non judgemental frame

brought this topic up in my Boston lair talk the other day and a lot of guys have been commenting and emailing me about it since.

When I say being non-judgmental I don’t just mean the SNL frame. I guess that’s why I first starting thinking about this topic however many months ago it was but there’s a lot more to it than that.

For anyone who isn’t familiar with what I’m talking about, there’s a concept of force framing that Sinn, Captain Jack, El Topo, Levo, Puzzler, and a few other guys at MM have been working on lately. Basically you put a frame out there, let’s stick to SNL frames and use “being discrete.” So you’re going to mention being discrete, then tell a story about it, and finally bring it back to you and how you’re discrete. And why would you want a woman to think you’re discrete? Because when she fucks you it’s nice for her to know you’re not going to tell the whole world about it, she doesn’t want to be seen as a slut, and if no one finds out she won’t be.

I’ll give an example of force framing on a woman that you’re a person people like to be around… I don’t see any practical pick up value to force framing that but I want to give an example without giving away one of my stories for an SNL frame.

You know what is just like the best thing in the world? People who you make you feel good just by being around them. <- I just put the frame out
Like I used to know this guy who was just so friendly and warm to everyone. You could be in the worst pissed off mood ever but as soon as he came around you just started to feel better. It was amazing, and I haven’t met many people like that but when I do I know that they’re just like special and someone I should be around. You know? <- Telling a story relating to the frame
And you know, I was with my sister the other day. And she’s going through a real rough patch in her life right now but like we were talking and she told me that just me being around her made her feel that everything was going to be alright. And like right away I thought of the guy I used to know that could always cheer anyone up <-Relating the frame to yourself

Now I just came up with that off the top of my head but it gives you the idea of how it works and I’m sure you can imagine how powerful something like that could be with sexual frames.

So I was doing something like the example above only the frame I was putting out was “I’m non-judgmental.” The whole point of that frame was to show women I wouldn’t judge them for having sex with me and think of them as sluts. Also it led to crazier sex later on down the line because they knew I’d be down for and not think less of them because they went ass to mouth.

And it worked, less LMR and more sex. But because of my crazy comfort game already creating such a deep connection and then adding in the I won’t judge them for anything frame. The end result was women started telling me some pretty fucked up shit about their lives.

At first I was really taken aback by it all, stuff like cutting, prior drug use, attempted suicide, crazy number of sexual partners, going to mental hospitals, going to jail, getting raped, the list goes on and on.

More and more women started sharing their fucked up past with me and I realized that a lot of it was very common, most women have done or gone through something from the list about they just don’t share it with everyone. So they have all this fucked up baggage right? But they’re still amazing women, with great personalities, senses of humor, and are obviously very beautiful.

I started to really not be able to judge people. Women were opening themselves up to me and telling me things that they didn’t tell anyone, how could I judge or look down on them after they were that open with me? They very well could have kept it a secret and I’d have never known all this stuff about them. But then I wouldn’t really know them would I? There would always be a disconnect between us.

This is more of an inner game thing. You have to be pretty secure in yourself and who you are to honestly not think less of people for mistakes they’ve made.

But here’s the thing, we’re all humans, we’re not perfect, we fuck up, we make mistakes, and just all around do shit that we probably shouldn’t have done. I know I have. But we learn from it and move on.

I’m seeing a girl who used to really be into drugs, and some really bad stuff happened because of it. She said to me “If we had met four years ago, I never would have gotten involved in all that stuff and we’d probably be married.” And I said “Babe, the things we do make us who we are, I’m not the same person I am today that I was four years ago, and I know you’re not either. Yeah some stuff happened, and it probably wasn’t right. But it happened and it made you who you are and I wouldn’t want you any other way.” I honestly believe that.

I guess it all comes down to that you just have to accept people for who they are. Everyone has done things they’re not proud of and if you say you haven’t you’re probably full of shit.

Pickup can really change who you are at a deep level, let it.