Pickup and Isolation by hammer guest article

Pickup and Isolation


Written by Hammer Topics: Dating, Fitness and Nutrition



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So many thoughts to address in this response post. Apologies if they come out jumbled, well not really, if I cared that much I’d proofread.



The other day Entropy put up a post about how as his pick up skills have improved, he’s started to feel isolated in his dating life, because it becomes more and more difficult for him to find a woman who meets his standards. This post apparently caused a stir of comments, but at the time I wasn’t one of them because this is something I had been feeling for a long time, and it seemed pretty obvious to me.



Improvement in Skills -> More Options -> Better Experiences -> Increase in Number of Dealbreakers for Monogamy



Seems pretty simple, right? Well yesterday Entropy put up another post in response to the comments which made me realize how different the two of us are in our thinking on the subject. Entropy, I love you bud, but I’ve got to call you out. While I have no doubt that Entropy is worlds better than me at pickup, it is clear to me that he still has a long way to go in terms of inner game, or as normal people call it, emotional security.



In the response article, Entropy starts out by saying that he needs a girl who fulfills his emotional needs. This speaks to a core problem with his identity. Why do you have emotional needs? El Topo and I have spent hours on the phone talking about this very topic, and never once has emotional needs come up. Granted, him and I have both been through highly traumatic near death experiences and as a result have a unique appreciation for life, but as far as I’m concerned in order to be “dateable,” you need to have your shit together to the point where you are comfortable being independent. Entropy understands this idea from a validation seeking standpoint, but he doesn’t seem to quite be there yet emotionally (Side note, this could very well be as a result of depression due to his diet, I’m not sure how he’s eating, but he said he lost thirty pounds this year, which means he’s been dieting. For most people, this usually means eating some kind of calorie restricted low fat diet, which as we all know by now, leads to neurotransmitter problems in the brain that cause depression).



The next thing worth addressing is this idea of your reality being different from most peoples’ and that making it hard to find people who understand your reality. This makes sense on a superficial level, but the fact is that it is your job to bring people into your reality and help them understand it. When Steve spends all this time talking about Compliance Patterns and how they can be used to get women emotionally invested in your story, he’s doing it because his goal is to as early in the interaction as possible get a woman to understand his world. This quickly sets the framework for a deep emotional connection.



Entropy talks about celebrities like Brad Pitt having a very small number of options due to their status and women just not understanding the world they live in, which is why they all end up monogamous, but this is just one possible interpretation. Another possible interpretation is that in order to get to that level of fame you have to be desperate for that validation. In many cases, it’s to the point where you suck cocks or take it in the ass to get fame. This goes for both the men and the women. Once they attain that fame, the need for validation doesn’t go away. Would certainly explain Brad Pitt trading up from Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie. I’m not saying that’s why he did it, just that it’s a possibility. Not that I pay very close attention, but I don’t really get the impression that their relationship is very happy. I get the impression that she is kind of in control and they resent each other for it. Maybe it’s why she adopts a million kids and he sleeps around?



An “obsession with physical beauty” is not something to be ashamed of. It is genetic. A man should never apologize for what he is attracted to. There’s a difference between wanting the hottest woman out there to impress other men and wanting the hottest women out there because you are attracted to it. For example, I LOVE Lady Gaga. She is so attractive in every way, not going into it now because I think it deserves a post on its own (I’ll make it happen someday, all it takes is a shot). But I don’t think anyone is putting her looks at a 10. Maybe an 8. Gaga may not be your type, but there are going to be certain girls out there who just do it for you, the thing is that they are rare. It’s just a fact of life.



I think the point is that there are other things that you want from another person, but there is a point which you can get to where there is nothing that you NEED. You keep people in your life because you want them there, not because they fill your gaps ala Rocky Balboa.