I’m down in New York City right now. I come down here a lot for work, and this town never ceases to amaze me. There are gorgeous women EVERYWHERE — both day and night. NYC has far more night venues than any other major US city, all of which go to at least 4AM. And then you walk around Manhattan in the day and you literally can’t more than a block without seeing a woman who’s approach-worthy. It really is amazing. Then you throw in summer weather, all of the models/fashion industry, and overwhelming amount of awesome day 2/bounce spots — I think I’m declaring NYC the best North American city to sarge in. If you live here, you have no excuse. Miami may be the only place that compares in quality, but definitely not quantity (or taste), LA is a fucking joke, and Chicago, although as big and stays partying as late, the girls aren’t as hot there. Austin’s got hot girls, but it’s too small and they’re pruder. Boston has the same vibe but is smaller and ends way too early. Nope… NYC is the way to go.
But enough about that, I just wanted to pop in since I haven’t updated in a while. The European trip is coming together GREAT. It looks like I’m going to make stops in at least 4-5 different cities, do a lot of lair talks, and coach a handful of guys. I’m really looking forward to it.
So today, I just wanted to give a quick mailbag question I got recently about lifestyle and communicating your lifestyle.
I have purchased your ebook but i am just trying to understand how my passions would integrate into my identity and the way i dress.
I work in IT as a day time job and outside work i teach reality based self defense. Now I am very passionate about this as i have been involved in the martial arts since i was 14 years old (i am now 42 years old yes just learning the game now).
My question is how do i communicate this to a girl without boasting ?. I dont ahve problems flirting and building rapport. My issue is projecting this part of my personality as part of my identity both verbally and non verbally. I hope this makes sense.
Thanks.
I wouldn’t get too hung up worrying about boasting. I mean, a lot of women will be impressed by it, but a lot won’t care. I’ve worked with guys who were 4th degree blackbelts and shit and talking about it never did anything but help them.
Just keep in mind, what you actually love to do isn’t actually as important as why you do it. I mean, most women aren’t really going to care about martial arts at all. The question is, WHY are you passionate about it? WHY do you love it? WHY is it the one thing you really love to do? What does that say about yourself? That’s what women will care about.
Think more about working that into the conversation. What does your martial arts background say about you and how can you integrate that into your interactions more? The actual FACTS of your life are going to come up randomly any way, but what you want to focus on talking about is the personality that drives your lifestyle.
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Hammer
Jul 24, 2009 12:41
As an NYCer, I’m not going to disagree with you. That said, I think that an important point about NYC is that the women here are in general harder to game, i.e. there is much less room for error with them, and they are much less easily impressed. But that’s actually something that I like about NYC girls, because a lot of them have a lot more going on and are just a lot more interesting in general than elsewhere in the country.
Anyway, not sure if you’re teaching tonight or just out on the town, but email me if you want to hang or need some venue recommendations or promoter connections.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Mailbag — Getting and Having Girlfriends
Another Friday, another mailbag. I’m in Minnesota, hanging out in some beautiful weather. Today we’re focusing more on relationship issues and getting a girlfriend. As always, if you have questions you want me to answer, either email them to me or submit them here in the comments section.
Mark,
Love the new layout of the site, sick…it looks very professional. This is kind of a two part question. Again, if you don’t have time to read/respond to this email, don’t sweat it.
What are some qualities or traits that a GF looks for in her BF?
And in your opinion, how much does great sex (assuming that is a quality she looks for in her man) account for the GF’s attractiveness to her BF, accounting for the other qualities that the GF feels attraction for said BF? I’m imagining a pie chart with all the qualities broken up and what chunk of that pie chart is great sex.
Not sure if it matters, but said GF is experienced when it comes to sex.
Thanks.
Hani
Well, the honest answer is: it depends. Just like different guys prefer different girls for girlfriends, different girls look for different traits in guys for boyfriends. For instance, a shallow, coke-blowing club whore will be more interested in how many muscles a guy has. A Ph.D student in Theology is going to be more concerned about your morals, intellect and spirituality.
That relationship drive really comes down to compatible personality and emotionall connection more than anything else.
As for sex, yes, sex plays a very important role in a relationship. On a pie chart? Again, it’ll differ from woman to woman, but I’d say sex makes up a sizeable portion (maybe 1/4 or even 1/3). I call sex, “The State of the Union” of the relationship, because it’s when youre intimacy comes together and expresses itself. So if you’re physically not able to express that intimacy with her, frustration will ensue.
As to the experience question, the more experienced a girl is (i.e., the better in bed other guys have been), the less patience and tolerance she’ll have for poor sex. If she’s inexperienced, she’ll have a much higher tolerance.
I recently met this girl who’s amazing. Hotter than any other girl I’ve been with. How do I make her my girlfriend?
- Don
I personally believe in slowing down the commitment process as much as possible. If you want a girlfriend, that’s great, but don’t rush into things. There are a few reasons for this:
1) It’s easy to get swept up in the “honeymoon” period when you first meet someone. Basically, the first 3-6 months you’re with someone, you get overwhelmed by hormones and passion and can often make stupid decisions.
2) I think it’s important to continue to date other women even if you really like one at first, it maintains an abundance mentality when you make your decision to commit.
3) Most guys underestimate the time/effort that comes with a full-time commitment and girlfriend. They’re often being needy as well.
With that said, I think it’s important to let her be the one to push for commitment. In most relationships that start out, one person wants to be with the other one more than the other. When this is the guy, women get turned off extremely easily, as you can come off as needy, or pushy. In my experience, when it’s the other way around, that’s when relationships make it out of that first year or so and equalize and become long-term and successful.
So I guess the short answer to “how do I make her my girlfriend,” is DON’T. Let it happen naturally, and let her push for it. My long answer and philosophy about going about getting a girlfriend can be read here: PUA’s Avoiding Relationships.
Hey Entropy,
I have a question that is less related to game and more to relationships. I just got out of a relationship that I was pretty invested in. The girl I was dating had a lot of things in her past to deal with and ended up deciding she needed to deal with them on her own. It was a shock because things were going great and she was frequently stating how much she liked me and making future plans. I followed the advice of Savoy from his relationship management DVDs so I think I did everything I could to keep the relationship fresh and exciting but I think in this case nothing could have prevented this.
Anyway, my question is do you have any recommendations for how to get over a break-up? Overall I feel pretty okay with it all but sometimes I feel like crap. Right now I don’t have much interest to go approach girls but I forced myself to do so anyway this weekend. Thanks a lot!
-Sal
Yes, use the emotions you feel as fuel to better yourself. Every time I get out of a break up and feel really down and depressed I harness those emotions to better myself, whether it be by working out a bunch, working on my business 16 hours a day or going out and trying new things. I frame it in my mind as,”Well, I’m going to become such a bad ass, she’ll regret doing this.” While I’m not ACTUALLY trying to get her back, it feels good to feel like you’re going to make her regret it.
If your hearts not that in approaching, I don’t know if I’d force it yet. Honestly, the best thing I found for break ups is exercise. Studies have actually shown that doing cardio speeds up emotional processing — for instance, if you feel depressed or guilty about something, running or biking will make you get over it faster than not. After a few weeks, you should start getting that “fire” again to go out and jump on every cute girl that walks by. So I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Focus on yourself for a few weeks, then focus on hitting on other girls.
Mark,
Love the new layout of the site, sick…it looks very professional. This is kind of a two part question. Again, if you don’t have time to read/respond to this email, don’t sweat it.
What are some qualities or traits that a GF looks for in her BF?
And in your opinion, how much does great sex (assuming that is a quality she looks for in her man) account for the GF’s attractiveness to her BF, accounting for the other qualities that the GF feels attraction for said BF? I’m imagining a pie chart with all the qualities broken up and what chunk of that pie chart is great sex.
Not sure if it matters, but said GF is experienced when it comes to sex.
Thanks.
Hani
Well, the honest answer is: it depends. Just like different guys prefer different girls for girlfriends, different girls look for different traits in guys for boyfriends. For instance, a shallow, coke-blowing club whore will be more interested in how many muscles a guy has. A Ph.D student in Theology is going to be more concerned about your morals, intellect and spirituality.
That relationship drive really comes down to compatible personality and emotionall connection more than anything else.
As for sex, yes, sex plays a very important role in a relationship. On a pie chart? Again, it’ll differ from woman to woman, but I’d say sex makes up a sizeable portion (maybe 1/4 or even 1/3). I call sex, “The State of the Union” of the relationship, because it’s when youre intimacy comes together and expresses itself. So if you’re physically not able to express that intimacy with her, frustration will ensue.
As to the experience question, the more experienced a girl is (i.e., the better in bed other guys have been), the less patience and tolerance she’ll have for poor sex. If she’s inexperienced, she’ll have a much higher tolerance.
I recently met this girl who’s amazing. Hotter than any other girl I’ve been with. How do I make her my girlfriend?
- Don
I personally believe in slowing down the commitment process as much as possible. If you want a girlfriend, that’s great, but don’t rush into things. There are a few reasons for this:
1) It’s easy to get swept up in the “honeymoon” period when you first meet someone. Basically, the first 3-6 months you’re with someone, you get overwhelmed by hormones and passion and can often make stupid decisions.
2) I think it’s important to continue to date other women even if you really like one at first, it maintains an abundance mentality when you make your decision to commit.
3) Most guys underestimate the time/effort that comes with a full-time commitment and girlfriend. They’re often being needy as well.
With that said, I think it’s important to let her be the one to push for commitment. In most relationships that start out, one person wants to be with the other one more than the other. When this is the guy, women get turned off extremely easily, as you can come off as needy, or pushy. In my experience, when it’s the other way around, that’s when relationships make it out of that first year or so and equalize and become long-term and successful.
So I guess the short answer to “how do I make her my girlfriend,” is DON’T. Let it happen naturally, and let her push for it. My long answer and philosophy about going about getting a girlfriend can be read here: PUA’s Avoiding Relationships.
Hey Entropy,
I have a question that is less related to game and more to relationships. I just got out of a relationship that I was pretty invested in. The girl I was dating had a lot of things in her past to deal with and ended up deciding she needed to deal with them on her own. It was a shock because things were going great and she was frequently stating how much she liked me and making future plans. I followed the advice of Savoy from his relationship management DVDs so I think I did everything I could to keep the relationship fresh and exciting but I think in this case nothing could have prevented this.
Anyway, my question is do you have any recommendations for how to get over a break-up? Overall I feel pretty okay with it all but sometimes I feel like crap. Right now I don’t have much interest to go approach girls but I forced myself to do so anyway this weekend. Thanks a lot!
-Sal
Yes, use the emotions you feel as fuel to better yourself. Every time I get out of a break up and feel really down and depressed I harness those emotions to better myself, whether it be by working out a bunch, working on my business 16 hours a day or going out and trying new things. I frame it in my mind as,”Well, I’m going to become such a bad ass, she’ll regret doing this.” While I’m not ACTUALLY trying to get her back, it feels good to feel like you’re going to make her regret it.
If your hearts not that in approaching, I don’t know if I’d force it yet. Honestly, the best thing I found for break ups is exercise. Studies have actually shown that doing cardio speeds up emotional processing — for instance, if you feel depressed or guilty about something, running or biking will make you get over it faster than not. After a few weeks, you should start getting that “fire” again to go out and jump on every cute girl that walks by. So I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Focus on yourself for a few weeks, then focus on hitting on other girls.
Mailbag! (3/20/09)
It’s the end of the week, and most of us should be heading out. This is actually the first Friday night I’ve had free in about a month, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do. But time to do another mail bag.
I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?
- Dan
Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.
Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.
But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.
And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.
I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?
- Rodrigo
If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.
You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.
Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.
- TR
I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.
Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.
Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?
- Anonymous
Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).
But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.
I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…
What do you think?
- Love Potion
Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.
This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.
So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.
I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?
- Dan
Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.
Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.
But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.
And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.
I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?
- Rodrigo
If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.
You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.
Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.
- TR
I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.
Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.
Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?
- Anonymous
Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).
But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.
I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…
What do you think?
- Love Potion
Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.
This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.
So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.
Mailbag: Escalation and Social Circles
It’s Friday, Mailbag day. I’ve been trying to go out and sarge again this last week, although it hasn’t actually happened yet. I haven’t really been out to sarge on my own in a few months. It always amazes me how easy it is to lose the momentum.
I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).
But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.
Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?
Thanks, Leo.
There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.
I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.
Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.
Thanks,
John
Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.
Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”
How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?
Thanks.
F
Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.
As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).
Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?
Best,
Adam
I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.
What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.
But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.
I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).
But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.
Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?
Thanks, Leo.
There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.
I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.
Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.
Thanks,
John
Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.
Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”
How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?
Thanks.
F
Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.
As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).
Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?
Best,
Adam
I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.
What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.
But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.
FR: Thanksgiving Adventures
Haven’t written just a fun FR in a long time and I had a pretty fun Thanksgiving holiday, so I thought I’d write it up for shits. There’s nothing really epic in these stories, just a bunch of fun and interesting situations with women.
Thursday, I headed over to a British friend’s place — he was holding Thanksgiving for Thanksgiving orphans. This is the first time I didn’t go home to Texas for the holidays, so it was nice to hang out with a bunch of friends and meet new people.
The meal and everything was great. One guy brought over four different Brazilian/Latina girls. They were nice, but I didn’t find any of them particularly attractive. I thought it was kind of funny though, because he’s going one on four with them and his friend just sat idly in the other room, doing nothing for him. The dude needed a wing. Myself and the host helped out a bit but then the guy switched targets after like two hours… and then an hour later he switched AGAIN. Oh, and now his friend finally comes in and occupies the first girl his friend was hitting on. All in all, it was a pretty textbook example of how NOT to handle set logistics and how NOT to wing. Both of these guys are in the community too. So if you guys read this, you seriously need to practice winging and coordinating! Shame!
Anyway, this 40-year-old cougar somehow got me on her lap and started giving me a back rub. Note to women: I’m the biggest whore for a good back rub. Start rubbing my back and I’ll do just about anything. No shame.
Well, after awhile the cougar starts not-so-subtly discussing how good she is at giving head and how men are never able to handle her. It’s pretty obvious what she wants.
I get up and go to the kitchen to get a drink and she follows me. As I grab the bottle I turn around and she’s just standing there facing me. Moment of truth… do I do it?
Nope… couldn’t. A year or two ago, I probably would have, but I just wasn’t attracted to her enough physically. As much as I love cougars, for whatever reason, once they’re more than 15 years older than me, it’s not hot anymore.
So the rest of the evening was spent subtly avoiding her. Luckily some other girls came over.
The next girl I ended up talking to was interesting. She was kind of edgy, had tattoos, black hair. Caught her looking at me a lot, so I eventually took the opportunity to sit next to her. Kino (on each other’s tattoos), and immediately get the conversation sexual. We quickly got into some kinky shit. I don’t even remember how, but I think I was telling her about the time I had a SNL where the girl wanted me to punch her in the face (I don’t mean hit or slap, I mean wind up and punch her), and how I couldn’t bring myself to do it and left.
Next thing I know, we’re talking about pissing on her and how she likes to be shackled up and treated like a slave. Uhh… whoa.
This conversation goes on for a bit and I’m getting tipsy. I pretty much tell her at point blank, “You know, I’d totally be down for that sometime.” These days, when I’m in deep comfort with girls I’ll usually just tell them out right what I want to do with them and it works better than anything else.
She smiles and says she has an exclusive boyfriend… and no they don’t do threesomes. What?! That’s so lame. But she gives me her number anyway in case things change.
Next day, I’ve got a one on one the first half of the night. But I run into a bunch of the senior Boston Lair guys — guys I haven’t gone out with and sarged with in a long time. I’m coaching until about midnight, and finally get in state and interested in sarging by about 1AM. (For whatever reason, coaching requires such a different mindset, that it’s actually hard to sarge for yourself and coach at the same time or in the same night… at least for me it is.)
In the meantime, I end up spending a long time goading these guys (was still a bit in coaching mode). One of them was the creepiest staring guy I’ve ever seen in my life. (Mr. Awesome, if you’re reading this, he made your worst nights look very tame). A girl would be 10 feet away and he’d just stare her down with his mouth open for a good 15 seconds, visibly creeping her and the rest of us out in the process.
The other senior lair guy, who has some game, then practically wet himself over a “perfect 10″ (She was like an 8.5 at most). So I twisted his arm to go direct on her for 20 minutes. This guy is pretty good and respected up here in Boston. So it was kind of fun to watch approach anxiety get the best of him. He eventually did open her, but it didn’t go anywhere.
So finally, I’m just standing around and all the sudden my buddy says, “Hey dude, that girl checked you out as she walked by.” I look over to see a tall brunette walking away. 5′9″, super skinny (model’s body), long legs, long brown hair — TOTALLY my type.
I walk straight over her. Go direct. Cold read — read is dead on, chick freaks out. Fluff a minute, tease her about her job. She gives IOI’s. I kino. Bounce to dance-floor in 10 minutes. Yup… STILL GOT IT.
But wait… shit’s fucking up. She will only dance with me for 30 seconds at a time or so and she keeps getting distracted by her friends. This is a fuck-up report right here guys, it turns out I was pretty rusty after all. I should have at least gotten a make out from this chick. For whatever reason, I read the situation that her buying temperature wasn’t high enough and so I kept caveman’ing her back to the dance floor, where she’d dance for 30 seconds, get awkward and start talking to her friends again. At the time, I was kind of at a loss for what was going on, I just assumed she wasn’t attracted enough, so at last call I just bailed.
Looking back, I think she just didn’t really dance a lot. Why? She was a bad dancer. She was an engineer (i.e., dork). She responded extremely warmly every time I cavemaned her, and when I pushed her about logistics, she was sure to make a point to say, “I don’t have a boyfriend and I definitely don’t want one.” (By the way, I responded, “Yeah, I don’t want a boyfriend either.”)
I should have cavemanned her to isolate and ditched the dancing. Should have been even more aggressive with the kino as it was last call anyway. Oh well, my wing wasn’t getting anywhere either, so we bounced.
Thursday, I headed over to a British friend’s place — he was holding Thanksgiving for Thanksgiving orphans. This is the first time I didn’t go home to Texas for the holidays, so it was nice to hang out with a bunch of friends and meet new people.
The meal and everything was great. One guy brought over four different Brazilian/Latina girls. They were nice, but I didn’t find any of them particularly attractive. I thought it was kind of funny though, because he’s going one on four with them and his friend just sat idly in the other room, doing nothing for him. The dude needed a wing. Myself and the host helped out a bit but then the guy switched targets after like two hours… and then an hour later he switched AGAIN. Oh, and now his friend finally comes in and occupies the first girl his friend was hitting on. All in all, it was a pretty textbook example of how NOT to handle set logistics and how NOT to wing. Both of these guys are in the community too. So if you guys read this, you seriously need to practice winging and coordinating! Shame!
Anyway, this 40-year-old cougar somehow got me on her lap and started giving me a back rub. Note to women: I’m the biggest whore for a good back rub. Start rubbing my back and I’ll do just about anything. No shame.
Well, after awhile the cougar starts not-so-subtly discussing how good she is at giving head and how men are never able to handle her. It’s pretty obvious what she wants.
I get up and go to the kitchen to get a drink and she follows me. As I grab the bottle I turn around and she’s just standing there facing me. Moment of truth… do I do it?
Nope… couldn’t. A year or two ago, I probably would have, but I just wasn’t attracted to her enough physically. As much as I love cougars, for whatever reason, once they’re more than 15 years older than me, it’s not hot anymore.
So the rest of the evening was spent subtly avoiding her. Luckily some other girls came over.
The next girl I ended up talking to was interesting. She was kind of edgy, had tattoos, black hair. Caught her looking at me a lot, so I eventually took the opportunity to sit next to her. Kino (on each other’s tattoos), and immediately get the conversation sexual. We quickly got into some kinky shit. I don’t even remember how, but I think I was telling her about the time I had a SNL where the girl wanted me to punch her in the face (I don’t mean hit or slap, I mean wind up and punch her), and how I couldn’t bring myself to do it and left.
Next thing I know, we’re talking about pissing on her and how she likes to be shackled up and treated like a slave. Uhh… whoa.
This conversation goes on for a bit and I’m getting tipsy. I pretty much tell her at point blank, “You know, I’d totally be down for that sometime.” These days, when I’m in deep comfort with girls I’ll usually just tell them out right what I want to do with them and it works better than anything else.
She smiles and says she has an exclusive boyfriend… and no they don’t do threesomes. What?! That’s so lame. But she gives me her number anyway in case things change.
Next day, I’ve got a one on one the first half of the night. But I run into a bunch of the senior Boston Lair guys — guys I haven’t gone out with and sarged with in a long time. I’m coaching until about midnight, and finally get in state and interested in sarging by about 1AM. (For whatever reason, coaching requires such a different mindset, that it’s actually hard to sarge for yourself and coach at the same time or in the same night… at least for me it is.)
In the meantime, I end up spending a long time goading these guys (was still a bit in coaching mode). One of them was the creepiest staring guy I’ve ever seen in my life. (Mr. Awesome, if you’re reading this, he made your worst nights look very tame). A girl would be 10 feet away and he’d just stare her down with his mouth open for a good 15 seconds, visibly creeping her and the rest of us out in the process.
The other senior lair guy, who has some game, then practically wet himself over a “perfect 10″ (She was like an 8.5 at most). So I twisted his arm to go direct on her for 20 minutes. This guy is pretty good and respected up here in Boston. So it was kind of fun to watch approach anxiety get the best of him. He eventually did open her, but it didn’t go anywhere.
So finally, I’m just standing around and all the sudden my buddy says, “Hey dude, that girl checked you out as she walked by.” I look over to see a tall brunette walking away. 5′9″, super skinny (model’s body), long legs, long brown hair — TOTALLY my type.
I walk straight over her. Go direct. Cold read — read is dead on, chick freaks out. Fluff a minute, tease her about her job. She gives IOI’s. I kino. Bounce to dance-floor in 10 minutes. Yup… STILL GOT IT.
But wait… shit’s fucking up. She will only dance with me for 30 seconds at a time or so and she keeps getting distracted by her friends. This is a fuck-up report right here guys, it turns out I was pretty rusty after all. I should have at least gotten a make out from this chick. For whatever reason, I read the situation that her buying temperature wasn’t high enough and so I kept caveman’ing her back to the dance floor, where she’d dance for 30 seconds, get awkward and start talking to her friends again. At the time, I was kind of at a loss for what was going on, I just assumed she wasn’t attracted enough, so at last call I just bailed.
Looking back, I think she just didn’t really dance a lot. Why? She was a bad dancer. She was an engineer (i.e., dork). She responded extremely warmly every time I cavemaned her, and when I pushed her about logistics, she was sure to make a point to say, “I don’t have a boyfriend and I definitely don’t want one.” (By the way, I responded, “Yeah, I don’t want a boyfriend either.”)
I should have cavemanned her to isolate and ditched the dancing. Should have been even more aggressive with the kino as it was last call anyway. Oh well, my wing wasn’t getting anywhere either, so we bounced.
Disidentifying with my Sex Life
This is another one of those personal posts dealing with the repercussions of living the PUA lifestyle for too long. It’s not glamorous or exciting. It deals with reality and some of the shit I’m struggling with since dedicating the last three years of my life to this pursuit.
I’ve been going out with some of my old college social circles a lot the last few weeks. I’ve been doing it because I’ve felt like I severely lost touch with my old social circles (which used to be wide and prosperous) since I left school and since I started coaching full time.
As you’ve probably noticed from my recent posts about the Post-PUA life, I’ve recognized that a large portion of my identity for the last three years was based on my sexuality and the validation I received from fucking a lot of girls.
I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.
This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the orifices in which I was sticking my cock. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year than my PUA lifestyle (that and my failed attempt in joining the 9-5 work world) and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But (Entropy), we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”
I kind of had a realization that this chronic identification and obsession with my sex life, my love life, women and my success with them dates back years and years before I ever was ever conscious of it. This makes sense, as this kind of obsession is what drives us to find the community in the first place.
If there’s a point to this post, I suppose it’s to say to be aware of the identity you’re creating for yourself. I realize now that I’m a successful PUA coach, that my biggest mission is to create a satisfying and exciting lifestyle for myself that DOESN’T revolve 100% around women. I had adopted the identity of the guy who chased ass and hooked up with tons of girls. I thought I had become engulfed with it and began suffering the repercussions of it only recently. But tonight has shown me that it’s been chronic throughout my young adult life for years, that it was only in the last year that I finally noticed it.
So there’s your monthly downer of a post-PUA post. This community and these skills are extremely helpful in your life fellas, but be conscious of what’s driving you to do this stuff. Always remember that life demands balance, and that obsession and dissection of every male/female interaction, no matter how helpful in the short-term, can be unhealthy in the long-term.
I’ve been going out with some of my old college social circles a lot the last few weeks. I’ve been doing it because I’ve felt like I severely lost touch with my old social circles (which used to be wide and prosperous) since I left school and since I started coaching full time.
As you’ve probably noticed from my recent posts about the Post-PUA life, I’ve recognized that a large portion of my identity for the last three years was based on my sexuality and the validation I received from fucking a lot of girls.
I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.
This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the orifices in which I was sticking my cock. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year than my PUA lifestyle (that and my failed attempt in joining the 9-5 work world) and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But (Entropy), we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”
I kind of had a realization that this chronic identification and obsession with my sex life, my love life, women and my success with them dates back years and years before I ever was ever conscious of it. This makes sense, as this kind of obsession is what drives us to find the community in the first place.
If there’s a point to this post, I suppose it’s to say to be aware of the identity you’re creating for yourself. I realize now that I’m a successful PUA coach, that my biggest mission is to create a satisfying and exciting lifestyle for myself that DOESN’T revolve 100% around women. I had adopted the identity of the guy who chased ass and hooked up with tons of girls. I thought I had become engulfed with it and began suffering the repercussions of it only recently. But tonight has shown me that it’s been chronic throughout my young adult life for years, that it was only in the last year that I finally noticed it.
So there’s your monthly downer of a post-PUA post. This community and these skills are extremely helpful in your life fellas, but be conscious of what’s driving you to do this stuff. Always remember that life demands balance, and that obsession and dissection of every male/female interaction, no matter how helpful in the short-term, can be unhealthy in the long-term.
My Results Have Been Stupid Lately
I hardly post about my field experiences and development as a PUA anymore. But when I started this blog over a year ago, that was ostensibly its purpose: to track my progress and journal my ideas. Obviously, it’s morphed into a lot more, but I feel like my game has transformed a bit recently so I wanted to post about it.
Long-time readers and friends will know that I kind of “peaked” last summer. This was when I was still going out 4-5 nights a week and getting really great results. About a year ago, I began coaching. I slowed down my sarging in the Spring for real-life reasons and then basically stopped completely by the summer-time.
This was partly due to the lifestyle adjustments to coaching PUA full-time — I actually grew to HATE sarging and actively avoided it unless I was doing demo sets for students. It was also partly because I completely emotionally committed myself to my girlfriend and had little interest or desire in other girls for a while.
My trip to Argentina really seemed to change a lot of that. Since then I’ve been sarging for myself sporadically. When I say, “sarge for myself,” I basically mean when I’m not teaching or just fucking around with friends.
Over the last two months, I’ve only sarged for myself maybe two nights a month. Most of my weekends are booked and most of my weeknights are spent with my girlfriend. But when I do get out, I’m enjoying gaming again.
And I’ve noticed something. The last two months my results have been retardedly good.
I don’t mean crazy good as in going out every night and getting eight lays in two weeks — as far as I know, Sinn is still the king of that.
I mean my batting average has been ridiculous. My consistency has been obscene.
If I had to put some numbers to it, these would be my estimates: five nights, 10-12 sets total; two SNL’s, one threesome, two make-outs, two lays that I turned down, two girls with long-term boyfriends forcing their phone numbers on me anyway (I don’t home-wreck anymore). I can only think of one blow out. I can only think of one set that I fucked up. Two of the nights were literally one-set-nights: one and done. One girl who I ejected from one night after poor logistics hunted me down on Facebook a month later and told me that I was so “memorable,” she had to try to find me (in case you’re wondering, my open relationship status scared her away).
Two of these five nights were filmed and will be viewable sometime in 2009, results and all.
On top of the stupid results, every night I’ve been having fun, not pressuring myself to perform or open, and feel 100% centered and present from the second I open until I close in each set. I know this isn’t a coincidence, as inner game and outer game always correlate with one another.
But I’ve been trying to figure out what changed during my Post PUA Life Crisis that did this.
Now, I’ll be first to admit that since I sarge so seldomly, I am pre-selecting more often. I’ll also be the first to point out that there’s always a large element of luck involved in gaming, and I could very well have just found the right girls on the right nights.
But from an subjective point of view, I definitely feel different when I sarge now. Something has changed. And as always, I have theories:
1) Emotional Maturity – A lot of this can be attributed to my girlfriend (who is still fucking amazing by the way). Looking back, I used to be a very emotionally guarded and often a cold person. It’s obvious to me now that I was terrified of making myself vulnerable to women for fear of getting hurt again. My girlfriend and the evolution of our relationship has helped me realize that no matter how emotionally vulnerable I make myself, I’m still invincible. No one can control my self-esteem and value except for myself — so there’s NEVER a reason to not give myself 100% to everyone.
I love being vulnerable with girls now. It’s my favorite part of the whole process. Because when I make myself vulnerable, she does the same and we experience an actual emotional connection — which is really the only aspect of game that I enjoy these days.
Embracing my vulnerability in sets has not only lead to a large drop off in any anxiety or reticence in set, but it engages girls so much quicker and deeper than straight-up banter and flirting does. So sarging is not only more fun now, but more fulfilling.
Now, a lot of guys associate vulnerability with weakness and not being “Alpha.” But if you think about it, what signifies inner strength more than a man who’s capable of sharing any part of himself to any one at any time?
2) Embracing the Outcomes – This kind of piggy-backs off of number one. I always felt like I was very good at being “outcome independent” — if I got blown out, I got over it pretty quick and would often joke about it, if I had an awesome lay, I’d enjoy it and then be over it a day later or so. But these days, it’s different. I don’t try to ignore the outcome as much as I embrace them, regardless of what they are. I’m discovering there’s some sort of sick pleasure in getting rejected. I still enjoy taking a girl home after an hour or a date. I enjoy having deep, beautiful conversations in the corner of the club and kissing passionately. In the end, all of these results are slowly blurring and becoming similar for me — they’re all unique and dynamic human interactions with their own stories, flavors and shapes, each one has some experience to add to my life and therefore none are “better” than another — they’re just different, some wider-reaching and some deeper.
3) Being Present and Centered – This is something I kind of started learning to do in the Spring, particularly with the Virgin LR, and describe somewhat in this post: simply being emotionally present with whichever girl I’m speaking to.
A lot is made in outer game about mirroring, rapport techniques, kino, but little is mentioned about matching a girl’s emotional state with yours and then leading her. It takes a lot of focus, but it’s so fucking awesome.
I recently went out with a big name coach from another company and he commented to me, “Dude, you don’t talk in set… like ever. I think every girl you opened ended up carrying 80% of the conversation. But you still made it work every time.”
It boggles my mind now that this is looked down on by some other companies and methods as poor form. If a woman is spending her Friday night confiding and sharing herself with me for hours at a time, what does that imply about my value to her? You throw in the fact that I’m both mentally and emotionally present with her — can it get better? That’s intimacy. And when you focus on the intimacy first and sex second, the sex just naturally happens as if it’s an after-thought, LMR ceases to exist, and you wake up the next day, week or month and can still smile about the experience.
Long-time readers and friends will know that I kind of “peaked” last summer. This was when I was still going out 4-5 nights a week and getting really great results. About a year ago, I began coaching. I slowed down my sarging in the Spring for real-life reasons and then basically stopped completely by the summer-time.
This was partly due to the lifestyle adjustments to coaching PUA full-time — I actually grew to HATE sarging and actively avoided it unless I was doing demo sets for students. It was also partly because I completely emotionally committed myself to my girlfriend and had little interest or desire in other girls for a while.
My trip to Argentina really seemed to change a lot of that. Since then I’ve been sarging for myself sporadically. When I say, “sarge for myself,” I basically mean when I’m not teaching or just fucking around with friends.
Over the last two months, I’ve only sarged for myself maybe two nights a month. Most of my weekends are booked and most of my weeknights are spent with my girlfriend. But when I do get out, I’m enjoying gaming again.
And I’ve noticed something. The last two months my results have been retardedly good.
I don’t mean crazy good as in going out every night and getting eight lays in two weeks — as far as I know, Sinn is still the king of that.
I mean my batting average has been ridiculous. My consistency has been obscene.
If I had to put some numbers to it, these would be my estimates: five nights, 10-12 sets total; two SNL’s, one threesome, two make-outs, two lays that I turned down, two girls with long-term boyfriends forcing their phone numbers on me anyway (I don’t home-wreck anymore). I can only think of one blow out. I can only think of one set that I fucked up. Two of the nights were literally one-set-nights: one and done. One girl who I ejected from one night after poor logistics hunted me down on Facebook a month later and told me that I was so “memorable,” she had to try to find me (in case you’re wondering, my open relationship status scared her away).
Two of these five nights were filmed and will be viewable sometime in 2009, results and all.
On top of the stupid results, every night I’ve been having fun, not pressuring myself to perform or open, and feel 100% centered and present from the second I open until I close in each set. I know this isn’t a coincidence, as inner game and outer game always correlate with one another.
But I’ve been trying to figure out what changed during my Post PUA Life Crisis that did this.
Now, I’ll be first to admit that since I sarge so seldomly, I am pre-selecting more often. I’ll also be the first to point out that there’s always a large element of luck involved in gaming, and I could very well have just found the right girls on the right nights.
But from an subjective point of view, I definitely feel different when I sarge now. Something has changed. And as always, I have theories:
1) Emotional Maturity – A lot of this can be attributed to my girlfriend (who is still fucking amazing by the way). Looking back, I used to be a very emotionally guarded and often a cold person. It’s obvious to me now that I was terrified of making myself vulnerable to women for fear of getting hurt again. My girlfriend and the evolution of our relationship has helped me realize that no matter how emotionally vulnerable I make myself, I’m still invincible. No one can control my self-esteem and value except for myself — so there’s NEVER a reason to not give myself 100% to everyone.
I love being vulnerable with girls now. It’s my favorite part of the whole process. Because when I make myself vulnerable, she does the same and we experience an actual emotional connection — which is really the only aspect of game that I enjoy these days.
Embracing my vulnerability in sets has not only lead to a large drop off in any anxiety or reticence in set, but it engages girls so much quicker and deeper than straight-up banter and flirting does. So sarging is not only more fun now, but more fulfilling.
Now, a lot of guys associate vulnerability with weakness and not being “Alpha.” But if you think about it, what signifies inner strength more than a man who’s capable of sharing any part of himself to any one at any time?
2) Embracing the Outcomes – This kind of piggy-backs off of number one. I always felt like I was very good at being “outcome independent” — if I got blown out, I got over it pretty quick and would often joke about it, if I had an awesome lay, I’d enjoy it and then be over it a day later or so. But these days, it’s different. I don’t try to ignore the outcome as much as I embrace them, regardless of what they are. I’m discovering there’s some sort of sick pleasure in getting rejected. I still enjoy taking a girl home after an hour or a date. I enjoy having deep, beautiful conversations in the corner of the club and kissing passionately. In the end, all of these results are slowly blurring and becoming similar for me — they’re all unique and dynamic human interactions with their own stories, flavors and shapes, each one has some experience to add to my life and therefore none are “better” than another — they’re just different, some wider-reaching and some deeper.
3) Being Present and Centered – This is something I kind of started learning to do in the Spring, particularly with the Virgin LR, and describe somewhat in this post: simply being emotionally present with whichever girl I’m speaking to.
A lot is made in outer game about mirroring, rapport techniques, kino, but little is mentioned about matching a girl’s emotional state with yours and then leading her. It takes a lot of focus, but it’s so fucking awesome.
I recently went out with a big name coach from another company and he commented to me, “Dude, you don’t talk in set… like ever. I think every girl you opened ended up carrying 80% of the conversation. But you still made it work every time.”
It boggles my mind now that this is looked down on by some other companies and methods as poor form. If a woman is spending her Friday night confiding and sharing herself with me for hours at a time, what does that imply about my value to her? You throw in the fact that I’m both mentally and emotionally present with her — can it get better? That’s intimacy. And when you focus on the intimacy first and sex second, the sex just naturally happens as if it’s an after-thought, LMR ceases to exist, and you wake up the next day, week or month and can still smile about the experience.
High-Octane Attraction Game
I’ve been posting tons of theory and pontificating about relationships, love, life and all that fucking faggy shit a lot lately. It’s been a while since I posted any in-field shit with practical applications so I thought I’d change things up today. I had an exchange with a girl last night that I liked a lot, so I though I’d share it.
It’s pretty straight forward attraction game althought condensed very tightly and done quickly (two to three techniques are crammed into one sentence at times). Almost every student I have has trouble generating attraction or creating dynamic conversation on the spot — so here’s a good recent example of mine.
(As usual, Doc and I were making fun of Saffron for being Asian near the bar; girl walks up on the other side of me to order a drink)
Me: “Don’t mind us, we’re just making fun of Asian people.”
HB: “What?”
Me: “I said, don’t mind us, we’re just being racist.”
HB: “Oh, OK.” *blank stare*
Me: “You didn’t hear me?”
HB: “No, sorry.”
Me: “It’s OK, if I repeated again, it wouldn’t be funny. So just laugh and pretend you heard me the first time.”
HB: *blank stare* “OK.”
Me: “You’re not laughing. I guess you can’t hear anything.”
HB: “No, I heard you.”
Me: “What?”
HB: *leans in* “I said I heard you.”
Me: “What?!?”
HB: *leans right next to me* “I said I heard you!”
Me: “WHAT?!?!?!?” *smiles*
HB: *finally catches on and laughs* “Hi, I’m X”
Me: “Look X. We obviously have some serious communication problems, so I’m sorry, but it’s over.” *slightly pushes her away* “It’s not you. It’s me.”
HB: *laughs* “Oh no! Don’t break my heart.”
Me: “Look. Keep my fucking T-Shirts, but I want my CD’s back.”
HB: “Fine. I’m deleting your number out of my phone.”
Me: “Good. Oh, and Dave and Cindy… they were my friends first, so don’t even TRY to hang out with them.” *push her away slightly again*
HB: *laughs; falls back into me; kino* “But things were so good. Can’t they be that way again?”
Me: “No… You had your chance, X. You never loved me for me. I was just a piece of meat to you.”
HB: *laughs*
AMOG: *comes over and hands HB a drink* “Who is this?”
Me: “Hey, I’m Entropy.” *Shake hands* “HB and I dated for about 30 seconds, but we just broke up.”
HB: “Yeah, he’s my ex now.”
AMOG: “Wow, what about me?” (Seriously guys, people worry about other guys in set — look at this, he just blew himself out. I didn’t even have to do anything.)
HB: “Oh… uhh… You’re still in the picture.”
Me: *Puts hand on AMOG’s shoulder* “Dude… I got one word for you… overrated.”
HB: “laughs; slightly shocked”
AMOG: “Oh dude, he just dissed you.”
Me: “Don’t get me wrong… she just makes up for it in… other ways.” (Framing her sexually)
HB: *Laughs* “Oohh…”
AMOG: *silent*
Me: “So how do you guys know each other?”
So it turned out that he was her boyfriend, although I’m utterly convinced I could have stolen her away if I kept at it — especially if Doc had still been around to occupy him. But either way, BF destroying’s not really my thing. I got punched in the face once for doing it, and there were 20 other girls at the bar, so why bother?
Either way, this is just an example of high-caliber attraction game — I teased her, role-played with her, framed us as a couple, then framed her sexually and AMOG’d the dude all within about two minutes of conversation. All of these things should be worked on independently and then synthesized into each set you run.
It’s pretty straight forward attraction game althought condensed very tightly and done quickly (two to three techniques are crammed into one sentence at times). Almost every student I have has trouble generating attraction or creating dynamic conversation on the spot — so here’s a good recent example of mine.
(As usual, Doc and I were making fun of Saffron for being Asian near the bar; girl walks up on the other side of me to order a drink)
Me: “Don’t mind us, we’re just making fun of Asian people.”
HB: “What?”
Me: “I said, don’t mind us, we’re just being racist.”
HB: “Oh, OK.” *blank stare*
Me: “You didn’t hear me?”
HB: “No, sorry.”
Me: “It’s OK, if I repeated again, it wouldn’t be funny. So just laugh and pretend you heard me the first time.”
HB: *blank stare* “OK.”
Me: “You’re not laughing. I guess you can’t hear anything.”
HB: “No, I heard you.”
Me: “What?”
HB: *leans in* “I said I heard you.”
Me: “What?!?”
HB: *leans right next to me* “I said I heard you!”
Me: “WHAT?!?!?!?” *smiles*
HB: *finally catches on and laughs* “Hi, I’m X”
Me: “Look X. We obviously have some serious communication problems, so I’m sorry, but it’s over.” *slightly pushes her away* “It’s not you. It’s me.”
HB: *laughs* “Oh no! Don’t break my heart.”
Me: “Look. Keep my fucking T-Shirts, but I want my CD’s back.”
HB: “Fine. I’m deleting your number out of my phone.”
Me: “Good. Oh, and Dave and Cindy… they were my friends first, so don’t even TRY to hang out with them.” *push her away slightly again*
HB: *laughs; falls back into me; kino* “But things were so good. Can’t they be that way again?”
Me: “No… You had your chance, X. You never loved me for me. I was just a piece of meat to you.”
HB: *laughs*
AMOG: *comes over and hands HB a drink* “Who is this?”
Me: “Hey, I’m Entropy.” *Shake hands* “HB and I dated for about 30 seconds, but we just broke up.”
HB: “Yeah, he’s my ex now.”
AMOG: “Wow, what about me?” (Seriously guys, people worry about other guys in set — look at this, he just blew himself out. I didn’t even have to do anything.)
HB: “Oh… uhh… You’re still in the picture.”
Me: *Puts hand on AMOG’s shoulder* “Dude… I got one word for you… overrated.”
HB: “laughs; slightly shocked”
AMOG: “Oh dude, he just dissed you.”
Me: “Don’t get me wrong… she just makes up for it in… other ways.” (Framing her sexually)
HB: *Laughs* “Oohh…”
AMOG: *silent*
Me: “So how do you guys know each other?”
So it turned out that he was her boyfriend, although I’m utterly convinced I could have stolen her away if I kept at it — especially if Doc had still been around to occupy him. But either way, BF destroying’s not really my thing. I got punched in the face once for doing it, and there were 20 other girls at the bar, so why bother?
Either way, this is just an example of high-caliber attraction game — I teased her, role-played with her, framed us as a couple, then framed her sexually and AMOG’d the dude all within about two minutes of conversation. All of these things should be worked on independently and then synthesized into each set you run.
Mailbag: Text Game and Teasing
Back with another mailbag. A few typical game questions that are pretty common. I’ll be busy coaching all weekend, but check this blog on Monday as there’s going to be some HUGE changes — like, fucking everything’s about to change. I’m really excited.
As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!
- Tyler
Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.
First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.
Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.
That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.
So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:
- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.
I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.
This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.
If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.
As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.
Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.
Thanks man,
- TR
Teasing requires three things:
1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.
If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.
Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.
Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.
As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.
Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!
- Tyler
Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.
First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.
Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.
That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.
So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:
- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.
I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.
This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.
If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.
As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.
Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.
Thanks man,
- TR
Teasing requires three things:
1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.
If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.
Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.
Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.
Alcohol and Calibration
A lot has been said about not drinking and sarging. So I’m about to state the obvious, but per my deep love for alcohol, it didn’t become obvious to me until I had been sarging for well over two years. I used to ALWAYS sarge drunk. It was the rule, not the exception. That was until late last year when I started cutting back, and early this year when I started sarging completely sober. The differences were stark, but that can be left to another post.
This past weekend, circumstance had it that I got absolutely shit-housed two nights. Friday night, about halfway into the night, I found myself enmeshed in like a 15-set of Indian girls. The fat one LOVED me and kept putting shots of Patron under my nose. It was pretty awesome, as even though she wanted to bang me, I was able to use her to pivot to all of her cute friends.
Me: “Who’s that over there. Do you know her?”
Her: “Yeah, hey HBRandomIndian! Come meet Entropy! He’s great!”
The drawback was that the Patron caught up to me pretty quickly. For the first time since I was in college, I actually fell on my ass I was so fucking drunk. Next time you want to lose a SNL try falling over like a moron. Field-tested, Entropy approved.
Sunday night, a student who works in the film industry invited me to a wrap party. Basically a wrap party is the party they throw when filming is finished and all of the crews, extras, actors and of course, actresses are invited. The bad news was there were only a few decent sets. The worse news (or great news) was the open bar. Once again, I proceeded to mentally annihilate myself.
Now, to the point of this post. The longer I do this and the more I analyze what we’re all doing, the more I realize how almost EVERYTHING comes down to calibration. It doesn’t matter how good your skills are, if you can’t calibrate, you’re cooked.
I never noticed it back when I used to drink all of the time, but since I took about 6-8 months of little drinking, I notice it now. Getting drunk RUINS your calibration. I would give examples and details here, but honestly, I can barely remember them. I just remember saying things that seemed to be fucking money and the girls looked at me like I was a retard. This happened multiple times. Both nights I got some numbers that seemed really solid, but the next morning when I went over the night in my head, I realized they weren’t solid at all.
Guys love to drink because it makes you feel like you’re invincible. If you feel you’re invincible, you can open easier, escalate faster, and be bolder. But unfortunately, it kills your calibration, so many of your sets aren’t going to go nearly as far as they normally would. When you’re sober, you can always force yourself to open, escalate and be bold. But when you’re drunk, there’s no recovering your social calibration skills.
This isn’t to say I don’t drink or don’t think you should either. Community dogma is to never drink. I honestly think I get better with a couple drinks. One or two drinks loosens me up and pumps my state a bit. I enjoy it. The important thing is that you should never NEED alcohol and that you should try to avoid getting hammered.
This past weekend, circumstance had it that I got absolutely shit-housed two nights. Friday night, about halfway into the night, I found myself enmeshed in like a 15-set of Indian girls. The fat one LOVED me and kept putting shots of Patron under my nose. It was pretty awesome, as even though she wanted to bang me, I was able to use her to pivot to all of her cute friends.
Me: “Who’s that over there. Do you know her?”
Her: “Yeah, hey HBRandomIndian! Come meet Entropy! He’s great!”
The drawback was that the Patron caught up to me pretty quickly. For the first time since I was in college, I actually fell on my ass I was so fucking drunk. Next time you want to lose a SNL try falling over like a moron. Field-tested, Entropy approved.
Sunday night, a student who works in the film industry invited me to a wrap party. Basically a wrap party is the party they throw when filming is finished and all of the crews, extras, actors and of course, actresses are invited. The bad news was there were only a few decent sets. The worse news (or great news) was the open bar. Once again, I proceeded to mentally annihilate myself.
Now, to the point of this post. The longer I do this and the more I analyze what we’re all doing, the more I realize how almost EVERYTHING comes down to calibration. It doesn’t matter how good your skills are, if you can’t calibrate, you’re cooked.
I never noticed it back when I used to drink all of the time, but since I took about 6-8 months of little drinking, I notice it now. Getting drunk RUINS your calibration. I would give examples and details here, but honestly, I can barely remember them. I just remember saying things that seemed to be fucking money and the girls looked at me like I was a retard. This happened multiple times. Both nights I got some numbers that seemed really solid, but the next morning when I went over the night in my head, I realized they weren’t solid at all.
Guys love to drink because it makes you feel like you’re invincible. If you feel you’re invincible, you can open easier, escalate faster, and be bolder. But unfortunately, it kills your calibration, so many of your sets aren’t going to go nearly as far as they normally would. When you’re sober, you can always force yourself to open, escalate and be bold. But when you’re drunk, there’s no recovering your social calibration skills.
This isn’t to say I don’t drink or don’t think you should either. Community dogma is to never drink. I honestly think I get better with a couple drinks. One or two drinks loosens me up and pumps my state a bit. I enjoy it. The important thing is that you should never NEED alcohol and that you should try to avoid getting hammered.
The Myth of the “Natural”
For as long as I’ve been around, the term “natural” has been thrown around to refer to guys who are good with women without being a part of the seduction community. Within the definition, what is implied is that:
1) Naturals are good with women without trying to be.
2) Naturals aren’t conscious of what they do nor do they analyze their interactions.
3) Naturals possess superior skills or abilities related to pick up than most people (sense of humor, charm, bantering, etc.)
4) They have stellar “inner game”
I’d like to take a moment and shit all over all four of these notions.
A couple weeks ago, I moved back to Texas where I grew up. I’ve been hanging out with some old friends from my childhood who go out a lot and a couple guys they know. Within this group of guys I’ve been going with, it occurred to me that three of them are what the community would call “naturals.” It was kind of funny, because I’ve known these guys forever and I’ve just never thought of them as ladies’ men. But all three of them are in their 20’s. All three of them have 50+ lays. All three of them go out regularly and pull regularly… One of them pulled both nights this weekend, the other pulled this weekend and last.
Now, I had a group of friends in Boston that I went out with who were very good with women as well, but they were PUA’s and they learned through the community. And I can tell you, going out with these Texas guys is like night and day compared to the guys in Boston, and since coming home tonight, I’ve been trying to place my finger on exactly what it is.
The funny thing is, the “natural” guys here are just normal, cool guys. They would not stand out at all if you saw them in a club. They’re all decent-looking but nothing head-turning. They aren’t exactly spectacular when they get into set either. One of them is a little awkward in conversations, one of them has some AA, one of them escalates like a bitch at times, but usually gets the girl on a day 2 or day 3. But in the long-run, they all get awesome results with attractive girls.
But at the same time, they’re quite aware of all of this. They’re all aware of their actions and consider choices they’ve made and interactions after the fact. They don’t use the same lingo or theories, but they have the wherewithal to know when they fucked up. They’re DEFINITELY aware of their intentions and definitely put A LOT of effort into being good with women… just as much as many community guys do (although they don’t buy products and bootcamps and shit, they just go out a lot).
So what’s the difference? Why are these guys pulling ass as consistently and of quality as most PUA instructors, but they’ve never read anything more than “The Game” (and laughed at it) or taken a bootcamp?
After thinking about it for a while, there are two GLARING differences that seem to explain just about everything.
1) They are ALWAYS are going for what they want, no matter what.
2) They don’t take themselves or their pick up skills seriously at all.
I think these things get mis-construed as awesome “inner game” often, when actually, some of the best naturals I’ve hung out with have been neurotic or really insecure or had all sorts of “inner game” issues. But I can say, without exception, every non-community guy I’ve met who has 50+ lays has gotten good by the two things above. Without help of ebooks, audio courses, tele-conferences, etc.
Ironically, despite its virtues and lessons, the community inadvertantly interferes with both of the points above. PUA gets us side-tracked in random stuff like saying “hi” to 50 strangers, or opening girls with kino, or trying different voicemails. Seriously, if I could have a dime for every time I was out with a community guy who said, “It’s cool, I got her number, she’s into me man, I wanted to open more sets…” I’d… well, I’d drown the stupid fucker who said that in dimes. Unfortunately, it’s pervasive… community guys are constantly bitching out of opportunities because they’ve already accomplished some smaller, simpler, non-sexual goal that they set on a message board somewhere.
These types of theoretical goals and focus on the concept of PUA being a skill-set also influences us to take it very seriously. The truth is (if you haven’t figure it out on this blog yet), is that pick up is obscenely random. No matter how “good” you are, the majority of your interactions are going to lie outside of your control and there’s ALWAYS going to be some aspect of a numbers game involved. But as soon as we start taking our “skill set” and conversion rates and close rates seriously, we make ourselves vulnerable to failure and rejection.
The first is key. And it’s so fucking obvious. But going out with these guys is so fucking refreshing after years of coaching and hanging out with PUA’s. Everything comes back to, “Am I going to hook up with this girl?” And if the answer is no, then the next question is, “What do I have to do to hook up with this girl?” That’s it. No talk about practicing mixed sets, no talk about working on their vibing, no discussion of logistics… just, “I’m trying to hook up with this girl.” Got numbers in his phone, he’s going for it. Running into a girl he met last weekend? Going for it. Making out with a girl but she has to go? Going for it. No rationalizations, no excuses, no concern with the meta-process. There’s a clear success and failure at all times.
The second part is huge as well. I guess being so involved in the scene the last few years clouded my perspective to how fucking self-important we can be. Again, I think this is an extension of prioritizing all sorts of ancillary crap (how’s my A2 game doing? what do my wingmen think of this girl? what’s my LR going to read like if this works?).
Hanging with these guys is awesome because we just laugh at ourselves… all the fucking time. No one is safe. Every guy gets ripped repeatedly for anything and everything. Hell, they rip on me for being a PUA coach. It’s fucking great. They rip on me for my products. And it’s cool, because to them, I’m the dorky, skinny dude they went to high school with.
But it’s that same attitude that leads to success. Nothing is off-limits. Everybody is constantly reminded that no one is too important and that no interaction is too important. If you are attached to your results (or lack thereof), hanging out with these guys will be like a nuclear bomb to the ego. And it’s so healthy.
It’s also felt fucking great for me. One of the side-effects of this job is a lot of ego stroking, and at times it’s hard to not let it get to my head. In fact, there are times where it drives me crazy and I just want to be treated like a normal dude, because really I am just a normal dude… just like these normal dudes… posted up at the bar, cracking jokes at each other, and chasing tail now and again… but when I do chase, I don’t fuck around… I go for it.
I believe that when you’re insulated in an internet-bubble, that it’s so easy to get caught up in nonsense and start thinking that things are a huge deal and big problem when really… as my “natural” friend says… “there’s no there there.” The problems or achievements are just in our head. And what truly matters happens in the laughter between you and the people you are with face-to-face.
And maybe that’s really the only important thing to remember in all of this. Always go for what you want. But never take yourself too seriously.
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15 Comments
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Marclee
Nov 22, 2009 7:10
just the advice I needed roght now
Random
Nov 22, 2009 8:22
Where in TX are you? I’ve lived there for several years… I find the girls to be much more beautiful than anywhere else I ever lived, but because there are more men than women in Texas (as is the case with most states once you get west of the Mississippi River), they are, well, bitchier. They’re in demand, and they know it. Compared to a city like, say, Atlanta, where there are more girls than men, where the girls are thrilled to get any attention at all, even beautiful ones.
Kevin
Nov 22, 2009 9:03
I’m not trying to be all negative and critical below, I’m just curious:
Isn’t all this “Just let go and not care” advice all way easier said than done?
I’ve seen dozens of variations on the “don’t care” article, and I never found them that helpful in the long run. I get a little short-lived rush of motivation while reading them, but that’s it.
How does a guy really get himself to this state of not caring? I think it’s more of this drawn out life process, but I couldn’t say what it is…
Entropy
Nov 22, 2009 12:48
@Kevin: Not at all. Read the article again. These guys care very much.
Care about it, go for it… but don’t take it seriously.
It’s like the difference between treating every set like the LSAT’s or treating them like a game of cards with your friends. You still care about winning the game of cards, and you still try… but if you lose, it doesn’t feel like your life is ending and you don’t go to some forum and post eight pages about it.
Random: I’m in Austin. Yeah, girls are bitchier here than the East Coast at first. But definitely a lot more party girls here because of the 6th street factor than other places. Every city has its pro’s and con’s. Quality is Austin is decent — as good as any city not named New York or Miami — and difficulty isn’t a cakewalk (like midwest cities) .
But it is what it is.
Train
Nov 22, 2009 13:55
I don’t mean to get all PUA-Speak now, but how do these guys interact with the girls they are interested in? I imagine they aren’t asking about fake fights outside or what type of themed party to have… Is it lots of “kino” and “direct game”? A mixture?
I was at a swanky bar last night in NYC, lots of girls, but couldn’t find my balls until it was too late and several honeydips had been eyeing me… must recall the advice in this wonderful post…
Entropy
Nov 22, 2009 14:24
Their verbals are pretty plain and straight-forward (something I’ve always believed in). Typical bar chit-chat with a few jokes thrown in, and maybe telling her she’s cute if they think it’ll help their chances. They do lose a number of sets, but they make up for it in the fact that they’re just always going for it, no matter what. They’re also pretty good at keeping an eye out for IOI’s and then making a move. But that comes to anybody with a ton of field experience. I’d actually say that my verbal game is head and shoulders above theirs, but it doesn’t show that much in our results. Or at least it hasn’t yet.
Rake
Nov 22, 2009 17:42
I’m liking this blog more and more lately.
I’ve never been to Austin and so I don’t really know the culture there, but my family is from S. Texas (near Corpus). Something I’ve noticed about men down there is that they tend to be a lot less in their own heads – much more Alpha and much less self-doubt and worry about everyday life than say, your typical guy from Seattle, which is where I’ve lived most of my life.
olivherbst
Nov 23, 2009 12:21
Hey guys.
So in the end: What is more effective? Their Game or our typical, maybe indirect PUA Game? I strongly believe in all those subtle cues, that the community, (or if it all comes down to) Mystery, teaches. The only hard part is getting them all together, making them work. If you analyze, what your friends do, is there even a difference, all things except looks considered?
Besides: I would really love to read more about your experience in the German nightlife (or daygame, if you did some of it). Your talk was pretty cool (principles, not rules – so true), but it´d be awesome to get to know the things you noticed.
Greetings,
Olivherbst
Entropy
Nov 23, 2009 18:08
@Oliv: I guess my point in all of this is that they’re actually not that different from us at all.
My point is that while we’re so focused on HOW we game, they’re more focused on going all out.
For the record, they get much better results than my Boston PUA friends (who are good and cool guys, btw).
Aaron
Nov 27, 2009 15:49
Amazing…great post…Entropy I know you just made the pickuptube website did you video tape your natural friends? Im guessing they would laugh at it but did ya?
randomfemale
Nov 27, 2009 21:49
THIS is what I’m talking about.
I have literally read and read and read all of these PUA’s sites through and through for the last couple of months. Mostly, well, because its intriguing as hell. I had no idea until lately that this community even existed. I guess maybe because too often I have been that female to get to enjoy these kind of interactions, and I am flattered that this much thought goes into it, even if it is just for a piece of ass for a night or some confidence. I had no idea it was so complicated.
Maybe I enjoyed this article so much because of the “natural” kind of guy, and quite possibly because I did live in the south for five years during college, and as much as I love to be gorilla-pimped, I do love some thoughts behind all this. But I think more appropriately its because, to be completely frank here, so many other sites have been such bullshit. Laugh out loud bullshit. Seriously? Talk to 150 people a month? Dress like your idol? Should you add her as a friend on facebook? It all seems so petty when you just get down to the basics? To blow or not to blow?
Thanks for breaking it down. So, hands down, this is my favorite site to read. You are truly talented, keeping it balanced. And I am truly a female, for my life: couldn’t of said that in less than a paragraph
Entropy
Nov 27, 2009 21:59
@Aaron: I did to one of them, and yes, he did laugh at how ridiculous the idea seemed.
I mentioned interviewing another natural friend of mine for a product earlier this year. He actually thought about it but declined citing privacy issues and… get this… not knowing enough about women to warrant an interview. This guy has legit been with 300+ women over the last 10 years in probably 25 different countries, and he was telling ME that he doesn’t “get” women well enough to be interviewed on a product. And he was serious!
Just goes to show you once again, the natural’s mentality…
@female: Thanks for the comments, always nice to have more female readers around here — makes me feel like I’m at least getting something right.
sandros
Dec 5, 2009 0:20
YEah, last month in nyc I lived with a natural and with your advice my results sky rocketed!
What blew me away after reading so much crap is next day I moved in with him ..he had a new girl over and closed her effortlessly..as a mattter of fact to him, it was like somewhat of not a big deal to fuck a girl, like blowing his nose or ordering food…I hagned out with him the whole day and girls would flirt with him,etc etc, he had women after him yet he wasnt even goodlooking, he isnt into this so called “gamey stuff”.lol
I saw him close at the apt and I was like WTF?!!! Anyways, the next day I pulled a SNL and then after that is when I started building my 1st ever rotation…Entropy did coach me to a point of getting really good that I almost did the “swap” or do a pig roast .lol.
It didnt happend but I did get a slap from that russian chick.
they talk like : “no big deal…. if she flaked , who cares , call another one…take initiative! your the man! etc etc.”
Seeing this cool guys like these really blow my mind that I dropped alot of community BS…. just working with real world coach like Entropy.
This post is awesome ,it reminded me of my BEST friend “the natural” , Thank you .
GREAT POST…..
Aaron
Dec 7, 2009 22:41
I don’t know any naturals but from what I hear from other coaches is that its hard to find these guys and when you do find them its hard for them to give you any advice because its hard for them to explain what there doing did you have any trouble getting advice from one of your natural friends?
sandros
Dec 7, 2009 23:14
Aaron, its true that its very hard, their advice is simple and straightforward. The key is in their BELIEFS.
they way they view “game” or even if they did view it. I learn more by imitating the guy and did what he did, learned to take initative instead of relying or worrying about “value game” BS community talks about so much. Once you sthink like they think, game changes, it becomes effortless.
the advantage we have is we are aware of it and we can reproduce the results.
Entropy is IMO not a typical guy who found the community that did MM then RZD then became a coach…Entropy to me (In aLL RESPECT) Is a natural with MAD skills , that can teach .
1) Naturals are good with women without trying to be.
2) Naturals aren’t conscious of what they do nor do they analyze their interactions.
3) Naturals possess superior skills or abilities related to pick up than most people (sense of humor, charm, bantering, etc.)
4) They have stellar “inner game”
I’d like to take a moment and shit all over all four of these notions.
A couple weeks ago, I moved back to Texas where I grew up. I’ve been hanging out with some old friends from my childhood who go out a lot and a couple guys they know. Within this group of guys I’ve been going with, it occurred to me that three of them are what the community would call “naturals.” It was kind of funny, because I’ve known these guys forever and I’ve just never thought of them as ladies’ men. But all three of them are in their 20’s. All three of them have 50+ lays. All three of them go out regularly and pull regularly… One of them pulled both nights this weekend, the other pulled this weekend and last.
Now, I had a group of friends in Boston that I went out with who were very good with women as well, but they were PUA’s and they learned through the community. And I can tell you, going out with these Texas guys is like night and day compared to the guys in Boston, and since coming home tonight, I’ve been trying to place my finger on exactly what it is.
The funny thing is, the “natural” guys here are just normal, cool guys. They would not stand out at all if you saw them in a club. They’re all decent-looking but nothing head-turning. They aren’t exactly spectacular when they get into set either. One of them is a little awkward in conversations, one of them has some AA, one of them escalates like a bitch at times, but usually gets the girl on a day 2 or day 3. But in the long-run, they all get awesome results with attractive girls.
But at the same time, they’re quite aware of all of this. They’re all aware of their actions and consider choices they’ve made and interactions after the fact. They don’t use the same lingo or theories, but they have the wherewithal to know when they fucked up. They’re DEFINITELY aware of their intentions and definitely put A LOT of effort into being good with women… just as much as many community guys do (although they don’t buy products and bootcamps and shit, they just go out a lot).
So what’s the difference? Why are these guys pulling ass as consistently and of quality as most PUA instructors, but they’ve never read anything more than “The Game” (and laughed at it) or taken a bootcamp?
After thinking about it for a while, there are two GLARING differences that seem to explain just about everything.
1) They are ALWAYS are going for what they want, no matter what.
2) They don’t take themselves or their pick up skills seriously at all.
I think these things get mis-construed as awesome “inner game” often, when actually, some of the best naturals I’ve hung out with have been neurotic or really insecure or had all sorts of “inner game” issues. But I can say, without exception, every non-community guy I’ve met who has 50+ lays has gotten good by the two things above. Without help of ebooks, audio courses, tele-conferences, etc.
Ironically, despite its virtues and lessons, the community inadvertantly interferes with both of the points above. PUA gets us side-tracked in random stuff like saying “hi” to 50 strangers, or opening girls with kino, or trying different voicemails. Seriously, if I could have a dime for every time I was out with a community guy who said, “It’s cool, I got her number, she’s into me man, I wanted to open more sets…” I’d… well, I’d drown the stupid fucker who said that in dimes. Unfortunately, it’s pervasive… community guys are constantly bitching out of opportunities because they’ve already accomplished some smaller, simpler, non-sexual goal that they set on a message board somewhere.
These types of theoretical goals and focus on the concept of PUA being a skill-set also influences us to take it very seriously. The truth is (if you haven’t figure it out on this blog yet), is that pick up is obscenely random. No matter how “good” you are, the majority of your interactions are going to lie outside of your control and there’s ALWAYS going to be some aspect of a numbers game involved. But as soon as we start taking our “skill set” and conversion rates and close rates seriously, we make ourselves vulnerable to failure and rejection.
The first is key. And it’s so fucking obvious. But going out with these guys is so fucking refreshing after years of coaching and hanging out with PUA’s. Everything comes back to, “Am I going to hook up with this girl?” And if the answer is no, then the next question is, “What do I have to do to hook up with this girl?” That’s it. No talk about practicing mixed sets, no talk about working on their vibing, no discussion of logistics… just, “I’m trying to hook up with this girl.” Got numbers in his phone, he’s going for it. Running into a girl he met last weekend? Going for it. Making out with a girl but she has to go? Going for it. No rationalizations, no excuses, no concern with the meta-process. There’s a clear success and failure at all times.
The second part is huge as well. I guess being so involved in the scene the last few years clouded my perspective to how fucking self-important we can be. Again, I think this is an extension of prioritizing all sorts of ancillary crap (how’s my A2 game doing? what do my wingmen think of this girl? what’s my LR going to read like if this works?).
Hanging with these guys is awesome because we just laugh at ourselves… all the fucking time. No one is safe. Every guy gets ripped repeatedly for anything and everything. Hell, they rip on me for being a PUA coach. It’s fucking great. They rip on me for my products. And it’s cool, because to them, I’m the dorky, skinny dude they went to high school with.
But it’s that same attitude that leads to success. Nothing is off-limits. Everybody is constantly reminded that no one is too important and that no interaction is too important. If you are attached to your results (or lack thereof), hanging out with these guys will be like a nuclear bomb to the ego. And it’s so healthy.
It’s also felt fucking great for me. One of the side-effects of this job is a lot of ego stroking, and at times it’s hard to not let it get to my head. In fact, there are times where it drives me crazy and I just want to be treated like a normal dude, because really I am just a normal dude… just like these normal dudes… posted up at the bar, cracking jokes at each other, and chasing tail now and again… but when I do chase, I don’t fuck around… I go for it.
I believe that when you’re insulated in an internet-bubble, that it’s so easy to get caught up in nonsense and start thinking that things are a huge deal and big problem when really… as my “natural” friend says… “there’s no there there.” The problems or achievements are just in our head. And what truly matters happens in the laughter between you and the people you are with face-to-face.
And maybe that’s really the only important thing to remember in all of this. Always go for what you want. But never take yourself too seriously.
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15 Comments
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Marclee
Nov 22, 2009 7:10
just the advice I needed roght now
Random
Nov 22, 2009 8:22
Where in TX are you? I’ve lived there for several years… I find the girls to be much more beautiful than anywhere else I ever lived, but because there are more men than women in Texas (as is the case with most states once you get west of the Mississippi River), they are, well, bitchier. They’re in demand, and they know it. Compared to a city like, say, Atlanta, where there are more girls than men, where the girls are thrilled to get any attention at all, even beautiful ones.
Kevin
Nov 22, 2009 9:03
I’m not trying to be all negative and critical below, I’m just curious:
Isn’t all this “Just let go and not care” advice all way easier said than done?
I’ve seen dozens of variations on the “don’t care” article, and I never found them that helpful in the long run. I get a little short-lived rush of motivation while reading them, but that’s it.
How does a guy really get himself to this state of not caring? I think it’s more of this drawn out life process, but I couldn’t say what it is…
Entropy
Nov 22, 2009 12:48
@Kevin: Not at all. Read the article again. These guys care very much.
Care about it, go for it… but don’t take it seriously.
It’s like the difference between treating every set like the LSAT’s or treating them like a game of cards with your friends. You still care about winning the game of cards, and you still try… but if you lose, it doesn’t feel like your life is ending and you don’t go to some forum and post eight pages about it.
Random: I’m in Austin. Yeah, girls are bitchier here than the East Coast at first. But definitely a lot more party girls here because of the 6th street factor than other places. Every city has its pro’s and con’s. Quality is Austin is decent — as good as any city not named New York or Miami — and difficulty isn’t a cakewalk (like midwest cities) .
But it is what it is.
Train
Nov 22, 2009 13:55
I don’t mean to get all PUA-Speak now, but how do these guys interact with the girls they are interested in? I imagine they aren’t asking about fake fights outside or what type of themed party to have… Is it lots of “kino” and “direct game”? A mixture?
I was at a swanky bar last night in NYC, lots of girls, but couldn’t find my balls until it was too late and several honeydips had been eyeing me… must recall the advice in this wonderful post…
Entropy
Nov 22, 2009 14:24
Their verbals are pretty plain and straight-forward (something I’ve always believed in). Typical bar chit-chat with a few jokes thrown in, and maybe telling her she’s cute if they think it’ll help their chances. They do lose a number of sets, but they make up for it in the fact that they’re just always going for it, no matter what. They’re also pretty good at keeping an eye out for IOI’s and then making a move. But that comes to anybody with a ton of field experience. I’d actually say that my verbal game is head and shoulders above theirs, but it doesn’t show that much in our results. Or at least it hasn’t yet.
Rake
Nov 22, 2009 17:42
I’m liking this blog more and more lately.
I’ve never been to Austin and so I don’t really know the culture there, but my family is from S. Texas (near Corpus). Something I’ve noticed about men down there is that they tend to be a lot less in their own heads – much more Alpha and much less self-doubt and worry about everyday life than say, your typical guy from Seattle, which is where I’ve lived most of my life.
olivherbst
Nov 23, 2009 12:21
Hey guys.
So in the end: What is more effective? Their Game or our typical, maybe indirect PUA Game? I strongly believe in all those subtle cues, that the community, (or if it all comes down to) Mystery, teaches. The only hard part is getting them all together, making them work. If you analyze, what your friends do, is there even a difference, all things except looks considered?
Besides: I would really love to read more about your experience in the German nightlife (or daygame, if you did some of it). Your talk was pretty cool (principles, not rules – so true), but it´d be awesome to get to know the things you noticed.
Greetings,
Olivherbst
Entropy
Nov 23, 2009 18:08
@Oliv: I guess my point in all of this is that they’re actually not that different from us at all.
My point is that while we’re so focused on HOW we game, they’re more focused on going all out.
For the record, they get much better results than my Boston PUA friends (who are good and cool guys, btw).
Aaron
Nov 27, 2009 15:49
Amazing…great post…Entropy I know you just made the pickuptube website did you video tape your natural friends? Im guessing they would laugh at it but did ya?
randomfemale
Nov 27, 2009 21:49
THIS is what I’m talking about.
I have literally read and read and read all of these PUA’s sites through and through for the last couple of months. Mostly, well, because its intriguing as hell. I had no idea until lately that this community even existed. I guess maybe because too often I have been that female to get to enjoy these kind of interactions, and I am flattered that this much thought goes into it, even if it is just for a piece of ass for a night or some confidence. I had no idea it was so complicated.
Maybe I enjoyed this article so much because of the “natural” kind of guy, and quite possibly because I did live in the south for five years during college, and as much as I love to be gorilla-pimped, I do love some thoughts behind all this. But I think more appropriately its because, to be completely frank here, so many other sites have been such bullshit. Laugh out loud bullshit. Seriously? Talk to 150 people a month? Dress like your idol? Should you add her as a friend on facebook? It all seems so petty when you just get down to the basics? To blow or not to blow?
Thanks for breaking it down. So, hands down, this is my favorite site to read. You are truly talented, keeping it balanced. And I am truly a female, for my life: couldn’t of said that in less than a paragraph
Entropy
Nov 27, 2009 21:59
@Aaron: I did to one of them, and yes, he did laugh at how ridiculous the idea seemed.
I mentioned interviewing another natural friend of mine for a product earlier this year. He actually thought about it but declined citing privacy issues and… get this… not knowing enough about women to warrant an interview. This guy has legit been with 300+ women over the last 10 years in probably 25 different countries, and he was telling ME that he doesn’t “get” women well enough to be interviewed on a product. And he was serious!
Just goes to show you once again, the natural’s mentality…
@female: Thanks for the comments, always nice to have more female readers around here — makes me feel like I’m at least getting something right.
sandros
Dec 5, 2009 0:20
YEah, last month in nyc I lived with a natural and with your advice my results sky rocketed!
What blew me away after reading so much crap is next day I moved in with him ..he had a new girl over and closed her effortlessly..as a mattter of fact to him, it was like somewhat of not a big deal to fuck a girl, like blowing his nose or ordering food…I hagned out with him the whole day and girls would flirt with him,etc etc, he had women after him yet he wasnt even goodlooking, he isnt into this so called “gamey stuff”.lol
I saw him close at the apt and I was like WTF?!!! Anyways, the next day I pulled a SNL and then after that is when I started building my 1st ever rotation…Entropy did coach me to a point of getting really good that I almost did the “swap” or do a pig roast .lol.
It didnt happend but I did get a slap from that russian chick.
they talk like : “no big deal…. if she flaked , who cares , call another one…take initiative! your the man! etc etc.”
Seeing this cool guys like these really blow my mind that I dropped alot of community BS…. just working with real world coach like Entropy.
This post is awesome ,it reminded me of my BEST friend “the natural” , Thank you .
GREAT POST…..
Aaron
Dec 7, 2009 22:41
I don’t know any naturals but from what I hear from other coaches is that its hard to find these guys and when you do find them its hard for them to give you any advice because its hard for them to explain what there doing did you have any trouble getting advice from one of your natural friends?
sandros
Dec 7, 2009 23:14
Aaron, its true that its very hard, their advice is simple and straightforward. The key is in their BELIEFS.
they way they view “game” or even if they did view it. I learn more by imitating the guy and did what he did, learned to take initative instead of relying or worrying about “value game” BS community talks about so much. Once you sthink like they think, game changes, it becomes effortless.
the advantage we have is we are aware of it and we can reproduce the results.
Entropy is IMO not a typical guy who found the community that did MM then RZD then became a coach…Entropy to me (In aLL RESPECT) Is a natural with MAD skills , that can teach .
Discussion of Natural Advantages
For those of you who missed it, an interesting debate about height came up in the comments to my post about My Personal PUA Journey.
It began with an Anonymous comment from a guy claiming that any guy who is tall and doesn’t have any major emotional issues is destined to become very good. He gave some anecdotal evidence.
What I want to do is present the discussion and then post some awesome points readers have sent to me about the subject, and then wrap it up with my final comments on the subject.
Anonymous:
However, I have to say this, I cannot see how a tall and decent looking guy without any serious mental hangups or possible addictions could not become a successful PUA quickly with diligent work. Lets be honest here. Your natural tools give you a quantum leap over a shorter guy who is not as attractive in the eyes of women. Women look at height as a top attractive attribute.
I then responded:
I agree with you to an extent. My natural advantages will always make things easier for me as opposed to a guy like say, Doc, who is 5′5″.
…
You raise good points, but I think you over-estimate the height-advantage. I’ll tell you this, the two best guys I’ve ever seen in field (both naturals) were 5′7″ and 5′10″ — average height. Both those guys are better than I am.
Anonymous responded:
So I still stand by my words. Height is very important. If you are a taller guy without any major hangups or weights around your neck, then you can do really well. The percentages are really in your favor as opposed to a shorter guy and try to refute that – one cannot sweep that under the rug.
The rest of the comment basically says that from an evolutionary standpoint, a taller guy is always going to signify higher reproductive value, and therefore will always appear to have more vale and be considered attractive. He also cites anecdotal evidence of women in clubs not liking him because of his height and the fact that people like me, BradP, and Savoy are all very tall guys.
Next, a reader named Eric commented. I recommend that ANY guy with limiting beliefs about their height read this comment in it’s entirety. I’ll only post part of it here.
Eric:
I am a shorter guy as well. I’m 5′6″ infact. At this point I have only been with 10 women. I have had 3 girlfriends. Every single girl I have been with has been my height or taller. As tall as 6′ in some cases. What is it about me that allows that to happen?
I think this all comes down to your core beliefs. Do you think you deserve these tall girls? Are you intimidated by their height? I never act like height is a big deal – until I have their ankles above my shoulders
I understand where you are coming from, but you gotta play the hand you’ve been dealt. No excuses. You talk of Entropys natural advantages. What are your natural advantages?
Did you know that since you are a shorter dude you can pretty much maul women with kino and she will accept it much more easily than a big tall dude like entropy. You can actually escalate easier. If I see a hot girl on the street sometimes I run down the street after her, approach from behind while grabbing her on the outside of her arm and spinning her around to stop her completely. Because of my size I can approach very aggressively and wont scare girls off while projecting confidence. Hows that for an advantage?
A student of mine then sent me this email:
I was reading the “Anonymous” comment on your journey post, from the short guy who thinks tall guys/puas have an edge over shorter ones.
My first reaction is that this is a limiting belief manifesting itself in this kind of comparison to other guys and justifying their results that way.
On the other hand, there’s a definite edge to being taller and good looking and when you look at the more successful people in the community they are usually the better looking guys …
In fact, I’ve had this same limiting belief (about my weight, to be precise) manifest itself this way in comparisons to other people’s results … gradually over time as I’ve begun to consider myself better looking this has become less of an issue, but it still doesn’t get all the way to “looks don’t matter too much.”
So where does the truth lie? And more importantly, how does one properly channel or resolve this mental debate into the context of one’s own life and development? Obviously it’s pointless to worry about other people, but at the same time it’s hard not to because there’s no real definitive answer and so one’s mind can keep churning on it.
First, I attempted to cover this subject in my post a few weeks ago: Personalizing Pickup: Natural Advantages/Disadvantages. But obviously, I didn’t go into enough detail.
My readers all brought up excellent points, and I’m going to take them one by one here.
1. First of all. YES! HEIGHT IS AN ADVANTAGE! BEING GOOD LOOKING IS AN ADVANTAGE! I don’t know how many times I have to say this. For some reason, I always get lumped in everyone else’s retarded marketing in this industry that tells you a 5′1″, 400 pound man fucks strippers regularly. No. As far as I know, with the exception of Sinn, I’m the only one who repeatedly admits that height, looks and money are advantages.
BUT! And this is a huge BUT! They don’t DETERMINE your results. Like I said in my first response. The best guy I’ve ever seen in field — and I mean this guy would WIPE THE FLOOR with any PUA coach I’ve ever met — was 5′7″, in his 30’s and not good looking. Captain Jack is regularly described as “fat and old” and is regarded by Sinn as the best PUA there’s ever been when he was in his prime.
So yes, in short, being tall, handsome, etc. WILL make things easier, but they don’t limit your potential. For instance, don’t look at natural advantages as your top speed, but more of how fast you accelerate. My natural friend regularly gets better results than I do, but I have the advantage in every set I open. So if you’re short, you have to work harder. Get used to it.
2. Eric is 100% right about his point on kino. Long-time readers will remember that I used to coach with a guy named Saffron last year. Saffron was 5′4″ and Asian, and he regularly kept up with me when we went out together. In fact, some nights he did better than I did. How? By doing exactly what Eric is talking about.
Saffron’s favorite opener was to grab a girl’s arm, look her in the eye and say, “You’re sexy as fuck, come with me.” Girls usually would. The two times I tried to do it, both girls looked at me like I was about to rape them and were horrified. Why? Because I was a 6′2″, 200 pound white guy — just like every other meathead in the club who tries to rape and molest these girls every weekend. I got blown out HARD.
More sets would blow wide open for Saffron because he came off so non-threatening. But at the same time, he would get AMOG’d more. This is the point I tried to make in the “Personalizing Pickup” post, is that your game is ALTERED by your physical appearance rather than DETERMINED by it.
So yes, Anonymous, if you’re running game that BradP runs (he’s 6′5″ and looks like a rock star), then you’re going to be at a HUGE disadvantage. But if you run game that guys like Doc and Saffron run (5′5″ and 5′4″ respectively), you’ll cater to YOUR own advantages.
3. Finally, in response to my student’s email. There seems to be a bit of a paradox here. These ARE limiting beliefs, but at the same time, there’s TRUTH to them. How do we reconcile this?
I’ll be answering this question tomorrow… and I think it’s an answer that hasn’t really been talked about before.
It began with an Anonymous comment from a guy claiming that any guy who is tall and doesn’t have any major emotional issues is destined to become very good. He gave some anecdotal evidence.
What I want to do is present the discussion and then post some awesome points readers have sent to me about the subject, and then wrap it up with my final comments on the subject.
Anonymous:
However, I have to say this, I cannot see how a tall and decent looking guy without any serious mental hangups or possible addictions could not become a successful PUA quickly with diligent work. Lets be honest here. Your natural tools give you a quantum leap over a shorter guy who is not as attractive in the eyes of women. Women look at height as a top attractive attribute.
I then responded:
I agree with you to an extent. My natural advantages will always make things easier for me as opposed to a guy like say, Doc, who is 5′5″.
…
You raise good points, but I think you over-estimate the height-advantage. I’ll tell you this, the two best guys I’ve ever seen in field (both naturals) were 5′7″ and 5′10″ — average height. Both those guys are better than I am.
Anonymous responded:
So I still stand by my words. Height is very important. If you are a taller guy without any major hangups or weights around your neck, then you can do really well. The percentages are really in your favor as opposed to a shorter guy and try to refute that – one cannot sweep that under the rug.
The rest of the comment basically says that from an evolutionary standpoint, a taller guy is always going to signify higher reproductive value, and therefore will always appear to have more vale and be considered attractive. He also cites anecdotal evidence of women in clubs not liking him because of his height and the fact that people like me, BradP, and Savoy are all very tall guys.
Next, a reader named Eric commented. I recommend that ANY guy with limiting beliefs about their height read this comment in it’s entirety. I’ll only post part of it here.
Eric:
I am a shorter guy as well. I’m 5′6″ infact. At this point I have only been with 10 women. I have had 3 girlfriends. Every single girl I have been with has been my height or taller. As tall as 6′ in some cases. What is it about me that allows that to happen?
I think this all comes down to your core beliefs. Do you think you deserve these tall girls? Are you intimidated by their height? I never act like height is a big deal – until I have their ankles above my shoulders
I understand where you are coming from, but you gotta play the hand you’ve been dealt. No excuses. You talk of Entropys natural advantages. What are your natural advantages?
Did you know that since you are a shorter dude you can pretty much maul women with kino and she will accept it much more easily than a big tall dude like entropy. You can actually escalate easier. If I see a hot girl on the street sometimes I run down the street after her, approach from behind while grabbing her on the outside of her arm and spinning her around to stop her completely. Because of my size I can approach very aggressively and wont scare girls off while projecting confidence. Hows that for an advantage?
A student of mine then sent me this email:
I was reading the “Anonymous” comment on your journey post, from the short guy who thinks tall guys/puas have an edge over shorter ones.
My first reaction is that this is a limiting belief manifesting itself in this kind of comparison to other guys and justifying their results that way.
On the other hand, there’s a definite edge to being taller and good looking and when you look at the more successful people in the community they are usually the better looking guys …
In fact, I’ve had this same limiting belief (about my weight, to be precise) manifest itself this way in comparisons to other people’s results … gradually over time as I’ve begun to consider myself better looking this has become less of an issue, but it still doesn’t get all the way to “looks don’t matter too much.”
So where does the truth lie? And more importantly, how does one properly channel or resolve this mental debate into the context of one’s own life and development? Obviously it’s pointless to worry about other people, but at the same time it’s hard not to because there’s no real definitive answer and so one’s mind can keep churning on it.
First, I attempted to cover this subject in my post a few weeks ago: Personalizing Pickup: Natural Advantages/Disadvantages. But obviously, I didn’t go into enough detail.
My readers all brought up excellent points, and I’m going to take them one by one here.
1. First of all. YES! HEIGHT IS AN ADVANTAGE! BEING GOOD LOOKING IS AN ADVANTAGE! I don’t know how many times I have to say this. For some reason, I always get lumped in everyone else’s retarded marketing in this industry that tells you a 5′1″, 400 pound man fucks strippers regularly. No. As far as I know, with the exception of Sinn, I’m the only one who repeatedly admits that height, looks and money are advantages.
BUT! And this is a huge BUT! They don’t DETERMINE your results. Like I said in my first response. The best guy I’ve ever seen in field — and I mean this guy would WIPE THE FLOOR with any PUA coach I’ve ever met — was 5′7″, in his 30’s and not good looking. Captain Jack is regularly described as “fat and old” and is regarded by Sinn as the best PUA there’s ever been when he was in his prime.
So yes, in short, being tall, handsome, etc. WILL make things easier, but they don’t limit your potential. For instance, don’t look at natural advantages as your top speed, but more of how fast you accelerate. My natural friend regularly gets better results than I do, but I have the advantage in every set I open. So if you’re short, you have to work harder. Get used to it.
2. Eric is 100% right about his point on kino. Long-time readers will remember that I used to coach with a guy named Saffron last year. Saffron was 5′4″ and Asian, and he regularly kept up with me when we went out together. In fact, some nights he did better than I did. How? By doing exactly what Eric is talking about.
Saffron’s favorite opener was to grab a girl’s arm, look her in the eye and say, “You’re sexy as fuck, come with me.” Girls usually would. The two times I tried to do it, both girls looked at me like I was about to rape them and were horrified. Why? Because I was a 6′2″, 200 pound white guy — just like every other meathead in the club who tries to rape and molest these girls every weekend. I got blown out HARD.
More sets would blow wide open for Saffron because he came off so non-threatening. But at the same time, he would get AMOG’d more. This is the point I tried to make in the “Personalizing Pickup” post, is that your game is ALTERED by your physical appearance rather than DETERMINED by it.
So yes, Anonymous, if you’re running game that BradP runs (he’s 6′5″ and looks like a rock star), then you’re going to be at a HUGE disadvantage. But if you run game that guys like Doc and Saffron run (5′5″ and 5′4″ respectively), you’ll cater to YOUR own advantages.
3. Finally, in response to my student’s email. There seems to be a bit of a paradox here. These ARE limiting beliefs, but at the same time, there’s TRUTH to them. How do we reconcile this?
I’ll be answering this question tomorrow… and I think it’s an answer that hasn’t really been talked about before.
My Personal PUA Journey by Enteropy
I’ve recently gotten a few emails and comments asking if I could be more specific about my personal PUA development: what sticking points did I have? What did I work on? How long did it take? Etc. I get this question A LOT in seminars and lair talks as well, so I decided to break it down here.
So here’s the run-down:
In The Beginning:
When: Late 2005
Situation: Had just read “The Game”. Could barely even fathom approaching hot girls, much less envision myself actually doing it. Had just gotten dumped by the love of my life, still dealing with some baggage and depression. Hadn’t had sex in almost a year.
Natural Strengths: Tall and decent-looking. Could hold a good conversation. Good sense of humor. Had some friends. If I got drunk enough, I wasn’t afraid to try and make out with a girl.
Natural Weaknesses: Scared to death of approaching. Had serious commitment/self-esteem/sexual anxiety issues. Honestly believed that I’d never get another girl as amazing as my ex to ever like me again.
Phase 1: OMG, She Talked to Me!
When: Winter and Spring of 2006
Progress Report: It took me three months to actually work up the nerve to cold approach a girl. When I finally did, I was so nervous and self-conscious, I actually apologized for talking to her. I focused mainly on going to parties and meeting girls through my friends. I used some of David DeAngelo’s Cocky/Funny to turn my humor on girls and actually got some mediocre results. A drunk make-out here, an ugly girl’s phone number there. Still no real results though.
I read the Venusian Arts Handbook (basically what became Magic Bullets) and decided to memorize some routines, magic tricks and even some palm-reading. In my first couple dozen sets of my life, I would try these and they would fail miserably. I suck at magic. One girl, while getting a palm-read, looked at me and said, “Why are you touching me?” Another girl, after a botched magic trick looked at me and said, “You should just try being normal.” Little did I know, she gave me better advice than 80% of the PUA community.
Sticking Points: I still had awful approach anxiety. Anything more than one set a night was a “good night.” Attraction game was all over the place, uncalibrated, and awkward. I sucked at routines.
Phase 2: Afraid of Sex
When: May – July of 2006
Progress Report: I took the girl’s advice and tried to just act normal on cold approaches. To my utter amazement, my results got better. I stuck with the Cocky/Funny I used at my friend’s parties and actually started getting phone numbers off cold approach.
My social circle game really started coming into its own. My occasional drunk make-outs finally turned into hook ups and in April, I ended a 16-month sex drought. The experience was terrifying.
When I got sexual with girls, I freaked out that they’d become emotional attached or involved with me (baggage from my relationship; me projecting), and would quit answering their calls. I held the limiting belief that any girl who would sleep with me wanted to be my girlfriend. Seriously…
In June, I met up with a local Boston guy through the lair. He could approach all night but couldn’t hold conversations. I could hold conversations all night but couldn’t approach because I still had crippling approach anxiety. He proceeded to approach about eight sets in the first hour. I stood by stunned and horrified at the groups he fearlessly started talking to. By the end of the night I calmed down and even opened a few sets myself. My AA finally became manageable.
It was in July in which I met a super-natural. We met because the same girl invited us both to a party of hers. To this day, I have yet to meet anyone in the community better than him. Over the next year, I would go out with him and watch him pull smoking hot girls home consistently and without hesitation. I owe a lot of the speed and extent of my development to him.
Sticking Points: Bad sexual anxiety. Sloppy escalation. Would act like a jack ass on day 2’s.
Phase 3: Finally Getting It
When: August – December 2006
Progress Report: I continued to go out five nights a week, half of which I spent with my natural wing, the other half with community guys or college friends.
Watching my natural friend interact with women quickly influenced my dominance and how sexual I was willing to be around girls. The stuff he pulled off was amazing and consistently tested my beliefs and reality.
That summer, I took a girl home from a party. She was very aggressive and it was apparently within an hour or two that we’d have sex. When we got back to my place, once again I ran into severe sexual anxiety and started freaking out that this girl was going to want to date me or something. I decided to take the bluntly honest route and talk to her, set expectations. I told her after sex, “Hey, you’re cool but you need to know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
She laughed in my face and said, “Who said I wanted to see you again?” This experience was HUGE.
My college party/social circle game hit its peak. I had a night in August where I hooked up with three girls in one night. My college friends and their parties would continue to supply the majority of my lays for the next six months.
I got my first fuck buddies, although I was still bad at keeping them around. I still over-gamed on day 2’s and girls I had already slept with, mostly out of a lack of confidence, but also out of habit.
During this period, I probably slept with 10-12 girls, tripling the amount of women I had been with in my entire life.
On paper, I suppose I had reached legitimate “PUA” status. Within only eight months, I had gone from being a stumbling newbie who needed help approaching, to the guy most guys came to for advice in the lair. I got one night stands. I had a fuck buddy or two.
But I still had a lot of inner game work and emotional work to do — stuff I had never planned on working on, but would soon bite me in the ass.
Sticking Points: Inner game — seeking way too much validation, becoming addicted to sarging. Emotionally vacant. Still had sexual anxiety issues.
Interlude: The Salvadorean Woman
When: January – May 2007
Progress Report: I began to get frustrated in December of 2006. I still had a lot of irrational fears about girls I was seeing — I’d inexplicably stop calling them back and decide that they were needy and crazy — and kept fighting bouts of sexual anxiety.
I decided to check myself into therapy. I did some research, found a guy near my apartment who my insurance covered and I could relate to (went to same college, had been a musician and a slacker, used to womanize when he was young).
What started out as, “Hey Doc, help me keep my pecker hard,” turned into a long dialog that delved into my emotional issues — first, my ex-girlfriend (predictable) and then my parent’s divorce (whoa, didn’t see that coming) and then finally my entire adolescence.
I’m not one of those guys who shits on therapy at all. I think if you find the right therapist, it’s incredibly helpful. You just have to find the right person and be willing to open yourself up and work on yourself. I was extremely engaged every week. Every week I’d figure something out about myself, my emotional inner works, my past, my issues, etc. and then I’d spend the rest of the week turning the ideas over in my head. Eventually, after about 4-5 months, I showed up one day and it felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I stopped. That was it. All in all, seeking therapy was one of the smartest things I ever did.
The other thing that happened was I met a woman. She was foreign (love it), older (also love it), beautiful, smart and rich. Our first date consisted of her buying a bottle of Johnny Walker and us sitting in her apartment until 4AM speaking in broken English (her) and broken Spanish (me). It was wonderful.
Now, as with all the other previous girls that I had really liked, I was still scared shitless of commitment, but this woman was too amazing to not commit to. She was mature and handled her emotions well, which is what I needed in the girl I dated at the time. She was fun and playful, had a sexy accent, and spoiled the shit out of me. It’s really hard to ditch a woman when she’s sexy, fun AND perfectly willing to spend $1000 on you without thinking twice.
It was good for me. It was perfect for me really. It restored my confidence, my emotional stability, helped me open myself up again. I wasn’t afraid of intimacy or relationships anymore.
Eventually, she had to move back to her country. Her family worked in the government (which in Central America is a huge deal). She finagled a job for me at the US Embassy down there and invited me to go down to live with her.
As fantastic as it all sounded, I realized she and I wanted different things. I had just gotten out of college. She wanted to settle down, probably marry and have kids. The idea that a woman was actually willing to marry me — and not even that, a woman of THAT caliber really did a number on my reality.
Unfortunately, I had to turn her down. We lost touch. She was such a blessing and I still think about her now and again.
Phase 4: Put Me Back in the Game Coach
When: May – December 2007
Progress Report: When I came back, I was rusty for a few weeks. But in no time, I was hitting it hard again, five nights a week, and the results started pouring in like there was no tomorrow. Probably a new girl every week or two for six months.
But the difference was that I was actually keeping girls around now. I was keeping them around for three, six, even eight months at a time. We always seemed to enjoy our time together. And when it came time for them to move on, I was remaining friends with them. There were almost never any hard feelings or awful drama.
Within a few months I had a large rotation of girls that I maintained until the end of the year.
Sticking Points: I still remained emotionally shallow with my girls. Also, my lifestyle had become dominated by pick up. I reached a point where I was unemployed, broke, living on a friend’s couch, and was dating four girls and going out three nights a week. It was stupid. And I quickly became miserable.
Phase 5: Girlfriend, Coaching and the Post-PUA Life
When: January – September 2008
Progress Report: I decided to put my life in order. On top of being a mess personally and financially, I was getting burnt out from all of the sarging. I don’t know about you, but after about a dozen 4-month-long casual relationships, it starts to get a bit old. The one night stands got old even way before that.
This period, I found myself slowly falling into another serious long-term relationship with my current girlfriend. She started as a FB about six months prior.
This period also saw me begin coaching which created a bizarre effect on my social life and general psyche for a while. This is documented on this blog in my “Post PUA Life” posts from the summer of 2008.
But a lot of this was just getting back to being a normal person again. As fucked up as that sounds, it was true. Learning how to NOT go out five nights a week. Learning how to go out and NOT approach girls and still have fun.
Phase 6: Emotional Freedom, Polyamory, and Beyond?
When: September 2008 – Present
Progress Report: The evolution I’ve gone through the last six months has been a deeply emotional/relationship management one. It has also been chronicles on this blog here. My saga with Erika has also been a product of this personal evolution.
Sticking Points: I’d say my sticking points now involve managing multiple deep emotional relationships simultaneously — you could call it “love logistics.” I still think when it comes down to it, the first five minutes are my weakest minutes of any cold approach. I could do better opening large groups and handling night-game logistics. But these are all things that I don’t really plan on addressing until I become single again, move and starting going out again.
So here’s the run-down:
In The Beginning:
When: Late 2005
Situation: Had just read “The Game”. Could barely even fathom approaching hot girls, much less envision myself actually doing it. Had just gotten dumped by the love of my life, still dealing with some baggage and depression. Hadn’t had sex in almost a year.
Natural Strengths: Tall and decent-looking. Could hold a good conversation. Good sense of humor. Had some friends. If I got drunk enough, I wasn’t afraid to try and make out with a girl.
Natural Weaknesses: Scared to death of approaching. Had serious commitment/self-esteem/sexual anxiety issues. Honestly believed that I’d never get another girl as amazing as my ex to ever like me again.
Phase 1: OMG, She Talked to Me!
When: Winter and Spring of 2006
Progress Report: It took me three months to actually work up the nerve to cold approach a girl. When I finally did, I was so nervous and self-conscious, I actually apologized for talking to her. I focused mainly on going to parties and meeting girls through my friends. I used some of David DeAngelo’s Cocky/Funny to turn my humor on girls and actually got some mediocre results. A drunk make-out here, an ugly girl’s phone number there. Still no real results though.
I read the Venusian Arts Handbook (basically what became Magic Bullets) and decided to memorize some routines, magic tricks and even some palm-reading. In my first couple dozen sets of my life, I would try these and they would fail miserably. I suck at magic. One girl, while getting a palm-read, looked at me and said, “Why are you touching me?” Another girl, after a botched magic trick looked at me and said, “You should just try being normal.” Little did I know, she gave me better advice than 80% of the PUA community.
Sticking Points: I still had awful approach anxiety. Anything more than one set a night was a “good night.” Attraction game was all over the place, uncalibrated, and awkward. I sucked at routines.
Phase 2: Afraid of Sex
When: May – July of 2006
Progress Report: I took the girl’s advice and tried to just act normal on cold approaches. To my utter amazement, my results got better. I stuck with the Cocky/Funny I used at my friend’s parties and actually started getting phone numbers off cold approach.
My social circle game really started coming into its own. My occasional drunk make-outs finally turned into hook ups and in April, I ended a 16-month sex drought. The experience was terrifying.
When I got sexual with girls, I freaked out that they’d become emotional attached or involved with me (baggage from my relationship; me projecting), and would quit answering their calls. I held the limiting belief that any girl who would sleep with me wanted to be my girlfriend. Seriously…
In June, I met up with a local Boston guy through the lair. He could approach all night but couldn’t hold conversations. I could hold conversations all night but couldn’t approach because I still had crippling approach anxiety. He proceeded to approach about eight sets in the first hour. I stood by stunned and horrified at the groups he fearlessly started talking to. By the end of the night I calmed down and even opened a few sets myself. My AA finally became manageable.
It was in July in which I met a super-natural. We met because the same girl invited us both to a party of hers. To this day, I have yet to meet anyone in the community better than him. Over the next year, I would go out with him and watch him pull smoking hot girls home consistently and without hesitation. I owe a lot of the speed and extent of my development to him.
Sticking Points: Bad sexual anxiety. Sloppy escalation. Would act like a jack ass on day 2’s.
Phase 3: Finally Getting It
When: August – December 2006
Progress Report: I continued to go out five nights a week, half of which I spent with my natural wing, the other half with community guys or college friends.
Watching my natural friend interact with women quickly influenced my dominance and how sexual I was willing to be around girls. The stuff he pulled off was amazing and consistently tested my beliefs and reality.
That summer, I took a girl home from a party. She was very aggressive and it was apparently within an hour or two that we’d have sex. When we got back to my place, once again I ran into severe sexual anxiety and started freaking out that this girl was going to want to date me or something. I decided to take the bluntly honest route and talk to her, set expectations. I told her after sex, “Hey, you’re cool but you need to know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
She laughed in my face and said, “Who said I wanted to see you again?” This experience was HUGE.
My college party/social circle game hit its peak. I had a night in August where I hooked up with three girls in one night. My college friends and their parties would continue to supply the majority of my lays for the next six months.
I got my first fuck buddies, although I was still bad at keeping them around. I still over-gamed on day 2’s and girls I had already slept with, mostly out of a lack of confidence, but also out of habit.
During this period, I probably slept with 10-12 girls, tripling the amount of women I had been with in my entire life.
On paper, I suppose I had reached legitimate “PUA” status. Within only eight months, I had gone from being a stumbling newbie who needed help approaching, to the guy most guys came to for advice in the lair. I got one night stands. I had a fuck buddy or two.
But I still had a lot of inner game work and emotional work to do — stuff I had never planned on working on, but would soon bite me in the ass.
Sticking Points: Inner game — seeking way too much validation, becoming addicted to sarging. Emotionally vacant. Still had sexual anxiety issues.
Interlude: The Salvadorean Woman
When: January – May 2007
Progress Report: I began to get frustrated in December of 2006. I still had a lot of irrational fears about girls I was seeing — I’d inexplicably stop calling them back and decide that they were needy and crazy — and kept fighting bouts of sexual anxiety.
I decided to check myself into therapy. I did some research, found a guy near my apartment who my insurance covered and I could relate to (went to same college, had been a musician and a slacker, used to womanize when he was young).
What started out as, “Hey Doc, help me keep my pecker hard,” turned into a long dialog that delved into my emotional issues — first, my ex-girlfriend (predictable) and then my parent’s divorce (whoa, didn’t see that coming) and then finally my entire adolescence.
I’m not one of those guys who shits on therapy at all. I think if you find the right therapist, it’s incredibly helpful. You just have to find the right person and be willing to open yourself up and work on yourself. I was extremely engaged every week. Every week I’d figure something out about myself, my emotional inner works, my past, my issues, etc. and then I’d spend the rest of the week turning the ideas over in my head. Eventually, after about 4-5 months, I showed up one day and it felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I stopped. That was it. All in all, seeking therapy was one of the smartest things I ever did.
The other thing that happened was I met a woman. She was foreign (love it), older (also love it), beautiful, smart and rich. Our first date consisted of her buying a bottle of Johnny Walker and us sitting in her apartment until 4AM speaking in broken English (her) and broken Spanish (me). It was wonderful.
Now, as with all the other previous girls that I had really liked, I was still scared shitless of commitment, but this woman was too amazing to not commit to. She was mature and handled her emotions well, which is what I needed in the girl I dated at the time. She was fun and playful, had a sexy accent, and spoiled the shit out of me. It’s really hard to ditch a woman when she’s sexy, fun AND perfectly willing to spend $1000 on you without thinking twice.
It was good for me. It was perfect for me really. It restored my confidence, my emotional stability, helped me open myself up again. I wasn’t afraid of intimacy or relationships anymore.
Eventually, she had to move back to her country. Her family worked in the government (which in Central America is a huge deal). She finagled a job for me at the US Embassy down there and invited me to go down to live with her.
As fantastic as it all sounded, I realized she and I wanted different things. I had just gotten out of college. She wanted to settle down, probably marry and have kids. The idea that a woman was actually willing to marry me — and not even that, a woman of THAT caliber really did a number on my reality.
Unfortunately, I had to turn her down. We lost touch. She was such a blessing and I still think about her now and again.
Phase 4: Put Me Back in the Game Coach
When: May – December 2007
Progress Report: When I came back, I was rusty for a few weeks. But in no time, I was hitting it hard again, five nights a week, and the results started pouring in like there was no tomorrow. Probably a new girl every week or two for six months.
But the difference was that I was actually keeping girls around now. I was keeping them around for three, six, even eight months at a time. We always seemed to enjoy our time together. And when it came time for them to move on, I was remaining friends with them. There were almost never any hard feelings or awful drama.
Within a few months I had a large rotation of girls that I maintained until the end of the year.
Sticking Points: I still remained emotionally shallow with my girls. Also, my lifestyle had become dominated by pick up. I reached a point where I was unemployed, broke, living on a friend’s couch, and was dating four girls and going out three nights a week. It was stupid. And I quickly became miserable.
Phase 5: Girlfriend, Coaching and the Post-PUA Life
When: January – September 2008
Progress Report: I decided to put my life in order. On top of being a mess personally and financially, I was getting burnt out from all of the sarging. I don’t know about you, but after about a dozen 4-month-long casual relationships, it starts to get a bit old. The one night stands got old even way before that.
This period, I found myself slowly falling into another serious long-term relationship with my current girlfriend. She started as a FB about six months prior.
This period also saw me begin coaching which created a bizarre effect on my social life and general psyche for a while. This is documented on this blog in my “Post PUA Life” posts from the summer of 2008.
But a lot of this was just getting back to being a normal person again. As fucked up as that sounds, it was true. Learning how to NOT go out five nights a week. Learning how to go out and NOT approach girls and still have fun.
Phase 6: Emotional Freedom, Polyamory, and Beyond?
When: September 2008 – Present
Progress Report: The evolution I’ve gone through the last six months has been a deeply emotional/relationship management one. It has also been chronicles on this blog here. My saga with Erika has also been a product of this personal evolution.
Sticking Points: I’d say my sticking points now involve managing multiple deep emotional relationships simultaneously — you could call it “love logistics.” I still think when it comes down to it, the first five minutes are my weakest minutes of any cold approach. I could do better opening large groups and handling night-game logistics. But these are all things that I don’t really plan on addressing until I become single again, move and starting going out again.
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