Saturday, December 27, 2008
5 Typical things women say to men and what they mean.
Hey guys,
I often say that women give the best pick up advice, as long as you don’t listen to what they tell you to do. Women give their advice through their reactions. They also give their advice to you through what they say, you just have to know how to translate it.
So today in part one of my 3 part series on “Speaking Womanese” we’re going to look at some typical things women say when meeting new men, and what they actually mean.
1. “ I have a boyfriend”.
This particular phrase can mean a variety of things based on when and how it is brought up in the conversation. The first realization you have to make about girls telling you they have boyfriends, is that it’s not always true. Often times the girl will say she has a boyfriend just to avoid having to be rude or waste her time entertaining a guy she’s not interested in all night. Women will also say things like “we’re lesbians” or “we’re together” to get rid of you in a socially acceptable way.
If a woman tells you she has a boyfriend REALLY early on in the conversation (like in the first 3 minutes or less) she really means “I’m not interested in you romantically”. Women hate social awkwardness, so if she’s really not into the conversation and she can tell you’re hitting on her, saying she has a boyfriend is a nice friendly way out of the discomfort.
If a woman tells you she has a boyfriend when you are trying to escalate the interaction(by getting a phone number or trying to get her to leave with you) it generally means one of two things. Either she has let the interaction go further than she intended and she wants to let you know you don’t have a chance. Or she is trying to let you know that this may be a one time thing.
If a woman casually mentions a boyfriend by saying something like “my boyfriend and I” or “we like to..” then she is generally just letting you know the situation but may still be open to escalating the interaction. At which point it becomes an issue of morality outside the scope of this newsletter ☺
2. “We’re not having sex tonight!”
If a woman tells you she’s not going to have sex with you, she’s already thinking about it. Women throw up the “we’re not having sex tonight.” objection because they realize that things are starting to heat up between the two of you. They do this because they have to be able to maintain plausible deniability. Maintaining plausible deniability means that you always take responsibility for escalation. This goes for everything from making the first approach, to giving her an excuse she can tell her friends about why she left the club with you. Everything is your responsibility. The girl has to be able to explain to her friends that she wasn’t going back to your place to get fucked senseless. She was going over to save some money on drinks “or “ have a nightcap before she headed home.” But then “one thing led to another…”
So when she says “we’re not having sex tonight” she means “ I want you to convince me that there won’t be any consequences for me if I have sex with you tonight.” This is where showing a girl that you don’t kiss and tell is crucial. You have to show the girl that you are not going to hurt her reputation or lose respect for her if she sleeps with you.
If a woman tells you she’s not having sex with you tonight, you should always respond “ I was just about to tell you the same thing.” Ideally though you want to tell the girl that you’re not having sex with her first. I always treat that statement like the finish line of a race you want to get to first.
3. “ I don’t (kiss, have sex, have a threesome with midgets) on the (first night, first date, 3rd date).
When a woman gives you a rule like “ I don’t kiss on the first date.” Or “ I don’t have sex until the 3rd date.” She is sending a clear message. She is not sure about you. She doesn’t necessarily know if she sees you in her life long term or if you’re just some guy she’ll go on a couple of dates with and forget. So because of this she’s starting to lay down rules. Now some girls actually do have rules about their dating lives, but most don’t. Most women simply go with what’s bringing in the most good emotions. If she’s starting to get all logical she’s not that into you…
If a woman says something like this, it’s a great opportunity to inject some humor and flip the script on the girl. If a girl ever gives me a rule, I just respond “ Cool is that you’re only rule or do you have more before I get to tell you mine?” Now sometimes she’ll have some more rules, but once she’s done I’ll give her a ridiculous list of rules that I have until she’s laughing so hard she’s forgotten what we were talking about. The more random and funny the better. Some of my favorites are enforcing a casual dress Fridays where she’s not allowed to wear pants, reminding her that Tuesday is “Feed Jon Grapes and Fan him day” and more.
4. “ You’re a (jerk, player, asshole)
When a woman playfully insults you or accuses you of being a jerk, player, dirty old man, whatever… she’s actually saying “ I’m kinda attracted to you and I want to see if you’re really cool, or pretending.” Because men can lie, women have to have a way of figuring out which guys are actually cool, and which guys are faking it. So when you are getting attraction from girls early on, they will often “test” you.
The best way to deal with tests from women is to agree and exaggerate. What most guys do wrong is they disagree and then try to show a girl how they’re not a jerk or a player. This is bad because it sets an underlying theme of you trying to live up to her expectations instead of vice versa. So instead you always agree when a woman accuses or insults you. Then you exaggerate the comment to absurdity. So for example if a girl accuses you of being a player, you can say “ Yeah I’m actually pretty booked up right now but I can slot you in next Thursday if you promise to be good. “ or “ Yeah, I was actually recently voted the 6th biggest player in a mid major city by people magazine.”
5. “Let’s Just be Friends.”
When a girl you’ve just met tells you that she just wants to be friends, what she really means is that she’s not interested in you at all. Most people, especially attractive women don’t make friends from failed pickup attempts. The fact that she’s suggesting being friends means that she’s not interested in you romantically. Plus she’s worried that you’re expecting something more. If a girl tells you she just wants to be friends you’re pretty much out of luck. In rare circumstances you can escape the friend zone, but you are officially out of the “Ultimate Relationship Proposition” category. So if you actually do want to be friends with her(without it being part of a long term seduction plan) then continue to get her phone number and try to hang out with her. Just be sure to mention that you are only trying to be her friend, lest she suspect you’re trying to get in her pants. It also may be a good idea to hang out with her in a mixed group of your friends and her friends. This will help it feel less like a date the first couple of times you guys hang out. Female friends are a huge blessing. I highly recommend that everyone reading this makes friends with at least 5 women you’re interested in.
Ok, so that sums up what women really mean when they say things like “ we’re not having sex tonight” or “ Let’s Just Be Friends.” Next time I’m going to be breaking down how women communicate using body language, eye contact and spatial relevance.
Till next time,
S
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Can You Really Seduce A Stranger In A 6 Minutes
Hey guys,
Wanted to drop you a quick line today to talk about what's possible.
When I first got started in The Secret Underground Internet Seduction Community, I thought it was really difficult just to start a conversation with a stranger. Well 6 years later things are a little different, and I want to share this story from Vegas with everyone, not to brag, but to show you that ANYTHING is possible. Even consistent 6 minute seductions.
As many of you may know, I made the horrible decision to stay in Vegas for 4 days in between my first two 12 Months To Mastery bootcamps.(To learn why this was a bad idea check out my blog post on The Vegas Tipping point at http://sinnsofattraction.blogspot.com/2009/01/vegas-tipping-point.html ) Well Tuesday night Priest and I decided to hit the best party in town. Pure at Caesar's Palace. At Pure I did a number of approaches and nothing was going that well. Priest and I had a 2 set going but my girl was being way too ADD and she wasn't hot enough to get away with it :) So at around 2:30, I decide if we're going to keep gaming, we should be gaming at our hotel.
That's lesson number 1 for those of you looking to get laid fast! Know your logistics and keep them as favorable as possible. It's much harder to pull a girl from a club to a different hotel. If you can just go up an elevator, the pull becomes much easier.
So we head back to The Hard Rock. The Circle Bar was actually fairly lively for a Tuesday at 3 AM. There were a few sets and I start to look for girls who look bored, sexual, or like they want to trade up. Girls often settle for guys earlier in the night and then decide they don't like them later on. I want to find those girls. What I do to find these girls is make a rotation of the bar. However, you don't want it to look like you're "on the prowl" so you have to make a confused face like you're looking for a friend of yours. This is key to retaining social value.
The next part of super fast lays, is eye contact. You want to make searing, burning eye contact with as many girls as possible. Just make sure you still keep a smile on your face. You're looking for one of two responses. You want to approach girls who quickly break eye contact by looking down. This is a sign of sexual submission. Or you want to find girls who look away and then look back. There was a group of 3 hotties and as I was walking by, the blonde looked at me and then looked back as I walked by. I take an extra step, check my phone just cause I'm procrastinating and walk over.
I want to mention the next key point for super fast lays. Fashion and stereotyping. I was wearing a black pinstriped blazer with zippers all over it. Under that I had on a T-shirt I found in Australia with Sienna Miller flipping the bird topless, a pair of True Religion distressed jeans and my old school New Rocks. There's nothing spectacular about the outfit but it stands out without being weird. As usual I was the best dressed guy in the venue and the girls notice. If you don't get stared at or opened because of your fashion, you're doing something wrong. There are tons of great resources out there from style.com, to kinowear.com. There's no excuse for bad style, or not having an overall theme/stereotype to your look. Gone are the days when we can pretend fashion and presentation doesn't matter to getting laid. It does matter, and it's fully within your control.
After the eye contact I walked back over and said "hi" the girl immediately started telling me that she worked as a cocktail waitress at Treasure Island, she never goes out, and she's only here cause her brother's girlfriend (The Asian girl to her left) dragged her out. This is what's known as her qualifying herself to me off the opener. I now know she's attracted, it's 3 AM and she's with her brother's girlfriend. All signs are go, for the 10 minute lay. Then she asks me if I'm gay.
I get the gay thing once or twice a week, it's not a horrible problem as it allows me to escalate super fast. I say " I'm not gay and I'll prove it. Close your eyes." and then I kiss her. She practically sucks my face off. So I decide it's super on, and I'm gonna go for the 5 minute pull. I say " What are you guys up to right now?" She responds that they're waiting for her brother. I say "cool, shit I forgot my cigarettes upstairs. I'm gonna go get them." She starts to freak out her that I'm leaving, which is exactly what I wanted. this is a very subtle use of a take-away. Here I use it to gain emotional momentum to get her to come upstairs with me. She says " no, don't go! We'll get one down here." I say " Naw I only smoke Marlboro's, come upstairs with me to grab em. We'll be back before your brother gets here." She asks her friends if they're cool with that and away we go. Here, I just create some excuse for plausible deniability. As you can see it wasn't even that good of an excuse. But it worked.
Meet to elevator 3 minutes.
In the Elevator I ramp arousal. This is another key to quickies. I slam the girl against the wall, makeout with her and feel her up. Then as soon as we get to floor 4, I walk out of the elevator fast. This is a HUGE sexual push/pull. She gets aroused and starts to feel good and then it's gone. We get into the room and I throw her on the bed and pin her arms above her head. I go for the boobs then she says " When are you gonna fuck me? Before or after we smoke a cigarette? I laugh and we have sex. I look at the clock as I'm inside her and it's literally 6 minutes from when I checked my phone before going into the set.
I never would have imagined this was possible 6 years ago. But these situations happen to me all the time now. And they can happen to you too. The lesson to take out of this is not just controlling logistics in your favor, using eye contact to screen approaches, or ramping arousal as you're pulling. The real idea is that results like this are possible. A lot of times we read things like the "7 hour rule" or a girl tells us she doesn't sleep with guys right away and we get discouraged. The truth is seductions like this happen all over the world EVERY night of the week. It's just up to you to get out there and make it happen.
Til next time,
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Vegas Tipping Point
Hey guys,
I want to talk about the Vegas Tipping Point. I'm not sure if this is an original thought or I stole it from Bill Simmons, but I believe Vegas has a shelf life of 48-72 hours. By the by I was just in vegas for 12 days. Not as bad as the several weeks I spent there back in late 05 but I digress. My cycle in Vegas goes something like this.
Thursday Night: Yeah Vegas!!!! I wanna drink, gamble, smoke cigarettes, see boobs, and eat horrible food. I also want to hit on as many girls as possible.
Friday Morning: Jesus I feel like death, oh well let's get a buffet lunch and lounge around til it's time to start drinking. Yeah Vegas!
Saturday Morning: Kill me, I can't believe I have to party for another night. Oh well I get to go home tomorrow at least.
Sunday Morning: Get me out of here so I can lay down and drink a tall glass of milk in a very dark room.
Add in the fact that I have to teach bootcamp until Sunday night and often have to stay until Mon morning and you can see why that cycle 4 times in 12 days is evil. I hit the tipping point of wanting to go home Monday morning when Entropy and Doc left. I should have gone home as well but had the genius idea to save a couple hundred bucks and stay in Vegas for 4 days rather than buy extra plane tickets. I was wrong. So very wrong. I did get a 6 minute lay with a cocktail waitress on Tues night and we made some good contacts, but I hate Vegas now. I never want to go back and I go back in 17 days...
This time though I'm flying in early Fri morning and leaving Sunday afternoon. This time I will obey the Tipping point.
My dad used to tell me Vegas was only for 24-48 hours. Now I understand why.
I really don't understand what it is, but my guess is it's a combination of lack of sleep, constant stimulation, everything bad in the world all available in one place, no nature, and 02 being pumped into you at all times.
Bad times my friends, bad times indeed.
As a final illustration of my point I'll offer Entropy's last night. We were all too tired to go clubbing, so we drank in my room instead. Myself, Priest and Entropy drank two and a half bottles of vodka and a handle of Jack Daniels. Then at 3:30 AM we decided it's a good idea to go gambling. Since I always lose at the Hard Rock where we were staying, we go to Wild Bill's across the street. I then proceed to break my "no trips to an ATM while gambling" rule lose a lot of money and drink more. We then ate nachos and potato skins. This was a "chill" night in Vegas. Entropy was still drunk when he got on a plane 3 hours later.
I stayed for 9 more days of shit like that.
S
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