Personalizing Pickup: What Do You Want?

Tags: Coaching, Inner Game
The Personalizing Pickup series is a series of articles that focus on the fact that not all guys are created equal and therefore, not all guys should learn to pick up women in the same way. Whereas other methods and philosophies prescribe a one-size-fits-all model — be it “canned” or “natural” — teaching men what they need to be good with women should be done on a case-by-case basis.

Put simply: No two men are the same, therefore no two guys should game the same.

It’s an exciting time in that the breadth of knowledge in the seduction community has reached the point where any guy can learn what he needs. The problem now is separating the necessary knowledge from the unnecessary knowledge, the relevant from the irrelevant. This will be different for every guy. In this series I set out to create a model in which for guys to learn exactly what THEY need, nothing less, nothing more.

I. What Do You Want?
II. Learning Styles and Inner Game
III. Natural Advantages/Disadvantages
IV. Skills and Talents
V. Current Sticking Points and Issues

This is the first installment and focuses on the first question that every guy should be asked: “What is it that you want?”

I ask EVERY student this question when I first meet them, as well as most guys who come to me for advice, guys who ask questions during presentations, people who email me, etc.

It’s because the answer to this question colors EVERYTHING you do from here on out. It determines how you’ll be gaming each girl, which girls you’ll be gaming, and how good you’ll need to get to reach your goals.

Are you looking for a new girlfriend/wife? Do you want to be able to pull SNL’s consistently? Do you want a harem or a solid rotation of women? Do you just want to have more options with women in general or to be more social in general?

The answer is incredibly important. I see too many guys who want to meet a great girlfriend learning and practicing material and techniques designed for SNL’s and club game. Guys who just want to increase their social skills and confidence start trying cracked-out routines to get girls to fall in love with them or tell bizarre and false stories.

What do you WANT?

If you want a girlfriend, you need to focus on screening girls early and often. Avoid night clubs and bars. Learn day game and going on good dates. Your game will be comfort, comfort, comfort. You want to get to know the girl as much as possible, as soon as possible and then be able to decide if you want to enter a relationship with her or not.

If you want SNL’s. You need to focus on attraction game, super fast escalation and logistics. You should be hitting clubs constantly. You should work on being social proofed out the ass at those clubs. You should dress flashy and have a crazier lifestyle.

If you want to build up a rotation, you need a more balanced mix of game. You need a bit of everything, but you also need to focus a lot on comfort, relationship management, phone/text game and handling expectations.

Guys who simply want to have more options with women should make basic efforts to make themselves more attractive (what I call building their “passive attraction”): developing their lifestyle, dressing and grooming better, becoming a better conversationalist, etc.

Guys who need to develop their social skills mostly need reps. They need to be thrown into social situations as much as possible because they were either sheltered or withdrawn growing up. They’re playing catch-up. They need to be drilled on abilities to help them think on their toes, develop a sense of humor and relate to people more easily and often.

As you can see, there’s not a one-size-fits-all answer to game. Different guys want different things, so they should learn different things.

I’ll be back next week focusing on the inner game component of how to get good with women, but not in a traditional sense. What I’ll focus on is not the inner game with women, but the inner game of learning. Some guys learn faster than others and are able to change themselves more quickly and efficiently.