 PUAs plus my friend who used to live here in South Beach, that Miami-Miami Beach are hard to game.
Women are Materialistic here, (Latin Cuban,Colombian,etc Non-American women) very bitch and non friendly.
2 other PUAs focus gaming 9 and 10's in FT Lauderdale in high social venues, really good MPua's who came from one on one's and wrote complete detail about Ft Lauderdale. Other guy does motly beach pickup cause nightlife is expensive FT Lauderdale- Miami Beach clubs etc...
To: doc strangelove dont feel bad, you are probably in L.A. shooting fish in a barrel with your game ;)
Ive gotten too busy I had a woman tell me in gas station to go in front of her in the line "Go ahead I dont bite"...."but In real life..I actually bite..bite really hard ;)" at 7pm aqui en gasolinera. tremenda cosa acere.
then today went to hialeah and did my daygame elicitng IOI's for WA and it hooked she was checking me out and was abit turned on, (I think she was a 20 yr old female nic' ) but couldnt number close cause I DLV when my credit card got rejected, she ejected. LOL.
Still I got rejected by a couple of daytime hired gun with not complying with subcommunications and literally closed to break rapport by not making eye contact.....*shrug*
anywyas guys Im studying hard. My future depends and I cant fail...
Women are Materialistic here, (Latin Cuban,Colombian,etc Non-American women) very bitch and non friendly.
2 other PUAs focus gaming 9 and 10's in FT Lauderdale in high social venues, really good MPua's who came from one on one's and wrote complete detail about Ft Lauderdale. Other guy does motly beach pickup cause nightlife is expensive FT Lauderdale- Miami Beach clubs etc...
To: doc strangelove dont feel bad, you are probably in L.A. shooting fish in a barrel with your game ;)
Ive gotten too busy I had a woman tell me in gas station to go in front of her in the line "Go ahead I dont bite"...."but In real life..I actually bite..bite really hard ;)" at 7pm aqui en gasolinera. tremenda cosa acere.
then today went to hialeah and did my daygame elicitng IOI's for WA and it hooked she was checking me out and was abit turned on, (I think she was a 20 yr old female nic' ) but couldnt number close cause I DLV when my credit card got rejected, she ejected. LOL.
Still I got rejected by a couple of daytime hired gun with not complying with subcommunications and literally closed to break rapport by not making eye contact.....*shrug*
anywyas guys Im studying hard. My future depends and I cant fail...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Pickup is NOT a skill by Entropy
Here’s one of the biggest myths that’s been circulating for years: that picking up women is a skill and that it can be learned through studying it.
It took me years to figure this out, but that’s not true.
Think about it. The analogies that are usually used is that picking up women is like playing piano or learning a language. If you study it enough, you’ll eventually be able to do it.
But really what is the “skill” involved in meeting and dating a lot of women?
Speaking? Moving your feet? Having sexual feelings and emotions?
These are all things that you’ve had and been able to do your whole life.
THERE’S NOTHING TO LEARN
This is one of the most important and profound realizations that I’ve ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a skill that is learned… it’s a habit that is practiced.
You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven’t created a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just haven’t made a habit of it.
Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of study and work), and more like training yourself to write with your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You “know” how to do it already, it’s just that you’ve never done it before, so you’re fighting through a lifetime of bad habits.
I have more thoughts about this than I can fit into this email, so I sat down and wrote a full 30-page PDF report on this realization and how it’s effected my ability with women. You can download it for free at this link (no email required):
http://www.getgirlfriendguaranteed.com/ssdownload1/SeductionShortcut.pdf
Let me know what you think.
It took me years to figure this out, but that’s not true.
Think about it. The analogies that are usually used is that picking up women is like playing piano or learning a language. If you study it enough, you’ll eventually be able to do it.
But really what is the “skill” involved in meeting and dating a lot of women?
Speaking? Moving your feet? Having sexual feelings and emotions?
These are all things that you’ve had and been able to do your whole life.
THERE’S NOTHING TO LEARN
This is one of the most important and profound realizations that I’ve ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a skill that is learned… it’s a habit that is practiced.
You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven’t created a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just haven’t made a habit of it.
Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of study and work), and more like training yourself to write with your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You “know” how to do it already, it’s just that you’ve never done it before, so you’re fighting through a lifetime of bad habits.
I have more thoughts about this than I can fit into this email, so I sat down and wrote a full 30-page PDF report on this realization and how it’s effected my ability with women. You can download it for free at this link (no email required):
http://www.getgirlfriendguaranteed.com/ssdownload1/SeductionShortcut.pdf
Let me know what you think.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
15 Things I’ve Learned in Five Years by Entropy
We’re about a month shy of my five-year anniversary with this PUA stuff. But I’m posting this anyway (reason will be clear soon). Here are 15 things that I’ve learned in that time. These are purposely left a little open-ended, so feel free to discuss.
1. Men find and join the PUA community to get validation from women. They stay in it to get validation from other men.
2. Guys who are trying to bang 100 girls usually need to get a girlfriend. Guys who are trying to get a girlfriend usually need to bang 100 girls.
3. The single biggest factor stopping you (and me) from improving is an inability to overcome our fears and anxieties. Whether it be the fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of sexuality — if you removed all fear, all of our sticking points would either vanish, or work themselves out almost immediately.
4. The only rule is calibration, the rest is a recommendation.
5. An attractive and abundant lifestyle will trump the best game in the world, ten times out of ten. It’s also a far more enjoyable way of meeting women and making friends than cold approach.
6. Always assume she’s feeling the same way as you. If you feel awkward and annoyed, then she probably does too. If you’re falling head over heels for her, she probably is too.
7. You’re never as bad with women as you think you are. You’re also never as good with women as you think you are. In fact, you have far less control in the matter than you think. Get over yourself.
8. Sex gets 90% of our attention, but 90% of game comes down to handling emotions — the sex is a side-effect.
9. Most dating advice will tell you that getting good with women is easy but a complicated process to learn. The opposite is true. Improving with women is actually very easy to learn, but hard to actually go out and do.
10. Having a healthy and happy long-term relationship will teach you as much about women as 5,000 cold approaches and 100 lays.
11. When in doubt, always err on the side of being more aggressive.
12. Two qualities show me how good a guy is with women: how much he thinks he controls the seduction process and how well he handles rejection. The more a guy recognizes how much he doesn’t control, the better he is. The more a guy embraces getting rejected, the better he is. It’s the guys who claim to know everything and who claim to never get rejected that are clueless. Beware of them.
13. Things that are vastly overrated, if not completely useless: preventing flakes, openers, AMOG’ing and Boyfriend destroyers, state control, social proof, value.
14. Things that are vastly underrated if not completely ignored: non-verbal communication, listening well, empathizing and relating, being passionate about something, emotional connections, social circles, movement.
15. Looking back, here are the only major things the community taught me that I think my own experience didn’t or couldn’t have: the importance of dominance and expressing my sexuality (thanks David Deida, Robert Glover and Hypnotica), that it’s OK to hit on girls and want to fuck them (thanks Mystery and Style), and that our logical mind will usually rationalize whatever our emotions already feel (thanks David D). The rest of community material, by and large, I’ve found to either be a corollary to one of the above, or completely trivial or useless.
The vast majority of what I learned, I learned through my own experiences (mostly my failures), discussions with wings/friends, and by simply being aware and observing other people and naturals. And of course, my real teachers were the thousands of women I’ve interacted with over the last five years. From the ones who loved me to the ones who blew me out, thank you.
Edit: I forgot to mention, using humor to make fun of girls rather than myself or other things was probably the single biggest turning point for me as a newbie. Credit DavidD for that one as well. It’s been so long, I can hardly remember what was a big deal to me back then.
1. Men find and join the PUA community to get validation from women. They stay in it to get validation from other men.
2. Guys who are trying to bang 100 girls usually need to get a girlfriend. Guys who are trying to get a girlfriend usually need to bang 100 girls.
3. The single biggest factor stopping you (and me) from improving is an inability to overcome our fears and anxieties. Whether it be the fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of sexuality — if you removed all fear, all of our sticking points would either vanish, or work themselves out almost immediately.
4. The only rule is calibration, the rest is a recommendation.
5. An attractive and abundant lifestyle will trump the best game in the world, ten times out of ten. It’s also a far more enjoyable way of meeting women and making friends than cold approach.
6. Always assume she’s feeling the same way as you. If you feel awkward and annoyed, then she probably does too. If you’re falling head over heels for her, she probably is too.
7. You’re never as bad with women as you think you are. You’re also never as good with women as you think you are. In fact, you have far less control in the matter than you think. Get over yourself.
8. Sex gets 90% of our attention, but 90% of game comes down to handling emotions — the sex is a side-effect.
9. Most dating advice will tell you that getting good with women is easy but a complicated process to learn. The opposite is true. Improving with women is actually very easy to learn, but hard to actually go out and do.
10. Having a healthy and happy long-term relationship will teach you as much about women as 5,000 cold approaches and 100 lays.
11. When in doubt, always err on the side of being more aggressive.
12. Two qualities show me how good a guy is with women: how much he thinks he controls the seduction process and how well he handles rejection. The more a guy recognizes how much he doesn’t control, the better he is. The more a guy embraces getting rejected, the better he is. It’s the guys who claim to know everything and who claim to never get rejected that are clueless. Beware of them.
13. Things that are vastly overrated, if not completely useless: preventing flakes, openers, AMOG’ing and Boyfriend destroyers, state control, social proof, value.
14. Things that are vastly underrated if not completely ignored: non-verbal communication, listening well, empathizing and relating, being passionate about something, emotional connections, social circles, movement.
15. Looking back, here are the only major things the community taught me that I think my own experience didn’t or couldn’t have: the importance of dominance and expressing my sexuality (thanks David Deida, Robert Glover and Hypnotica), that it’s OK to hit on girls and want to fuck them (thanks Mystery and Style), and that our logical mind will usually rationalize whatever our emotions already feel (thanks David D). The rest of community material, by and large, I’ve found to either be a corollary to one of the above, or completely trivial or useless.
The vast majority of what I learned, I learned through my own experiences (mostly my failures), discussions with wings/friends, and by simply being aware and observing other people and naturals. And of course, my real teachers were the thousands of women I’ve interacted with over the last five years. From the ones who loved me to the ones who blew me out, thank you.
Edit: I forgot to mention, using humor to make fun of girls rather than myself or other things was probably the single biggest turning point for me as a newbie. Credit DavidD for that one as well. It’s been so long, I can hardly remember what was a big deal to me back then.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Model experiment--Mickey rourke in 91/2 weeks
I seen comments on youtube on scenes with mickey rourke and it shows how you should be with a woman after youve slept with them.
HERE ARE WOMEN COMMENTS:
Mickey Rourke was damn sexy in this film.
obsessed with this movie too will always be :D
very freudian scene
he's perfect lover in this movie
There is a man, I'm in love with... this is my fantasy about me and him.... It will never end... in my fantasy...
thats my man XD
rock it saint catherine!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (women commenting about sex at a church roof top)
me encanta muchisimo esta pelicula no hay naada igual.... 3 weeks ago
the guy is similar to entropy.
I want to model him.
also great movies on female psycology and one night stand is kim cattral movie
live nude girls
great stuff.
HERE ARE WOMEN COMMENTS:
Mickey Rourke was damn sexy in this film.
obsessed with this movie too will always be :D
very freudian scene
he's perfect lover in this movie
There is a man, I'm in love with... this is my fantasy about me and him.... It will never end... in my fantasy...
thats my man XD
rock it saint catherine!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (women commenting about sex at a church roof top)
me encanta muchisimo esta pelicula no hay naada igual.... 3 weeks ago
the guy is similar to entropy.
I want to model him.
also great movies on female psycology and one night stand is kim cattral movie
live nude girls
great stuff.
the emotional - arrousal - compliance to move forward to sex structure
I know badboy talks about it but its farther than that.
like tyler talked about bt spiking , its to be aware of her emotional level first you start off calibrated there and turn up volume slowly.
emotional level social comfort is at her energy and then raise it up a bit, if its at a club or meeting at a date you start off by spiking BT sexually.
so my sturture of game is to elict her emotionally to get her to bait her to respond as per magicians choice and double binds.
you combine yes ladders and change of beliefs
or sexual framing comfort - deep comfort- sexual comfort with ofcourse kino.
her emotions here will be down...you will make her RELAXED.
avoids button pushing.
taking calculated risks.
once youve reached arousal and good solid rapport with qualification then you direct interest and do push pull. use takeaways and mix compliments and accuse her of making you feel horny...
insert CJ's framing of her fault turning you on'.
push pull in terms of not being sure about her and chasing begins.
here the emotions go up and down you keep it up and down.
as you work logisitcs you talk about logical stuff that isnt relevant to the seduction location, you use art of distraction and you BT Spike to make her agree and use socil pressure and double binds to prior knowing therefore you always disqualify before she thinks or smells SLUT radar.
so you keep her push pull , mixing all these emotions and as reward you smile and glare at her eyes and sexual tease like a stripper would do to make her have you pay money.
remember what a girl does to you you do it to a girl back will always work!
you get her to provoke thinking sexual and arousing her that is bt spiking her and not giving it to her up to a point of disengaing her logic that she wants it.
you change subjects yet you still go for physical arousal and take it away.
so emotions here are my guide, you control them and orchestrate the rhythm of the musci played.
you are the director of the movie to create her wildest night ever.
she will love it.
this mindset is gold. made a 2 audio podcast of thisPS: sawyer used to agree with my disqualifiers and minutes later he suggest to do it his way again by leading wihtout using force , ofcourse I caught him doing that and read it off. great closing strategy. he calibrates wiht another topic to think about different thing while her leads me to where he wants of course Im aware and girls will not be if he creates attraction by BT spiking her emotioanlly will kick in her logical.
like tyler talked about bt spiking , its to be aware of her emotional level first you start off calibrated there and turn up volume slowly.
emotional level social comfort is at her energy and then raise it up a bit, if its at a club or meeting at a date you start off by spiking BT sexually.
so my sturture of game is to elict her emotionally to get her to bait her to respond as per magicians choice and double binds.
you combine yes ladders and change of beliefs
or sexual framing comfort - deep comfort- sexual comfort with ofcourse kino.
her emotions here will be down...you will make her RELAXED.
avoids button pushing.
taking calculated risks.
once youve reached arousal and good solid rapport with qualification then you direct interest and do push pull. use takeaways and mix compliments and accuse her of making you feel horny...
insert CJ's framing of her fault turning you on'.
push pull in terms of not being sure about her and chasing begins.
here the emotions go up and down you keep it up and down.
as you work logisitcs you talk about logical stuff that isnt relevant to the seduction location, you use art of distraction and you BT Spike to make her agree and use socil pressure and double binds to prior knowing therefore you always disqualify before she thinks or smells SLUT radar.
so you keep her push pull , mixing all these emotions and as reward you smile and glare at her eyes and sexual tease like a stripper would do to make her have you pay money.
remember what a girl does to you you do it to a girl back will always work!
you get her to provoke thinking sexual and arousing her that is bt spiking her and not giving it to her up to a point of disengaing her logic that she wants it.
you change subjects yet you still go for physical arousal and take it away.
so emotions here are my guide, you control them and orchestrate the rhythm of the musci played.
you are the director of the movie to create her wildest night ever.
she will love it.
this mindset is gold. made a 2 audio podcast of thisPS: sawyer used to agree with my disqualifiers and minutes later he suggest to do it his way again by leading wihtout using force , ofcourse I caught him doing that and read it off. great closing strategy. he calibrates wiht another topic to think about different thing while her leads me to where he wants of course Im aware and girls will not be if he creates attraction by BT spiking her emotioanlly will kick in her logical.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
entropy-solid game , CLOSING!, flake how to react,sticking point of LSE
I credit entropy for my success,
i love his LR's and I leanred from him.
I made a mistake of not writting down what rotuines I used , I have to review SNL and his LRs.
trusdt and comfort frame I have to perfect it.
I have other logistical sticking points with car and me driving thing and sexual secaltion.
how I close is pump BT and disqualify and get her invested in buying me ice cream....
once that I used to enjoy the view and other shit but her its harder.
Its kindah lik emission imporssible.
But "this isnt mission difficult, its mission impossible"
so , I have to ask someone. to review and reanalyze infield.
I know i can do it and If i push myself I can.
I noticed in the past I didnt pay attention on too much whether or not she did or didnt do or even flaking, in the past I was reactive adn when I got good , it shown non needy....and that really intreged girls.
so even flakes, I shouldnt putt to much empahsis on her flaking or not responding, definate sticking point I cathc my LSE trying to do , and there is a connection.
never react to her and be like a cool friend yet sexual.
Adam remebered how I had rapport with girls, I was calibrated due to rapport with girls, thought and ran comfort like a girl but ran SNL frames and cosmo routine and qualifyed hard after ...after cosmo routoine it was like a walk in the park and basically pacing and leading, social pressure and disqualification of plausible denialbiloity with escaltion...and INVESTING her into it later to time bridge and creating a smoke or art of distraction to distract and you act non needy not intersted and either tired or fun, to spike her BT.
for closing its entropy : spiking BT, ozzie transformation , swingcatt LR's.
essential of investing for a close is ADAM! :)
BE A MAN TAKE THE FIRST MOVE, dont care of outcome but TAKE INITIATIVE in smart way.
i love his LR's and I leanred from him.
I made a mistake of not writting down what rotuines I used , I have to review SNL and his LRs.
trusdt and comfort frame I have to perfect it.
I have other logistical sticking points with car and me driving thing and sexual secaltion.
how I close is pump BT and disqualify and get her invested in buying me ice cream....
once that I used to enjoy the view and other shit but her its harder.
Its kindah lik emission imporssible.
But "this isnt mission difficult, its mission impossible"
so , I have to ask someone. to review and reanalyze infield.
I know i can do it and If i push myself I can.
I noticed in the past I didnt pay attention on too much whether or not she did or didnt do or even flaking, in the past I was reactive adn when I got good , it shown non needy....and that really intreged girls.
so even flakes, I shouldnt putt to much empahsis on her flaking or not responding, definate sticking point I cathc my LSE trying to do , and there is a connection.
never react to her and be like a cool friend yet sexual.
Adam remebered how I had rapport with girls, I was calibrated due to rapport with girls, thought and ran comfort like a girl but ran SNL frames and cosmo routine and qualifyed hard after ...after cosmo routoine it was like a walk in the park and basically pacing and leading, social pressure and disqualification of plausible denialbiloity with escaltion...and INVESTING her into it later to time bridge and creating a smoke or art of distraction to distract and you act non needy not intersted and either tired or fun, to spike her BT.
for closing its entropy : spiking BT, ozzie transformation , swingcatt LR's.
essential of investing for a close is ADAM! :)
BE A MAN TAKE THE FIRST MOVE, dont care of outcome but TAKE INITIATIVE in smart way.
Friday, March 12, 2010
one month weigh in! and pua update
Hey guys just weigh in after a month of doing 2 times a week strength training following low carb diet and high protein ala tom vennutto.
318 lbs w/ 50.4% Body FAT February 10,2010
314lbs w/ 43 % Body FAT March 11,2010
Ive increased for this week to 3 times per week strength training and figured out breathing helps with recovering, after my workout I eat 2 cans of tuna or a protein shake.
I dont eat dairy and after 4 pm dont take any fruits or any type of sugar.
mostly chicken breast and very low portions.
days of wrkout I eat more and off days I reduce the amount of food.
Its to reduce the calorie intake and workout days is to have enough to have energy and stregth to workout.
late night snack are fat free jello one portion or hard boiled egg white...or I go to sleep and take apain med like excedrin PM.
I started taking supplements since march 2 which helped alot on my diet:
protein:
take also CLA 2 pills with every heavy meal 3 times a day :
also ripped juice extreme which is appetite supresent and energy :
one every 4 hours at first which I take 3 a day and then gradually increase to 2 every 4 hrs...so far Im doing only one every 4 hrs.
Im happy and I have a diet which I will post up.
Tom vennutoo and the dvd "I want to look like that guy" help me alot about how it works.
Im increasing cardio every day intense for 15 mintues per day morning on fast.
with sunday off to rest.
I also have to work on my abs,
my arms and legs are cut...
Im happy with my results the first month of hard work ..lok forward to working more.
PU
I joined PUA hate.com
and I love it worte ther alot of stuff.
I also having issues w grneyez that came to see me.
and have russian babe wanting me to go back to nyc.
Im going through tough times and I might have to play smart with my choices in my life now...
I to get what I want i might temporarliy go back to my ex wife.
I also got my bday present from the best PUA in the world the world number one!!!!
my life is heading in the right direction and Im very happy!
:)
hooray bitches!!!
318 lbs w/ 50.4% Body FAT February 10,2010
314lbs w/ 43 % Body FAT March 11,2010
Ive increased for this week to 3 times per week strength training and figured out breathing helps with recovering, after my workout I eat 2 cans of tuna or a protein shake.
I dont eat dairy and after 4 pm dont take any fruits or any type of sugar.
mostly chicken breast and very low portions.
days of wrkout I eat more and off days I reduce the amount of food.
Its to reduce the calorie intake and workout days is to have enough to have energy and stregth to workout.
late night snack are fat free jello one portion or hard boiled egg white...or I go to sleep and take apain med like excedrin PM.
I started taking supplements since march 2 which helped alot on my diet:
protein:
take also CLA 2 pills with every heavy meal 3 times a day :
also ripped juice extreme which is appetite supresent and energy :
one every 4 hours at first which I take 3 a day and then gradually increase to 2 every 4 hrs...so far Im doing only one every 4 hrs.
Im happy and I have a diet which I will post up.
Tom vennutoo and the dvd "I want to look like that guy" help me alot about how it works.
Im increasing cardio every day intense for 15 mintues per day morning on fast.
with sunday off to rest.
I also have to work on my abs,
my arms and legs are cut...
Im happy with my results the first month of hard work ..lok forward to working more.
PU
I joined PUA hate.com
and I love it worte ther alot of stuff.
I also having issues w grneyez that came to see me.
and have russian babe wanting me to go back to nyc.
Im going through tough times and I might have to play smart with my choices in my life now...
I to get what I want i might temporarliy go back to my ex wife.
I also got my bday present from the best PUA in the world the world number one!!!!
my life is heading in the right direction and Im very happy!
:)
hooray bitches!!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
enter-py !!! awesome post to read
Lifestyle: You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle
Tags: Lifestyle
This is part II of my audaciously titled series: “Seven Immutable Laws of Pick Up.”
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
People oft talk about lifestyle in the community, but I feel like it really turns into an extended diatribe of, “be cool; girls like guys who are cool.” Usually, “be cool” is equated to learning to salsa, going to the gym or painting a self-portrait with watercolors.
Today, I’m going to try to think of lifestyle in a different way. To me, lifestyle is the elusive bridge between inner game and outer game.
Recently, I’ve been thinking of everything in terms of value. Inner game involves cultivating value within ourselves — valuing ourselves, really — and outer game is demonstrating and sharing that value with whatever hot chica we’re talking to. Your lifestyle has a symbiotic relationship with your inner game in that, the more confidence, self-esteem and positivity you have, the greater your lifestyle will flourish and vice-versa. For instance, the stronger your inner game, the more likely you’ll be to get off your ass and go to the gym, learn a new language, take a risk and travel to Japan, start drawing again.
How so?
One major theme of my recent seminars has been to talk about how all anxieties and limiting beliefs are just ways in which our ego holds us back from trying new things. Our ego holds us back — keeps us in our comfort zone — because to our ego, trying something new and outlandish is “risky” to our social acceptance.
The root of this behavior lies in the concern over “social acceptance” or receiving validation from those outside of ourselves. Just as in my post on rejection we have to learn to accept failure and in this case, ostracisization for doing things differently, doing things in a new way, doing things that many people won’t understand or accept.
What I get from a lot of guys is, “But I don’t know what I want to do,” or “I don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Do this. Grab a blank sheet of paper and set aside twenty minutes with no distractions. Start a timer and begin a list – a list of things you want to do before you die. Your goal is to write down 100 items. It’s not as easy as it sounds!
Afterwards, take a look at your list. See what sticks out to you. At least a couple of the items should elicit an emotional response in you. You should see patterns and themes – did a lot of items involve travel? Family? Athletic goals? Intellectual pursuits? (Credit: Mr. Awesome for this exercise.)
Contemplate your list and try to narrow these themes down to a few activities that can be realistically done NOW! Do it. Write down five things you can do NOW that starts you on the path towards the lifestyle you desire. And then what? Go DO those five things today.
This exercise is two-pronged: it pushes you down the road of doing things in your life that YOU desire and simultaneously absolves you of any social pressure that may be holding you back from your dreams. If you have things written down that you said to yourself, “Oh, I’ll never have time to do that,” or “people would think I’m crazy.” GOOD! Do it anyway!
Lifestyle is the foundation for your outer game as well. Everything that you say or do with a girl, will be tested against your lifestyle for congruence. Gurus always talk about how you need to be congruent or else the girl will think you’re a fake or a fraud, well what they’re talking about is that your words have to line up with your lifetime of actions.
For instance, a guy in suspenders who talks about his stripper ex-girlfriend is going to get weird looks. A guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt who talks about the last time he painted a landscape is going to get weird looks. A guy who talks about driving a Ferrari in Europe yet lives in his mom’s basement is going to get — OK, you get my point.
Your real life should be the foundation of all of your attraction and comfort material. Using anything else will come across as incongruent. That’s why I see your lifestyle as the ceiling of the amount of attraction you can build. No matter how tight your outer game is, if you live with your mom, play World of Warcraft all day and are overweight in a stained T-shirt, you will build NO attraction.
But if you’re successful, dressed well, confident, well-traveled, genuinely happy, in good shape, and have cool hobbies, your ceiling for attraction is EXTREMELY high.
You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle. Relinquish social expectations. Live the life you want to lead — no one else is going to.
Tags: Lifestyle
This is part II of my audaciously titled series: “Seven Immutable Laws of Pick Up.”
I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition
People oft talk about lifestyle in the community, but I feel like it really turns into an extended diatribe of, “be cool; girls like guys who are cool.” Usually, “be cool” is equated to learning to salsa, going to the gym or painting a self-portrait with watercolors.
Today, I’m going to try to think of lifestyle in a different way. To me, lifestyle is the elusive bridge between inner game and outer game.
Recently, I’ve been thinking of everything in terms of value. Inner game involves cultivating value within ourselves — valuing ourselves, really — and outer game is demonstrating and sharing that value with whatever hot chica we’re talking to. Your lifestyle has a symbiotic relationship with your inner game in that, the more confidence, self-esteem and positivity you have, the greater your lifestyle will flourish and vice-versa. For instance, the stronger your inner game, the more likely you’ll be to get off your ass and go to the gym, learn a new language, take a risk and travel to Japan, start drawing again.
How so?
One major theme of my recent seminars has been to talk about how all anxieties and limiting beliefs are just ways in which our ego holds us back from trying new things. Our ego holds us back — keeps us in our comfort zone — because to our ego, trying something new and outlandish is “risky” to our social acceptance.
The root of this behavior lies in the concern over “social acceptance” or receiving validation from those outside of ourselves. Just as in my post on rejection we have to learn to accept failure and in this case, ostracisization for doing things differently, doing things in a new way, doing things that many people won’t understand or accept.
What I get from a lot of guys is, “But I don’t know what I want to do,” or “I don’t know what I’m passionate about.” Do this. Grab a blank sheet of paper and set aside twenty minutes with no distractions. Start a timer and begin a list – a list of things you want to do before you die. Your goal is to write down 100 items. It’s not as easy as it sounds!
Afterwards, take a look at your list. See what sticks out to you. At least a couple of the items should elicit an emotional response in you. You should see patterns and themes – did a lot of items involve travel? Family? Athletic goals? Intellectual pursuits? (Credit: Mr. Awesome for this exercise.)
Contemplate your list and try to narrow these themes down to a few activities that can be realistically done NOW! Do it. Write down five things you can do NOW that starts you on the path towards the lifestyle you desire. And then what? Go DO those five things today.
This exercise is two-pronged: it pushes you down the road of doing things in your life that YOU desire and simultaneously absolves you of any social pressure that may be holding you back from your dreams. If you have things written down that you said to yourself, “Oh, I’ll never have time to do that,” or “people would think I’m crazy.” GOOD! Do it anyway!
Lifestyle is the foundation for your outer game as well. Everything that you say or do with a girl, will be tested against your lifestyle for congruence. Gurus always talk about how you need to be congruent or else the girl will think you’re a fake or a fraud, well what they’re talking about is that your words have to line up with your lifetime of actions.
For instance, a guy in suspenders who talks about his stripper ex-girlfriend is going to get weird looks. A guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt who talks about the last time he painted a landscape is going to get weird looks. A guy who talks about driving a Ferrari in Europe yet lives in his mom’s basement is going to get — OK, you get my point.
Your real life should be the foundation of all of your attraction and comfort material. Using anything else will come across as incongruent. That’s why I see your lifestyle as the ceiling of the amount of attraction you can build. No matter how tight your outer game is, if you live with your mom, play World of Warcraft all day and are overweight in a stained T-shirt, you will build NO attraction.
But if you’re successful, dressed well, confident, well-traveled, genuinely happy, in good shape, and have cool hobbies, your ceiling for attraction is EXTREMELY high.
You’re only as attractive as your lifestyle. Relinquish social expectations. Live the life you want to lead — no one else is going to.
Monday, February 15, 2010
SAFFRON tribute posts
The 1 Hour Pull
saffron
I went to a meetup.com event tonight at a local bar. As is prone with these events, the attractiveness of girls isn't as high as the ones you'd find at the hot clubs on the weekends. But, the flipside is that the barrier to approach is much lower and the bitch shields are not on full blast. Also, the guys are mostly chodes.
But, sometimes you strike gold when you're least expecting it. When I walked in, I locked eyes with Victoria. She had silky long hair, a smile lingering with dimples, and a svelte body. As is always the case, there was some chode sitting right next to her, trying to talk her ear off, and I could tell by her body language that she was just being nice.
Realizing the energy of the venue, I came in with a very low key opener -- any flashy attraction material would be out of place.
Acting with no apologies, I walked over and said calmly,
"This is my first time here. I'm Saffron. "
"Hi, I'm Vanessa"
"Hi, I'm Chodey McChode."
I go straight into a topical transition about the venue and talk about how I recently just moved into town. She picked up the thread and we soon were talking about how she was from Japan.
"I hate Japan. Let me tell you why." -- I didn't disagree for the sake of disagreeing -- I just spoke my mind freely.
I went off, and she started arguing with me in a playful way. I verbally escalated and started talking about other commonalities that we had. We talked about our adventures, our goals, and things we liked to do for fun. We were deep into comfort.
About 30 minutes passed, and I mentioned an extraction excuse -- come check out this great restaurant near me. They serve some great late night food. She agreed and we left the venue.
We went to my house first to drop off her stuff -- this was key, because I knew that she would have to come back after we ate.
We headed out and I built more comfort at the restaurant--we talked about our childhoods, our drunk times, and our past relationships. We bounced backed to my place and went into my room. I looked at her silently, maintaining the silence for 10 seconds, then went in for the makeout.
It was a quick escalation, and then I threw her onto my bed. She started giving me LMR -- so I comforted her by telling her how much I valued her personality, how we were going to hang out tomorrow, and how it was her fault for turning me on so much.
Then I went right back into it. I escalated and clothes started flying off, but as if I was in some kind of terrible romantic comedy, her phone rings and her friend tells her that he's downstairs to pick her up. Apparently, this AFC was her personal driver and she texted him in the restaurant, expecting that she was heading home after the late night snack.
"Sorry. It's not going to happen tonight. You're going to have to wait until next time" she teased me.
"I wait for no one." I replied. "But, I still want to see you tomorrow, because you're a cool chick."
I walked her out and watched her get into the car.
Logistics are key to the SNL. If I had 10 more minutes of game time, the score might have ended up different, but you have to love the game because there are always new challenges to face.
Updated Aug 15 2008 2:59 PM
Posted Aug 15 2008 2:56 PM Internet Outage and Self-Improv
saffron
Updated Jul 9 2008 5:21 AM
Posted Jul 9 2008 5:18 AM Pick Up From the Female View
Saffron
Slightly racist, and mostly reflective of AFCs....just shows you how low the bar is and how you just need to take that small step to differentiate yourself from the norm.
And no, I don't just smile and open my eyes really big. I also say "hey baby, hey baby..."
Updated Jul 5 2008 6:47 PM
Posted Jul 3 2008 3:14 PM One Night Stands
Saffron
On a whim, I wikipedia'd One Night Stands. In the article, I found this snippet very, very interesting:
During sex females get such a strong dose of oxytocin that "when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why."[1] Researchers have found that women's feelings after one night stands are much more negative than men's. Feeling 'used' was the predominent negative emotion they felt the next morning and they also worried about their reputations and felt as if they had let themselves down. Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University said "What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody."[2]
A lot of guys think that once they slept with a woman, their work is all over. For all the PUAs out there who wonder why they can't keep quality women around in their life, I'd take a second and ask yourself how you treat women AFTER sex. I'm a firm believer of the ethos "Leave Them Better Than When You Met Them." How do you do that? By appreciating her for something other than her physical appearance and her sexuality. There's nothing wrong with being direct and forward, but there will be a point in your life where you realize that sexuality is only the minimum requirement -- you are attracted to a woman because you appreciate who she is and what her personality is like.
Now that you appreciate her, the question becomes, how do you best show it? The Mystery Method talks a lot about qualification (a method where you elicit a girl's values and then reward her for having them). For me, it really is about authenticity. I simply show enthusiasm for traits that I cherish. And if she has traits that I don't respect, I will let her know that too. By doing both, you show her that you're not just supplicating and you also show her that you're a man of values. There's something to be said about being honest and straightforward in your interactions with women.
Ultimately, making a girl realize that you appreciate her BEFORE you sleep with her, will make the entire process easier, before and after sex. I view sex as a positive interaction, so if a girl walks away feeling negative about the interaction, I know that I seriously screwed up somewhere.
Updated Jun 30 2008 9:11 AM
Posted Jun 30 2008 9:05 AM Pitfalls of Pickup
Saffron
My good friend Toryn from the Boston Lair wrote one of the best posts I've read in a while and I had to post it here for you guys to read. Tons of value, so pull up some popcorn and plop yourself down and read this. I'll be honest, I've made some of the same mistakes too and struggle with my own ideals and the ideals that are commonly engrained in the community. Toryn is going to put up a blog soon, and I'll be sure to link him on my page, so you guys can get a daily dose of his wisdom.
Anyway, here it goes:
Learning pick-up has had so many positive effects on my life, including realizing new heights in my own self-confidence; understanding how to better interact in high-pressure social situations; and more and more understanding how to own my sexuality and desire around attractive women. And this is only a small bit of what I’ve learned since starting this process. As Groove noted in his Lair talk, this stuff can really change your life for the better if you allow it to do so.
All that being said, the more time I spend in the pick-up community, the more I become convinced that there are potentially serious pitfalls in each stage of learning these skills as well, which can do dangerous harm to your ability to form lasting and valuable relationships with women. The core questions that I've been grappling with recently, and that I try to address in this post, are these:
* Which aspects of learning pick-up are actually diminishing or degrading my ability to form a trusting and mutually-fulfilling relationship with a woman?
* How can I avoid these pitfalls so that I'm constantly moving forward in my social and emotional evolution?
I understand that not everyone will find this e-mail relevant right now. Some guys will be at stages in their emotional development where a lot of the things that I’m talking about below are just not on their radar screen yet. If that’s your case, that’s cool – I’d still recommend that you read on and think for a moment about the points that I’m trying to make here.
Pitfall #1: Objectifying Women
This one seems pretty obvious to me, so I’m not going to waste too much time talking about it. Yes, women are naturally the objects of our sexual desire, and yes, until you approach and get to know a new girl, she’s nothing more than a random attractive stranger. But when an entire community starts referring to people in code words such as HB8_Slut, the “target”, the “obstacle”, etc., you start to lose recognition of the fact that you’re talking about another human being.
Rating girls’ attractiveness on a scale has some value in terms of how you calibrate your approach and initial game material. Referring to girls as the “target” or “obstacle” has some value in terms of understanding the dynamics of a group set, especially when wings are involved. But in my opinion, once you’ve internalized these ideas into your behavior, get these labels out of your head as soon as possible, and save them for Field Reports or other times when you need them to discuss the mechanics of a set you ran. Don’t go through life thinking about every attractive girl you see as an HB# or as your “target.”
It’s been proven over and over again by psychological studies that one of the first steps in dehumanizing someone is to objectify them, to strip them in your mind of the qualities that would make you relate to them as another living, breathing person just like yourself. That girl who you’re interested in? At the end of the day she’s just a girl, with dreams, hopes, fears and ambitions just like you. Lose sight of that, and you lose part of what makes you human.
Pitfall #2: Focusing on “Padding Your Stats”
I went through a phase in the first few weeks after realizing my initial successes getting laid through game, and most guys who I’ve met in the community go through a similar phase. We have this feeling that can only be described as a sense of wonderment at our new powers with women. For those of us who weren’t born naturals, we’ve had years of frustration at screwing up with attractive women because we weren’t self-confident and socially experienced enough. Then pick-up skills give us that power, and we now feel that we’re more in control, that we’re no longer at the mercy of one beautiful girl’s opinion of us. It’s an intoxicating emotion, and for good reason.
You can see this intoxicating feeling reflected in guys’ posts on the forum. The first few Lay Reports that newer guys post up usually have this over-arching aura of “Oh my God, I can’t believe I actually accomplished this!” to them. During this stage when you’re realizing your first few successes, I think this feeling of wonderment is pretty much all positive. You’re rapidly gaining in self-confidence in an area that has plagued you for a while (you wouldn’t be in the community if it hadn’t), and you feel like a new man. All is good in the world.
Pretty soon however, the natural question arises of “What next?” Sure, there are always new skills to calibrate and internalize, new levels of inner game mastery to reach – but a lot of guys remain detached from what their true core goals are with learning all of this stuff. And when they become detached from their true core goals, they naturally fill that void with the goal of “Well, I want to bang as many hot girls as possible” or some variant (“have a threesome,” “fuck Asian twins”).
And so begins the danger of seeking external validation through sex. If you continue to neglect the other areas of your life which aren't together, you start to subconsciously look at getting laid as evidence that you are indeed the high-value, self-confident guy that you tell yourself you are. And when you think you’ve got a girl on the path to bed, but it doesn’t work out? Crash and burn inner game-wise my friends, and it hurts.
But here’s the thing: the guys I know who are truly secure in their own self-confidence and value aren’t overly concerned with whether they have ten women in the rotation at the same time or none. If they meet a girl who they’re attracted to, who they connect with and who they want to start a sexual relationship with, they do it. But if they go through a period where they aren’t meeting women who truly excite them, they don’t start to feel down or inferior because of it.
Again, this issue isn’t necessarily appropriate to every guy in the Lair right now, especially those guys who are younger. It very well may be that your goal at this stage of your life is to bang as many hot girls as possible with zero emotional connection, and that’s fine. It all comes down to whether your true core inner goals and desires and your outer behavior are in synch. Also, it’s good to understand that many guys’ life goals with women evolve over time, so it probably would be worthwhile to check in with yourself every few months to make sure that you’re still living according to your core goals.
Pitfall #3: Closing Yourself off to Emotion
You’ve done a ton of approaches, you’ve slept with some women, and now you’ve met one who you really connect with and who you like hanging out with. But every time that she tries to get you to open up to her emotionally, community dogma kicks back in. “Push-pull…control the frame…showing vulnerability is for chodes…one-itis is for pussies…an ‘alpha’ guy wouldn’t do this…”
A lot of the dogma that is good for breaking you free from your original fears approaching strange women in high-stress social situations can turn out to be crap when you relate it to relationships. Entropy is 1,000% correct when he says that relationships are a component of relating to women that on average the community has ass-backwards, and really doesn’t give nearly enough attention to. You think a girl is amazing? Tell her. She tells you about her deepest hopes and fears in life, and wants you to share yours with her as well? If you care about her, do it. Real men (edit: real PEOPLE) are not scared of their own emotions.
It all relates back to living with integrity and honesty. If you don’t care about a girl, you should be honest with her if she asks you. If you don’t care about her and you tell her that you really do, you’re a pussy. If you do have emotions for her, but you either tell her that you don’t or refuse to show them, you’re also a pussy.
But if you have emotions for a girl and you let yourself express them, that’s when the best moments in life can happen.
Pitfall #4: Making It All about the Sex
This is my new favorite, and it took me a while to identify and diagnose this in myself and in some of my Lair friends. Bear with me on this one, because I can’t seem to find a simple way to explain what I mean here.
You meet a girl, sleep with her, turn her into a regular thing, bond with her and genuinely care about her and her happiness in life, and things are going great. Then after a few months (it usually happens in this timeframe), the girl may come to you emotionally raw explaining that she’s starting to fall in love with you and just can’t do an open relationship any more, and that she wants to commit to you and to try being exclusive with each other.
But instead of committing, you get scared, and you begin thinking of reasons to tell her no. And what I’ve found both in myself and my friends is that more often than not we use the issue of sex as the primary reason to turn down exclusive relationships with really quality women. “I can’t be with just one girl, I want to consistently fuck new girls…she isn’t interested in having threesomes like we used to…I need variety in my sex life.” And on and on.
What I and the rest of guys who think this way are doing however is elevating sex above all of the other areas of compatibility that make good relationships with quality women really great. To an extent we’re ignoring whether the girl truly makes us happy, whether she challenges and excites us intellectually and emotionally, whether sharing with her feels like sharing with an old friend you’ve known forever.
A decision to not get exclusive with a girl based on sexual compatibility isn’t necessarily a bad thing or wrong in isolation. And per my comment above, it’s totally acceptable and understandable if a guy is not in the position in his life at this time where he wants a relationship at all. The problem has the potential to arise over time however, because the decisions you make in life form habits, and if you start consistently thinking about your relationships with women in this light, you could wind up making some very stupid choices.
I don’t mean to downplay sexual compatibility here either – it’s very important. But in my experience, after the first several months of hormone-driven craziness subside, the sexual health of a relationship exists because you and she stay connected on all other emotional and spiritual levels, not in spite of those connections.
The dirty secret that for some reason the community never talks about is that while it is absolutely true that attractive women are abundant, the number of attractive women in life with whom you will also feel a strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection as well are very few. Life being what it is, even if you sarge constantly, there will only be so many women who you are as excited about spending Sunday morning with as you were about fucking the previous Saturday night.
If finding a girl who will always be willing to have threesomes with you really is one of your core priorities in life, more power to you. But the girls who will be genuinely cool with this type of behavior are rare. It is the rule rather than the exception for a girl to want you to herself once she’s fallen in love with you. And more to the point, the girls who are cool with threesomes are not necessarily the ones who will satisfy you as well in the many other emotional, spiritual and intellectual areas that make a relationship lasting and great. And in the meantime, if you next all women who don’t fit the “threesome” category, you could very well wind up passing on women who really would have made you happier over the long run – all because you put sex above everything else.
saffron
I went to a meetup.com event tonight at a local bar. As is prone with these events, the attractiveness of girls isn't as high as the ones you'd find at the hot clubs on the weekends. But, the flipside is that the barrier to approach is much lower and the bitch shields are not on full blast. Also, the guys are mostly chodes.
But, sometimes you strike gold when you're least expecting it. When I walked in, I locked eyes with Victoria. She had silky long hair, a smile lingering with dimples, and a svelte body. As is always the case, there was some chode sitting right next to her, trying to talk her ear off, and I could tell by her body language that she was just being nice.
Realizing the energy of the venue, I came in with a very low key opener -- any flashy attraction material would be out of place.
Acting with no apologies, I walked over and said calmly,
"This is my first time here. I'm Saffron. "
"Hi, I'm Vanessa"
"Hi, I'm Chodey McChode."
I go straight into a topical transition about the venue and talk about how I recently just moved into town. She picked up the thread and we soon were talking about how she was from Japan.
"I hate Japan. Let me tell you why." -- I didn't disagree for the sake of disagreeing -- I just spoke my mind freely.
I went off, and she started arguing with me in a playful way. I verbally escalated and started talking about other commonalities that we had. We talked about our adventures, our goals, and things we liked to do for fun. We were deep into comfort.
About 30 minutes passed, and I mentioned an extraction excuse -- come check out this great restaurant near me. They serve some great late night food. She agreed and we left the venue.
We went to my house first to drop off her stuff -- this was key, because I knew that she would have to come back after we ate.
We headed out and I built more comfort at the restaurant--we talked about our childhoods, our drunk times, and our past relationships. We bounced backed to my place and went into my room. I looked at her silently, maintaining the silence for 10 seconds, then went in for the makeout.
It was a quick escalation, and then I threw her onto my bed. She started giving me LMR -- so I comforted her by telling her how much I valued her personality, how we were going to hang out tomorrow, and how it was her fault for turning me on so much.
Then I went right back into it. I escalated and clothes started flying off, but as if I was in some kind of terrible romantic comedy, her phone rings and her friend tells her that he's downstairs to pick her up. Apparently, this AFC was her personal driver and she texted him in the restaurant, expecting that she was heading home after the late night snack.
"Sorry. It's not going to happen tonight. You're going to have to wait until next time" she teased me.
"I wait for no one." I replied. "But, I still want to see you tomorrow, because you're a cool chick."
I walked her out and watched her get into the car.
Logistics are key to the SNL. If I had 10 more minutes of game time, the score might have ended up different, but you have to love the game because there are always new challenges to face.
Updated Aug 15 2008 2:59 PM
Posted Aug 15 2008 2:56 PM Internet Outage and Self-Improv
saffron
Updated Jul 9 2008 5:21 AM
Posted Jul 9 2008 5:18 AM Pick Up From the Female View
Saffron
Slightly racist, and mostly reflective of AFCs....just shows you how low the bar is and how you just need to take that small step to differentiate yourself from the norm.
And no, I don't just smile and open my eyes really big. I also say "hey baby, hey baby..."
Updated Jul 5 2008 6:47 PM
Posted Jul 3 2008 3:14 PM One Night Stands
Saffron
On a whim, I wikipedia'd One Night Stands. In the article, I found this snippet very, very interesting:
During sex females get such a strong dose of oxytocin that "when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why."[1] Researchers have found that women's feelings after one night stands are much more negative than men's. Feeling 'used' was the predominent negative emotion they felt the next morning and they also worried about their reputations and felt as if they had let themselves down. Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University said "What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody."[2]
A lot of guys think that once they slept with a woman, their work is all over. For all the PUAs out there who wonder why they can't keep quality women around in their life, I'd take a second and ask yourself how you treat women AFTER sex. I'm a firm believer of the ethos "Leave Them Better Than When You Met Them." How do you do that? By appreciating her for something other than her physical appearance and her sexuality. There's nothing wrong with being direct and forward, but there will be a point in your life where you realize that sexuality is only the minimum requirement -- you are attracted to a woman because you appreciate who she is and what her personality is like.
Now that you appreciate her, the question becomes, how do you best show it? The Mystery Method talks a lot about qualification (a method where you elicit a girl's values and then reward her for having them). For me, it really is about authenticity. I simply show enthusiasm for traits that I cherish. And if she has traits that I don't respect, I will let her know that too. By doing both, you show her that you're not just supplicating and you also show her that you're a man of values. There's something to be said about being honest and straightforward in your interactions with women.
Ultimately, making a girl realize that you appreciate her BEFORE you sleep with her, will make the entire process easier, before and after sex. I view sex as a positive interaction, so if a girl walks away feeling negative about the interaction, I know that I seriously screwed up somewhere.
Updated Jun 30 2008 9:11 AM
Posted Jun 30 2008 9:05 AM Pitfalls of Pickup
Saffron
My good friend Toryn from the Boston Lair wrote one of the best posts I've read in a while and I had to post it here for you guys to read. Tons of value, so pull up some popcorn and plop yourself down and read this. I'll be honest, I've made some of the same mistakes too and struggle with my own ideals and the ideals that are commonly engrained in the community. Toryn is going to put up a blog soon, and I'll be sure to link him on my page, so you guys can get a daily dose of his wisdom.
Anyway, here it goes:
Learning pick-up has had so many positive effects on my life, including realizing new heights in my own self-confidence; understanding how to better interact in high-pressure social situations; and more and more understanding how to own my sexuality and desire around attractive women. And this is only a small bit of what I’ve learned since starting this process. As Groove noted in his Lair talk, this stuff can really change your life for the better if you allow it to do so.
All that being said, the more time I spend in the pick-up community, the more I become convinced that there are potentially serious pitfalls in each stage of learning these skills as well, which can do dangerous harm to your ability to form lasting and valuable relationships with women. The core questions that I've been grappling with recently, and that I try to address in this post, are these:
* Which aspects of learning pick-up are actually diminishing or degrading my ability to form a trusting and mutually-fulfilling relationship with a woman?
* How can I avoid these pitfalls so that I'm constantly moving forward in my social and emotional evolution?
I understand that not everyone will find this e-mail relevant right now. Some guys will be at stages in their emotional development where a lot of the things that I’m talking about below are just not on their radar screen yet. If that’s your case, that’s cool – I’d still recommend that you read on and think for a moment about the points that I’m trying to make here.
Pitfall #1: Objectifying Women
This one seems pretty obvious to me, so I’m not going to waste too much time talking about it. Yes, women are naturally the objects of our sexual desire, and yes, until you approach and get to know a new girl, she’s nothing more than a random attractive stranger. But when an entire community starts referring to people in code words such as HB8_Slut, the “target”, the “obstacle”, etc., you start to lose recognition of the fact that you’re talking about another human being.
Rating girls’ attractiveness on a scale has some value in terms of how you calibrate your approach and initial game material. Referring to girls as the “target” or “obstacle” has some value in terms of understanding the dynamics of a group set, especially when wings are involved. But in my opinion, once you’ve internalized these ideas into your behavior, get these labels out of your head as soon as possible, and save them for Field Reports or other times when you need them to discuss the mechanics of a set you ran. Don’t go through life thinking about every attractive girl you see as an HB# or as your “target.”
It’s been proven over and over again by psychological studies that one of the first steps in dehumanizing someone is to objectify them, to strip them in your mind of the qualities that would make you relate to them as another living, breathing person just like yourself. That girl who you’re interested in? At the end of the day she’s just a girl, with dreams, hopes, fears and ambitions just like you. Lose sight of that, and you lose part of what makes you human.
Pitfall #2: Focusing on “Padding Your Stats”
I went through a phase in the first few weeks after realizing my initial successes getting laid through game, and most guys who I’ve met in the community go through a similar phase. We have this feeling that can only be described as a sense of wonderment at our new powers with women. For those of us who weren’t born naturals, we’ve had years of frustration at screwing up with attractive women because we weren’t self-confident and socially experienced enough. Then pick-up skills give us that power, and we now feel that we’re more in control, that we’re no longer at the mercy of one beautiful girl’s opinion of us. It’s an intoxicating emotion, and for good reason.
You can see this intoxicating feeling reflected in guys’ posts on the forum. The first few Lay Reports that newer guys post up usually have this over-arching aura of “Oh my God, I can’t believe I actually accomplished this!” to them. During this stage when you’re realizing your first few successes, I think this feeling of wonderment is pretty much all positive. You’re rapidly gaining in self-confidence in an area that has plagued you for a while (you wouldn’t be in the community if it hadn’t), and you feel like a new man. All is good in the world.
Pretty soon however, the natural question arises of “What next?” Sure, there are always new skills to calibrate and internalize, new levels of inner game mastery to reach – but a lot of guys remain detached from what their true core goals are with learning all of this stuff. And when they become detached from their true core goals, they naturally fill that void with the goal of “Well, I want to bang as many hot girls as possible” or some variant (“have a threesome,” “fuck Asian twins”).
And so begins the danger of seeking external validation through sex. If you continue to neglect the other areas of your life which aren't together, you start to subconsciously look at getting laid as evidence that you are indeed the high-value, self-confident guy that you tell yourself you are. And when you think you’ve got a girl on the path to bed, but it doesn’t work out? Crash and burn inner game-wise my friends, and it hurts.
But here’s the thing: the guys I know who are truly secure in their own self-confidence and value aren’t overly concerned with whether they have ten women in the rotation at the same time or none. If they meet a girl who they’re attracted to, who they connect with and who they want to start a sexual relationship with, they do it. But if they go through a period where they aren’t meeting women who truly excite them, they don’t start to feel down or inferior because of it.
Again, this issue isn’t necessarily appropriate to every guy in the Lair right now, especially those guys who are younger. It very well may be that your goal at this stage of your life is to bang as many hot girls as possible with zero emotional connection, and that’s fine. It all comes down to whether your true core inner goals and desires and your outer behavior are in synch. Also, it’s good to understand that many guys’ life goals with women evolve over time, so it probably would be worthwhile to check in with yourself every few months to make sure that you’re still living according to your core goals.
Pitfall #3: Closing Yourself off to Emotion
You’ve done a ton of approaches, you’ve slept with some women, and now you’ve met one who you really connect with and who you like hanging out with. But every time that she tries to get you to open up to her emotionally, community dogma kicks back in. “Push-pull…control the frame…showing vulnerability is for chodes…one-itis is for pussies…an ‘alpha’ guy wouldn’t do this…”
A lot of the dogma that is good for breaking you free from your original fears approaching strange women in high-stress social situations can turn out to be crap when you relate it to relationships. Entropy is 1,000% correct when he says that relationships are a component of relating to women that on average the community has ass-backwards, and really doesn’t give nearly enough attention to. You think a girl is amazing? Tell her. She tells you about her deepest hopes and fears in life, and wants you to share yours with her as well? If you care about her, do it. Real men (edit: real PEOPLE) are not scared of their own emotions.
It all relates back to living with integrity and honesty. If you don’t care about a girl, you should be honest with her if she asks you. If you don’t care about her and you tell her that you really do, you’re a pussy. If you do have emotions for her, but you either tell her that you don’t or refuse to show them, you’re also a pussy.
But if you have emotions for a girl and you let yourself express them, that’s when the best moments in life can happen.
Pitfall #4: Making It All about the Sex
This is my new favorite, and it took me a while to identify and diagnose this in myself and in some of my Lair friends. Bear with me on this one, because I can’t seem to find a simple way to explain what I mean here.
You meet a girl, sleep with her, turn her into a regular thing, bond with her and genuinely care about her and her happiness in life, and things are going great. Then after a few months (it usually happens in this timeframe), the girl may come to you emotionally raw explaining that she’s starting to fall in love with you and just can’t do an open relationship any more, and that she wants to commit to you and to try being exclusive with each other.
But instead of committing, you get scared, and you begin thinking of reasons to tell her no. And what I’ve found both in myself and my friends is that more often than not we use the issue of sex as the primary reason to turn down exclusive relationships with really quality women. “I can’t be with just one girl, I want to consistently fuck new girls…she isn’t interested in having threesomes like we used to…I need variety in my sex life.” And on and on.
What I and the rest of guys who think this way are doing however is elevating sex above all of the other areas of compatibility that make good relationships with quality women really great. To an extent we’re ignoring whether the girl truly makes us happy, whether she challenges and excites us intellectually and emotionally, whether sharing with her feels like sharing with an old friend you’ve known forever.
A decision to not get exclusive with a girl based on sexual compatibility isn’t necessarily a bad thing or wrong in isolation. And per my comment above, it’s totally acceptable and understandable if a guy is not in the position in his life at this time where he wants a relationship at all. The problem has the potential to arise over time however, because the decisions you make in life form habits, and if you start consistently thinking about your relationships with women in this light, you could wind up making some very stupid choices.
I don’t mean to downplay sexual compatibility here either – it’s very important. But in my experience, after the first several months of hormone-driven craziness subside, the sexual health of a relationship exists because you and she stay connected on all other emotional and spiritual levels, not in spite of those connections.
The dirty secret that for some reason the community never talks about is that while it is absolutely true that attractive women are abundant, the number of attractive women in life with whom you will also feel a strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection as well are very few. Life being what it is, even if you sarge constantly, there will only be so many women who you are as excited about spending Sunday morning with as you were about fucking the previous Saturday night.
If finding a girl who will always be willing to have threesomes with you really is one of your core priorities in life, more power to you. But the girls who will be genuinely cool with this type of behavior are rare. It is the rule rather than the exception for a girl to want you to herself once she’s fallen in love with you. And more to the point, the girls who are cool with threesomes are not necessarily the ones who will satisfy you as well in the many other emotional, spiritual and intellectual areas that make a relationship lasting and great. And in the meantime, if you next all women who don’t fit the “threesome” category, you could very well wind up passing on women who really would have made you happier over the long run – all because you put sex above everything else.
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