The Dogma of “Just Have Fun” by Entropy

Tags: Inner Game, State
A lot of new guys hit a point where they decide suddenly that the answer to all of their problems is to “just have fun” and to forget sarging, because if you’re having fun, things will just kind of happen. Community dogma has somewhat reflected this, saying that you should always aim to have fun first and sarge second. You constantly hear lines of “just have fun,” and “be the party.” There’s something to be said about this, but I think a lot of new guys use this mentality to rationalize some excuses.

Let me explain:

You can go out specifically to sarge and have fun.
You can go out specifically to sarge and not have fun.
You can go out to have fun and have fun.
You can go out to have fun and not have fun.

From this, we can deduce that there’s no causation between “having fun” and sarging. You had great and shitty nights out before you joined the community, and you’ll continue to have both after you join the community. Fun has nothing to do with sarging. Rather, having fun is tied to your emotional state that night.

What I see a lot is new guys going out “to sarge”, have a shitty night and then they say “fuck this, we’re just going to have fun from now on,” as if the two are mutually exclusive. What you’re doing is hiding from your failure to sarge that night. You’re protecting your ego from the let-down of, “wow, I went out to meet women and I didn’t meet a single one. What a shitty night.” You decide to avoid the pressure you put on yourself to open sets. If you can avoid that pressure and just “have fun” you won’t have to deal with massive amounts of AA.

As a result, you decide your goal is to now “have fun” which will involve standing around with your buddies and not opening sets — because you’re out to “have fun” and not necessarily to practice your social skills.

New guys should ALWAYS go out with the intent of sarging. If you want to get better with women, you need to push yourself to get better with women. It’s that simple. If you want to sit around and have fun with your buddies, you can do that at home in front of the TV. There’s a reason you’re at a bar and not in someone’s living room. Do you expect some chick to magically run into you and decide to fuck you or something? You need to take matters into your own hands.

More experienced guys don’t have this issue because “sarging” and “having fun” have become almost synonymous. I can’t imagine sitting in a bar for two hours without opening a set anymore. I’d be bored out of my mind. Again, if I just wanted to chill with my buddies, I’d invite them over to watch basketball or something. You’re in a bar for a REASON.

As a newbie, your goals should be:
- ALWAYS go out with the intent to sarge.
- ALWAYS go out with the intent to have fun.

Once you become more experienced, you’ll find yourself having fun whether you sarged well or not. This will become a non-issue. Until then, don’t hide behind the idea of “having fun” to rationalize reasons to not work on your skill set. You either want to get good with women or you don’t. If you do, then shut up and open sets.

There’s no rule that says that having a poor night of sarging isn’t “fun.” You’re too attached to the outcome if that’s the case. Everyone has shitty nights in field, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good night.

Disconnect the two. “Fun” happens in your head. “Sarging” happens at the bars. Don’t get the two mixed up.