How you remebre to write what happend?Actually, I took acting classes for three years, and when you combine that for how long I've been writing about my nights out, it's really not that difficult to remember the important stuff and filter out everything else.
Sitting at home. I have no intention of going out. Talk to a friend. He insists that we go out with just the two of us for a change, thus minimizing any chance of a fuck up by inexperienced wingmen. Who is he? He asked me to post this story, but not to post who he is, and some of you who’ve read my blog for awhile might pick up on which character this is. I’ll refer to him as “Bobby Jones”.
His place. Normally, I stay away from alcohol. But tonight? It’s different. Every now and then, I like to get fucked up, and tonight is one of those nights. Time to skip the bullshit. Downtown. We walk into Brothers. Two girls near us. Our very first set. I open with…
Me: “You look like you’re about to kick my ass.”
Jade: “Oh, I will!”
Me: “What’re you doing later?”
Sage: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Do you wanna come home with me?”
She giggles, just like I expected her to…
Sage: “You are confident.”
Confident? I wouldn’t call it that. If you've read my older stories and seen some of the crazy shit I’ve done in the past, then you'd know that asking a girl to fuck is nothing for me.
What happens? She stays. This is how I know that it’s on. But not one to just rest on my laurels, I gotta make this story interesting. I immediately turn back to Jade again…
Me: “I wanna fuck you.”
She looks at me…
Jade: “Oooooo, are you going to bruise me?”
I then give her a slight assholish smirk. We all then move over to the bar. Lots of sex talk. Once you break that sexually explicit barrier and the girls don’t leave, all sex talk is fair game. The shit gets fucking steamy. All kinds of talk about sex occurs. I chill out in a chair…
Sage: “You think you’re so cool.”
I don’t even acknowledge her. Look over at Jade…
Me: “What’s wrong with your friend?”
Jade: “She’s an attention whore and she’s mad that you aren’t giving her any attention.”
Bobby Jones handles Sage, while I talk to Jade. That’s why I like having him around. He knows how to talk to women. Jade gets a little hostile towards me…
Me: “It’s OK, you don’t have to be that way around me. I KNOW.”
Jade: “What do you know!?”
Me: “I know that you’re attracted to me.”
Jade: “Wow, you are a confident bastard! …But you‘re right; you are so sexy. I‘m going to fuck you.”
Me: “We’re going to Gaswerkz. Are you coming?”
Jade: “I don’t know, are we? Do you want us to come?”
Me: “Let’s go.”
We go to Gaswerkz, and these chicks spend like $40-$50 buying Bobby Jones and I shot after shot, and drink after drink. We so got this shit on lock. Standing in line waiting on more drinks. Sage comes out of nowhere and starts lifting up my shirt, rubbing my stomach, grabbing my ass, and checking out my body…
Me: “What’re you doing?”
Sage: “Checking out the goods. If I‘m going to fuck you, I wanna know what I‘m getting.”
I then roll my eyes…
Sage: “You are something else!”
She looks at Jade…
Sage: “Look at him. He is so over us. His new name is going to be “So over it”."
And she starts laughing. Outside. Sitting down…
Sage: “You are so cool. Everywhere we go, you manage to find a chair out of nowhere.”
We chill some more while the waitress brings us more shots. Sage looks at Jade…
Sage: “Are you two going to fuck?”
I quickly answer for her…
Me: “Yes.”
Jade: “Of course I’m going to fuck him! Which one are you going to fuck!?”
And she points at Bobby Jones. At this point however, Jade starts to go cold. She’s playing on her phone, not talking, and is just very distant overall. Perhaps she’s changed her mind about leaving with me?
Bobby Jones handles the logistics, and we grab a taxi back to his place. Inside the taxi…
Jade: “Mr. Somali!”
Wow, just wow. I’m an asshole, but wow. She just called our Somalian taxi driver “Mr. Somali”. Still driving…
Sage: “Put your arm around me.”
I do so and she leans on my shoulder. Settle on just one girl? No way. I then put my other arm around Jade…
Jade: “Dude, for real though, I’m not about this shit. Take your arm off of me. Put your arm around Sage. She’s the bitch that likes that cuddling bullshit.”
This chick is going from piping hot to ice fucking cold, REAL quick. We hop out of the taxi…
Jade: “Oh my god, you guys live on campus!?”
She then complains all the way back from the gas station to Bobby Jones place. Sage says something to me, and I smack her ass…
Sage: “I like that. Do it again.”
And I smack her ass hard as fuck…
Sage: “Oooo, that was a good one.”
We then switch up on girls again. Bobby Jones takes Sage to a party nearby to work on her, while I chill with Jade at his place, while she is being a complete bitch. She’s still fucking around with her phone on the other end of the couch…
Jade: “Dude, for real, I was so about fucking you earlier, but now I don’t want to. I just want to go soon.”
She then pulls up her leg…
Jade: “Does it look like I came out to fuck tonight? Look at my fucking legs. I didn’t even shave today.”
At this point, I am absolutely PISSED off. I can’t believe I wasted my fucking time on this girl. If I would have known that she was full of bullshit, I would have moved on to the next girl.
We then sit in absolute silence for about 10-15 minutes; watching TV while I fuck around on the internet. The tension is fucking THICK, and the situation is very awkward. I am so fucking pissed off. Don’t waste my fucking time. Nothing pisses me off more than when someone wastes my fucking time. You know what? Fuck this shit. No smooth shit. No asshole shit. No games shit. Straight to the fucking point. I turn my head over towards her…
Me: “Wanna fuck?”
And I just look her dead in her eyes…
Jade: “Dude, yes! My pussy is WET!”
She then plays around on her phone for a few seconds and gets naked. And of course, I murder the pussy. Sage then walks in on us. We finish, and still talk shit to each other…
Me: "Your pussy is too small."
Jade: "Please, motherfucker. Pussy expands."
Whatever she says. She still has a little pussy...
Jade: “For real though, it was good. We’re cool."
And she reaches to give me a high five. She looks at Sage...
Jade: “You wanna fuck him? It’s cool. I won’t get mad. If you wanna fuck him, then fuck him.”
Sage laughs and heads back outside with Bobby Jones. I call Jade a taxi home. She then reveals to me…
Jade: “That was my boyfriend that I was texting. Hahahaha.”
Fucked some dude’s chick. Nothing new to me. We head outside. I sit down. Look at Sage’s lips…
Me: “You know, I’ve never had my dick sucked by a girl with braces.”
And she bursts out laughing…
Sage: “What do you want me to do with them, rub my braces on your dick?”
Me: “Actually, I prefer Invisalign, but metal braces are cool too.”
And she starts laughing again…
Sage: “You are something else.”
She turns to Jade…
Sage: “This guy is off the hook.”
You know it. What? I wanted my dick sucked again by a different girl on the same night. Can you blame me for going for it? I want something and I go for it. No room for misinterpretation. The taxi comes. I expect both girls to leave, but what happens? Let’s see…
Jade: “You’re staying and you‘re going to fuck Bobby Jones. I gotta go home.”
Not one to be a cockblock, I go back inside and let Bobby Jones do his thing. He then comes rushing in a minute or two later…
Bobby Jones: “Tits son! I had those titties all in my mouth!”
I knew that he wasn’t going to fuck her because he has a girlfriend, but he did what he had to do in order to make sure that I got laid. He ends up sending Sage home with Jade. This is what the fuck I mean by teamwork. Oh, and we did all of this with no phone numbers.
http://www.realassanova.com
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