Tags: Advice, Inner Game
The Personalizing Pickup series is a series of articles that focus on the fact that not all guys are created equal and therefore, not all guys should learn to pick up women in the same way. Whereas other methods and philosophies prescribe a one-size-fits-all model — be it “canned” or “natural” — teaching men what they need to be good with women should be done on a case-by-case basis.
Put simply: No two men are the same, therefore no two guys should game the same.
It’s an exciting time in that the breadth of knowledge in the seduction community has reached the point where any guy can learn what he needs. The problem now is separating the necessary knowledge from the unnecessary knowledge, the relevant from the irrelevant. This will be different for every guy. In this series I set out to create a model in which for guys to learn exactly what THEY need, nothing less, nothing more.
I. What Do You Want?
II. Learning Styles and Inner Game
III. Natural Advantages/Disadvantages
IV. Skills and Talents
V. Current Sticking Points and Issues
What I started doing at lair talks about six months ago is instead of giving any prepared seminar or set agenda, I would ask guys to stand up, introduce themselves and talk about what problems they’re having with game right now. I would then work through the issues with the guys in front of the group so everyone could learn from it.
This has been a wildly successful talk. And I think part of the reason why (other than personalizing my content), is that it’s showing guys that only a minority for any given material is ever relevant to them at any given time.
What I mean by that is this. If I stood up in front of the room and gave a presentation on attraction game, escalation, deep comfort game, relationship management, inner game — no matter what I say, the material will always only be relevant for a minority of the group at the time because only a minority of guys will ever be addressing those particular issues at that time.
When you’re focusing on how to approach, you don’t need to know about relationship management. When you need to work on your SNL logistics, you’re not concerned about gaining attraction anymore.
Like a student of mine said once: “I heard the stuff you said, but I wasn’t ready to learn it yet back then.”
This is a really important concept, because it’s the root of the “information overload” that’s so problematic in the scene right now.
Guys may run into a sticking point, let’s say conversations for instance, except they don’t realize it. So instead they consume information and product and product about everything under the sun. They’re taking shots in the dark, hoping to solve their issue through sheer lucky of stumbling upon the right information — or often reviewing information they don’t need to work on.
More often than not, guys are really only being held up with one of the following:
- Approaching
- Maintaining conversation
- Building attraction
- Escalating
- Dominance and Aggression
- Building comfort
- Follow up game and dates
- Getting sexual, closing
There are a few other minor sticking points here and there, but I’d say that 95% of guys will fall into one of these categories.
And the thing is, you only get stuck on ONE AT A TIME.
So look at that list. Where are you stuck right now? Focus on it and forget everything else.
A lot is being said these days about how coaching is a scam and how you can’t change overnight, etc., etc.
In my opinion, this is the value of having a coach. A coach can watch you in two sets and immediately know where you’re stuck and give you multiple ways to unstick yourself. Without a coach there to point it out, it can be like banging your head against a brick wall trying things over and over and over.
That’s it for this series. I’ll be going back and adding in all the links and making a main post. I probably could have gone into a bit more detail with a couple of the posts. I still think the idea of “personalizing pickup” is horribly overlooked in this industry. Unfortunately, prospects and newbies who come into this find “one size fits all” models and gimmicks far more appealing.
Oh well…
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