Tags: Advice, Inner Game
The Personalizing Pickup series is a series of articles that focus on the fact that not all guys are created equal and therefore, not all guys should learn to pick up women in the same way. Whereas other methods and philosophies prescribe a one-size-fits-all model — be it “canned” or “natural” — teaching men what they need to be good with women should be done on a case-by-case basis.
Put simply: No two men are the same, therefore no two guys should game the same.
It’s an exciting time in that the breadth of knowledge in the seduction community has reached the point where any guy can learn what he needs. The problem now is separating the necessary knowledge from the unnecessary knowledge, the relevant from the irrelevant. This will be different for every guy. In this series I set out to create a model in which for guys to learn exactly what THEY need, nothing less, nothing more.
I. What Do You Want?
II. Learning Styles and Inner Game
III. Natural Advantages/Disadvantages
IV. Skills and Talents
V. Current Sticking Points and Issues
This installment will cover the next factor I evaluate when figuring out how to get a guy from point A to point B with women.
It’s well known that not everybody learns the same way in an academic setting, well that’s doubly true when it comes to learning pick up. Some guys are motivated by negative feedback, some by positive feedback. Some guys want to focus on what they want, others want to focus on what they DON’T want.
When I first meet a girl, I’ll tease her lightly to see how she handles it. If she responds well, I’ll keep doing it. If she doesn’t, I’ll stop. I calibrate to her.
I kind of calibrate like this with students as well. Some students react well to a coach getting in their face and telling them they suck, pointing out every flaw, and nitpicking everything they do. For some guys, that’s what they need to hear to get motivated.
Other guys prefer to be encouraged. If you start berating them and telling them that they’re shit, they’ll become deterred or even defensive. But if you encourage them, helping them focus on their goals and what they can achieve, they become motivated and perform.
There are other learning styles as well that we all have to be aware of. Some guys learn very quickly, but they need to SEE how it’s done first to process it. Other guys learn very slowly and they need a lot of repetition DOING it over and over.
This is where doing demo sets versus making the student do sets comes in. If I think the student needs a lot of repetition and is just trying to get out of approaching, I won’t demo. But if he seems like he’s pretty lost on exactly what he should be doing, I’ll demo and try to show him.
Finally, your inner game determines greatly your ability to learn. I feel like this is an untapped subject in the community. Not your inner game with women, but your inner game in general with learning.
Some guys are simply horrible at instituting new behaviors. They don’t know how to change themselves. Other guys are horribly un-disciplined. A lot of guys don’t hold themselves to high standards, or have poor beliefs about themselves. Most of these things are unconscious in the students, so it’s important to find a mentor/coach/guru who can spot these issues and uproot them for you. If a guy is plateau’ing for a long period of time, it’s usually because of an inner game issue.
It bothers me that a lot of these aspects are ignored right now in the community. Coaches for some companies get paid to drink beer and watch guys approach. Other coaches get paid to hit on girls while guys stand around and watch. When it comes down to it, neither method will get results.
And even if you are going out alone and have no intentions of working with someone or taking a bootcamp, it’s important to be aware of these things within yourself so you can keep yourself motivated, diligent and on-target throughout your development.
I’ll be back next time talking about how every guy must evaluate his natural advantages and disadvantages and adapt his game to them.
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